Since I have been MIA because of my health and I haven't been able to work on any of the other stories I have, I thought of posting up a new story that I've had lying around for ages in the meanwhile to keep you busy. I'll try to update the other stories as soon as I can get around to it. Hopefully you all are still interested. Here it goes:
This fanfic has been inspired by Meg Cabot’s books The Boy Next Door and Boy Meets Girl. The story won’t be exactly the same, but the format will be. It’s written in emails, instant messaging, and perhaps even journal entries if I have to. I have taken a couple of dialogues here and there from the books but overall the work is completely mine. Jai Walia’s family has been influenced by the male protagonist’s dysfunctional family in Boy Meets Girl. If you read the book, you’ll see the similarities. This is something completely new to how I usually write, but I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless. So here it goes.
This fanfic has been inspired by Meg Cabot’s books The Boy Next Door and Boy Meets Girl. The story won’t be exactly the same, but the format will be. It’s written in emails, instant messaging, and perhaps even journal entries if I have to. I have taken a couple of dialogues here and there from the books but overall the work is completely mine. Jai Walia’s family has been influenced by the male protagonist’s dysfunctional family in Boy Meets Girl. If you read the book, you’ll see the similarities. This is something completely new to how I usually write, but I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless. So here it goes.
On a side note, I want to warn you that there is foul language here and there. I usually don’t completely write it out, but I felt that it took away from the story.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Subject: Is it true?!!!!
Come on Dixit, spill it! Is what’s being talked about the Raging Bull true? Are we all saved from his beastliness?!!!!
Rano
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Is it true?!!!!
What are you thinking using the company email for something like this?! You know the Cobra will probably be intercepting this!
Bani
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Is it true?!!!!
Oh the Cobra can go up my fat ass for all I care! And you didn’t answer my question!
Rano
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Is it true?!!!!
Seriously, cut it out Rano. And I can’t say for sure right now. There’s too much going on up here.
Bani
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Is it true?!!!!
What do you mean you can’t say for sure?!!!! Dixit I’ve got a whole department here waiting on your answer---is it true or not?! Come on, I need this good news after the hell I’m going through! You know how miserable I’ve been this past week ever since Ranveer’s parents have moved in to stay to help out with the baby---a baby that won’t be born till 5 MONTHS FROM NOW!!!!! …. I need a drink.
Rano
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Is it true?!!!
I’ll cut your hands off if you even dare to touch a single drink, Rano! I won’t let you put any harm on my god daughter!
Bani
p.s. I’m assuming it’s pretty bad with the way Meera ran into the Cobra’s office after hearing sobs from in there. I feel kinda bad for her. I hope the Raging Bull turns out to be alright.
p.p.s. I like Ranveer’s parents!
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Subject: You make me sick
I want to throw up more from your kindness and less from the morning sickness your devil of a god daughter puts me through. Both the Raging Bull and the Cobra can croak for all I care. If you ask me, they deserve to die---that too---together. The world would be a much better place.
Rano
p.s. You’re assuming?! Do you even know who you are?! You are the Raging Bull’s personal assistant for crying out loud! You sashay your tiny little behind in there and find out the details!!! God I could go ask Pushkar and he’d know more details than you do by now!
p.p.s. Easy for you to say considering that THEY’RE NOT YOUR IN-LAWS!!!
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: You make me sick
Well of course Pushkar would know---he’s the office gossip! And has no life can I mention? Seriously Rano, I’m taking you out tonight if this is your idea of entertainment by seeking details of our boss’s severe illness. Fancy catching hunky Salman in Bodyguard instead?
Bani
p.s. Even an assistant knows when to keep her distance and leave the situation alone. Right now is not a good time with Cobra crying a waterfall in her office forcing our whole floor to hear her pitiful cries. I’m not nice after all if I’m thinking about shoving Mr. Choudary’s mop down her throat just so she’d SHUT UP!
p.p.s. You have been blessed with wonderful in-laws and all you ever do is crib about them. Seriously Rano, you have no idea how lucky you are with such a loving husband and an equally loving family and a baby on the way. God, sometimes I’m so jealous of you.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: You make me sick
Well we all know that Pushkar has no life. That is nothing new. And yes this is my idea of entertainment which you are killing for me by the way ----Besides, I heard Bodyguard is crap so no I’m not going to take you up on your offer.
Rano
p.s. Haha! I knew Mumbai would rub off on you in some way and get rid of that annoyingly niceness of yours courtesy to that damned Mount Abu.
p.p.s. Ha! Are you planning to kill me from laughter? I’m the lucky one? Oh yes, I’m so lucky to have a “loving” husband as you put it whose idea of romance is having frozen food dinner at home which I have to warm up and later do his laundry and pick up his dirty socks that he leaves everywhere. I am so lucky to have loving in-laws who are constantly down my throat about what to do and what not to do and what to eat and what not to eat. And I’m so lucky to be pregnant with this baby who keeps making its mommy nauseous from everything!!!
…… One drink wouldn’t do much harm, would it?
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To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Your wife
I thought it was necessary for me to tell you that your wife is intent on killing your unborn.
Bani
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Sonali Malhotra <sonali.malhotra@wgi.com
Subject: The Raging Bull
Rano has told us that you haven’t confirmed on any of the rumors that are sprouting about so I took the liberty to ask you myself. Is it true? Did he really fall down the stairs and now is crippled for the rest of his life?
Sonali
p.s. You’re not still seeing Daksh anymore, are you? I do need to have this cleared out before I make my move.
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Now you make me sick
They love you and you don’t even appreciate that. God knows what I’d give to have a Ranveer in my life and such wonderful in-laws. Not to mention a bundle of joy!
I can’t believe you’d say that about Bodyguard! It is not crap and we are going to go see it so I can prove it to you! Nothing that my Salman is in is crap, you understand?!
And no snide remarks about my Mount Abu either. It’s full of nice people and is a beautiful place to live unlike this hellhole you call Mumbai.
Bani
p.s. Sonali just emailed me about whether I was still seeing Daksh or not. Ha, what a joke. I wouldn’t give that guy any more of my time than I already had. Do you think I should tell her how much of a sleaze ball he really is or let her figure out on her own?
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Re: Your wife
That unfortunately is nothing new. But you don’t worry. I’ve got it under control. I locked up the mini bar in the storage room the day Ma and Papa moved in.
Ranveer
p.s. You coming to dinner on Friday? I’m sure it’ll cheer up my psychotic wife. And not to mention me too. I’m going crazy with her whacked out hormones and my parents butting in with the plans for Sneha. With you there I can at least have some peace with you as a distraction.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Now you make me sick
I’m sorry. I forgot for a second how hopelessly in love you are with Sallu. Okay, I guess I can squeeze a movie in for tonight. But you explain to my old-fashioned in-laws where their pregnant bahu decided to wander off to so late at night.
Maybe I should move to Mount Abu. --- Wait scratch that. I like the bitch that I am.
Rano
p.s. Let her figure out on her own.
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To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Your wife
YOU NAMED HER SNEHA!!! AWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Bani
p.s. Of course I’ll be there! What sort of best friend would I be if I’m not there to control Rano through her insanity?
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To: Sonali Malhotra <sonali.malhotra@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: The Raging Bull
Can’t say anything for sure right now, Sonali. But I can tell you that he did not fall down the stairs nor is he crippled.
p.s. You can make your move.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Re: Your wife
Well not technically. That’s what I chose as her name. I’m trying to toss it out there when your best friend is in a good mood---IF she will ever be in a good mood.
Ranveer
p.s. You’re a life saver.
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To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Your wife
Well it beats the old fashioned names she’s picked out like Baageshree and Padmadevi. You think along with her whacked out hormones her thinking has gone haywire too?
Bani
p.s. I know
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Now you make me sick
You’re not a bitch….
Bani
p.s. OH!!! COBRA HAS COME OUT OF HER OFFICE FINALLY!
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Subject: Now you make me sick
You’re the bitch if you don’t tell me what’s going on RIGHT NOW!!!!
Rano
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Sonali Malhotra <sonali.malhotra@wgi.com
Re: The Raging Bull
Thanks, you’re a doll! Now I can lure Daksh just as I always had planned ;-)
Sonali
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
Subject: The Raging Bull
Is it true that he fell out of his 21st story window and landed splat down onto the sidewalk? And now he is fighting for his last breaths in the hospital as we speak?
Cheers,
Pushkar
p.s. Is all that moaning upstairs the Cobra? If I didn’t know the Raging Bull was dying, I’d have thought the two decided to get frisky early in the afternoon.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
Subject: The Raging Bull
Is it true that when he was yakking away on his cell phone cussing out Aparajit Deb (I hear) that a vein popped from that nasty temper of his and he was rushed to the hospital this very morning?
Raashi
p.s. Lunch was great yesterday. How about we go shopping on Thursday? I need help picking out a cute dress for my dinner date on Friday. And I hear there’s a sale at our favorite place! And let Rano know too. I feel like the girl needs any reason to be happy right about now.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Daksh Randheria <daksh.randheria@wgi.com
Subject: The Raging Bull
Are the rumors true?
Daksh
p.s. Come on, give us another chance. We were so right together.
p.p.s. Would you know by any reason why Sonali is throwing me looks now and then? I’m getting a little spooked down here.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Saahil Roy <saahil.roy@wgi.com
Subject: The Raging Bull
Is it true? Did he really have a heart attack while having sex with the Cobra in the janitor’s room? Is that why she’s howling so much? She’s not really helping out with the hangover I’m having today.
Saahil
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Nachiket Verma <nachiket.verma@wgi.com
Subject: RB
Hey, is it true that RB got a heart attack just by looking at a mirror and seeing how horrendous he really looks like?
Nachiket
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com, Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com, Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com, Sonali Malhotra <sonali.malhotra@wgi.com, Saahil Roy <saahil.roy@wgi.com, Nachiket Verma <nachiket.verma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: The Raging Bull
Okay, it’s official. NO RAGING BULL FOR THREE-FOUR WHOLE MONTHS!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! (I feel terrible, but even I can’t help but feel happy being saved from his crabby mood swings)
But wait, there’s more……. NO COBRA EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!! She rushed out of the office just now after asking for some time off! I’m jumping up and down my seat from excitement! Everyone practically cheered from joy right when she got into the elevator!
Guys, this means celebration! Happy hour at Raj’s?
Bani
p.s. IT WAS A STROKE YOU GUYS! …..Geez.
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To: Daksh Randheria <daksh.randheria@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: The Raging Bull
He had a stroke.
p.s. No.
p.p.s. How the hell would I know? I don’t even belong to the same floor as you do!
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To: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: The Raging Bull
Sounds great! And then later on we can hit up Bombay Palace and eat their yummy kulfi.
Bani
p.s. Rano will definitely come. And you’re right---she does need a reason to be happy.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Subject: You’re an angel
Aaahh, I finally have a reason to be happy now. Maybe Ranveer will get lucky tonight depending if this happiness doesn’t wear out.
Rano
p.s. Happy hour at Raj’s? Now who is the one intent on killing little Baageshree, hm?
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: You’re an angel
Rano, it didn’t hit me before because I was delirious with joy not having to see both the Raging Bull and Cobra for some time---BUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME NOW? I was his assistant for Pete’s sakes! But now my boss isn’t going to be here anymore so what does that do to me? Am I kicked out of the job? They sure as hell don’t need me now. Oh god, I can’t go back to Mount Abu and live with my parents!!!! I’LL KILL MYSELF BEFORE THAT HAPPENS!!!!!
Bani
p.s. Uh, ew. I didn’t need to know that you’re going to jump your husband’s bones when you get home. Besides, isn’t that impossible now that your in-laws are living with you guys? You guys don’t have very thick walls either.
p.p.s. Oh, rats. You’re right. Okay, I’ll take you out somewhere nice. Just you and me and celebrate the peace and quiet we are going to experience from here and out.
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To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Your unborn
Looks like the baby’s name is going to be Baageshree! I say you do something now before that becomes permanent.
Bani
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Subject: Our daughter
If you name our child Baageshree I will personally ask my parents to live with us permanently so they can be with little Baageshree forever instead of visiting every other holiday.
Ranveer
p.s. Why haven’t we discussed if our daughter indeed turns out to be a boy? I have a few boy names I’d like to pitch in too.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Subject: My husband
I will kill you, you little snitch. Because of you my husband is threatening to ask his parents to live with us PERMANENTLY if I dare to name our child Baageshree. Seriously, you two can’t appreciate good given names.
Rano
p.s. Oh chill out, will you? You are not going to be fired nor will you have to move back in with your parents. I’m sure they’re going to find a replacement for the Raging Bull. The Walia Group of Industries is a family business! He’s got a family, doesn’t he?
p.p.s. I can always slip his parents something in their tea and they’ll be snoring away like a pair of logs all night long.
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To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Our daughter
You do that Ranveer Sharma and your sex life is going down the DRAIN!!!
Rano
p.s. Because my best friend wants a god daughter and we’re going to give her one, dammit!
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: My husband
I can’t appreciate it because it is NOT a good name. Do you want my poor god daughter to be beaten up right after school? Is that what you want?! What kind of mother are you, Rano?!
Maybe you’re right about a replacement. WGI is a family business. But isn’t his father in jail or something? So he can’t come and take over. Also he retired long back. And his sister is pregnant with her third child so she can’t do it either or else the stress will pop out that baby of hers in no time. His mother we can’t even consider since she’s too busy attending high society parties and wasting money on either Botox or liposuction. There’s also another sister, but she’s hardly 21 yet and I hear that she is constantly on the road with some beau of hers and ringing up for more cash. Which leaves his only other family member---his younger brother who is the family outcast because he chose to become a reporter for some newspaper and currently lives isolated from his family in America. Though I doubt he has any clue about business. But what a lucky bastard he is--- I wish I was isolated from my family! But no, Mummy Papa have to ring me up every hour!
Bani
p.s. How does Sneha sound for a name?
p.p.s. You’re evil.
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Replacement
Omg! I just realized! What if no one in his family can take over?! I mean I just thought it over and it’s possible! THERE ISN’T GOING TO BE A REPLACEMENT! I’M GOING TO BE LET GO! Oh please god let there be at least a distant relative of his who will come and save me from unemployment!
Bani
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To: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Subject: Our brother
Jai, I do realize that you hate our family and want nothing to do with them and are in fact very happy in America as an investigating journalist for your New York journal, but don’t you think too much isolation is bad considering that you don’t even know our older brother was admitted into the hospital after suffering a stroke? Ma is furious that you haven’t called to check up on him after the numerous calls and messages she left for you. Just thought I’d let you know.
Your big sis,
Jigyasa
p.s. Riya and Sia send their love. They’re asking when their favorite uncle is going to come and see them while I’m asking when my favorite sibling is going to come and visit this 6 month pregnant sister of his? I need family right now Jai and when I say that, I mean you!
p.p.s. I’m going to have this baby right now if Ma actually carries out with her plan to move in with me and Adi till the delivery. Come save me!!!
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To: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Subject: Your sister & your brother
Sorry dost. Your crazy sister hacked into my email and found your address. She thought it was her duty to report to you about what’s happening here. But she did forget to mention that Tarun is out of danger now. So don’t panic. But I can hardly imagine you panicking considering your damaged relationship with your brother and with the rest of your family members except Jigyasa and somewhat Anu.
Adi
p.s. When ARE you going to take a break from your crime reporting and pay us a visit? I’m going crazy with your family flocking around all the time. Your sister is enough to handle, but I don’t need the whole damned Walia family down my throat at once.
p.p.s. Jigyasa wasn’t exaggerating about your mother. Ma is really upset with you. She’s been ranting on since morning how much of a disappointment you are to the family.
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To: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
Fr: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Subject: OUR BROTHER IS DEAD!!!!
Haha! I gotcha, didn’t I? You nearly had a stroke yourself, didn’t you? But then again, maybe you’d have a celebration instead considering how much you hate Tarun. You are pretty sick like that. But seriously, dude, you better get your ass on the phone and call Ma. She’s seriously mad at you. I’ve never seen her this upset before.
Anu
p.s. Papa’s out of jail. He’s on parole. He was planning on staying at Vijay Uncle’s place for a while since you know he can’t stand Mom and all. But that can’t happen now since Tarun decided to ruin his plans by having a stroke.
p.p.s. I actually do remember when Ma’s been more livid than now. You remember years ago when Tarun broke her China while he was trying to impress us all with his “karate” moves then blamed it all on you? And then you punched him and broke his nose? ---- Ah, good times.
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To: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
Fr: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Subject: Your dying brother
Dear Jai,
Let me first remind you that this is your mother writing to you if you have forgotten who I am by now. I won’t be surprised if you have considering the last time I had seen you was when you broke both mine and your father’s heart after your graduation when you told us you didn’t want to go into the family business. I knew right then and there that you were a disappointment but I didn’t know that you’d only give further heartache to us all. Did you even get news of your brother’s stroke? Do you feel any sorrow at all for your brother’s suffering? He is here in the hospital taking his last breaths and you are there writing for your damned newspaper and fooling around with whatever woman it is you’re dating nowadays. I am ashamed of you, Jai. I am starting to believe that you don’t even understand the value of family. Or that we even mean anything to you at all. But if you cared even a little bit, you’d come here right away to meet your brother before it is too late.
Your disappointed mother,
Krishna Walia
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Krishna Walia
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Re: Our daughter
I will just get myself a mistress to fulfill all my sexual desires.
Ranveer
p.s. Are we having this baby for ourselves or for your best friend?
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Replacement
For someone who is an assistant, you sure do know a lot about our boss. Are you making me proud and snooping around? And please don’t tell me that the Raging Bull actually had poured out his heart and soul to you about his dysfunctional family (except the pregnant sister, she sounds normal) over a cup of coffee hence you know all this?
And will you chill out? There WILL be a replacement even if he/she is a Walia or not. Just relax. Your job is secure.
Wanna go to your favorite Bombay Palace and get some kulfi so you’ll cheer up and stop obsessing over losing your job?
Rano
p.s. Sneha….that actually sounds real nice. I’ll think on it.
p.p.s. Looks like you’re finally learning to abuse the company email too. Welcome to the dark side, Dixit. ;)
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To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Our daughter
Fine. You win this round. Just because I don’t want to be left on the streets pregnant with nowhere to go if you decide to kick me out for your mistress.
Your unhappy wife,
Rano
p.s. For my best friend of course!
p.p.s. By the way, how does Sneha sound for a name?
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Re: Our daughter
That’s my girl.
Your happy husband,
Ranveer
p.s. Are you kidding me?
p.p.s. I love it.
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Subject: You are an….
Angel, you know that? For pitching in Sneha like that. How will I ever repay you?
Ranveer
p.s. Contrary to my wife and your belief, we are not having this child for you. So don’t get upset if we have a son instead. Hey, if it is, how do you like the name Varun?
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To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@ wgi.com
Re: You are an….
Grande caramel frap from Starbucks?
Bani
p.s. I’ll try not to be too upset. Varun’s nice. But please make sure that YOU end up naming the child and not your loony wife.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Please let me know whether I should continue or not. Feedback of any kind will be very much appreciated!
Thank you very much for the response. Will continue if you are enjoying it. Decided to post some more bits to make the story a little more interesting. Enjoy!
Part Two:
To: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Part Three:
To: Bani Dixit <freebirdy@yahoo.com
To: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
To: Pia Chopra <ms.chopra@yahoo.com
Sharmagirl1: That totally just made my day.
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com, Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Daksh Randheria <daksh.randheria@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com, Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Pia Chopra <pia.chopra@wgi.com
To: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Part Four:
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
To: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
To: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
To: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
To: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
To: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@wgi.com, Anu Walia <flyinggirl@wgi.com, Uday Walia <UdayWalia@gmail.com, Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
To: Meera Khandelwal <meera4u@hotmail.com
To: Nishikant & Kiran Dixit <nishi&kiran4ever@yahoo.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Sonali Malhotra <sonali.malhotra@wgi.com
To: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
To: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
To: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
To: Mahi Sahini <mahi.sahini@wgi.com
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
__________________________________________________________________________________
Please let me know whether I should continue or not. Feedback of any kind will be very much appreciated!
Thank you very much for the response. Will continue if you are enjoying it. Decided to post some more bits to make the story a little more interesting. Enjoy!
Part Two:
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Re: Our brother
Actually, I had the pleasure of having Ma break the news to me over my answering machine. I’ve missed being shrieked at. It was almost as wonderful as the one from my graduation. Almost.
So, he got a stroke. You think it’s from having to measure up to Miz Chopra’s sexual expectations of him on a daily basis despite that he’s pushing forty now? (Unfortunately I know this because of our lovely older brother’s tendency to be such a smug jackass) You think she’d give him a break. He’s not as young as he was before. His sex drive has been ailing for a while now if I’m not mistaken from what I read of his ex-girlfriends emails. I’m sure he got the stroke from the pressure of having to prove himself to his twenty-something flame of the month, whom I hear from Anu is a bit psychotic herself. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is. Why else would she be with a man like Tarun? It has to be our family riches she’s after and not for his balding, graying, and toad like appearance. Thank God I took after Dad.
I don’t think too much isolation is bad. I think it’s great. I’ve never been happier. Seriously, you should try taking a break from the family too. It’ll do wonders for you, Jigs.
As for Ma, when is she never furious with me or badmouthing me at every possible chance? This sadly is nothing new. I’m a big boy now, I can take it.
Let Riya and Sia know that their Jai Uncle loves them and will be coming to visit them with presents. I guess I’ll have to do the brotherly thing and show up. Or I’ll officially be wiped out of the family. Ma will surely cut me out of the family portrait if she hasn’t already. ---Actually, that all sounds tempting really. Perhaps I should stay put. Besides, I hear from Adi he’s doing fine now.
Jai
p.s. Are you thinking that when I come there I’d be staying with you and Adi so that way it’d drive Ma away? Sorry to disappoint you big sis, but I’m checking into a hotel. I love you and all, but considering that last time I almost walked in on you and Adi--- ahem ahem---I’ve been permanently scarred. Don’t scar me any more than I already am.
p.p.s. Don't email my office address ever again.
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Re: Your sister & brother
Glad to know that my mother still thinks so highly of me.
Jai
p.s. They’re only your in-laws. Try being blood related to them.
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Subject: You think you’re so funny, don’t you?
I may be sick, but I’m not that sick that I’d wish for my brother’s death.
So Tarun’s attack brought you back too, huh? I thought I’d at least find out before you because no one can ever seem to reach you since you keep changing your destination along with the boy you have tagging along. I say you run before Ma keeps you grounded there like a prisoner. She never approved of your lifestyle either. You’re just as much as a disappointment to her as I am.
Jai
p.s. Did you think that last bit of Dad being out of jail would make me happy? Now I have two crabby parents to face when I come to Mumbai. I was counting on the old man to still be locked up.
p.p.s. You use this address to email me and not my company’s, got it? You plan on getting me fired? I actually have to make a living unlike you guys who can blow their inheritance money on the most absurd things like buying a cricket team, a breed of horses, and a never endless supply of makeup.
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Subject: My dying brother
Mom, quit it with the bullshit. I know that Tarun isn’t dying, okay? I found out that he’s doing pretty okay actually. So stop with the melodrama.
Your disappointment of a son,
Jai
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Re: Our brother
No fair!!! How could you hack into Tarun’s email without telling me? Why do you get all the fun? Give me the password please! I want to see what his ex-girlfriends had to say about his incapability of pleasing them. He he he.
Jigs
p.s. The girls are excited to see you and so am I. When are you planning on coming?
p.p.s. Oh come on! You are always going to hold that against us, aren’t you? You wait till it’s your turn and the only time you can have sex (if you’re lucky enough) is when your children are distracted by SpongeBob!!!
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Re: My sister & brother
What the hell did you tell my wife that she now suddenly wants to leave us all and go vacationing in Cancun? She is out of her mind if she thinks she can ditch me with the kids and her psycho family.
Adi
p.s. Let me know the details about your flight and I’ll come and pick you up. I need a good excuse to get away from all this madness. There are times when I regret marrying into the Walia family and this is one of those times.
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Re: You think you’re so funny, don’t you?
I do, actually. I bet you believed me just for a second. Come on, don’t deny it. You did, you totally did.
Well, our dearest brother had a minor stroke. That toad face deserves it after all. Maybe his little attack will give him a new perspective about his life and make him realize that NO ONE loves him except for Ma. And that’s just pathetic.
And too late, I’m already kept as prisoner. Damn Tarun and his damned stroke. I just had to do the sisterly thing and show up in the first place. I so regret it now. Jai, don’t show up here no matter how much Ma nags on you. Just don’t, okay? It’s for the best.
Anu
p.s. Dad being out of jail after nine years doesn’t mean anything to you? That’s pretty cold even for you.
p.p.s. I take offense to that! Do you have any idea how important makeup is? No, of course not because you’re a guy! And it’s because of men that women are forced to wear makeup in order to meet their standards! So that ridiculous thing on my part is because of you and the rest of the dogs in this world. And news flash bro, you can have your inheritance money too. But you’re too pigheaded to accept it.
On another note, Miz Chopra is here crying crocodile tears despite knowing that Tarun is now out of danger. She’s trying to get on Ma’s good side to show that she really does love Tarun like she claims to. We all know that she just wants to keep Tarun as her permanent sugar daddy.
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Re: My dying brother
I didn’t think you could make me more ashamed of you, but you always knew how to out beat yourself, didn’t you Jai darling?
Unfortunately your mother,
Krishna Walia
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Subject: None
Oh never mind, I just got word from your father who was told by your sister, Jigyasa, that you are planning to come here after all. I guess you are not such a disappointment to your family after all.
Your mother,
Krishna Walia
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Bani Dixit <freebirdy@yahoo.com
Fr: Nishikant & Kiran Dixit <nishi&kiran4ever@yahoo.com
Subject: Hi sweetheart, it’s mommy!
I just wanted to check up on you since you haven’t been answering our calls lately. Is work keeping you that busy that you don’t have time for your parents anymore? Ha ha, I am just kidding. But make sure that you don’t overwork yourself. You are too young to be sucked into that corporate world. It’s harsh to little girls like you. Why didn’t you become a teacher here at Mount Abu is beyond my understanding. You’d have an easy life and stay right at home with us instead of going off to that jungle of a city Mumbai and get tied up in business. Besides, I hear that boss of yours is a number one Khadoos. I hope he doesn’t harass you too much? You let mommy know and I’ll give that man a piece of my mind for making my little girl miserable.
Before I forget, I wanted to remind you to take leave for your cousin’s wedding. We’re expecting you here. It’s been ages since we’ve last seen you. All of my other neighbors tell me how their children regularly come to visit them. It’s a shame that my own child does not do the same. Makes me wonder whether you do love your mother and father after all.
Anyways, my actual reason for emailing you is because Mrs. Singhania came to me with another proposal. You are quite popular, Bani dear. We keep getting one proposal after another. But it is our bad luck that you keep rejecting each one. You are twenty-six now, beta. When are you going to be married? I had you when I was twenty. I want to be a grandmother real soon. Daddy agrees too. We think you should seriously think on this proposal. His name is Sanjay Das. His parents live right here in Mount Abu but he works in Pune. He is not much older than you and is a bright boy. He did his MBA and works in a business too. See, you two already have something in common. He is also very handsome---I’ve seen his picture. Please tell me that you’ll think about him. I’d very much like him to be my son-in-law.
Love,
Mommy
p.s. Make sure that you are eating right and sleep enough at night. I can’t help but worry about you since you’re all alone in that city with no one to take care of you.
p.p.s. What is freebirdy supposed to mean? That’s a rather strange email id, don’t you think?
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Meera Khandelwal <meera4u@hotmail.com
Fr: Pia Chopra <ms.chopra@yahoo.com
Subject: Tarun
Well he’s doing fine now. It was just a minor one. Doctor says he’s out of danger, which is good for me. I swear if he had died I don’t know what would happen to me. But luckily he didn’t. However, I am stuck here now with his parents and sisters. I’m getting tired of this act that I am devastated. I mean, I am, but what I really want to do is go home and take a nice bubble bath but his hag of a mother won’t let me leave saying that we both have to stay here when Tarun wakes up---whenever that will be! I’ve been here since yesterday afternoon! I don’t think I should be subjugated to this considering that I haven’t even gotten a ring on my finger yet. Although I do think he was trying to propose to me before that damned stroke kicked in. Ha, me--- Mrs. Pia Walia. How wonderful would that be? I need to make sure that he proposes right away when he gets better so I’m not wasting my time on him for nothing.
Pia
p.s. Do you know how dysfunctional Tarun’s family is? His mother constantly is getting botox and liposuction in an attempt to stay young---which isn’t doing much good for her, if you ask me. She still will look over sixty no matter what she does to herself. The father just recently got parole after being sentenced to jail for nine years for something I’m not quite clear on nor are they willing to share (I can always google it though). His sister, Jigyasa, is a fat cow since she’s pregnant with her THIRD child. Yes, third. I don’t know why she’d want to do that to herself. I’m going to have to tell Tarun that if he wants children we will have to adopt since there is no way I am going to ruin my figure for a child and end up looking like his sister. The other sister is a complete hippie who I hear is always on the road with some guy or another. I imagine she does drugs as well. I smelt something on her. You know how sensitive my nose is. His brother isn’t here yet, but I hear he is no less than the rest of his psychotic family. Actually, I’d say he is the worst since he disregarded his inheritance (we’re talking millions here, Meera) and decided to become this small time journalist instead. Really, his family makes me want to rethink about marrying him, but Tarun fits the bill of the husband I want. So I guess I will just have to adjust.
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Kevin Carter <kevin.carter@thenyjournal.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
Subject: I need a leave
Hey Kev,
I’ve got a family emergency to attend to. My brother had a stroke so I have to make a trip to India. I’m going to need at least a week off. I’ll try to wrap up the Mandez article and send it to you when I can. Thanks in advance.
Jai
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Re: Our brother
Come on Jigs, has your brain gone off for a toss since you married Adi? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out Tarun’s password. The man is completely obsessed with himself.
Oh, and I was joking about the getting away from your family thing. So please stop packing your bags and cancel your tickets to Cancun.
And I’ll be coming as soon as I get the green signal from the journal.
Jai
p.s. That was way too much information about my big sis than I asked for. Besides, I plan to send my children off to boarding school that way they are not an intrusion on my sex life---if I ever do plan to get married and have children that is. Don’t get your hopes up. I was just saying.
p.p.s. If you haven’t figured it out by now, the password is tarunwalia
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Re: My sister & brother
I told you that by marrying my sister you’d be entering a never ending vortex of doom.
Jai
p.s. I didn’t tell her anything. You know how your wife is---she gets these crazy ideas on her own.
p.p.s. I’ll call you and let you in on the details.
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Re: None
I love you too, Mom.
Jai
Part Three:
To: Rano Sharma <sharmagirl@hotmail.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <freebirdy@yahoo.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <freebirdy@yahoo.com
Subject: You have to admit
Yesterday was fun. I’m glad we went to go see it. I had pleasant dreams about Sallu last night.
Bani
p.s. My mom has now started to email me! I should never have given her my email address. Why did I give it to her?!
To: Bani Dixit <freebirdy@yahoo.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <sharmagirl@hotmail.com
Re: You have to admit
It was not good. It was horrible in fact. And it was even more horrible since you were crying so much at the end. I bet you cried more than the Cobra cried for Tarun. And she actually had a reason to cry. You are hopeless.
Rano
p.s. Because you are a stupid girl, that’s why.
p.p.s. Now quit emailing me---I have to get ready for work! So do you, in fact.
To: Rano Sharma <sharmagirl@hotmail.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <freebirdy@yahoo.com
Re: You have to admit
What do you mean it was horrible?! Okay, I guess it wasn’t all that but you can’t blame Salman for that. He was absolutely perfect in his role! He brought life to that movie and you know it too! Besides, how could I NOT cry?! You saw what happened!
Bani
p.s. How long is this bitchiness of yours going to last? It is only because of Sneha right?
To: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
Fr: Kevin Carter <kevin.carter@thenyjournal.com
Re: I need a leave
Fine. But I better have that article on my desk when you get back, Walia. You can use your pretty boy charm on Anna but it sure as hell ain’t gonna work on me.
Kevin
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Subject: What the hell….
What was with you this morning? You didn’t even hear me out and just rushed out of the door. Besides, I thought you were going to take today off and take Ma and Papa out around the city? You know it’s their first time here since we moved. The least you can do is make your in-laws feel welcomed, Rano.
Ranveer
p.s. Don’t go out to lunch with Bani today. Ma and Papa want to go out to eat so you are going to have to take them out.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Pia Chopra <pia.chopra@wgi.com
Subject: Your job
- Ø WaliaGroup file
Ms. Dixit,
Do not be under the misconception that your duty to WGI is no longer required. Just because your boss is severely ill and will not be around for the next three months of his recovery does not mean that you can lay off from your work. There is still plenty to be done in his absence. I have attached a schedule so do follow it accordingly.
Pia Chopra, Director
Walia Group of Industries
Sahar Road, Chakala, Andheri (East)
Mumbai (Bombay) 400 099. India.
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fwd: Your Job
- Ø Ms. Dixit,
Do not be under the misconception that your duty to WIG is no longer required. Just because your boss is severely ill and will not be around for the next three months of his recovery does not mean that you can lay off from your work. There is still plenty to be done in his absence. I have attached a schedule so do follow it accordingly.
Pia Chopra, Director
Walia Group of Industries
Sahar Road, Chakala, Andheri (East)
Mumbai (Bombay) 400 009. India.
What a bitch. Way to ruin my fun. I hate her.
Bani
p.s. But she did ease off my worries that I’d be terminated, move back in with my parents, and end up marrying Sanjay Das. Now I don’t have to kill myself.
To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: What the hell….
Why do I have to sacrifice MY free time for YOUR parents!?
Rano
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Your job
Ah, screw her. Let’s go by the copier machine and ogle at Wonder boy. He isn’t wearing a tie today and has left some of his top buttons undone.
Rano
p.s. There may be a slight chance that I can’t have lunch with you today...
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Re: What the hell….
Because you married me. So deal with it.
Ranveer
p.s. We’re out of eggs.
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Your job
Shame on you, Rano. You’re a married woman. --- I’ll meet you down there in five.
Bani
p.s. How come?!
To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: What the hell….
I hate you.
Rano
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Your job
Because my husband is a jackass, that’s why. ---See you there. :)
Rano
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Re: Our brother
I should have known. You’re right; it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure him out. By the way, I’m having a lovely time reading his emails so thank you very much. I had no idea to what extent our big brother’s disability went. I guess he’s just not a natural at this. Wonder why Pia has been sticking around for this long if it’s not for the sex. ----It’s got to be for the money. Oh, and Aditya took offense to that last remark of yours.
Jigs
p.s. Nice idea about the boarding school---why didn’t I ever think of that? But come on Jai, when are you going to give us the good news? Find a girl and settle down already. I want my kids to have playmates!
p.s.s. And why can’t I have a vacation is what I want to know?! Just because I am a wife and mother doesn’t mean that I have to be kept grounded all the time. It just gives me more of a reason to have a damn getaway!
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Re: My sister & brother
I know, but unfortunately I was so love sick that I didn’t heed to any of your warnings. Not that I don’t still love her----because I do. Love her, I mean.
Adi
To: Pia Chopra <ms.chopra@yahoo.com
Fr: Meera Khandelwal <meera4u@hotmail.com
Re: Tarun
Oh god Pia, do you seriously want to marry into a family like that? They sound absolutely horrid---especially the MIL. Besides, you’re only 28---you’re still young and can find any one you want. Why Tarun? I say you find another Beau, that too, a healthier one. You don’t want to keep running in and out of the hospital if he keeps up with this stroke act.
Meera
p.s. You think you can get past his family and come have lunch with me?
Sharmagirl1: That totally just made my day.
BaniRani02: I so agree. Nothing cheers up a woman than getting some good eye candy.
Sharmagirl1: If I wasn’t married, I’d totally tap that.
BaniRani02: Rano!!!
Sharmagirl1: What? ----He’s GORGEOUS! Is it a crime to even look?
BaniRani02: No, but you are implying which is a crime.
Sharmagirl1: I’m not implying anything, I was just saying what I’d do if I was single.
BaniRani02: But you’re not----you’re married to a wonderful man and are about to have a baby with him.
Sharmagirl1: Don’t remind me.
BaniRani02: You’re impossible. Ranveer’s great!
Sharmagirl1: Yeah, great. You know he’s the reason why I can’t have lunch with you today?
BaniRani02: What?! ---- I’ll kill him!
Sharmagirl1: Exactly.
Sharmagirl1: You’re so damned lucky that you’re single. Enjoy it till it lasts, Dixit.
BaniRani02: Are you kidding me? Being single is miserable! Do you even remember how it was like to be single? How hard it is to find a decent guy?
BaniRani02: No, you don’t, because you’ve been married for so long!
Sharmagirl1: Well, I can’t deny that. You’ll find a guy, don’t worry. You’re a gorgeous little thing, what man can resist you? Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t you ask Wonder boy out? You two gorgeous people deserve each other.
BaniRani02: Are you high?! I’m not going to do that! Besides, Wonder boy is engaged.
Sharmagirl1: *gasp* You lie!!!
BaniRani02: No, it’s true. I heard from Pushkar. And you know he never has his information wrong….well only when concerning the status of good looking men.
Sharmagirl1: Nooooooooooo!!!!
BaniRani02: Uh, Rano, must I remind you that you are MARRIED?! What are you so upset about?
Sharmagirl1: Oh shut up, will you? ----Why must the good ones always be taken or gay?!
BaniRani02: I’ve been asking myself this for a long while.
Sharmagirl1: It’s so unfair to poor single girls like you.
BaniRani02: Way to rub it in, Rano.
Sharmagirl1: I’m just saying. ---Don’t worry slugger, there’ll be another one for you. You just hang in there.
BaniRani02: Uh, Rano, it’s not like I was in love with him for goodness’s sake. He was just good eye---
Sharmagirl1: All is not lost for you! You hear me? You STILL have a chance!
Sharmagirl1: Soon enough this tall, dashing, good looking man will come waltzing into your life and you’ll get married and become just like me and Ranveer!
BaniRani02: ….. always bitter and bickering?
Sharmagirl1: NO WE AREN’T! What made you say that?! I know I complain about him a lot but I do love him!!!
BaniRani02: I do know that. I’ve always known that. Geez, calm down Rano. Don’t have your panties in a bunch.
Sharmagirl1: MY PANTIES ARE NOT IN A BUNCH!!!
PiaChopraDir: logged on
PiaChopraDir: Pardon me for interrupting ladies, but is there or is there not a departmental ban on Instant Messaging during office hours? Sharma, get back to reporting about the finances for the Dubai project. Dixit, I thought I had given you a strict schedule to follow.
Sharmagirl1: logged off
BaniRani02: logged off
PiaChopraDir: logged off
Sharmagirl1: logged on
BaniRani02: logged on
BaniRani02: What a FREAK! She’s checking up on all of us even when she’s not here! ---- She truly is the Cobra that she is.
Sharmagirl1: I hope she gets a stroke too so she and the Raging Bull can both be taking their last breaths together on their deathbeds.
BaniRani02: Agreed.
Sharmagirl1: logged off
BaniRani02: logged off
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Subject: My arrival
Well, be ready to expect me on Friday around 6 in the evening. And don’t worry about picking me up, I’ll take a cab.
Jai
p.s. You think buying him yellow daisies would be an appropriate get well gesture?
p.p.s. Don’t count on me getting married any time soon, Jigs. You’re only going to be disappointed.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com, Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Sonali Malhotra <sonali.malhotra@wgi.com
Subject: Wonder boy
Girls, you really ought to inform me when you plan to go make lovey dovey looks at Wonder boy. I hate being out of the loop, you know. Besides, I hardly get to see him except when he decides to make a copy in the copy room. Really, if I hadn’t come out of the ladies room fast enough I surely would have missed him.
Sonali
p.s. He looked delicious today, didn’t he?
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Re: My arrival
Can’t wait!!!
Jigs
p.s. Yes, if you are serious about finishing him off yourself by inducing a deathly allergic reaction! You know how he is around flowers.
p.p.s. I want a sister-in-law who I can chat with, dammit! And I am not talking about Miz Chopra!!!
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Mrs. Wonder boy wannabe
She has to have her eye on every damn good looking male around here.
Bani
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Mrs. Wonder boy wannabe
Well of course. You know she’s not a one man woman. She’s gotta have them all.
Rano
p.s. Muffins in the break room in ten?
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Subject: Your impending arrival
What do you mean you’ll take the cab?! Dammit Jai, I am coming to pick you up whether you like it or not. I won’t let you ruin my chance of brief escape, you hear me?!
Adi
p.s. What, you’re so upset that he survived through the stroke that you want to kill him now by bringing him daisies?
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Daksh Randheria <daksh.randheria@wgi.com
Subject: Can’t we just
... talk about this? Why must you ignore me? Okay, I guess I screwed up when I cheated on you but I couldn’t help it. She was all over me. You don’t know how it’s like to be a good looking red-blooded male and resisting a woman who wants you.
Give us another chance. I miss you. And I miss us. Think about it.
Daksh
p.s. You have my favorite dark blue shirt at your place? It’s been missing for a while---thought I’d ask you about it. Let me know.
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Mrs. Wonder boy wannabe
True.
Bani
p.s. Thought you’d never ask.
p.p.s. You think I should tell Daksh that I lit his shirt on fire and threw it over my balcony that night we got shit drunk?
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Subject: Mr. Sleaze ball
Definitely not. Let him go crazy over his missing favorite shirt for a while.
Rano
To: Daksh Randheria <daksh.randheria@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Can we just
Get over yourself.
Bani
p.s. Don’t ever email me again.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
Subject: The 411
What do you know Dixit about the replacement of the Raging Bull? Spill it girl. People are angst here.
Cheers,
Pushkar
p.s. Must I say that you look like an absolute doll today? I love the pairing of the chic blouse with the pure white fitting skirt and the jimmy choos. Totally cute. This is why I envy you, you skinny bitch.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Subject: Quit gloating
You seriously are going to trust Pushkar’s opinion? What does he know is what I’m asking.
Rano
p.s. Those muffins were yummmmmmmmm.
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Quit gloating
Uh, hello, he’s GAY! With an impeccable taste of fashion, I must add. You’re just jealous because he didn’t compliment you.
Bani
p.s. Agree. Total yum.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Quit gloating
He’s STILL a man!!! ----And I’m so not jealous. I mean, so what if he hasn’t noticed that recently I’m glowing and looking ravishing. At least my hubby does. Knowing that I’m still desirable to my man is enough for me.
Rano
To: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: The 411
Sadly I have no details about who is going to be the temporary replacement for the Bull. But once I do, you’ll be the first to know ;)
Bani
p.s. You really like it? I just put on whatever I could find this morning. :)
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Re: My impending arrival
Fine, be my chauffer for the day. What do I care. Just don’t be late.
Jai
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Re: My arrival
Daisies it is.
Jai
p.s. Face it Jigs, you’re going to have to settle with Miz Chopra.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com, Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
Subject: Lunch
You girls up for lunch like how we originally planned?
Raashi
p.s. I nearly had a heat stroke in the copier room! (Is that in bad taste to say considering our boss just suffered a stroke?) Did you see how he rolled up his sleeves? He has really sexy forearms and very large hands----Oh why is Wonderboy engaged?!!! Life is so cruel.
To: Pia Chopra <pia.chopra@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Mr. Walia
Hello Pia,
I do realize the importance of carrying out my job to perfection hasn’t changed now that my boss is severely ill. I am after all a professional. I’m handling things here just fine. Please do keep me informed, though, about Mr. Walia’s health. My best wishes are with him.
Bani
To: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Lunch
I’ll be there. Rano may not though.
Bani
p.s. I know. Why are all the good ones taken before we even get a chance?
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Re: What the hell….
I’m taking that as a yes. Love you, honey.
Ranveer
To: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Lunch
Can’t. Have to take my in-laws out instead. Shoot me please. L
Rano
p.s. I’m telling you, the world is full of injustice. Why create such a wonderful piece of artwork if we’re not even allowed to have it?
To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: What the hell….
I hope you realize that you just screwed your sex life over, mister. And don’t you dare threaten me with some mistress of yours. No woman in their right mind would have an affair with a man whose wife is a crazy, hormonal, and extremely dangerous pregnant woman.
Rano
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Pia Chopra <pia.chopra@wgi.com
Re: Mr. Walia
I’m assuming that the reason you took so long to reply to this email is because you were too busy instant messaging Mrs. Sharma instead of doing your work. Yes, indeed you are a professional.
Mr. Walia is still indisposed. When the time comes you will be contacted about what actions are needed to be taken during his extended absence.
Pia Chopra, Director
Walia Group of Industries
Sahar Road, Chakala, Andheri (East)
Mumbai (Bombay) 400 009. India.
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Cobra
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Cobra
I hope she chokes on her crocodile tears.
Bani
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Cobra
Don’t worry, she will.
Rano
p.s. Don’t try to have too much fun at lunch without me L
Part Four:
To: Bani Dixit <freebirdy@yahoo.com
Fr: Nishikant & Kiran Dixit <nishi&kiran4ever@yahoo.com
Fr: Nishikant & Kiran Dixit <nishi&kiran4ever@yahoo.com
Subject: This is your mother again
Honey, I don’t know why you didn’t reply to my other email. I guess you are really busy. Anyways, I’m here with another proposal. If you don’t like Sanjay, then there is also another particular boy I have in mind for you. His name is Dandak Mukopadhyay. He is twenty-nine and quite handsome. He is an engineer and lives in Delhi but his parents moved here in Mount Abu just recently. From what I hear about him from his parents, he’s a lovely boy---a little shy---but you’re also quite shy yourself. You two would make a good pair. Think about it, sweetie.
Love,
Mommy
p.s. Did you ask your boss for a leave yet?
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Subject: Can I just say how rude you are
for not returning my last email? Anyways, I hear that you’re actually coming here. You think it’s a wise idea? I mean considering the last time you were here Ma was having a fit when you told everyone you were moving to America and becoming a “stingy, low-class, dirty reporter” (her words, not mine). I swear, she took it harder than Papa did. At least he didn’t take down your pictures around the house. You were close to being cut out of the family portrait, even, but that’s when Dad drew the line and made her calm down.
Tarun still isn’t awake. Or maybe he’s faking it. You know how he always loved extra attention. I bet he secretly enjoys hearing Ma cry so much because it makes him feel so special. He’s pathetic really if he thinks that’s something to brag about---about Ma’s love I mean. It ain’t anything special, we all know that.
Anu
p.s. I can’t wait till you officially meet Miz Chopra.
To: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Fr: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Subject: Your brother
Do not be under the impression Anu that I am not aware of what you are telling your brother. Now, once you’re done with ranting about both Tarun and I go fetch your father some coffee. You know how he gets when he does not get his normal dose of caffeine.
Krishna Walia
To: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Fr: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Re: Your brother
Mom, you’re sitting right across from me! Why couldn’t you just say this to me out loud? I think you’re enjoying this email thing far too much. Seriously, can’t you go and get it? He is YOUR husband. Or better yet, get your precious Pia darling to run for coffee for her future father-in-law. I’m sure she’ll be willing to go get it in a flash.
Anu
p.s. What’s this whole thing with writing your full name at the end? We all know who you are, Ma.
To: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Fr: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Re: Your brother
When did Tarun propose to Pia and why was I not informed? And the only reason why I am resorting to email is because this is the only way you will even bother to listen to me. Now get off your bottom young lady and get your father his coffee. And when you come back you have a lot of explaining to do about your brother’s engagement which has been kept hidden from me for reasons I’d like to know why.
Krishna Walia
To: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Fr: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Re: Your brother
You are impossible.
Anu
To: Jai Walia <jai.walia@thenyjournal.com
Fr: Uday Walia <UdayWalia@gmail.com
Subject: Business
Jai,
I have heard from your sister that you are arriving tomorrow evening. I am glad to know that you have decided to come after all. Your brother is not well right now and we do have the business to think about since he will be out for an extended period of time due to his recovery. I will discuss more about the matter when you are here in private. Your mother is snooping over my shoulder as I am writing this to you to see what it is that I’m up to. And I’m afraid that what I have to tell you won’t settle nicely with her.
Your father,
Uday Walia
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: I didn’t have fun
Trust me! Seriously, would I have fun without you? Lunch was absolutely boring without you. The whole time I was wishing that you were there.
Bani
p.s. You think your in-laws would be upset if I take up your time tonight again? I need someone to get fat with and watch old hindi movies---the black & white ones too.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: I didn’t have fun
You’re not lying to me, are you?
Rano
p.s. They will just have to deal with it. They knew what kind of daughter-in-law they were getting when Ranveer told them he wanted to marry me.---It shouldn’t be a surprise to them by now.
To: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Lunch
I had fun today! We have to go out again whenever we get the time. And specifically to that restaurant so we can make a move on that hunky waiter ;)
Bani
p.s. Good luck on your date for tomorrow!
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: I didn’t have fun
Of course not. Would I ever lie to you?
Bani
p.s. You’re right, they did know.
To: Aditya Bali <adityabali@wgi.com, Anu Walia <flyinggirl@wgi.com, Uday Walia <UdayWalia@gmail.com, Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Fr: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Subject: Me
Against your belief Anu, I do have other things to do besides writing back to my little sister’s emails on time. Just because you don’t have a life, don’t assume that so doesn’t everyone else.
Jigs, for the last time, no I will not stay with you. So stop flooding my phone with your wailing messages. I am not particularly in the mood for another encore performance at your house.
Adi, if you keep cribbing about wanting to pick me up, I’ll change my flight and keep the details to myself.
Dad, I have an idea of what the matter is and all I have to say in return is that I better be getting paid heftily.
Mom, what is it that I have to do so I’ll be cut out of that damned family portrait? Please tell me. I’ve been dying to know.
The stingy, low-class, dirty reporter,
Jai
p.s. So Tarun still isn’t awake, huh? Even more reason for me to bring what I am bringing.
p.p.s. No more emails. I’m getting on the plane.
To: Meera Khandelwal <meera4u@hotmail.com
Fr: Pia Chopra <ms.chopra@yahoo.com
Subject: Lunch
Lunch was great. Thanks for that fake emergency otherwise his plastic faced mother would never have let me leave. I have a migraine from being around those people. It’s like a circus when they’re all together. Now I hear the brother is coming from America tomorrow. God help me. I can’t handle these Walias. I am so making Tarun sever all his relations from his dysfunctional family when we get married.
Pia
p.s. Please ring me again later tonight for another emergency before I become into a nutcase myself.
To: Nishikant & Kiran Dixit <nishi&kiran4ever@yahoo.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Subject: Hi Mom
Sorry, I have been real busy. My boss had a stroke and is going to be gone for some time and things here are just hectic right now. And what makes you think that I don’t love you and Daddy? Mom, just because I don’t call you guys every hour does not mean that I don’t care.
And really? ---- Dandak Mukopadhyay? What kind of name is that anyway?
Love,
Bani
p.s. I’m not sure if I can make it to Priya’s wedding considering how things are like here. We’ll see.
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: My mother
You’re right—I am stupid for giving her my email address. I wasn’t thinking when she asked for it. But then again, I didn’t think she’d get around to ever emailing me considering that she’s not good with technology. I blame those damned neighbors of hers. Ma is always running in there for advice. Do you know that she plans on me becoming Mrs. Dandak Mukopadhyay? ----Bani Dandak Mukopadhyay--- Oh my god, I’m going to hurl.
Bani
p.s. I wasn’t too cruel, was I?
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: My mother
What happened to Sanjay Das?
Rano
p.s. No, you weren’t. Stop worrying about it! Geez, you really are too kind.
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: My mother
She moves on faster than me is all I have to say.
Bani
p.s. You sure I wasn’t too cruel? I can’t help but feel a little bad. I was acting pretty childish. I should have just talked to him.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Sonali Malhotra <sonali.malhotra@wgi.com
Subject: Your ex-beau
Bani Darling,
I just have to say that what you have done to poor Daksh is a crime. He is so hung up on you that he doesn’t pay attention to anything or anyone---specifically to me. All he does all day is stare at that picture of you two on his computer screen with such a pathetic look on his face---it makes me almost want to cry. Throw the man a bone, will you?
Sonali
p.s. He just wanted to speak to you darling. He was not assaulting you.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
Subject: Now what was that all about….
I need details darling. What exactly went on by the coolers? I’ve never seen Daksh so dejected before. By the way, why were you even down here to begin with? Aren’t they keeping you busy up there with the Bull gone and all?
Ciao,
Pushkar
p.s. From what I could gather, you were telling him off and honey, he deserved it. He so deserved it.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Daksh Randheria <daksh.randheria@wgi.com
Subject: Us
Okay, I guess I deserve that after what I did to you but did you really have to stomp on my foot that hard? You’re wearing heels, woman.
And why can’t you give us another chance? I have changed, seriously. I won’t be tempted by any other woman as long as I have you by my side. You are all that I need. I’ve realized that now.
Daksh
p.s. The dark blue shirt---you know, the one made out of silk.
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: My mother
Meet me in the ladies room NOW so I can smack some sense into you! The man CHEATED on you. And you’re worrying about whether you hurt his feelings or not? Geez, when is that bitch going to come out of you already? You can’t live in Mumbai and be a total sweetheart----it’s just not normal.
Rano
To: Sonali Malhotra <sonali.malhotra@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Your ex-beau
Sonali, the way I handle things with my ex is my business, okay? And no, I will not throw him a bone. He can mop around in front of his computer screen all day for all I care.
Bani
To: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: Now what was that all about….
I went down there for the muffins, okay?! I admit it! They are just too damn irresistible!
Bani
p.s. He was just being a sleaze ball as usual. --- Nobody else knows what happened, right?
To: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
Fr: Priyanka Kapur <priyanka.kapur@wgi.com
Subject: The flaming exes
Bani is being a tad cruel, don’t you think? I mean the guy really does regret what he did. And if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t be trying to amend things between them, right?
Pri
p.s. You have any news about whether Neel is available or not? I don’t see a ring on his finger nor do I see any picture of a female on his desk. Please tell me that I’m not hoping for too much.
To: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
Fr: Saahil Roy <saahil.roy@wgi.com
Subject: You ask me...
the bonehead deserved it. Maybe now he’ll shut up about how much he and Bani are made for each other (no offense to Bani, I like the girl, but it’s him that is driving me mad).
Saahil
To: Mahi Sahini <mahi.sahini@wgi.com
Fr: Raashi Desai <raashi.desai@wgi.com
Subject: The old lovers
He so did deserve it. What does he think that he can cheat on her and get away with it? Oh and expect for her to take him back? I’m glad that she punched him (that’s what Pushkar tells me anyway).
Raashi
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Pushkar Shukla <pushkar.shukla@wgi.com
Re: Now what was that all about….
Of course no one else knows. Seriously, you are far too paranoid, Buns.
Cheers,
Pushkar
p.s. Those muffins really are scrumptious.
_________________________________________________________________________
To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
_________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Jigyasa Bali <jiggypoo@hotmail.com
Fr: Jigyasa Bali <jiggypoo@hotmail.com
Subject: Your last email
Fine, I won’t flood your stupid phone with my messages. It just shows that you don’t give a damn about your big sis after all. L
And there won’t be an encore performance, dammit! (Thank you for addressing that in the email addressed to all our family members btw!) Your two precious nieces are intent on keeping your sister’s dry spell intact. I promise you, nothing will happen! Me and Adi promise to keep our hands to ourselves.
Jigs
p.s. Got around in getting myself an email too----I’m not out of the loop anymore ever since our family decided to be all technical with each other. Btw, your mean best friend changed his password on me so I couldn’t use his anymore.
p.p.s. I can’t wait till you get here! It’s been so long! Ha---and that bit about being gone for seven years is a tad funny. But then again, no one has to know that you secretly come visit your favorite sis every holiday ;)
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Aditya Bali <adityabali@gmail.com
Re: Me
Fine, I’ll stop cribbing.
Adi
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Anu Walia <flyinggirl@yahoo.com
Re: Me
You big meanie. I do too have a life.
Anu
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
To: Jai Walia <jaiwalia_101@gmail.com
Fr: Krishna Walia <krishnawalia@yahoo.com
Re: Me
No, your brother is still not awake. And what is it that you are planning to bring, Jai? I won’t tolerate any of your funny business especially when your brother is so ill.
And I beg your pardon, what was that about the family portrait? Jai, I won’t deny that you are a huge disappointment to me and your father, but what on earth makes you think that I’d cut you out of the portrait?
Your mother,
Krishna Walia
p.s. What is this about being paid heftily by your father? What are you two scheming together? And what encore performance are you talking about?
__________________________________________________________________________________
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Subject: Thank god it is almost the
end of the day! I’m going crazy over here. Hey, you think you can distract Daksh while I slip away and make a run for it? Pushkar tells me that Daksh wants to have a word with me. I don’t know if I can speak to him without wanting to cause him serious physical injury.
Bani
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Thank god it is almost the
Of course! What kind of best friend would I be if I don’t protect you from your obsessive ex? Just give me a SMS before you decide to leave.
Rano
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Subject: Parents
Rano, taking my parents out to a vendor selling pani puri is not what I meant by taking them out. Now because of you Ma won’t stop calling complaining about the gas she’s building. Thanks a lot.
Ranveer
p.s. You didn’t eat any, did you? I’ll kill you if you did. You’re pregnant---how many times do I have to remind you that?
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To: Ranveer Sharma <rsharma_01@gmail.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Re: Parents
Well excuse me. I took out MY time to go out of MY way so I could take YOUR parents out and this is how you thank me? It is not my fault if your mother cannot handle what she eats. Besides, she didn’t protest by the way she was greedily eating all the pani puris she could get and wasting all my pocket money.
Rano
p.s. Of course I didn’t! Besides, it’s not like I could get a chance at the rate your mother was devouring them all.
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To: Bani Dixit <freebirdy@yahoo.com
Fr: Nishikant & Kiran Dixit <nishi&kiran4ever@yahoo.com
Re: Hi Mom
Oh sweetie, I’m so glad to hear back from you. That is horrible about what happened to your boss. I hope he is okay. But still, they cannot expect you to be working so much and miss out on your cousin’s wedding----Priya will be crushed.
He is a nice boy, Bani. Agree the name is a little bit too much, but give him a fair chance.
Mommy
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To: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Fr: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Subject: All systems are go
Sleaze ball has been successfully challenged into an arm wrestler by our gay knight in shining armor (had to tell him about your request), evacuate the building NOW! GO GO GO!
Rano
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To: Rano Sharma <rano.sharma@wgi.com
Fr: Bani Dixit <bani.dixit@wgi.com
Re: All systems are go
Thanks Rano, you’re a doll!!
Bani
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