She pants while trying to catch up to him, her hand clasped tightly in his other, yet her pace not able to match his…. They rustle through the thick woods, trying their best to avoid the leaves as much as they can. Finally having enough with this nonsense, she halts in her steps, tugging hard on his hand to make him stop as well.
“Where are you taking me? What is it that you can’t just tell me”, she questions him breathlessly. He turns to look at her, and she finds herself softly gasping at the sight of him…. His face glows radiantly at her from the ray of sunshine casting upon him, creeping through the shelter of branches above them …highlighting his already handsome features and making him seem almost heavenly. His tan skin appears to be golden under the shimmering light and causes her to blink more than she really needs to from the brightness. Breaking into her mesmerized trance, the boy who looks no more than eighteen grins broadly at her that it sends her heart fluttering…
“It’s something that you just have to see for yourself…,” he replies and without another moment of hesitation, pulls on her hand once more and leads her further into the depths of the woods. As soon as she begins to believe that there is no end to this godforsaken place, she suddenly finds her companion slowly come to a subtle halt and follows his steps. She stares at him curiously and before she can even open her mouth to question him why he has brought her here, he looks to her with his grin widening and points high to the sky. Her gaze follows to where he indicates to and she gasps out loud in astonishment and pure amazement as she sees what the big fuss is about that he was creating before.
“It’s beautiful,” she breathes all at once as her eyes are transfixed onto the gorgeous sky that has formed into a collage of beautiful colors…. Purple, red, and orange streaks adorn the horizon where the sun slowly begins to rise above the green hills ahead… The lake before them sparkles brightly in unison. She had never seen anything so beautiful and breathtaking before in her life, and she was thankful that he had dragged her here otherwise she would miss such a grand opportunity to witness this masterpiece of nature. Her attention is averted once she feels his hand take hers and entwine their fingers together. It was such a small gesture from his side, yet at the same time it said so much….
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“Bani, wake up baby. Rise and shine. Its morning and you need to get up, darling,” she hears her governess speak soothingly to her with her silky voice. Bani takes a deep breath and releases it after she switches sides, turning her back onto Dolly Bua, whom she lovingly calls her. “Not now Bua, please…. Let me sleep,” she mutters tiredly into her pillows. She inwardly groans as she feels the warmth of her comforter being pulled off of her, leaving her to face the cold.
Dolly Bua: You have slept enough, Bani beta. One shouldn’t sleep for so long. Come along now. Get yourself ready and come downstairs for breakfast. I have made your favorites.
Bani unwillingly sits up in bed with drowsy eyes and pouts silently at her governess. Dolly merely smiles and nears her to place a tender kiss on her head.
Dolly: Happy Birthday baby….
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In the midst of freshening herself for the new day, Bani dwells on her strange dream that she was slowly beginning to forget completely. She now only could remember small details… she knew that she was in a set of dim woods but she could not remember who it was that she was with nor the destination that she was being led to…. It was all turning into a blur to her, like a distant memory. This though, she noted, has been occurring consequently for the past few weeks. She encounters many strange dreams that she is unable to remember clearly once she wakes up from her sleep.
She hurriedly clips her hair after rattling all these thoughts away. Today is her birthday, she reminds herself. She should only think on that….
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Bani approaches the dining table and finds a man of middle age reading the newspaper sprawled across him with absorbed attention. She smiles at this and draws his focus as she kisses him sweetly on his cheek. The man is slightly startled but smiles widely at her while setting the paper aside.
“You are finally awake…” Bani nods at him as she seats herself in a chair beside him. He affectionately places his hand on her head. “Happy Birthday Bani,” he wishes her. Bani beams at her father, Nishikant Dixit, owner of Dixit Enterprises.
Bani: Thank you Papa….
Nishikant: So… do you have any plans for the evening?
Bani: Not at the moment… Why?
Nishikant: Good. I want you to keep your schedule cleared. I am hosting a party for you tonight. I have invited all of your friends and their families.
Bani muses at this as she doesn’t know what her father is saying. What friends? As far as she remembers, she has none. Her father catches this and rests a hand onto hers.
Nishikant: It won’t hurt if you tried to make one, beta. For how long will keep to yourself?
Bani: I have Rano and Pia, Papa. I am fine. They keep me entertained enough.
Rano and Pia, her two younger sisters, are the number one reason why she always finds herself drained at the end of the day. She often wonders if those two are even her blood siblings as they are so hyper all the time whereas she does not possess that same energetic vibe in herself. However, Dolly continuously reassures her that they are indeed her sisters and there is nothing she can do to change that fact.
Knowing that her daughter doesn’t want to speak of the subject anymore by how she removes her hand from his, Nishikant clears his throat and looks back to his newspaper after unfolding it.
Nishikant: So how old have you become now?
Dolly: Mind you Nishi sir, your daughter is now twenty-six. One would believe a father would keep track of his own daughter’s age, but you sir, are hopeless when it comes to knowing any one of your daughters.
Nishikant has the decency to seem abashed by this, yet speaks sternly to his daughters’ governess, whom he had hired a year after his wife’s death fourteen years back.
Nishikant: Dolly, at least do not make me seem bad in front of my own children. You are, however, still at liberty to complain to your friends, but on your own time.
Dolly: I’m sorry sir, but you see, I tend to forget the rules whenever you are a week behind in paying me my paycheck.
Bani giggles while Nishikant eyes Dolly, who circles around the dining room table, setting down their breakfast. Twenty minutes later, Nishikant’s other two daughters join them at the table as well. Their father flips through a page in the paper and says with the usual tone he takes when setting ground rules…
Nishikant: I had thought I made it very clear that I do not want you girls oversleeping. Eight hours of sleep is plenty to keep you going through the day.
Rano and Pia hang their heads low after sharing a glance at one another.
Rano: We’re sorry Papa, we won’t do it again.
Nishikant resumes to reading his newspaper while Pia and Rano smother their elder sister in hugs and wish her a happy birthday in excited whispers. After Dolly finishes setting the table, they dig into their breakfast. It isn’t until the governess makes an appearance again that they begin to speak….
Pia: Dolly Bua, who are those flowers for?
Pia asks, intrigued, as she sees Dolly holding an elegantly wrapped bouquet of beautiful red roses in her hands. Just by the appearance of it, one can tell that they are highly expensive. Dolly shrugs her shoulders and startles Bani by handing them over to her.
Dolly: I have no clue. There is no name. It is for Bani though.
Bani: For me?
Dolly nods her head in affirmative and Bani hesitantly takes it from her. She examines the beautiful flowers with a soft smile growing on her lips and finds a small card attached along with them. She reads it out loud….
Happy Birthday and many returns of the day. May you have everything that you wish for in life and always remain happy… With love, your well-wisher.
Nishikant: Hand them over to me, beta. Let me see the card.
Bani does so and watches as her father’s eyes scan the handwriting. She sees realization dawn upon his face accompanied with anger seconds later.
Bani: (curiously) Papa?....
Nishikant looks away from the card and masks his emotions quickly, wearing a constrained look on his face.
Nishikant: I have no idea who they are from, darling. Perhaps they are just from an old friend. You should just be thankful that a person was thoughtful enough to remember you on your birthday.
Bani nods her head, knowing that her father will not pursue a discussion about this any longer, but couldn’t help noticing the strained tone he had used. Why is it that her father will not tell her who the person is when he very well knows it? This question bothered her throughout the rest of breakfast until her sisters hassle her into going out for the day in celebration of her birthday….
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Many hours later Bani returned with bags of shopping and feeling light and content with the outing with her sisters. As her Dolly Bua chases her off to her room, warning her to get ready on time for the party, she walks across the top hall over to her bedroom… but stops in her steps near her father’s study as she hears him speaking in a raised voice with someone on the phone.
Nishikant: I thought that everything was clear to you. I thought you understood the circumstances. Then why is it that you continuously try to reach her? ……. I don’t give a damn about what she is to you----I am her father! We had an agreement, you cannot go against it. Do you not care for her at all?...... Then listen to me, you need to keep away. It is the best for her and you know this…… It is nerving enough that she has to see you, but I will not tolerate you trying to get close with her again….. It will hurt her, and I know that you especially do not wish for that to happen……… You need to maintain your distance from her….. you know how she reacts whenever she tries to remember anything. Those flowers you sent had her thinking throughout the whole morning. She tried remembering whether she had an old friend she knew of or not, which isn’t good for her health as we all know. …….. Please…. (his voice lowering) I beg of you…. Do not repeat this again. It will only bring her distress, nothing else……
Bani tried listening for a name…. any name, but her father wouldn’t mention one. She is disappointed as he ends the call. Walking quickly to her room to avoid being caught, Bani closes her door and sits down onto her bed, her head fluttering with roaming thoughts….
Who could it have been that her father was speaking to? Who was it that sent her the flowers? Why is it that that person has to keep away from her? Why is it so bad for her to try and remember her past? For more than a year she has been living a life without an identity. She knows her name and her family, but she has no other linking other than that.
She had a very horrible accident in which she lost her memory. Bani does not remember the happenings of the accident, only what her family members had described to her. She was on her way to Delhi, which had been her home at the time, from the airport after visiting a friend from Mumbai, when her car had been smashed against another, completely totaled. It was declared a miracle that she even survived. The drunk driver that hit the cab she drove in died on the spot. Her driver slipped into a coma whereas she lost her whole memory. It took her many months to adjust in with her family and learn to accept them at her new home in Australia. The initial few months had been awkward and terrifying to her as she had to settle into an environment filled with strangers unknown to her. Whenever she attempted to remember anything of her past, she was always rewarded with a terrible migraine as an aftermath. So she slowly stopped trying….
But perhaps she should make more of an effort to build a connection with her unknown past, discover who she really is....
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Her birthday party went smoothly as she was given the company of a few people she recognized due to meeting them a few times before but mostly she remained by her sisters’ side since she knew no one else. She retired to her bedroom rather early, not wishing to stay any longer with a crowd of strangers. Besides, she would be getting up early tomorrow since she will be catching a flight to Mumbai in the morning to visit her late mother’s best friend, Billo Mausi….
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Chapter 2:
Bani had the opportunity to meet her Billo Mausi, who was also with her on the day of her accident, quite a few times and is rather fond of her. She has a certain warmth to her that always made Bani feel safe and as if she were a loved one. She never felt any type of estrangement when with her as she did with everyone else. So it was obvious that she was very keen in going to Mumbai to visit her with her sisters’ company. She would be going for three months in which she will leisure and spend time with her favorite person in the world. Her father was reluctant in the idea at first when asked by Billo, but caved in later due to unknown reasons to her. All she knew was that Nishikant and Billo had a heated exchange in her father's study in which Bill came out with a triumphant look whereas Nishikant scowled.
She knew that her Billo Mausi lives with her nephew and niece, whom she had raised from their childhood since her sister had died giving birth to Jigyasa Walia. Jigyasa, twenty-seven, happens to be Bani’s childhood friend, from what she has been told by mausi.
“You two were the naughtiest children when together. No one could ever split you apart,” she remembers Mausi telling her one time on one of her visits to Australia. Bani merely smiled and acknowledged this fact, unable to remember it though. She had, however, questioned her why her supposed best friend did not keep in touch with her anymore. Mausi’s smile had fallen at this….
Mausi: She was really devastated by what had happened to you…. Believe me beta. She always inquired about your health at the time of your accident. She had to move to London around that time as well because of her marriage, which is why she could not see you. And making phone calls to here are very expensive… waise—you would not have remembered her either way….
This didn’t answer any of her questions and for some reason she felt like Mausi was hiding something from her. If Jigyasa was her best friend, wouldn’t she had stuck by her side no matter what obligations she had? Bani would though now be seeing her best friend for the first time as she has heard from an excited Mausi that she moved back to Mumbai a month ago….
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Bani smiles wonderfully at the sight of a grand white mansion in view as the cab pulls up at the front gates. Her spirits soar in anticipation from thoughts of meeting mausi. It would be two months since she had last seen her. However, she sees her sisters’ face written with hesitance as their car moves along the long driveway, leading them to the front of the mansion. She does not dwell on their behavior any longer as her face glows on seeing mausi coming out from the front doors and greeting them with a warm smile. She instantly goes into her arms once leaving the car…
Bani: Mausi….
Mausi: Bani beta, it feels like forever since I have seen you….
She kisses her lovingly on her forehead before rushing her and Pia and Rano into the house. On arriving through the front doors, Bani is unexpectedly greeted by an elegantly dressed woman around her age with an oval face and wide expressive eyes. She looks gorgeous in a designer blue saree and her hair in a low bun with a whisp of hair to the side. Tears spring in the woman’s eyes as she startles Bani by embracing her tightly.
“It’s been so long…. It’s so great to see you again, Bani,” she speaks with deep emotion running in her voice. After a long moment of not feeling Bani return the hug, the woman steps back and stares sadly at her. Hearing mausi’s voice draws both of their attention to her….
Mausi: Bani… this is Jigyasa…. I had told you about her, remember? You often addressed her as Didi since she is a year elder and out of respect.
Bani looks back over to Jigyasa who nods affirmatively with her glistening eyes. She feels terrible for not remembering her best friend and can tell Jigyasa is secretly hurt by having her completely forget her. She takes her hand into hers and smiles as sweetly as she can…
Bani: It’s nice to finally meet you…. Didi.
Bani watches as Jigyasa glances up at her after hanging her head from disappointment and smile radiantly at her…. to which she couldn’t help but return ….
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For the next two weeks Bani had slipped into a relative ease in the new environment. Fairly quickly than she had expected. Mausi as usually acted as a typical mother to her and Jigyasa Didi was proving to grow on Bani who was beginning to think of her old best friend as another sister. Bani was finding that she really loved Mumbai, more than her own home in fact….
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Bani wakes up the next morning just on time to catch Mausi and Jigyasa start on cooking Breakfast with the cook, as well as butler, Tony. For the time being, Jigyasa and her husband, Aditya Bali, are living with Mausi until they find their own place to settle in. She has met Aditya a few times who is a very jocular fellow that she has taken a liking to. However, he remains busy most of the time as he dedicates it into the family business, the Walia Group of Industries.
He is business partners with his wife’s brother and best friend, Jai Walia, who is the CEO of the company. From what she hears, Jai Walia had fought tooth and nail to build the company from nothing but scratch. And over the years it has grown vastly and now is one of the most well known companies in India and without. She often inquired from Mausi and Jigyasa of whether she will ever meet the mysterious Jai Walia who also happens to be the owner of the mansion-like house. She didn’t miss the nervous glance the two women shared when asked this.
Mausi: He is actually abroad due to business reasons. He will arrive as soon as he finishes up his work obligations.
Bani eyed both Mausi and Jigyasa suspiciously but let the topic drop….. She now glides down the stairs on her way over to the kitchen where she can smell delicious food in the process of being made. Just as she arrives at the doorway, she stops suddenly and stands quietly nearby as she listens into Mausi and Jigyasa’s low whispers….
Jigyasa: (worriedly) Mausi, Bhaiya will be coming home today in some time…
Mausi: Main jaanti hoon Jigyasa… (trans: I know Jigyasa…)
Jigyasa: Mausi, I feel a little worried about all of this now… I mean, it sounded perfect and wise in the beginning, but now when time is getting near---I am actually starting to think that this just may be a horrible idea after all.
Mausi: Shub shub baatein kaho Jigyasa beta… Aise nahi sochte… I am sure all will go well… (trans: Speak nice things Jigyasa beta… Do not think like this.)
Jigyasa: Lekin ----
Mausi: Nothing will happen …. Things have just been fine these past weeks…. And they will continue to be.
Jigyasa: Paar Mausi--- I can’t help but worry…. You know very well what will happen, what we fear the most will occur and it will be all of our fault----
Mausi: (admonishingly) Jigyasa, please. No more of this discussion…. As it is, we can’t do much now can we?
Jigyasa is silenced, knowing no matter how much she expresses her worries to her Mausi, the woman will not budge away from her determination… She nods her head in agreement and turns her attention back over to the cooking food. That is when Bani decides to make her entrance, ignoring her overwhelming thoughts and the strong urge to question….
Bani: Good morning Mausi, Good morning Didi…
If Mausi had been worried before, she did not show it with the way she smiles brightly at Bani. Jigyasa manages a soft smile in her direction as well…
Mausi: Good morning Bani beta….
Jigyasa: Bani, why are you up so early? Breakfast will not be served until some time…
Bani joins them at the counter and lets Mausi kiss her sweetly on her forehead. She wraps her arms around Jigyasa who is in the middle of buttering toast.
Bani: Jigyasa Didi, I thought of helping you and Mausi in preparing Breakfast this morning….
Mausi: That is very sweet of you dear…
Jigyasa: And very thoughtful… Here, you can take over and finish buttering--- I need to check up on the eggs…
Bani obliges and takes Jigyasa’s place, helping Mausi toast and butter the bread. She begins to make light conversation with Jigyasa who stands not so far from her, tending to the sizzling eggs…
Bani: Did Adi Jiju already go to work, Di?
Jigyasa: (sighs) Hain… tum to jaante ho ke tumhara Jiju kaisa hai… He goes early to work and then spends the rest of the day looking for a house. (trans: Yes… You know how your Jiju is…)
Mausi: (grunts) pata nahi ke tum dono meri baath ko kyun daalte ho… What is the need for a house? You have a home right here. And this will always be your home. You will live here with me and go nowhere else, you hear? (trans: I don’t know why you two always put aside what I say…)
Jigyasa: Mausi, how many times do we have to go through this? Adi and I don’t want to act as a burden to you…
Mausi: Does a mother ever think of her children as a burden? No, na? How could you two even think of such a thing…
Bani wears a small smile on her lips as she listens Jigyasa and Mausi fighting fiercely over the much heated debatable topic. Ever since she had arrived this topic seemed to come in every five minutes of a day. She giggles quietly to herself. Their debate, unsurprisingly, lasted until the beginning of Breakfast in which Pia and Rano finally made an appearance….
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As a normal routine she picked up on her stay in Mumbai, Bani decided to pay her respects in one of the mandirs nearby. There aren’t any mandirs back home in Australia, at least none that she has heard of. When Mausi first took her to one, she was excited and felt peaceful after her visit. From then on she made a decision to come by the mandir often. She dresses into a simple, yet flattering pink churidar and informs everyone of her whereabouts. Pia and Rano like usual decline her offer to come along. Mausi felt tired and wanted to rest. And Jigyasa replied that she had somewhere else to be, but would not give Bani an answer when she questioned where. She simply ignored that part and left….
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“We will now be landing in two minutes. Please begin to fasten your seatbelts,” he hears the flight attendant announce into the speaker who flashes a small smile in his direction. He politely returns it and reaches for his belt after she walks on back to fasten herself as well. Within minutes the plane plunges down gracefully from the air and toward land….
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An hour later when Bani returned back to the mansion, she was in a whirlpool of questions. After all, why are Mausi and Jigyasa so worried about Jai Walia arriving? And how will this affect things in anyway? Should she be wary of him? She now knew that ignoring the matter would not help her, she needs answers and she needs them right away….
“Bani Ma’am, aap aagae?” asks Tony as he spots her walking in from the front doors. Bani smiles politely at him and like usual, offers him prasad. He happily takes it from her.
Bani: Tony, saab kahan hai? I don’t see anyone around… (trans: Tony, where is everyone?)
Tony: Pia aur Rano betiyaan Dadi ke paas hai unke kamre mein… Picture dekhare hai… (trans: Pia and Rano are with Dadi in her room… They are watching a film.)
Sakshi Bali, also lovingly called Dadi by everyone, is Aditya’s mother who also will remain with them until they find a house of their own. Dadi is crazy for her films and usually locks herself in her room watching them. She entertains everyone and keeps the home alive with her witty jokes and carefree attitude.
Bani: Didi aur Mausi kahan hai? (trans: Where are Didi and Mausi?)
Bani watches as a pleased smile grows on the butler’s face.
Tony: Woh Jai Saahib aaj aaye na…. to phir Mausi aur Jigyasa Ma’am unke saath hai… (trans: Jai Sir has come today… so Mausi and Jigyasa Ma’am are with him…)
She doesn’t know how to react to this. Jai Walia is finally here. For the two weeks she has been wondering about his whereabouts and now he has finally come. Jigyasa and Mausi’s conversation from before comes back to haunt her….
“You know very well what will happen, what we fear the most will occur…” With these thoughts floating around in her mind, she quietly dismisses herself to her room, informing Tony that she will join her sisters and Dadi, but really she wished to go to the privacy of her room. She makes her way over to the spiral marble staircase and climbs them in a daze.
“Nothing will happen ….Things have just been fine these past weeks” …. “But I can't help but worry..."
Bani lets out a soft gasp as she knocks into something hard and loses her balance. Just when she feels herself about to fall, a pair of arms circle around her waist and keep her steady. Breathless, she looks up only to find herself drowning into the depths of beautiful gray eyes. Her heart skips a beat and her gaze stays transfixed onto her savior. He is a gorgeously attractive man with thick jet black hair, fine black eyebrows overlapping his stormy eyes with sooty eyelashes, a chiseled like nose, strong jaw line, rugged features, and full lips. He has a lean, tall frame close to 6’2” or 6’3”, broad shoulders, and a well fit physique of a body that oozes masculinity. She flushes under his set gaze on her and consciously steps out from his loose embrace.
Bani: (softly) I’m sorry… I wasn’t seeing where I was going…
She doesn’t miss the look in his eyes as he stares at her, a look she is unable to recognize or pinpoint. But the intensity in it sent shivers down her back. Suddenly a thought strikes her… Is this the much talked of Jai Walia? Then another thought crosses her mind… He seems familiar. She examines him some more, nearly scrutinizing him. Oddly familiar, yet she is unable to recognize him. Has she met him before?
Bani: (cautiously) Kya aap Jai Walia ho? (trans: Are you Jai Walia?)
Shock registers on his face and Bani watches how his eyes study her with a hint of disbelief; as though he’s searching for something. He, however, recovers quickly and clears his throat before nodding his head in affirmative. “Yes, I’m Jai Walia…,” he replies with his silky deep voice. Bani shyly introduces herself.
Bani: Main Bani hoon… Bani Dixit… I am staying here with your family for some time… Woh… aapke Mausi meri Mummy ke saabse aachi dost thi…. (trans: I am Bani… Bani Dixit… Your Mausi was my mother’s very good friend.)
Again Jai Walia nods.
Jai: (swiftly, dry) Mausi had told me you and your sisters will be staying with us…
Bani opens her mouth to speak some more but is cut off by the approaching figures of Aditya and Mausi.
Mausi: Aah, Bani beta… I see you have met my nephew, Jai…
Bani: Ji…
Mausi: He has just arrived. Your Didi and Jiju went to go receive him from the airport. I am glad you two have already met… Now there is no need for further introductions. (lightly smiles)
Bani: Mausi… Mujhe lagta hai ke maine kahin unko phele bhi milchuke hai… (trans: Mausi… I feel like I have met him some place before.)
Bani watches as Mausi and Adityaa both exchange glances to one another whereas Jai Walia continues to stand coolly and seem unaffected. He wears an expressionless look on his face.
Aditya: Really Bani?
Bani: Yes, mujhe aisa lagaraha ke hum phele mile hai… (trans: I don’t know… I just feel like we have met before.)
Mausi: (lightly chuckling) Arre hain… tum dono phele milchuke the… some times before in your life, but you may not remember that…You were always at our house playing with Jigyasa, Jai was here and there... Paar wohi din jab tumhari accident hua… Jai beta bhi wahan tha saab ke saath… Shayad tum uss din ki yaad khar rahi ho… (trans: Oh yes… you two have met before… But the day of your accident… Jai was with everyone else as well… Perhaps you are remembering that.)
Bani tries to remember but nothing comes to her as that day remains as a very blurry memory for her--she had been going through a lot that day, a crisis over her lost identity, weary of all the unknown faces surrounding her. Though, she decides to agree and let the subject drop.
Bani: Hain… shayad… Paar mujhe khushi hai ke aab main finally Jai Bhaiya se milrahe hoon… (smiling warmly) (trans: Yes… maybe… But I am happy either way that I am finally able to meet Jai Bhaiya….)
An awkward silence develops between everyone and Jai Walia looks slightly baffled which confuses her. She looks around at them all, wondering what the problem is.
Bani: (innocently)…. Kya hua?
Aditya: (attempting a small, strained smile) Bani… Jai tumhara Bhaiya nahi hai… I mean to say…. You have never called him Bhaiya before in your life…
Bani: (confused) But I call Jigyasa Di didi---so why not----
Mausi: Woh isliye kyon ki tum Jigyasa ke saabse kareeb dost ho, na? You two are just like sisters… (trans: It is because you are Jigyasa’s best friend.) Besides, you have picked up on calling Jigyasa Didi at a very young age… Jai was never really around since he was completing his studies abroad… You just have never referred to Jai as… bhaiya.
Bani: Oh… (taking this in) Then what do I call him?
Jai: (intervening) Jai is just fine….
Bani blushes from embarrassment as she had forgotten he was right there for a moment. Mausi and Aditya smile agreeingly.
Mausi: You used to address Jai by his first name before… It’d be better if you continued to do so…
Bani nods her head in understanding and from the corner of her eye she catches Jai Walia’s gaze lingering on her. She meets them and is surprised that he does not remove it from her as he continues to seem like he is searching for something in her….
Aditya: Jai, kyon na hum neeche jaaye aur tumhara study mein kuch business ke baatein discuss kaare? Mujhe tumhare saath uss Goa ka project kuch kehna chaata hoon… (trans: Jai, why don’t we go on downstairs and discuss some business matters in your study? I wish to speak to you about the Goa project…)
Jai nods his head and makes a movement to join Aditya but Mausi refrains him from taking it as she abruptly asks him, “Jai… Don’t you wish to say anything at all to Bani?” Bani flushes as his eyes switch back onto her and by the captivity in them. After a pausing moment he responds in his swift, curt tone, “Welcome to Mumbai Miss Dixit…”
And with that he dug his hand into his pant pocket and joined alongside with Aditya down the remainder of the steps and soon disappeared out of sight in the direction towards the study. Bani looked on at this, blinking dumbly after him. What a strange encounter…. If Bani wasn’t mistaken, it seemed to be that Jai Walia isn’t rather fond of her….
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After her strange meeting with the owner of the house, Bani continued up the stairs to go to her bedroom. As she was passing by the various rooms she halted immediately in her tracks as she heard a rather strange noise. Strange as in unusual as she had never heard this noise before since she had been living with the Walias…. A baby’s laughter.
She hears it again and looks over in its direction—showing her the open door to a certain room she never paid close attention to before. Curiously she changes her track and slowly creeps toward the open room….
Softly Bani gasps as she sees it’s a nursery room decorated lavishly in pink and white with a gorgeous grand castle beautifully etched on the walls and princesses dressed elegantly in their dresses. She feels a sudden warmth sweep inside of her at the sight of the dotting room and has her breath taken away as her eyes finally fall on the white crib standing in the middle of it…. With focused eyes she watches Jigyasa tenderly picking up the most adorable baby girl Bani had ever set her eyes on… She has a head full of beautiful thick black hair with an accessorized clip in it to match her cute pink baby doll outfit she wears. She has large doe like eyes accompanied by sooty long eyelashes…. Her cute button nose is endearing and her soft looking baby cheeks give much credit into her cuteness. Bani didn’t realize how drawn she was by the girl until Jigyasa spoke to her in a startled voice…
Jigyasa: Bani, I didn’t see you there…. what are you doing here?
Bani looks up to see Jigyasa’s face and then finally notices that her two younger sisters are in the room as well, standing just a few feet away from Jigyasa. She inches closer to them….
Bani: I… I heard a baby… laughing… So I came to see—Didi, I-I never knew that there was a baby in the house….
Jigyasa holds the baby close against her bosom and cradles her affectionately in the meanwhile keeping her attention onto Bani.
Jigyasa: (softly smiling) Yes there is… But she had just come home today…
Bani’s attention falls back onto the child and she hears herself asking suddenly, “May I hold her?” She sees hesitance flick across Jigyasa’s face and then sharing a glance back at her sisters who also strangely look worried.
Bani: (light chuckle) Why, is something wrong?
Rano: No Di… it’s just that….
Rano gives Jigyasa and Pia another look before carrying on saying, “… Well… you aren’t a big fan of babies.” Bani is slightly taken aback on hearing this as it goes against to what she was experiencing right now just by the look at the girl in Jigyasa’s arms.
Bani: Really?
Pia: Er… yes…. Really.
Bani becomes silent by this but after a long moment she asks again, “May I still hold her anyways? .... I wish to see her.” She watches the three of them looking dumbfound on her request but to her glee Jigyasa slowly replies, “Of course.”
Once handed the baby into her arms Bani drowns in the sight of her. She experiences a feeling of satisfaction in having her in her possession and never wants to let her go…. Could she really not like babies? But why is it that she’s become besotted by this one?
As she takes a closer look at her, she discovers that the girl has gorgeous wide gray eyes… And instantly she is reminded of Jai Walia’s eyes… the same depth of stormy gray…. She looks up at Jigyasa on having this revelation and curiously asks…
Bani: Is this Mr. Walia’s daughter?
Surprise registers on all three of the girl’s faces. Jigyasa nods her head while answering, “Yes, she is… Her name is Krishna….” Bani glances back down at the baby and whispers affectionately, “Krishna…” Krishna stares up at her and smiles beautifully as her eyes twinkle. Bani’s inside warm at the sight….
Jigyasa: But how did you know that she is Jai Bhaiya’s daughter, Bani?
Bani: … Di, she has the same colored eyes as Mr. Walia… It does not take a rocket scientist to figure it out… (giggling)
Jigyasa: (hastily) You met Jai Bhai?
Bani: Yes, just a minute ago…
She answers distractedly as Krishna’s tiny hand takes a grip onto Bani’s finger. Her eyes seem not to want to leave her…
Bani: Gosh, she’s so beautiful…..
Krishna excitedly waves Bani’s finger around and giggles in joy. Bani softly giggles along with her. She switches her gaze onto Jigyasa who simply watches them playing together with a level of fascination and mixture of concern.
Bani: Di… main ek baath poochu? (trans: Di… may I ask something?)
Jigyasa: (hesitantly) Poocho…
Bani: …. I have met Mr. Walia…. I have now even met his daughter… When will I meet his wife?
Jigyasa looks thunderstruck by this and she nervously bites down on her lips before fidgeting with the covers in the baby crib. Bani notices that even her sisters are taken aback by this question of her and share the same look on Jigyasa’s face.
Bani: Di?
Jigyasa turns to stare back at Bani and sighs after a long silencing moment. She wrings her fingers together…
Jigyasa: Look Bani… We…. We don’t really mention Krishna’s mother around here…. In fact, we try and avoid it as much as we can….
Bani: ….. Why is that? (puzzled) Isn’t she a part of this family?
Jigyasa: …. (hesitantly) … She was… she used to be… and a big part in it…. before she—
Bani: Before she what?
Jigyasa: (sighs in a defeated manner) Bani, Krishna’s mother left…. She went away….
Bani scrunches her eyebrows together as she tries to make sense of this.
Bani: …. Di…. I don’t understand what you mean… (softly)
Jigyasa: What I’m saying is that she left Jai Bhaiya and Krishna…. She left all of us… Just a month after Krishu was born…. She doesn’t live with us anymore.
The silence in the room grows thicker and stronger than before and Bani is stunned by this piece of news. She regrets for prying in their personal family life in the first place and feels the need to apologize….
Bani: … I’m so sorry…. I didn’t know…. I shouldn’t have asked….
Jigyasa: No, it’s alright… You would have found out sooner or later either way…
Bani stares back down at Krishna who continues to smile up at her. She feels her heart go out for the poor motherless child. It isn’t fair that she doesn’t have a mother and at such a young age….
Bani: Would you mind me asking why she left? …. Was she not happy?
Jigyasa: (smiles warily) … No… She was very happy….
Bani: (confused) Did she not love Mr. Walia and Krishna?
Jigyasa: …. (gently) No…. she loved them both with all of her heart….
Bani: Then I don’t understand…. What made her leave?
Jigyasa opened her mouth to answer this but a stern, booming voice coming from the doorway catches all of their attention. “You really shouldn’t pry into other people’s matters, Miss Dixit… It is referred as impolite….?” Bani flushes and ashamedly lowers her eyes down to the floor to avoid staring into those intense gray eyes.
Bani: (softly) …. I’m sorry…. I… I didn’t mean to pry—
Jai: (cutting her short) But you did.
Glancing up to see him, she watches him standing gallantly tall in the doorway, his intimidating appearance making her feel smaller than a mouse. Not knowing what else to say, she quietly says….
Bani: (sincerely) … I’m—I’m really sorry Mr. Walia…
A silent second passes by, to what feels like a century to Bani, as Jai simply gazes at her with his piercing eyes before changing them over to Jigyasa who jumps on hearing his controlling voice.
Jai: I brought Krishna her milk… Feed it to her. Then put her to sleep, I am sure she is tired from the long flight.
Jigyasa: J-Ji Bhaiya….
Jigyasa takes the bottle of milk from her brother’s hand and swiftly takes Krishna out of Bani’s arms who feels as if something is being ripped away of her by this. She makes a movement to protest but stills in her actions as she meets Jai’s steel gaze once more. She looks the other way and seconds later hears his retreating steps fading away….
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The reason why Bani hadn’t met Krishna Walia, the jewel in the Walia family, before was because she had gone along with her father to the States for his business contract. They stayed with Jai Walia’s cousin, Karauna Choudary, Mausi’s only living daughter, where Krishna was looked after while Jai attended to his business. From Mausi she hears that Jai Walia never leaves off without Krishna anywhere and that he centers everything around her. Perhaps this was mainly due to Krishna being motherless or the personal experience Mr. Walia had undergone himself when his wife had walked out on him and their daughter…
After her frightening encounter with Jai Walia, Bani kept her distance away from him for some time… but oddly found herself intrigued by him. He was a mystery to her and she wanted to crack the case. Why did his wife leave after all? And does it have anything to do with his attitude now? …. Bani does not blame him for what happened that day. It was wrong of her to pry and it was right of him to admonish her for it. But she couldn’t ignore the strong urge in her to find out more about him and Krishna that only grows by the passing days….. Surprisingly to herself, she wanted this more than she wanted to learn about her own identity….
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“He hates me,” she sappily moans while placing her head in Jigyasa’s comforting lap. Jigyasa fondly strokes her hair while shooting down her conclusion.
Jigyasa: Don’t be silly… Bhaiya doesn’t hate you….
Bani: Oh please Di… you are his sister… You’re required to say that…. I know it’s true.
Jigyasa merely giggles at her plight.
Jigyasa: He doesn’t even say anything to you….
Bani: Which is exactly why I know he hates me…. He always acts so aloof whenever I do get the chance to see him.
Jigyasa: (shrugs) That is just how Bhaiya is…. Waise Bani, may I ask why you call Bhaiya Mr. Walia? He is not that old you know… Just few years older…
Bani: Di, he is a very intimidating man… I feel if I call him by his first name he will eat my head… Nah, baba, nah… I am fine calling him Mr. Walia…
Jigyasa giggles at her words and Bani quietly allows her friend to run her fingers through her hair for a few moments before she speaks up once more….
Bani: Di, main ek baath poochu?
Jigyasa: (smiles) Bani, your questions will kill me one day…. Poocho.
Bani: …. Does Mr. Walia’s attitude have to do with his wife leaving him?
Jigyasa’s fingers still in Bani’s hair and Bani raises up to meet her eyes as she hears no response from her. However, Jigyasa looks away—refusing to make eye contact with her.
Jigyasa: Please, Bani, not this again…
Bani: Why not? …. It will explain a lot. And it will help me to understand Mr. Walia better… Why is it that his wife left him and Krishna? …. If she was happy with them, why would she suddenly decide to leave?
Bani would not reveal to Jigyasa of the strange attraction she shares for the father-daughter duo, of the mystery surrounded by the woman who left them that she yearns to hear more about. The Walia family does not speak about her (as if she doesn't exist), do not even mention a name, and it raises the query in her further.
Jigyasa remains silent but stares at Bani in a helpless manner. Her eyes switch over to the open door and she gets up from the bed to close it. Cautiously she locks it and turns back to look at a curious looking Bani. As she approaches Bani at the bed, Jigyasa warns her in a whisper…
Jigyasa: If I tell you, you mustn’t tell anyone that I told you….
Bani: Of course not…
Jigyasa: I mean it, Bani. No one. Do not even make the mistake of slipping it to Jai Bhaiya otherwise you will see the last of me….
Bani’s query grows as she notes the seriousness in Jigyasa’s tone. Is the matter so serious that it cannot even be discussed? Hastily Bani nods her head to show Jigyasa she understands. She takes her friend’s hand in hers.
Bani: Di, you can trust me… Please believe me.
Jigyasa: I do Bani… It’s just that… (sighs) … I am only telling you because I know you will never let this subject drop…. So might as well tell you to give me some peace….
Jigyasa joins Bani back onto the bed and takes a long pause before proceeding into telling Bani the much awaited truth she has been waiting for since the past week…
Jigyasa: …. It has been more than three years now since Jai Bhaiya married her… fourteen months of which his wife left him…. They married in June… It was a simple wedding for only close relatives and friends… They were madly in love and everyone could see it as well… They knew each other for a very long time, since childhood even… Jai Bhaiya left to America though for further studies and then later on to pursue his MBA—so they lost touch… When he came back, they bumped into each other in Mumbai since she moved there herself… So they patched off from where they left off things… and Jai Bhaiya discovered that he was in love with her. It was some time later that he proposed and she happily agreed…. Meera Walia joined our family and brought along with her happiness… It only doubled when she gave Jai Bhaiya and us our Krishu… But a month later she suddenly just left… with no explanation. She took her things with her and we have never heard or seen from her since…. Bhaiya was absolutely crushed…. He hasn’t been the same since then…. We have tried countless of times to search for her, hired private investigators, contacted the police, but all to no success. She can be anywhere…. And we know now that she will not come back.
Silence fills the room as Bani processes this given information into her. She speechlessly stares at Jigyasa who wipes away a tear that managed to fall and turns to look at her.
Jigyasa: So if you are wondering if Bhaiya’s attitude now has anything to do with his past… Then yes, you are right…. It has everything to do with it. To this day he is unable to let go of it and the fact that the woman who he loves left without any sort of explanation….
After a stilling pause, Bani places her hand over Jigyasa’s—silently thanking her for informing her. Jigyasa clears her throat and hastily springs up from the bed, alarming Bani. She notes the tears in Jigyasa’s eyes build.
Jigyasa: (hastily) I am going to go check up on lunch… You cannot trust Tony with the food all of the time—who knows what crazy idea has popped up in his head now… Come down for lunch in ten minutes, Bani…
Bani: Ji….
Bani doesn’t bother to stop her, knowing that she wants to be left alone from the lame excuse given to her. Her mind reels from what she has learned and she can’t help but feel sympathy towards Jai Walia. The man has gone through so much, the woman who he loves has left him—she cannot blame him for the man he has become. She hopes dearly from the bottom of her heart that he manages to find happiness and start his life afresh…. with no trace of Meera Walia in it.
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Chapter 3:
She ran as far as her two feet could take her and wiped the back of her hand against her brimming eyes that were blurred with forming tears. Suddenly she stopped in her steps and bent over, resting the palms of her hands against her knees, trying to catch her breath—panting heavily from her long run. That was when she saw him… Sitting idly to himself on the top of the wall border, separating her house from his own. The same wall that she grew up with and spent most of her childhood years climbing over. Her feet drag her across the green grass and over to the oblivious boy with his back turned towards her. She knew that this was an often habit of his—to come out and just sit on the boundary wall either to leisure or study. She would see him do this occasionally from outside her bedroom window… Without any hesitance, she used the ladder resting against her side of the wall and walked up onto the small steps to meet his height.
She is glad to see that there is no need for her to speak and that he turns around to look at her—as if he could sense her presence. He throws her the same old grin of his that she adores but it soon vanishes as he notes the dwelling tears lingering in her eyes.
“What happened? … Why are you crying,” he questions her softly in his velvety voice. The girl dries her face of all tears and sniffles quietly to herself. He gives her an admonishing look and fully turns to face her.
“How am I supposed to know what is wrong when you will not tell me?” The girl hiccups and sniffles once more before deciding on speaking up. “T-they… They do not like me,” she whispers to him. A look of confusion unfolds on his half-man and half-boyish handsome face. He raises a brow in query. “Who does not like you?” “The girls in my school... They tease me… ,” she replies. This causes his brows to rise even further. “Why would they tease you,” he subtly asks her. “Main new girl hoon na… Sab wahan mujhe nahi jaante… isliye… aur saab khete ke main ajeeb se dhekti hoon.. “ “Tum ajeeb se dhekte ho?” “Hain….” “Yeh kisne kaha?” “Maine kaha nah—saab ladkiyaan khete hai mere school mein…” “Aur tumne unn saab ladkiyoon ke baatein maanli?” he lightly scolds her. The girl hangs her head, avoiding looking into his captivating eyes. “Saahi to kaha saab ne…,” she mutters under her breath.
He is silent for a moment, observing her looking anywhere but at him and shakes his head out of disbelief. “You are a very silly girl… You will believe just about anything that anyone tells you…. You do not look strange…” Her face rises and she looks at him with surfacing hope. “I don’t?” “Of course you don’t,” he scoffs at her. “Those girls are only jealous of how you look…. They told you that you look strange only to make themselves feel better… When in fact you are the most prettiest of them all..” “Saach?” she asks him with saucer like eyes, sparkling at him. A lazy grin spreads onto his lips as he replies, “Would I ever lie to you?” A blush blooms in her cheeks and she shyly looks away from his locked gaze on her. Suddenly she feels him tug on her high pony tail from the ribbon holding it securely.
“You are a very sweet girl… Silly at times, but sweet nonetheless…” The girl smiles cheekily in his direction. The book that rests in his lap he takes in his hold and closes it shut. He flashes her a final smile. “You go on now and don’t come running here to me with your silly little problems… You are not even a full year into your teens yet and already you are facing troubles…” She returns the smile and steps down from the ladder only when he slips off from the wall and leaves to his own house…. Her heart hammers fast against her chest as her cheeks grow dark red while her thoughts linger on her cute next door neighbor….
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She ran as far as her two feet could take her and wiped the back of her hand against her brimming eyes that were blurred with forming tears. Suddenly she stopped in her steps and bent over, resting the palms of her hands against her knees, trying to catch her breath—panting heavily from her long run. That was when she saw him… Sitting idly to himself on the top of the wall border, separating her house from his own. The same wall that she grew up with and spent most of her childhood years climbing over. Her feet drag her across the green grass and over to the oblivious boy with his back turned towards her. She knew that this was an often habit of his—to come out and just sit on the boundary wall either to leisure or study. She would see him do this occasionally from outside her bedroom window… Without any hesitance, she used the ladder resting against her side of the wall and walked up onto the small steps to meet his height.
She is glad to see that there is no need for her to speak and that he turns around to look at her—as if he could sense her presence. He throws her the same old grin of his that she adores but it soon vanishes as he notes the dwelling tears lingering in her eyes.
“What happened? … Why are you crying,” he questions her softly in his velvety voice. The girl dries her face of all tears and sniffles quietly to herself. He gives her an admonishing look and fully turns to face her.
“How am I supposed to know what is wrong when you will not tell me?” The girl hiccups and sniffles once more before deciding on speaking up. “T-they… They do not like me,” she whispers to him. A look of confusion unfolds on his half-man and half-boyish handsome face. He raises a brow in query. “Who does not like you?” “The girls in my school... They tease me… ,” she replies. This causes his brows to rise even further. “Why would they tease you,” he subtly asks her. “Main new girl hoon na… Sab wahan mujhe nahi jaante… isliye… aur saab khete ke main ajeeb se dhekti hoon.. “ “Tum ajeeb se dhekte ho?” “Hain….” “Yeh kisne kaha?” “Maine kaha nah—saab ladkiyaan khete hai mere school mein…” “Aur tumne unn saab ladkiyoon ke baatein maanli?” he lightly scolds her. The girl hangs her head, avoiding looking into his captivating eyes. “Saahi to kaha saab ne…,” she mutters under her breath.
He is silent for a moment, observing her looking anywhere but at him and shakes his head out of disbelief. “You are a very silly girl… You will believe just about anything that anyone tells you…. You do not look strange…” Her face rises and she looks at him with surfacing hope. “I don’t?” “Of course you don’t,” he scoffs at her. “Those girls are only jealous of how you look…. They told you that you look strange only to make themselves feel better… When in fact you are the most prettiest of them all..” “Saach?” she asks him with saucer like eyes, sparkling at him. A lazy grin spreads onto his lips as he replies, “Would I ever lie to you?” A blush blooms in her cheeks and she shyly looks away from his locked gaze on her. Suddenly she feels him tug on her high pony tail from the ribbon holding it securely.
“You are a very sweet girl… Silly at times, but sweet nonetheless…” The girl smiles cheekily in his direction. The book that rests in his lap he takes in his hold and closes it shut. He flashes her a final smile. “You go on now and don’t come running here to me with your silly little problems… You are not even a full year into your teens yet and already you are facing troubles…” She returns the smile and steps down from the ladder only when he slips off from the wall and leaves to his own house…. Her heart hammers fast against her chest as her cheeks grow dark red while her thoughts linger on her cute next door neighbor….
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Bani woke up sweaty and from the chirping of the birds coming outside from her cracked window which pours in the sunlight that blinds her eyes. She wipes her brow and takes slow, calm breathes into her. Again, she has experienced another unusual dream. One that does not make sense to her at all. She focuses her mind, however, determined not to let the details of this dream leave her as she failed to remember the previous ones….
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Bani dressed in a simple white churidar with her hair wet in curls and slipped on her sandals, ready to go the temple like how she has made a habit to go whenever she can. She informed Mausi to see if she would accompany her as well as this time, but was told she would like to rest for the day as she didn’t feel up to going out. She obediently sat down at the dining table where Jigyasa, Aditya, Dadi, Pia and Rano (bickering as usual), and Mausi were already seated.
Bani notices the empty seat at the head of the table, wondering why it is that Jai Walia isn’t here yet to accompany them for Breakfast. Perhaps he is running late today in getting ready, she muses and asks herself why she cares to begin with. Seeing Tony arrive and lay down the food, Bani turns her attention onto Breakfast.
Mausi: Arre Tony, you made Krishu’s milk, didn’t you?
Tony: Ji Ma’am. I was just about to give her the milk after setting Breakfast.
Mausi: No, no, go give her the milk now. Bechari is going hungry. We will serve ourselves. Aur hain, make sure to call your Jai sir down for Breakfast.
Tony: Ji Mausi. …
Bani watches this with a level of interest and sees Tony go back into the kitchen to retrieve Krishna’s warm milk. She surprises herself by getting up out of her seat as he returns with the bottle in hand. Mausi, sitting beside her, looks up at her curiously.
Mausi: Bani, kya hua?
Bani: Mausi, if you don’t mind, I could give Krishna her milk. Then Tony can finish serving Breakfast.
She offers sweetly and sees from the corner of her eye as everyone at the table exchange glances with one another, except Mausi who keeps her gaze firmly on her. She seems to go into a trance of thought but slowly a small smile appears on her lips and finally she nods.
Mausi: Teek hai. Tum jao. You sure you do not mind?
Bani: (smiles) Of course not. Main baas aabhi aaye….
She finishes excitedly and leaves the dining area to go toward the staircase. She ignores everyone’s stares and feels a familiar warmth sweep inside of her just with the thought of being with Krishna. It’s strange how much of an affect that tiny girl has on her. Bani strives to even get a glance at her times, trying to avoid being around the girl whenever her father was with her (which was plenty of times). As she reaches the nursery, Bani halts in her steps beside the half-opened room and hears murmuring and giggling coming from inside…
Curiously she looks into the room and stands rooted in her spot as she sees Jai Walia picking up his daughter from the crib and tickling her on her belly, causing her to go into a fit of giggles. A handsome smile appears on his face as he joins his daughter in her laughter. Bani is mesmerized by this new side to him that she finds herself unable to take her eyes off from him. He is a handsome man, no doubt, but he is even handsomer when he smiles…. which she is witnessing for the first time since her stay here. With a soft appreciate smile of her own, Bani continues to watch as father and daughter laugh with one another. Jai Walia gathers his little girl in his arms and kisses her affectionately on her forehead. Krishna’s hand reaches out and touches his jaw with her short, tiny arm….
That is the last of the scene she could get before she is startled out of her trance with a rumbling tone…
“Miss Dixit?…,” he states her acknowledgement with a hint of puzzlement. Bani jumps on hearing his voice and stares into his gray eyes. She hastily removes her gaze, unnerved by the intensity of his stormy eyes. She stands awkwardly in front of him, not knowing how to explain herself. Her cheeks become blushed from embarrassment. She hadn’t meant to be caught watching the father-daughter moment. In fact, she hadn’t thought he would be here to begin with, so early in the morning.
Jai: Good morning…
He slowly greets her, still with clear aloofness that he has directed towards her ever since he had arrived back. He turns his attention back onto his daughter, who is nestled in his arms and looking back from Bani and to her father….
Bani: Good morning…
Bani nervously replies and hesitantly walks into the room, her fingers curled around the bottle of milk in her hands. She tightens her hold around it and uncomfortably stands in her place, aware of his gaze switching back onto her. His eyes land on the bottle of milk in her hands…
Jai: Where is Tony….
He demands in his low tone. Bani looks up and meets his eyes once more, which blaze at her.
Bani: He is downstairs setting Breakfast…. Mausi did not want Krishna to go hungry waiting for the milk….
She finally explains herself and slowly extends the bottle of milk forward. She watches his hand grasp around the bottle and take it from her hand. He opens the cap and offers the milk to his daughter who eagerly drinks it while placing her small hands on either sides of the bottle. Bani looks on at this for a moment before she hears Jai Walia’s dismissive voice….
Jai: Thank you…
Startled again, Bani sees how his blazing eyes land on her again and she softly nods her head and turns to leave. As she reaches the door, she remembers something, and turns around to say it….
Bani: Mausi has called you down for Breakfast… Please do not take too long…
She quickly exits the room after seeing no reaction or hearing no reply from the aloof man….
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Twenty minutes into Breakfast, Jai Walia finally decided to show his presence at the dining table, seating himself in his respectful chair at the head of the table. Everyone greeted him politely and resumed back to eating, their previous excited chatter growing to a stop. This happens most of the time whenever Jai Walia appears, Bani has noticed. Perhaps his family does not wish to rub in happiness in his face when he is grieving in pain from his past…. Near the end of Breakfast, Jai Walia throws his napkin onto his plate and turns to his brother-in-law and business partner.
Jai: Shall we go Aditya? I assume we still have that board meeting to attend in an hour…
Aditya: Yes, it was decided we should not delay it any longer. But you go on Jai…. I will come later just in time for the meeting. I need to meet with my realtor briefly…
Jai nodded his head, knowing that Aditya is still on a mission in finding his wife and mother a house despite how many times he protests saying that they can live here with him. As Jai rises from his chair, Bani too finishes her meal and decides that she will leave for the temple now.
Bani: Mausi, main bhi chaalti hoon. Mujhe mandir jhaana hai… Are you sure you do not want to come along?
Mausi affectionately places her hand on Bani’s hand and smiles.
Mausi: Nahi, aaj ke liye tum chaale jao… Main tori dher keliye araam karna chaati hoon…
Bani: (smiles in return) Teek hai Mausi… Main aap keliye prasaad laake aaongi…
Mausi: Teek hai….
Bani rises from her seat as well and bids her sisters after warning them to behave while she is gone. She is just about to leave the dining room before Mausi stops her.
Mausi: Ek minute Bani, rukho…. Munna…
Jai turns around on being acknowledged and looks at his aunt.
Jai: Ji Mausi….
Mausi: Why don’t you take Bani along with you? The mandir is on the way to your office. It will make more sense that way. Bechari is always taking the rickshaw in the mornings. Lajoongi na, beta?
Jai’s eyes flicker over to Bani who grows pale on this suggestion. She too meets his eyes nervously. She then turns to Mausi.
Bani: Mausi rehendijiye… Main chaalejongi… It is no problem. Mr. Walia late hojonge… Unko jaanedo ….
Mausi: Akele? Na baba na…. I will not let you go alone… Yeh baut bhara sher hai beta… Go with Munna. He will safely drop you off at the mandir…
Bani catches disapproval in his eyes as he looks to Mausi with clear reluctance. She opens her mouth to intervene, not wishing to intrude on him, but is cut off by Jai Walia’s deep masculine voice….
Jai: Chale?
He asks her curtly, but his question stands more as of an order than an actual request. She frowns at Mausi before softly replying, “Ji.”
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The car ride to the mandir was in silence. And the silence killed Bani. She discreetly looks over to Jai Walia who silently drives the car, seeming the least bothered about the uncomfortable things between them. Is it just her who finds everything so awkward between them? Why is it that she is finding such a hard time to connect with Jai Walia like how she has connected with the rest of his family? Why does he behave so aloof with her? Does he really not like her? And if he doesn’t, then what reason has she given him to do so? Mausi says that they had met a few times before her accident—with him being away for studies. Did she do something then to make him dislike her?
Seeing his eyes switch over to her, Bani hastily removes her gaze and looks out from the window with blushed cheeks. Jai lets his gaze linger on her for a moment, noting her stiff posture, before turning to look in front of him and touching the dial to the radio, turning the volume up. Soft music plays in the car to fill in the thick silence between them…
On reaching the temple, he pulls over to the steps and wordlessly signals for her to leave. Bani wastes no time in unbuckling herself and stepping out from the car. She closes the door and opens her mouth to thank him through the open window but is cut short as he speeds off impatiently. She frowns hard at this but chooses to forget it by concentrating on the morning prayer…..
*****************************************************************
Seeing his eyes switch over to her, Bani hastily removes her gaze and looks out from the window with blushed cheeks. Jai lets his gaze linger on her for a moment, noting her stiff posture, before turning to look in front of him and touching the dial to the radio, turning the volume up. Soft music plays in the car to fill in the thick silence between them…
On reaching the temple, he pulls over to the steps and wordlessly signals for her to leave. Bani wastes no time in unbuckling herself and stepping out from the car. She closes the door and opens her mouth to thank him through the open window but is cut short as he speeds off impatiently. She frowns hard at this but chooses to forget it by concentrating on the morning prayer…..
*****************************************************************
Jai Walia’s behavior did not change with her even the slightest bit over the next couple of weeks. He was absent most of the time, hardly seen around by any of the family members, and if he ever was nearby—he rarely conversed a single word with her unless absolutely necessary. Bani did not know how to feel about his behavior—insulted or hurt. Nonetheless, she surprisingly found herself not taking his snub too personally, reminding herself of the hardships he has undergone and must still go through. Being a single dad and handling such a grand company altogether is no easy task. Sure Jai Walia has his family to look after Krishna, but he too has responsibilities of his own towards his daughter.
Bani took his absences to her full advantage by spending it with Krishna, who she dotted on and received equal adoration as well. Already a month and a half of her stay in Mumbai had gone by and she felt so settled in the lifestyle she has found in the city amongst the particular family. Guilt presided on her whenever she thought of never leaving—the idea of home in Australia never appealing to her….
*****************************************************************************
Hearing a baby’s cry into the night jolted Bani out of her sleep. It took a few seconds for it to sink down that the cries belonged to Krishna, coming from the nursery. She unraveled herself from her blankets and quietly peeped out of her room not to disturb her slumbering sisters. Covering herself properly with her nightdress, she hurriedly makes her way across the long hallway, apprehension building in her of what could possibly be wrong with Krishna as she rarely cries this loud that too at night. She stops breathlessly by the nursery door and refrains from entering as she hears hushed voices coming from inside….
Curiously, Bani looks through the crack of the door and watches Jai Walia attempting to soothe his daughter, who is bundled in his arms, and Jigyasa lingering beside him with a worried look. He makes hushing sounds to ease Krishna’s crying and in some moments succeeds as she settles down somewhat, but seems to be clearly irritated.
Jigyasa: Bhaiya… for how long will you continue on like this? Having to raise a child on your own and handle a time consuming company is not such an easy thing to do—even for you…
Jai Walia continues to cradle Krishna in his arms, in the meanwhile, speaking indifferently to his sister with his eyes resting on his daughter….
Jai: Tum ho na…. Mausi hai… Dadi hai…. You all take care of her as well…. just like your daughter…
Jigyasa: But neither one of us can replace the absence of her mother—can we Bhaiya?
Her brother remains silent but wears a frown on his distressed face. A silence exists between them in which Jai Walia stubbornly refuses to answer his sister’s question, a question he had no answer to. He hears his sister sigh.
Jigyasa: Bhaiya…. Please listen to me…. Krishna needs a mother…..
Jai: (intervenes) I am her mother and father…. She is fine… We are both just fine…. (harshly)
Bani feels shivers as she hears his cold tone and is surprised how his sister is unaffected by this. Perhaps she has become used to it….
Jigyasa: I agree that you are there for her…. We all are here for Krishna… and love her just the same…. But that can in no way replace the position of a mother in her life…. Every girl needs her mother…. Otherwise they will live their life with that void haunting them…..
Jai: What do you wish for me to do then? …. Where shall I bring her mother from when she herself is--….
His raised voice begins to trail off and a brief look of pain sweeps across his face as his jaw tightens and features remain firm.
Jai: …. What you want is not possible Jigyasa…. It is not possible for me and Krishu….. (adds)
Jigyasa: It can be Bhaiya if you would just try….. How long can we deprive Krishna of a mother? … You must do something about this soon…. It is not fair for her to live without a mother to take care of her…. to love her…. and to support her….
Again another silence prevails in which Krishna drifts into a restless sleep, making soft little sounds during. Jai Walia hugs her close for a long moment and then plants an affectionate kiss on her forehead before gingerly laying her down in the crib. He gazes at her with fond eyes and watches as she sucks on her thumb. He gently runs his hand along her dark hair…
Jigyasa: Bhaiya…. She will not come back unless you do something to make her do so….
He stops in his actions and Bani silently sees his body grow stiff from her words. She anticipates for his reply….
Jai: She will come back to us on her own time…. It can possibly take years, but she will eventually return back home…. I know she will…. (softly)
Comes his answer after a long moment. Slowly he turns around and squarely looks at his sister in the eye.
Jai: Go to sleep Jigyasa… it is late at night…. I am here with her.
Jigyasa opens her mouth to protest, but rethinks and chooses to remain silent. She nods her head obediently and makes way to leave the room. Bani moves aside, creeping into the shadows of the darkness, and watches Jigyasa’s back disappear down the hall. She quietly glances back into the room and stares as he speaks to his resting daughter in a low whisper…
“She will have to come back Krishu…. For you and me….for us….. There is still hope.”
Stepping slowly away from the nursery, Bani lowers her eyes and turns back to the direction of her bedroom, leaving a broken man to his silent agony…..
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Chapter 4:
For the first time after so long, Bani dreamt of something else for a change… a startling, yet pleasant dream. It had come to her as a shock at first, but deep down inside she knew that she yearned for it to come true. She had dreamt that she, Bani, was the mother of Krishna and the wife of Jai Walia, not Meera. How perfect of a dream it was. Krishna simply adored Bani, calling for her “Ma” every chance she would get. Bani would smother the baby girl with endless amounts of motherly love, protecting and nurturing her with all her might. And Jai Walia… Jai Walia differed from the one in reality…. He actually smiled… that too much more often. He was kind, warm hearted, and completely loving. He too dotted on her just as his daughter had…
Bani blushed to herself from her own silly dream. How impossible the dream was, but oh how much she wanted it. She wanted the little girl to call her mother—she wanted to nurture her, love her, care for her—she wanted all the happiness that came with being a mother. But most of all, she wanted Jai Walia, the man who unknowingly has captured her heart. Strange isn’t it where one finds love? She didn’t believe that such a thing could happen, her falling in love with a man like him, but it did and it has. If it isn’t love, then what is it? This restlessness, this need for attention from him, to want a single glance from him, to please him, the breathlessness she feels when he does look at her, the flutter of her heart when the rare times he smiles. She feels this strong pull whenever he is near.
Bani took his absences to her full advantage by spending it with Krishna, who she dotted on and received equal adoration as well. Already a month and a half of her stay in Mumbai had gone by and she felt so settled in the lifestyle she has found in the city amongst the particular family. Guilt presided on her whenever she thought of never leaving—the idea of home in Australia never appealing to her….
*****************************************************************************
Hearing a baby’s cry into the night jolted Bani out of her sleep. It took a few seconds for it to sink down that the cries belonged to Krishna, coming from the nursery. She unraveled herself from her blankets and quietly peeped out of her room not to disturb her slumbering sisters. Covering herself properly with her nightdress, she hurriedly makes her way across the long hallway, apprehension building in her of what could possibly be wrong with Krishna as she rarely cries this loud that too at night. She stops breathlessly by the nursery door and refrains from entering as she hears hushed voices coming from inside….
Curiously, Bani looks through the crack of the door and watches Jai Walia attempting to soothe his daughter, who is bundled in his arms, and Jigyasa lingering beside him with a worried look. He makes hushing sounds to ease Krishna’s crying and in some moments succeeds as she settles down somewhat, but seems to be clearly irritated.
Jigyasa: Bhaiya… for how long will you continue on like this? Having to raise a child on your own and handle a time consuming company is not such an easy thing to do—even for you…
Jai Walia continues to cradle Krishna in his arms, in the meanwhile, speaking indifferently to his sister with his eyes resting on his daughter….
Jai: Tum ho na…. Mausi hai… Dadi hai…. You all take care of her as well…. just like your daughter…
Jigyasa: But neither one of us can replace the absence of her mother—can we Bhaiya?
Her brother remains silent but wears a frown on his distressed face. A silence exists between them in which Jai Walia stubbornly refuses to answer his sister’s question, a question he had no answer to. He hears his sister sigh.
Jigyasa: Bhaiya…. Please listen to me…. Krishna needs a mother…..
Jai: (intervenes) I am her mother and father…. She is fine… We are both just fine…. (harshly)
Bani feels shivers as she hears his cold tone and is surprised how his sister is unaffected by this. Perhaps she has become used to it….
Jigyasa: I agree that you are there for her…. We all are here for Krishna… and love her just the same…. But that can in no way replace the position of a mother in her life…. Every girl needs her mother…. Otherwise they will live their life with that void haunting them…..
Jai: What do you wish for me to do then? …. Where shall I bring her mother from when she herself is--….
His raised voice begins to trail off and a brief look of pain sweeps across his face as his jaw tightens and features remain firm.
Jai: …. What you want is not possible Jigyasa…. It is not possible for me and Krishu….. (adds)
Jigyasa: It can be Bhaiya if you would just try….. How long can we deprive Krishna of a mother? … You must do something about this soon…. It is not fair for her to live without a mother to take care of her…. to love her…. and to support her….
Again another silence prevails in which Krishna drifts into a restless sleep, making soft little sounds during. Jai Walia hugs her close for a long moment and then plants an affectionate kiss on her forehead before gingerly laying her down in the crib. He gazes at her with fond eyes and watches as she sucks on her thumb. He gently runs his hand along her dark hair…
Jigyasa: Bhaiya…. She will not come back unless you do something to make her do so….
He stops in his actions and Bani silently sees his body grow stiff from her words. She anticipates for his reply….
Jai: She will come back to us on her own time…. It can possibly take years, but she will eventually return back home…. I know she will…. (softly)
Comes his answer after a long moment. Slowly he turns around and squarely looks at his sister in the eye.
Jai: Go to sleep Jigyasa… it is late at night…. I am here with her.
Jigyasa opens her mouth to protest, but rethinks and chooses to remain silent. She nods her head obediently and makes way to leave the room. Bani moves aside, creeping into the shadows of the darkness, and watches Jigyasa’s back disappear down the hall. She quietly glances back into the room and stares as he speaks to his resting daughter in a low whisper…
“She will have to come back Krishu…. For you and me….for us….. There is still hope.”
Stepping slowly away from the nursery, Bani lowers her eyes and turns back to the direction of her bedroom, leaving a broken man to his silent agony…..
*****************************************************************************
Chapter 4:
For the first time after so long, Bani dreamt of something else for a change… a startling, yet pleasant dream. It had come to her as a shock at first, but deep down inside she knew that she yearned for it to come true. She had dreamt that she, Bani, was the mother of Krishna and the wife of Jai Walia, not Meera. How perfect of a dream it was. Krishna simply adored Bani, calling for her “Ma” every chance she would get. Bani would smother the baby girl with endless amounts of motherly love, protecting and nurturing her with all her might. And Jai Walia… Jai Walia differed from the one in reality…. He actually smiled… that too much more often. He was kind, warm hearted, and completely loving. He too dotted on her just as his daughter had…
Bani blushed to herself from her own silly dream. How impossible the dream was, but oh how much she wanted it. She wanted the little girl to call her mother—she wanted to nurture her, love her, care for her—she wanted all the happiness that came with being a mother. But most of all, she wanted Jai Walia, the man who unknowingly has captured her heart. Strange isn’t it where one finds love? She didn’t believe that such a thing could happen, her falling in love with a man like him, but it did and it has. If it isn’t love, then what is it? This restlessness, this need for attention from him, to want a single glance from him, to please him, the breathlessness she feels when he does look at her, the flutter of her heart when the rare times he smiles. She feels this strong pull whenever he is near.
Slowly but surely she has fallen in love with him. Those secluded moments in which Bani has seen his true self will never fade from her mind, that of the protective father and broken lover. She has seen that Jai Walia does love, that too passionately. But it is from that very love that he has received pain.
She has heard many times from Jigyasa in private that Jai Walia had been a very happy man before the disappearance of his wife. He was always immersed in the happenings at home, never as isolated as he is now.
“He was always so cheerful… it took a lot to put him in a foul mood….. He enjoyed fooling around too whenever he got the chance. Jai Bhaiya used to be so warm loving…. But now it is hard to even imagine him as that anymore….”
Bani remembered once asking Jigyasa, “Do you think Meera will ever come back for Krishna and Mr. Walia?” Her best friend remained silent for some time before answering with a sad look, “I don’t know Bani…. Perhaps she will…. But it seems more probable that she won’t.”
Meera Walia is a distant memory that the Walia family is trying to forget and fail to even mention once. It is clear that she is to be remained in the dark, never to be dug up again. She is the past…. and Bani wants to become the future….
*****************************************************************
She has heard many times from Jigyasa in private that Jai Walia had been a very happy man before the disappearance of his wife. He was always immersed in the happenings at home, never as isolated as he is now.
“He was always so cheerful… it took a lot to put him in a foul mood….. He enjoyed fooling around too whenever he got the chance. Jai Bhaiya used to be so warm loving…. But now it is hard to even imagine him as that anymore….”
Bani remembered once asking Jigyasa, “Do you think Meera will ever come back for Krishna and Mr. Walia?” Her best friend remained silent for some time before answering with a sad look, “I don’t know Bani…. Perhaps she will…. But it seems more probable that she won’t.”
Meera Walia is a distant memory that the Walia family is trying to forget and fail to even mention once. It is clear that she is to be remained in the dark, never to be dug up again. She is the past…. and Bani wants to become the future….
*****************************************************************
Early morning Bani promptly made Krishna’s milk and even took the bottle of milk to feed her in the nursery, where she would be. She arrived at the nursery and shyly entered through the half-opened door after noting that Jai Walia was present there as well. Her cheeks tinged with the color pink as his eyes met with hers. He seemed much more handsome this morning, dressed in a black suit with a dark blue shirt underneath, his hair wet from a shower and fresh for the new day. Or maybe it was simply due to Bani’s discovered feelings that she viewed him in that way. Whatever the case, she stood in front of him with a bustling heart and lowered eyes.
Bani: Good morning Mr. Walia….
Jai: (swiftly) Good morning….
He turns his attention back onto Krishna, who sits on his lap, playing with her father’s pen and chewing lightly on the top. On seeing this, Jai pries it away from her, tucking it neatly back into his coat pocket. He looks back up, noting that Bani is still stuck in her place.
Jai: You may come in…. you do not have to wait outside the door….
Bani slowly enters in and walks up to him near the crib. She hands over the bottle with a shy smile. Jai stares at the bottle in her hand for a moment before gathering Krishna in his arms and standing up from his seat. He surprises Bani as he places the eager child into her arms.
Jai: You may feed her… as it is, I am running late this morning so do not have time.
Bani: Ji….
Jai gives Krishna an affectionate pat on the cheek and a last look to Bani before walking over to the door. Just as he reaches it, he halts in his steps as he hears a sweet voice shyly hold him back…
“Mr. Walia…” Jai looks over his shoulder and at Bani who meets his gaze with kind eyes.
Bani: Aap kaab wapas aaonge? (trans: When will you come back?)
Jai raises a brow out of query from her question and Bani blushes from this. She quickly speaks to explain herself…
Bani: Nahi woh… hum saab plan kiya tha ke aaj evening ko hum picture dekhne jaayenge… Adi Jiju bhi….(adding softly) (trans: It’s just that…. We all planned that this evening we will go see a movie… Aditya Jiju too.)
Jai Walia continues to seem indifferent, standing there looking at her with blank eyes. Bani fumbles with her next words and asks sheepishly….
Bani: Aap… aap jaaonge na? (trans: You… you will go, right?)
Jai: Main picture nahi dhekta…. (trans: I don’t watch movies.)
He replies curtly and adamantly that Bani finds no response to his steel behavior. But seeing him move to leave once more, Bani opens her mouth to speak anything to keep him back….
Bani: (hastily) Phir hum kuch aur karsaakte…. agar aap chaate to… (trans: Then we can do something else … if you want.)
Jai looks at her with his set jaw and stone-like face.
Jai: No thank you…. You all can carry on though….. There will be no need to wait for me….
He answers briskly, looking at her with his blazing eyes, which silence Bani and causing her to nod her head understandingly.
Bani: Ji…
Comes her soft reply. She lowers her eyes to the ground, disappointed with his distant behavior, and glances back up only to find no one at the door…..
*****************************************************************************
After lunch Bani left to the nursery where she picked Krishna from her play pin and placed her onto her bed where she laid down beside her, playing lovingly with her. Krishna takes interest to Bani’s dupatta and waves it around excitedly causing Bani to giggle at the joy the young girl takes from a piece of fabric compared to the hundreds of toys she has for herself in the nursery. Bani gives her a sound kiss and nuzzles her nose. She lies down onto her back and lets out a sigh while Krishna distracts herself with the other toys around her which Bani had taken with her, in the meanwhile, still firmly holding onto the dupatta.
Bani: Krishu…. Tumhara Papa bhi nah…. Ek number ka khadoos …. Sirf kaam ke bhare mein sochte hai… aapne bhaare mein kabhi nahi…. After all one should loosen up at times and have fun, isn’t it? (trans: Your Papa is too much…. He is arrogant… only thinks about his work… never about himself.)
Krishna simply gives a gurgling sound which Bani takes as an agreement to her question. She smiles at the child and takes her into her arms.
Bani: But you know Krishu… no matter how much I complain about your father…. It will not change what I feel for him…. yes, despite his flaws I see a wonderful man…. You are lucky to have him as your daddy….
Krishna smiles impishly at Bani while giggling. Bani hugs her close and places her on her lap while caressing her hair….
Bani: Tum hi to hai…. Jiske saath main yeh saab kehsakti hoon…. you will keep my secret…. (trans: You are the only one who I can say all this too.)
The infant continues to make little bubbling sounds as she plays with her soft toys, dragging Bani’s chuni along with her hand movements. Bani holds her close against her bosom, cherishing the feel of the little girl in her arms and the possibilities that the near future holds for her….
**************************************************************************
Respecting Jai’s wish, everyone carried out their plan for their evening, even having decided which movie they wished to see. Bani, however, was not in the mood to go any longer. She made a lame excuse of not feeling well and requested to stay home. Mausi offered to stay as well, not wanting for Bani to be alone despite the many servants that would be home with her, but Bani managed to encourage her to join the others. As they left, Bani found herself bored, but knew she would feel out of place if she had gone as well. The thought of Jai Walia working away while the rest of them had fun did not appeal to her so much, it felt unfair.
Near nightfall, Bani began in making dinner in spite of the cook’s protests. She knew that everyone would eat out after the movie so did not bother in preparing dinner for a huge crowd. She, however, knew that a certain someone would be on his way home any time soon, famished from a long day at work. After preparing the meal, Bani instructed Tony to inform her once Jai sir arrived so she could serve him herself. To waste time, Bani headed to the nursery to spend quality time with Krishna after dismissing the nanny to go home. She carried her to her room as usual and placed her on the bed as earlier in the day. Krishna seemed to enjoy whenever Bani came to take her, always eager to go along and never once protesting. She has a similar fascination with herself as she does with her.
In the midst of watching Krishna, Bani time to time would glance at the clock, wondering when Jai would be home. She already knew that the others would be arriving late, but he can’t possibly still be wrapped up in work at this hour—it’s not healthy.
Bani did not realize that during spending time with Krishna and waiting for Jai that she slowly drifted into a deep slumber…..
*****************************************************************************
Jai came home around the same time as the others, who at first noisily entered the Mansion with chatter of their fantastic evening but it quickly died as they spotted him arrive. Before heading to bed, like everyone else was doing, Jai walked over to his daughter’s room as it was a habit of his always to check up on her before preparing to go to bed. He entered the room only to find her missing. Panic swept inside of him and he frantically searched around just in case he over looked anywhere. In a rush he left the nursery and dashed down the stairs, directly bumping into Tony, his loyal butler of many years.
Jai: Tony, Krishna kahan hai—woh aapni room mein nahi hai. (demanding with urgency)
Tony wears a look of startle and answers with regret that he truly does not know and that he had thought she was sleeping in her room. Resisting the urge to yell at his butler’s incompetence, Jai continued on with his excited search for his little girl—checking through each bedroom and even guest rooms. He ignored Mausi’s inquiries of his apprehension after being asked where her granddaughter was and carried on with looking around. He reached near the end of the hallway on the top floor, opening one of the bedrooms with haste and barging in only to stumble upon a surprising sight…..
His hammering heart comes to a slow as he takes in the sight of his daughter sleeping peacefully, nestled in a slumbering Bani’s arms. He becomes speechless and so moved by the picture that he did not notice his sister’s figure standing just a few feet away from him, having followed after him to see if everything was alright.
“They make a great sight, don’t they Bhaiya?” she questions softly, watching the bewilderment present on her older brother’s face. He does not turn to look at her, does not blink, nor doesn’t speak—only continues to stare at the scene before him with a mixture of emotions rising inside of him.
“This is what Krishu needs….. and what you need as well,” she adds gently, her words carrying a soft echo in the semi dark room. A spark flickers in his eyes and after a moment he steps forward, walking over to the bed in a normal pace, and gently takes his daughter into his arms—nestling her sleeping form against his chest. As he does this, he sees a frown develop on Bani’s sleeping face as she feels a sudden emptiness beside her. Not wasting any further time, Jai retreats back to the door and leaves the room without another glance….
*****************************************************************************
A few days later Bani left to the nursery to feed Krishna her milk, a ritual that she had begun practicing for some days now and one that everyone was becoming accustomed to—even Jai Walia himself, who at first was reluctant in leaving his daughter alone with her but surprisingly has gradually accepted Bani’s growing attachment and her wish to spend time with the little girl. She still is unable to understand the change in his behavior, but is glad nonetheless. Perhaps he is warming up to her in his own way….
Bani stands by the nursery door with a bright smile on her lips and watches with adoring eyes as she sees both father and daughter laughing and communicating in their own special language. She becomes mesmerized by how handsome Jai appears with a wide grin adorned on his face, a face that mostly always contains expressionless looks and lines of stress. Krishna takes her father’s nose into her tiny fingers and tugs on it hard and seems to wear a scolding look on her face, admonishing him for something, while her father laughs heartily at her actions. His throaty laughter increases Bani’s smile and she walks into the room in a cheerful mood….
Bani: Krishu aapna Papa se kya kuch kaehri hai? Hm? Hume bhi bataao…. (she coos at the little girl in a teasing manner) (trans: What was Krishna telling her father? Tell me too…)
Krishna’s face brightens on seeing Bani and she immediately stretches out her arms to go to her, almost hopping out of her father’s arms. Bani giggles at her excitement and reaches out to take her.
Bani: Accha baba…. Aaja aunty ke paas…. (trans: Okay baba, come to aunty.)
After taking Krishna from Jai’s arms and settling her onto her hip, Bani glances up to look at him, his smile now long gone and the similar expressionless look return on his face. However, she smiles sweetly at him.
Bani: … Aap dono ek dujhe se itana pyaar kaarte ho…. Baut hi pyaara lagta hai…. (trans: You two love each other so much…. It is very sweet.)
She comments sincerely and sees a brief flicker in his eyes before he turns to look the other way and clears his throat.
Jai: (breezily) Main aab chaalta hoon….. (trans: I will leave now.)
He begins in walking past her, not bothering to say farewell to either her or his daughter. Bani frowns momentarily at this, disliking the fact that he hurriedly leaves whenever she arrives. She takes a grip onto his lower arm, holding him back and watches him halt in his steps and slowly turn around to look at her—seeming taken aback by her action.
Bani: Aap mujhse dhoor kyon baagte ho?…. Main itani bhi nahi buri hoon Mr. Walia…. Main aapko jhana chaati hoon…. dost bhana chaati hoon…. kuch baath kaarna chaati hoon…. lekin aap hi to--- (voice trailing off) …. (trans: Why do you run from me? … I am not so bad, Mr. Walia…. I want to know you…. want to become friends….talk with you… but you--)
She sees a strange expression begin to form on his face, one she cannot pinpoint. She doesn’t know what to make out of his reaction, whether he is indifferent or not. But she does know for a fact that he doesn’t want this conversation by the look in his eyes and that her words are perhaps falling to deaf ears….
Bani: (softly adds)….. I have gotten along so well with your family here…. Jigyasa Di…. Adi Jiju…. Dadi…. Mausi….and Krishna too….. siva aap….. Aisa kyon hai? …. I would like to get to know you Mr. Walia… just like the rest of your family…..
She looks at him with hope, wanting for her words to have an effect on him, and anticipates for his words and reaction. She, however, glimpses down to her hand that holds onto his arm once she feels his own hand cover hers and release it from him….her hand drops to her side. Surprised, she gazes back up to him only to see his firm face looking back at her….
Jai: … I have to go….
His words come out slowly and at the same time stresses the need for him to leave—his need to leave. Bani becomes disheartened as he turns around and disappears from out the door….
*****************************************************************************
Two days later when Bani noticed that Jai’s presence had been missing as she had not seen him in the mornings or even arrive late at night, she casually asked Mausi who informed her that he had left to Dubai for a couple of weeks for business related matters. She became further crestfallen as she heard that little Krishna accompanied him as well and would be taken care by very close family friends during Jai’s meetings. Slowly Bani slipped into a somewhat state of depression—missing Krishna terribly as she revolved her days around her and the presence of Jai, the indifferent man whom she unknowingly had given her heart to.
****************************************************************************
Jigyasa: Kya hua Bani? Tum iteeni ghoom soom kyon lagari ho? Maine aaj kaal notice kiya ke tum baut hi chup ho aur baut hi udaas rehti ho…. Kya baath hai? Aapna Papa ko miss kaarte ho kya? (trans: What’s wrong Bani? Why are you so upset? I have noticed lately that you are very quiet and upset… What’s the matter? Are you missing your father?)
Her best friend asks her suddenly, forgetting her earlier chatter about future plans her and Aditya have decided on, and realizing that Bani’s mind is somewhere else. Bani snaps out of her daze and becomes aware of her surroundings. She glances around at the people around them, like their selves, sitting at the round tables outside in the beautiful weather and sipping on their coffee and eating small treats. She fiddles with her own drink as she lowers her eyes and shakes her head to deny it.
Bani: Nahi di…. Main teek hoon…. I am just tired from shopping is all…. Aap kaama kaam fikar khar rahi ho….. (trans: You are worrying for no reason.)
Jigyasa: Nahi tum jhoot bholrahi ho…. Batao na…. main tumhari bhari behen jaise hoon…. tum mujhe kuch bhi bataasakti ho….(trans: You are lying… Tell me… I am like your older sister, you can tell me anything.)
Bani: Jaanti hoon di…. But really, there is nothing…..
Jigyasa leans back into her chair and scrutinizes Bani with her eyes, noting her solemn and gloomy appearance. Her mind begins to work on a fast pace and gears click as she puts two and two together. Finally she speaks after she creates her conclusion….
Jigyasa: You know Bani…. You have become awfully quiet lately…. I think ever since Jai Bhaiya went to Dubai with Krishu a week back…. (ending in a knowing tone)
Bani looks up quickly at Jigyasa with alarmed eyes and her full, undivided attention. Jigyasa quietly notes this.
Jigyasa: (continues) Kya tum Krishu ko miss kaarti ho?....... yaan… (voice trailing off purposely) (trans: Are you missing Krishu…. Or?)
Bani: (immediately) Yaan kya, di?
Jigyasa: Yaan……… mera Jai Bhaiya ko? (finishes after a long pause)
Instantly a flush rises in Bani’s cheeks and she looks the other way to avoid the knowing look in her friend’s eyes. A light smile grows on Jigyasa’s lips as she is amused by her friend’s shy behavior.
Jigyasa: Toh? Kaun hai jise tumhari udaasi ke zimadari hai? (trans: So? Who is it that’s responsible for your sadness?)
Bani turns even pinker by the second and slowly meets Jigyasa’s teasing eyes. She continues to fiddle with her coffee cup.
Bani: Di… aap to saab kuch jaante hai…..(trans: you know everything.)
Jigyasa: (agreeing) Woh to hai…..
Bani: (ending shyly) To phir aap jawab to bhi jaante hai….. yeh koi poochnewali baath hai kya? (trans: Then you also know the answer… is this something to ask?)
Jigyasa: (smiles) Nahi hai…. Lekin main phir bhi sunna chaati hoon… tumhari muh se…. (trans: No, but I still want to hear it… from your mouth.)
Bani: Kya?
Jigyasa: Ke tumhe mera bhai se pyaar hua…. (trans: That you love my brother…)
Bani looks down while blushing and after a moment nods her head in silent agreement. She feels a comforting hand on hers and glances up to meet Jigyasa’s approving smile and beaming face.
Jigyasa: You have no idea how happy I am to hear this….
Bani: Really di? (smiling herself)
Jigyasa: (excited) Of course…. You are perfect for my Bhaiya….and perfect to be Krishna’s mother…. It is meant to be…. You just give me the yes to carry things on and I will go to Mausi to fix your and Bhaiya’s rishta….
Bani: (immediately cutting into her excitement) Nahi di—please don’t do such a thing…. I agree to my feelings for Mr. Walia, but I do not know if those feelings are reciprocated…. I do not wish put him in any uncomfortable situation or dilemma regarding how I feel…. As it is, he is still grieving for his wife…. So it will take time.
Jigyasa: (protests) But Bani—that is in the past. He cannot keep living in it forever, now can he? He has to move on…. to think about our family, Krishna, and himself…. And by marrying you, he can do that….
Bani: No Di…. Like I said…. I do not want to put him in any unwanted situation…. I am willing to wait.
Jigyasa: But Bani—
Bani: (cutting in) Let it be for now…. If like you say it is mean to be… then it will happen on its own course…..
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It was late at night when Bani left her sisters’ bedroom after sharing a small chat and was headed to her own room when she heard a distant voice coming nearby. She halts in her tracks and listens carefully—noting a distinct familiarity in it. It then slowly hits her like a whirlwind and her face brightens with delight with the possibility of who it can be….
Her feet scurry down the long hallway in search for the person with her insides dancing from excitement. As she approaches the half-opened door of the room she stands before it breathlessly as her eyes land on the very one whom she had been yearning to see for weeks. He gingerly places a sleeping Krishna into her crib and rests his hands onto the railing, gazing down at her with an amount of unconditional love that she has never seen before in his eyes.
She didn’t know what made her do it, but before she realized it, she had walked into the room slowly with quiet feet and joined him at the crib. He did not notice her presence until she stood beside him, gazing down at his daughter as well. Startled, he looks to her in surprise. He watches her hand sweep across Krishna’s hair affectionately as she snoozes peacefully in her sleep.
Bani: Aap kaab aaye? (trans: When did you come?)
She questions softly after a lingering silence. Jai is silent for a moment before deciding to answer her, matching her tone.
Jai: Aabhi aaya….. (trans: Just now.)
Another hush presides in which Jai fights an inner battle within himself, contemplating whether he should say anything else to get rid of the silence. He slowly finds himself asking…
Jai: You are still awake?
Bani: Hmm… I was just about to go to my room but I heard you from the nursery so decided to see Krishna once before going to sleep…..
For a long while they stood there together in complete stillness, watching Krishna sleep contently in the warmth of her blankets. It was an unsettling silence, but oddly enough somewhat comfortable at the same time. Jai clears his throat after some time and Bani looks to him to find him struggling with words…..
Jai: … I… I am sorry if I have been making you feel unwelcomed here….. It is not my intention….. I do not wish to upset you with my behavior…. It is just that… time is very consuming you see…. with the business and Krishna I’m—
Bani: (intervening) I understand Mr. Walia…. (she replies softly with a kind smile) … You are a very busy man…. You are a single father and the owner of such a high corporation.... I realize that you are an important man with many things to do…..(gives a wry smile) You are like Superman…… But even then, superman needs to rest sometimes, don’t you think?
As Bani turns her face away from him to look down at Krishna, Jai Walia allows for her words to sink in and gazes at her with baffled eyes. He lowers his eyes as well and directs them over to his sleeping daughter.
Jai: …. I suppose you are right.
He replies in his low, velvety voice.
Jai: But still…. I wish to apologize. My responsibilities have consumed most of my time that I haven’t been able to properly introduce myself nor have played the role of a good host … I hope you are enjoying your stay here despite that…..
Bani merely smiles as a response, without any words informing him that she is. She again looks back to Krishna and fondly tucks her in with the covers. Jai silently watches her do this with a level of interest. Moments later he sees the smile on her face widen….
Bani: She has a lot of hair for her age…. a head full of it…. dark black…. just like yours…..
Jai glances over to her, intrigued by her sudden comment. He takes notice to her soft features and the depth in her shimmering eyes as she looks on at his daughter, unaware of his lingering gaze on her. She continues on in her silky voice…
Bani: …. and her eyes…. they are just like yours as well…
She states softly. Jai feels a rush of mixed feelings take over him from her words and he looks on at her with his captivated attention.
Jai: …. And?
He unwarily begins in prodding her on…. wanting to learn more of what similarities she finds between him and his daughter…. of what she has noticed of him.
Bani: (proceeding shyly) …. and her chin, it is pointed out sharply just as yours…..her small ears….. and she can very well be stubborn and arrogant—which I am assuming she gets from you….
Jai suppresses a smile and his earlier intrigue builds. She has not seen much of him at all since she has been here, but already has figured him out and gotten to know him by observation.
Jai: Anything else? (gently)
He watches as she finally meets his eyes and turns pink under his gaze while sheepishly shaking her head in a negative.
Bani: Bus….
A couple of seconds later a small smile breaks out onto his lips, which startles Bani yet causes her heart to swell at the same time. This is the first time she has seen him smile to her or anyone else for the matter. To her knowledge his smiles and laughter are only reserved for his daughter. She feels delight overflow inside of her. Is this a sign of him finally thawing?
A long eerie silence makes its way in between them as Jai turns from her and directs his gaze to Krishna, who begins to fidget a little in her sleep but then settles down peacefully. When Bani begins to get the impression that their little chat was over (even though she’d hardly call it a chat at all) she is given reason to stay back further when he speaks in a tender tone….
Jai: Her tiny nose …. her long eyelashes… her pink cheeks…. her laughter and smile….. all are from her mother…. exactly the same. (ends on a quiet note)
Bani looks to him with uncertainty by the taboo topic and notes the tension in his features gone and a vulnerability appearing on his face. No doubt the topic of his wife is a touchy one for him and it is evident that he loves her very much, even now….
Bani feels a sudden surge of anger arise in her towards Meera Walia. How can a woman so selfish leave behind her husband and child, not realizing that she is leaving something so valuable and precious? That she is only giving up the two most wonderful things in her life? And that by this decision of hers she has deprived a child of a mother and inflicted a deep wound in someone’s heart? Whatever her reasons were, Bani hopes that she realizes her loss and spends the rest of her life regretting what she gave up.
His face is conflicted with so many emotions at once—love, admiration, sadness, and regret that it causes Bani to look at him in an even brighter light. Jai Walia works himself like a machine, working day and night, trying to be a great father and at the same time attempting to achieve more success in the business world. Despite his steel exterior, inside there is a void that eats him up each and every day. He distances himself from his family members who worry for him, building a wall around him and not letting anyone in as a reaction to his inner feelings. It is how he chooses to handle himself with his wife walking out on him, perhaps not wanting any further hurt to reach him from a loved one.
Sympathy and concern building inside of her, Bani slides her hand over his and gives it a comforting squeeze.
Bani: …. It must be hard losing a loved one…. to learn to cope with the pain that it leaves… and how to overcome it. (soothingly)
She catches the familiar blazing look in his eyes return once he processes her sympathetic words and becomes startled as he suddenly withdraws his hand from under hers roughly. He takes a step back away from her and looks at her with his restricted composure, allowing for his steel exterior to take over the slip of vulnerability that was present on his face just seconds before.
Jai: You should go to bed. It is late.
He promptly commands her in his hard tone. Bani, unnerved by the sudden change in his behavior, looks at him with startle but quickly finds her voice in order to protest. Just as she opens her mouth to resist, he cuts her off smoothly.
Jai: Goodnight.
His brisk tone and reserved behavior is the final sign in which Bani knows she is no longer welcome to stay as he wishes to be alone. Bani nods her head solemnly and moves to leave. Before doing so, she catches from behind her shoulder Jai Walia slumping down onto the chair beside the crib and lowering his head into his hands….
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Jai: Your father took you and your sisters to Australia to get you to a new environment so there wouldn’t be any danger of you remembering too much…. I didn’t know for how long this act would go on, but for you, I was willing to wait forever…. I knew eventually you would come back…. Our love would have brought you back to me…. our child…. So I waited… and waited… and grew miserable and miserable without you in my life….Until Mausi brought you back for a visit… She wanted to try patch up the remaining of my life… She thought it wasn’t right how we were kept away from each other…. I had been strongly against you coming here in the beginning… I didn’t want to risk anything with your health…. So that is ever since you have been here, I maintained my distance… I feared that if I got close in any way, you would be harmed……
Now she knows why he pushed her away, why he kept himself away—he loves her too much to put her into danger. It was all out of love.
Jai: (continuing) Mausi had stayed particularly close to you on my account… She lied by saying she was your mother’s best friend in order to establish some relationship to your family and in order for you to accept her…. She kept me well informed about you every time she went to visit…. I called your father regularly as well, but that had stopped when he started to fear that you would catch something is wrong….
Bani stares at him wide-eyed as a particular memory strikes her mind. She comes close to him and places her hand on his shoulder.
Bani: It was you who sent me those flowers on my birthday, wasn’t it?
Jai nods his head in affirmative.
Bani: Papa had gotten so angry that day and I overheard his conversation with you in his office… He was yelling at you to keep away….
Jai: (giving a wry smile) Your father has been telling me that for years Bani… It is nothing new….
Bani: (surprised) For years?
Jai: Yes… ever since we were little…. We had been best friends straight from childhood…. Your family and mine were neighbors for ten years…. We did everything together…
Bani: … (disbelief) friends?... childhood? But Mausi said Jigyasa Di and I—
Confusion swarms her around as she looks unsure of his words. Jai draws her closer and cups her cheek, causing her eyes to connect with his.
Jai: Do you remember? … Do you remember anything, Bani?
Bani: (shaking her head) No… I… I don’t remember anything…..
His face falls from disappointment but he quickly recollects himself and urges her more….
Jai: Try… Please try Bani…. Remember our life together….. Remember us…. Remember me….
Bani: (choking on her tears, her head pounding) Mr. Walia, I…. I can’t…. I can’t remember anything about my life….
Jai: (fiercely) There used to be a wall border separating our houses… every day we would sit there together, talking for hours until sunset…. I used to sneak you out of your house early in the mornings and take you deep into the woods to a lake on the far side to show you the sunrise… It was one of your favorite things to do and mine…. After finishing my studies at the university my father sent me to America to study for my MBA… you were so heartbroken when you found out…. I stayed there for eight years building my father’s company abroad… I wrote to you all the time…. Just like I said I would….. And when I came back to Mumbai, where my family had moved over the years, I met you at a friend’s party… You were staying in Mumbai too, trying to start a career your own…. And just by one look at you, I fell…. I fell hard Bani…. That is when I realized how much I really loved you…. what you really mean to me. We got married a year later… Remember, Bani…. Remember…
She stares at him stunned and finds herself being wrapped in his strong arms, him holding her tight, and whispering in her hair….
Jai: Please Bani…. I’ve waited for so long…. Remember me….
Flashes run through her mind and she sees her dreams being recreated before her eyes. Her once foggy dreams become into real, clear visions…. She can see now…. The blur is gone…. She gasps as realization strikes her…. Her dreams…. They are in fact memories… All that Jai had described to her is just like her dreams….
Suddenly different visions come to her, coming in flashes one by one…. The two of them dancing to soft music, lost in one another’s eyes…. His gentle, yet firm kiss on her waiting lips…. His broad smiling face as he murmured the three words that spun excitement inside of her… Rose petals being thrown on them as they took their pheres, walking around the fire as their witness…. Him swinging her around in his arms as she told him she was pregnant…. The delivery room in which she brought little Krishna into the world…. Her waving bye to her husband and daughter as she left to take her flight…. The drunk driver slamming into the side of the taxi and shattering glass raining down onto her, muffling her own terrified screams….
She shakily takes air into her and finds herself at loss for words. Her eyes blur with hot tears as she gazes up at the sky, peering up to the almighty and the game he has played with her….
“Jai…. Oh Jai, I remember….,” she whispers in his ear. His hold on her loosens and he pulls back to look at her. His eyes shine with tears as he looks at her with amazement. She smiles and nods her head excitedly, tears flowing freely from her wet eyes. She takes his face into her hands.
Bani: I remember…(she says again affirmatively) … I remember you….
He gives a watery laugh out of disbelief and crushes her body against his and kisses her all over her face ecstatically.
Jai: I love you… I love you so much…. so much….
She smiles radiantly at him through her tears, her heart swelling with love for this man across from him. How much this man has gone in order to protect her…. to keep her safe--she will never be able to forget…. She loves him, she loves him with all her heart and now she will never leave him… Not ever again.
Bani: I love you too….
He claims her lips with his and kisses her passionately while keeping her close in his arms, never wanting to let her go….Not again.
Epilogue:
Two Months Later
“Say Nana ji…,” her grandfather requests to her while holding her in his lap. Krishna gives her grandfather a blank look, unable to understand the word he is teaching her. She begins in trying to pronounce it, only getting “Uh-uh jeh…” Her grandfather shakes his head. “No beta, Na…” “Uh…” “Na” “Uh” “Na” “Uh” He lets out a deep sigh and looks over to his daughter and son-in-law, who are watching this with clear amusement and trying their best not to laugh.
Nishikant: Yes, yes, go ahead and laugh. Laugh at how my own granddaughter cannot even call her own grandfather properly….
Jai: Papa, give her a break… She is hardly two…. She will learn with time…. For now, I think “Uh-uh” is just fine.
Bani giggles at her husband’s poking, but stops once her father shoots her a glare. She and her husband share a discreet smile.
Nishikant: (haughtily) Bani began speaking sentences before she even turned one… She loved to talk… I bet Krishna gets this from you….
Jai: Believe me, your daughter hasn’t stopped talking since then….
Bani gives him a punch on his arm while he simply laughs and pulls her close. He gives Pia a high-five. Nishikant’s glare grows. He decides to stop speaking with his son-in-law as he only finds pleasure in poking fun at his plight and return his attention back onto his granddaughter staring up at him with big eyes.
Krishna: Uh-uh….
Nishikant: Nana….
Krishna: Uh-uh….
Nishikant: Accha, what about Nanu?
Krishna: Uhnu….
Jai, Bani, Pia, and Rano erupt into giggles while Nishikant continues to frown. He gives an exasperated sigh.
Nishikant: I give up. You may call me whatever you wish, my dear.
Krishna gives a smile as if she is aware she has won. Bani giggles at her daughter’s smartness and takes her back into her arms.
Bani: You are Mama’s good girl, aren’t you?
Jai: Nah, she’s a daddy’s girl, right Krishu?
Bani: No Papa….
Jai: What do you mean ‘No papa’? Bani, do not brainwash my child….
Bani: Oh, your child?!
Jai: Yes, my child.
Bani: Krishu, I think your Papa needs a little reminder. Wasn’t it I who had to carry you for nine months straight and give birth to you? Your Papa did nothing….
Jai: What do you mean I did nothing? You have to give credit to me for at least something? Darling, it takes two to tango, you know….
Bani: Whatever. I am just saying that Krishu is her mother’s girl. Haina, Krishna?
Jai takes Krishna out from his wife’s arms and gathers her close.
Jai: You are daddy’s little girl and will always be daddy’s girl. Right? Come on baby, tell us who you love more?
Bani: Mama or Papa?
Krishna looks back and forth from her parents’ faces who look back at her with anticipation. She then catches her grandfather standing directly behind them and gives a big, goofy smile.
Krishna: Uh-uh!!
Her parents looked baffled by her answer and turn around to see the victory smile on her grandfather’s face while her mausis roar from laughter. Nishikant takes Krishna in his arms and gives her a sound kiss.
Nishikant: That’s my girl……
The End
Bani: Good morning Mr. Walia….
Jai: (swiftly) Good morning….
He turns his attention back onto Krishna, who sits on his lap, playing with her father’s pen and chewing lightly on the top. On seeing this, Jai pries it away from her, tucking it neatly back into his coat pocket. He looks back up, noting that Bani is still stuck in her place.
Jai: You may come in…. you do not have to wait outside the door….
Bani slowly enters in and walks up to him near the crib. She hands over the bottle with a shy smile. Jai stares at the bottle in her hand for a moment before gathering Krishna in his arms and standing up from his seat. He surprises Bani as he places the eager child into her arms.
Jai: You may feed her… as it is, I am running late this morning so do not have time.
Bani: Ji….
Jai gives Krishna an affectionate pat on the cheek and a last look to Bani before walking over to the door. Just as he reaches it, he halts in his steps as he hears a sweet voice shyly hold him back…
“Mr. Walia…” Jai looks over his shoulder and at Bani who meets his gaze with kind eyes.
Bani: Aap kaab wapas aaonge? (trans: When will you come back?)
Jai raises a brow out of query from her question and Bani blushes from this. She quickly speaks to explain herself…
Bani: Nahi woh… hum saab plan kiya tha ke aaj evening ko hum picture dekhne jaayenge… Adi Jiju bhi….(adding softly) (trans: It’s just that…. We all planned that this evening we will go see a movie… Aditya Jiju too.)
Jai Walia continues to seem indifferent, standing there looking at her with blank eyes. Bani fumbles with her next words and asks sheepishly….
Bani: Aap… aap jaaonge na? (trans: You… you will go, right?)
Jai: Main picture nahi dhekta…. (trans: I don’t watch movies.)
He replies curtly and adamantly that Bani finds no response to his steel behavior. But seeing him move to leave once more, Bani opens her mouth to speak anything to keep him back….
Bani: (hastily) Phir hum kuch aur karsaakte…. agar aap chaate to… (trans: Then we can do something else … if you want.)
Jai looks at her with his set jaw and stone-like face.
Jai: No thank you…. You all can carry on though….. There will be no need to wait for me….
He answers briskly, looking at her with his blazing eyes, which silence Bani and causing her to nod her head understandingly.
Bani: Ji…
Comes her soft reply. She lowers her eyes to the ground, disappointed with his distant behavior, and glances back up only to find no one at the door…..
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After lunch Bani left to the nursery where she picked Krishna from her play pin and placed her onto her bed where she laid down beside her, playing lovingly with her. Krishna takes interest to Bani’s dupatta and waves it around excitedly causing Bani to giggle at the joy the young girl takes from a piece of fabric compared to the hundreds of toys she has for herself in the nursery. Bani gives her a sound kiss and nuzzles her nose. She lies down onto her back and lets out a sigh while Krishna distracts herself with the other toys around her which Bani had taken with her, in the meanwhile, still firmly holding onto the dupatta.
Bani: Krishu…. Tumhara Papa bhi nah…. Ek number ka khadoos …. Sirf kaam ke bhare mein sochte hai… aapne bhaare mein kabhi nahi…. After all one should loosen up at times and have fun, isn’t it? (trans: Your Papa is too much…. He is arrogant… only thinks about his work… never about himself.)
Krishna simply gives a gurgling sound which Bani takes as an agreement to her question. She smiles at the child and takes her into her arms.
Bani: But you know Krishu… no matter how much I complain about your father…. It will not change what I feel for him…. yes, despite his flaws I see a wonderful man…. You are lucky to have him as your daddy….
Krishna smiles impishly at Bani while giggling. Bani hugs her close and places her on her lap while caressing her hair….
Bani: Tum hi to hai…. Jiske saath main yeh saab kehsakti hoon…. you will keep my secret…. (trans: You are the only one who I can say all this too.)
The infant continues to make little bubbling sounds as she plays with her soft toys, dragging Bani’s chuni along with her hand movements. Bani holds her close against her bosom, cherishing the feel of the little girl in her arms and the possibilities that the near future holds for her….
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Respecting Jai’s wish, everyone carried out their plan for their evening, even having decided which movie they wished to see. Bani, however, was not in the mood to go any longer. She made a lame excuse of not feeling well and requested to stay home. Mausi offered to stay as well, not wanting for Bani to be alone despite the many servants that would be home with her, but Bani managed to encourage her to join the others. As they left, Bani found herself bored, but knew she would feel out of place if she had gone as well. The thought of Jai Walia working away while the rest of them had fun did not appeal to her so much, it felt unfair.
Near nightfall, Bani began in making dinner in spite of the cook’s protests. She knew that everyone would eat out after the movie so did not bother in preparing dinner for a huge crowd. She, however, knew that a certain someone would be on his way home any time soon, famished from a long day at work. After preparing the meal, Bani instructed Tony to inform her once Jai sir arrived so she could serve him herself. To waste time, Bani headed to the nursery to spend quality time with Krishna after dismissing the nanny to go home. She carried her to her room as usual and placed her on the bed as earlier in the day. Krishna seemed to enjoy whenever Bani came to take her, always eager to go along and never once protesting. She has a similar fascination with herself as she does with her.
In the midst of watching Krishna, Bani time to time would glance at the clock, wondering when Jai would be home. She already knew that the others would be arriving late, but he can’t possibly still be wrapped up in work at this hour—it’s not healthy.
Bani did not realize that during spending time with Krishna and waiting for Jai that she slowly drifted into a deep slumber…..
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Jai came home around the same time as the others, who at first noisily entered the Mansion with chatter of their fantastic evening but it quickly died as they spotted him arrive. Before heading to bed, like everyone else was doing, Jai walked over to his daughter’s room as it was a habit of his always to check up on her before preparing to go to bed. He entered the room only to find her missing. Panic swept inside of him and he frantically searched around just in case he over looked anywhere. In a rush he left the nursery and dashed down the stairs, directly bumping into Tony, his loyal butler of many years.
Jai: Tony, Krishna kahan hai—woh aapni room mein nahi hai. (demanding with urgency)
Tony wears a look of startle and answers with regret that he truly does not know and that he had thought she was sleeping in her room. Resisting the urge to yell at his butler’s incompetence, Jai continued on with his excited search for his little girl—checking through each bedroom and even guest rooms. He ignored Mausi’s inquiries of his apprehension after being asked where her granddaughter was and carried on with looking around. He reached near the end of the hallway on the top floor, opening one of the bedrooms with haste and barging in only to stumble upon a surprising sight…..
His hammering heart comes to a slow as he takes in the sight of his daughter sleeping peacefully, nestled in a slumbering Bani’s arms. He becomes speechless and so moved by the picture that he did not notice his sister’s figure standing just a few feet away from him, having followed after him to see if everything was alright.
“They make a great sight, don’t they Bhaiya?” she questions softly, watching the bewilderment present on her older brother’s face. He does not turn to look at her, does not blink, nor doesn’t speak—only continues to stare at the scene before him with a mixture of emotions rising inside of him.
“This is what Krishu needs….. and what you need as well,” she adds gently, her words carrying a soft echo in the semi dark room. A spark flickers in his eyes and after a moment he steps forward, walking over to the bed in a normal pace, and gently takes his daughter into his arms—nestling her sleeping form against his chest. As he does this, he sees a frown develop on Bani’s sleeping face as she feels a sudden emptiness beside her. Not wasting any further time, Jai retreats back to the door and leaves the room without another glance….
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A few days later Bani left to the nursery to feed Krishna her milk, a ritual that she had begun practicing for some days now and one that everyone was becoming accustomed to—even Jai Walia himself, who at first was reluctant in leaving his daughter alone with her but surprisingly has gradually accepted Bani’s growing attachment and her wish to spend time with the little girl. She still is unable to understand the change in his behavior, but is glad nonetheless. Perhaps he is warming up to her in his own way….
Bani stands by the nursery door with a bright smile on her lips and watches with adoring eyes as she sees both father and daughter laughing and communicating in their own special language. She becomes mesmerized by how handsome Jai appears with a wide grin adorned on his face, a face that mostly always contains expressionless looks and lines of stress. Krishna takes her father’s nose into her tiny fingers and tugs on it hard and seems to wear a scolding look on her face, admonishing him for something, while her father laughs heartily at her actions. His throaty laughter increases Bani’s smile and she walks into the room in a cheerful mood….
Bani: Krishu aapna Papa se kya kuch kaehri hai? Hm? Hume bhi bataao…. (she coos at the little girl in a teasing manner) (trans: What was Krishna telling her father? Tell me too…)
Krishna’s face brightens on seeing Bani and she immediately stretches out her arms to go to her, almost hopping out of her father’s arms. Bani giggles at her excitement and reaches out to take her.
Bani: Accha baba…. Aaja aunty ke paas…. (trans: Okay baba, come to aunty.)
After taking Krishna from Jai’s arms and settling her onto her hip, Bani glances up to look at him, his smile now long gone and the similar expressionless look return on his face. However, she smiles sweetly at him.
Bani: … Aap dono ek dujhe se itana pyaar kaarte ho…. Baut hi pyaara lagta hai…. (trans: You two love each other so much…. It is very sweet.)
She comments sincerely and sees a brief flicker in his eyes before he turns to look the other way and clears his throat.
Jai: (breezily) Main aab chaalta hoon….. (trans: I will leave now.)
He begins in walking past her, not bothering to say farewell to either her or his daughter. Bani frowns momentarily at this, disliking the fact that he hurriedly leaves whenever she arrives. She takes a grip onto his lower arm, holding him back and watches him halt in his steps and slowly turn around to look at her—seeming taken aback by her action.
Bani: Aap mujhse dhoor kyon baagte ho?…. Main itani bhi nahi buri hoon Mr. Walia…. Main aapko jhana chaati hoon…. dost bhana chaati hoon…. kuch baath kaarna chaati hoon…. lekin aap hi to--- (voice trailing off) …. (trans: Why do you run from me? … I am not so bad, Mr. Walia…. I want to know you…. want to become friends….talk with you… but you--)
She sees a strange expression begin to form on his face, one she cannot pinpoint. She doesn’t know what to make out of his reaction, whether he is indifferent or not. But she does know for a fact that he doesn’t want this conversation by the look in his eyes and that her words are perhaps falling to deaf ears….
Bani: (softly adds)….. I have gotten along so well with your family here…. Jigyasa Di…. Adi Jiju…. Dadi…. Mausi….and Krishna too….. siva aap….. Aisa kyon hai? …. I would like to get to know you Mr. Walia… just like the rest of your family…..
She looks at him with hope, wanting for her words to have an effect on him, and anticipates for his words and reaction. She, however, glimpses down to her hand that holds onto his arm once she feels his own hand cover hers and release it from him….her hand drops to her side. Surprised, she gazes back up to him only to see his firm face looking back at her….
Jai: … I have to go….
His words come out slowly and at the same time stresses the need for him to leave—his need to leave. Bani becomes disheartened as he turns around and disappears from out the door….
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Two days later when Bani noticed that Jai’s presence had been missing as she had not seen him in the mornings or even arrive late at night, she casually asked Mausi who informed her that he had left to Dubai for a couple of weeks for business related matters. She became further crestfallen as she heard that little Krishna accompanied him as well and would be taken care by very close family friends during Jai’s meetings. Slowly Bani slipped into a somewhat state of depression—missing Krishna terribly as she revolved her days around her and the presence of Jai, the indifferent man whom she unknowingly had given her heart to.
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Jigyasa: Kya hua Bani? Tum iteeni ghoom soom kyon lagari ho? Maine aaj kaal notice kiya ke tum baut hi chup ho aur baut hi udaas rehti ho…. Kya baath hai? Aapna Papa ko miss kaarte ho kya? (trans: What’s wrong Bani? Why are you so upset? I have noticed lately that you are very quiet and upset… What’s the matter? Are you missing your father?)
Her best friend asks her suddenly, forgetting her earlier chatter about future plans her and Aditya have decided on, and realizing that Bani’s mind is somewhere else. Bani snaps out of her daze and becomes aware of her surroundings. She glances around at the people around them, like their selves, sitting at the round tables outside in the beautiful weather and sipping on their coffee and eating small treats. She fiddles with her own drink as she lowers her eyes and shakes her head to deny it.
Bani: Nahi di…. Main teek hoon…. I am just tired from shopping is all…. Aap kaama kaam fikar khar rahi ho….. (trans: You are worrying for no reason.)
Jigyasa: Nahi tum jhoot bholrahi ho…. Batao na…. main tumhari bhari behen jaise hoon…. tum mujhe kuch bhi bataasakti ho….(trans: You are lying… Tell me… I am like your older sister, you can tell me anything.)
Bani: Jaanti hoon di…. But really, there is nothing…..
Jigyasa leans back into her chair and scrutinizes Bani with her eyes, noting her solemn and gloomy appearance. Her mind begins to work on a fast pace and gears click as she puts two and two together. Finally she speaks after she creates her conclusion….
Jigyasa: You know Bani…. You have become awfully quiet lately…. I think ever since Jai Bhaiya went to Dubai with Krishu a week back…. (ending in a knowing tone)
Bani looks up quickly at Jigyasa with alarmed eyes and her full, undivided attention. Jigyasa quietly notes this.
Jigyasa: (continues) Kya tum Krishu ko miss kaarti ho?....... yaan… (voice trailing off purposely) (trans: Are you missing Krishu…. Or?)
Bani: (immediately) Yaan kya, di?
Jigyasa: Yaan……… mera Jai Bhaiya ko? (finishes after a long pause)
Instantly a flush rises in Bani’s cheeks and she looks the other way to avoid the knowing look in her friend’s eyes. A light smile grows on Jigyasa’s lips as she is amused by her friend’s shy behavior.
Jigyasa: Toh? Kaun hai jise tumhari udaasi ke zimadari hai? (trans: So? Who is it that’s responsible for your sadness?)
Bani turns even pinker by the second and slowly meets Jigyasa’s teasing eyes. She continues to fiddle with her coffee cup.
Bani: Di… aap to saab kuch jaante hai…..(trans: you know everything.)
Jigyasa: (agreeing) Woh to hai…..
Bani: (ending shyly) To phir aap jawab to bhi jaante hai….. yeh koi poochnewali baath hai kya? (trans: Then you also know the answer… is this something to ask?)
Jigyasa: (smiles) Nahi hai…. Lekin main phir bhi sunna chaati hoon… tumhari muh se…. (trans: No, but I still want to hear it… from your mouth.)
Bani: Kya?
Jigyasa: Ke tumhe mera bhai se pyaar hua…. (trans: That you love my brother…)
Bani looks down while blushing and after a moment nods her head in silent agreement. She feels a comforting hand on hers and glances up to meet Jigyasa’s approving smile and beaming face.
Jigyasa: You have no idea how happy I am to hear this….
Bani: Really di? (smiling herself)
Jigyasa: (excited) Of course…. You are perfect for my Bhaiya….and perfect to be Krishna’s mother…. It is meant to be…. You just give me the yes to carry things on and I will go to Mausi to fix your and Bhaiya’s rishta….
Bani: (immediately cutting into her excitement) Nahi di—please don’t do such a thing…. I agree to my feelings for Mr. Walia, but I do not know if those feelings are reciprocated…. I do not wish put him in any uncomfortable situation or dilemma regarding how I feel…. As it is, he is still grieving for his wife…. So it will take time.
Jigyasa: (protests) But Bani—that is in the past. He cannot keep living in it forever, now can he? He has to move on…. to think about our family, Krishna, and himself…. And by marrying you, he can do that….
Bani: No Di…. Like I said…. I do not want to put him in any unwanted situation…. I am willing to wait.
Jigyasa: But Bani—
Bani: (cutting in) Let it be for now…. If like you say it is mean to be… then it will happen on its own course…..
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It was late at night when Bani left her sisters’ bedroom after sharing a small chat and was headed to her own room when she heard a distant voice coming nearby. She halts in her tracks and listens carefully—noting a distinct familiarity in it. It then slowly hits her like a whirlwind and her face brightens with delight with the possibility of who it can be….
Her feet scurry down the long hallway in search for the person with her insides dancing from excitement. As she approaches the half-opened door of the room she stands before it breathlessly as her eyes land on the very one whom she had been yearning to see for weeks. He gingerly places a sleeping Krishna into her crib and rests his hands onto the railing, gazing down at her with an amount of unconditional love that she has never seen before in his eyes.
She didn’t know what made her do it, but before she realized it, she had walked into the room slowly with quiet feet and joined him at the crib. He did not notice her presence until she stood beside him, gazing down at his daughter as well. Startled, he looks to her in surprise. He watches her hand sweep across Krishna’s hair affectionately as she snoozes peacefully in her sleep.
Bani: Aap kaab aaye? (trans: When did you come?)
She questions softly after a lingering silence. Jai is silent for a moment before deciding to answer her, matching her tone.
Jai: Aabhi aaya….. (trans: Just now.)
Another hush presides in which Jai fights an inner battle within himself, contemplating whether he should say anything else to get rid of the silence. He slowly finds himself asking…
Jai: You are still awake?
Bani: Hmm… I was just about to go to my room but I heard you from the nursery so decided to see Krishna once before going to sleep…..
For a long while they stood there together in complete stillness, watching Krishna sleep contently in the warmth of her blankets. It was an unsettling silence, but oddly enough somewhat comfortable at the same time. Jai clears his throat after some time and Bani looks to him to find him struggling with words…..
Jai: … I… I am sorry if I have been making you feel unwelcomed here….. It is not my intention….. I do not wish to upset you with my behavior…. It is just that… time is very consuming you see…. with the business and Krishna I’m—
Bani: (intervening) I understand Mr. Walia…. (she replies softly with a kind smile) … You are a very busy man…. You are a single father and the owner of such a high corporation.... I realize that you are an important man with many things to do…..(gives a wry smile) You are like Superman…… But even then, superman needs to rest sometimes, don’t you think?
As Bani turns her face away from him to look down at Krishna, Jai Walia allows for her words to sink in and gazes at her with baffled eyes. He lowers his eyes as well and directs them over to his sleeping daughter.
Jai: …. I suppose you are right.
He replies in his low, velvety voice.
Jai: But still…. I wish to apologize. My responsibilities have consumed most of my time that I haven’t been able to properly introduce myself nor have played the role of a good host … I hope you are enjoying your stay here despite that…..
Bani merely smiles as a response, without any words informing him that she is. She again looks back to Krishna and fondly tucks her in with the covers. Jai silently watches her do this with a level of interest. Moments later he sees the smile on her face widen….
Bani: She has a lot of hair for her age…. a head full of it…. dark black…. just like yours…..
Jai glances over to her, intrigued by her sudden comment. He takes notice to her soft features and the depth in her shimmering eyes as she looks on at his daughter, unaware of his lingering gaze on her. She continues on in her silky voice…
Bani: …. and her eyes…. they are just like yours as well…
She states softly. Jai feels a rush of mixed feelings take over him from her words and he looks on at her with his captivated attention.
Jai: …. And?
He unwarily begins in prodding her on…. wanting to learn more of what similarities she finds between him and his daughter…. of what she has noticed of him.
Bani: (proceeding shyly) …. and her chin, it is pointed out sharply just as yours…..her small ears….. and she can very well be stubborn and arrogant—which I am assuming she gets from you….
Jai suppresses a smile and his earlier intrigue builds. She has not seen much of him at all since she has been here, but already has figured him out and gotten to know him by observation.
Jai: Anything else? (gently)
He watches as she finally meets his eyes and turns pink under his gaze while sheepishly shaking her head in a negative.
Bani: Bus….
A couple of seconds later a small smile breaks out onto his lips, which startles Bani yet causes her heart to swell at the same time. This is the first time she has seen him smile to her or anyone else for the matter. To her knowledge his smiles and laughter are only reserved for his daughter. She feels delight overflow inside of her. Is this a sign of him finally thawing?
A long eerie silence makes its way in between them as Jai turns from her and directs his gaze to Krishna, who begins to fidget a little in her sleep but then settles down peacefully. When Bani begins to get the impression that their little chat was over (even though she’d hardly call it a chat at all) she is given reason to stay back further when he speaks in a tender tone….
Jai: Her tiny nose …. her long eyelashes… her pink cheeks…. her laughter and smile….. all are from her mother…. exactly the same. (ends on a quiet note)
Bani looks to him with uncertainty by the taboo topic and notes the tension in his features gone and a vulnerability appearing on his face. No doubt the topic of his wife is a touchy one for him and it is evident that he loves her very much, even now….
Bani feels a sudden surge of anger arise in her towards Meera Walia. How can a woman so selfish leave behind her husband and child, not realizing that she is leaving something so valuable and precious? That she is only giving up the two most wonderful things in her life? And that by this decision of hers she has deprived a child of a mother and inflicted a deep wound in someone’s heart? Whatever her reasons were, Bani hopes that she realizes her loss and spends the rest of her life regretting what she gave up.
His face is conflicted with so many emotions at once—love, admiration, sadness, and regret that it causes Bani to look at him in an even brighter light. Jai Walia works himself like a machine, working day and night, trying to be a great father and at the same time attempting to achieve more success in the business world. Despite his steel exterior, inside there is a void that eats him up each and every day. He distances himself from his family members who worry for him, building a wall around him and not letting anyone in as a reaction to his inner feelings. It is how he chooses to handle himself with his wife walking out on him, perhaps not wanting any further hurt to reach him from a loved one.
Sympathy and concern building inside of her, Bani slides her hand over his and gives it a comforting squeeze.
Bani: …. It must be hard losing a loved one…. to learn to cope with the pain that it leaves… and how to overcome it. (soothingly)
She catches the familiar blazing look in his eyes return once he processes her sympathetic words and becomes startled as he suddenly withdraws his hand from under hers roughly. He takes a step back away from her and looks at her with his restricted composure, allowing for his steel exterior to take over the slip of vulnerability that was present on his face just seconds before.
Jai: You should go to bed. It is late.
He promptly commands her in his hard tone. Bani, unnerved by the sudden change in his behavior, looks at him with startle but quickly finds her voice in order to protest. Just as she opens her mouth to resist, he cuts her off smoothly.
Jai: Goodnight.
His brisk tone and reserved behavior is the final sign in which Bani knows she is no longer welcome to stay as he wishes to be alone. Bani nods her head solemnly and moves to leave. Before doing so, she catches from behind her shoulder Jai Walia slumping down onto the chair beside the crib and lowering his head into his hands….
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Chapter 5:
Jigyasa looks over to her brother eating his breakfast in silence and notes the lines of stress and tire lingering on his handsome face. She shakes her head, wondering when he will learn to calm down and whether he will realize his behavior will take a grave toll on his health. She looks to the others as well, munching on their meals in complete silence—not wishing to upset the head of the house. She lets out a soft sigh.
Jigyasa turns and looks over the staircase as Bani comes walking down with Krishna cradled in her arms. A small smile reaches her lips on seeing the sight and her eyes slowly linger back onto her older brother.
Mausi: (sweetly) Arre aao Krishu beti, aao. Aab humari Krishu humare saath batoongi, kya? –Tony, please bring Krishna’s chair. (trans: Arre, come Krishu beti, come. Now our Krishna will sit with us, will she?)
Tony promptly follows her orders and Bani places Krishna in her special eating chair before seating herself down as well.
Dadi: This is a lovely surprise. Now Krishna will start eating Breakfast with us from now, kyon Krishna?
Krishna looks over to Dadi with a goofy smile and gives a light giggle while clapping her hands together. Jai looks on at his daughter with a fond smile. Krishna returns his gaze and excitedly lifts up her arms and begins jumping in her seat.
Krishna: Papa! Papa!
Jai: No Krishu, you are big now. You are even starting to eat like the rest of us.
A grumpy look begins to develop on her sweet face as she dislikes what her father says and merely jumps more in her seat with her arms out wide, indicating to him that she wants to be taken into his lap.
Jai: (admonishingly) Krishna….
Mausi: (giggling) Munna, your daughter may be growing up, but her habit of sitting in your lap will not change.
Krishna: Papa! –Godh!--- Papa, Godh! (demandingly)
He gives a resigned sigh and takes her out from her seat, causing a bright smile to erupt on her face and glee with joy. He places her securely in his lap and she instantly begins to fiddle with his utensils.
Jai: Tum bhi na Krishu…. Baut hi ziddi hojari ho…. (trans: You are too much Krishu…. You are becoming very stubborn.)
Jigyasa: Bhaiya, she only gets it from you.
Jai frowns on hearing this while Krishna clanks her father’s fork and knife against the glass plate happily. Bani smiles from what Jigyasa says and is reminded of last night. Everyone else watch with fascination as Krishna’s presence at the table is bringing a change into her father’s normal behavior, who rarely muttered a single word at the table.
Krishna’s clanking grows louder and after Jai attempts to remove the utensils from his daughter’s hands a few times ends miserably, he scolds her in an irritated manner.
Jai: Krishna, stop it already. You are making so much noise. Put them down. (sternly)
Krishna, momentarily stunned, stares at her father wide-eyed as she has never been scolded by her father before. Seconds later tears swarm in her eyes and she begins wailing loudly.
Mausi: (softly) Munna, usko karnle do…. Kyon rolahri ho tum usko? The poor girl was just playing…. (trans: Munna, let her play… Why are you making her cry?)
Jai: Nahi Mausi. If we just continue to let her do anything she wants, then how will she learn any manners? It is about time she starts learning. Even you agree that she is growing.
Mausi: (uncertainly) Hain, lekin—
Krishna: (sobbing) –M-Mama! ---Ma-ma!
Astonished, everyone turns to look at Krishna’s weeping face, taken aback by her words. Color flushes from Jai’s face as he hears this word, the very first time it has come out of his daughter’s mouth. He stares at Krishna, baffled.
Krishna: Mama!
Bani becomes at a loss of words as Krishna stares at her with her big, wide eyes filled with fat tears while stretching her arms out to her, beckoning for her (Bani) to take her into her arms. Her heart beats fast as she listens to the little girl calling out for her.
Krishna: Mama!
Her eyes grow wide and she feels a jolt run through her body. She pushes back her chair and walks to the end of the table, taking Krishna out of her father’s lap and carrying her in her arms. She places her (Krishna) head onto her shoulder and soothingly rubs the back of her tiny body while attempting to hush her.
Krishna: (chokes out) Mama, Papa bad…. Papa bad….
Bani swings her back and forth while gathering her close. Emotions stir inside of her as she relishes this new, profound feeling. She feels a certain happiness burst inside of her and an unknown deep, motherly love pouring out.
Bani: (calmingly) Nahi beta, aise nahi kehte…. (trans: No beta. Do not say that.)
Krishna huddles near the crook of Bani’s neck and continues to shed tears while Bani finally meets the eyes of everyone else, all looking back at her with shocked expressions. She briefly meets a certain pair of gray that look back at her, electrified. She realizes the awkwardness in the situation, forgetting momentarily of the unexpected joy she experienced seconds ago on being called “Mama”. She quickly averts her gaze down.
After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Mausi clears her throat but shock clearly lingers on her face.
Mausi: Bani…. Take Krishna to the nursery and try to put her to sleep. She will slowly calm down that way.
Bani: (softly) Ji Mausi….
Her eyes flutter back over to Jai Walia, whose eyes gleam back at her. She embarrassedly holds Krishna close and walks away from the dining area and to the staircase without another backward glance….
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Bani seats Krishna into her crib and looks to her with mixed views. Only she knows how happy she had been when Krishna had addressed her as her mother. Had she not acted like one since the past two and a half months? Feeding her, changing her, bathing her, playing with her, lulling her into sleep, and most importantly love her? Over this time she has grown such a strong attachment to the little girl that she can hardly go on in the day without doing any one of those things.
But the faces of the family members haunt her. Especially Jai Walia’s. They must have not liked Krishna addressing her as “Mama”. But they hadn’t corrected her either. Why didn’t they? And why didn’t she? Why did she react the way she did when Krishna called her mother? Is this what Bani feels for the infant? Motherly love?
She remembers Jigyasa and her sisters informing her that she isn’t a big fan of babies. Then why is Krishna a different case? Why the strong bond?
And where on earth could Krishna have picked up on the word? Bani knows no one from the Walia family must have. Meera Walia is a dark topic, never to be discussed or mentioned again. Certainly neither of them would have taught her the word “Mama”. But she has learned it and even believes that it is Bani who is her mother. From who could she have possibly learned this from?
Krishna, now completely settled, stares up at Bani with wide, shimmering eyes—as if wondering what it is that is on Bani’s mind.
Krishna: Mama…. (coos)
Startled, Bani fixes her focus onto the infant and shakes her head delicately.
Bani: Nahi beta, main tumhari Mama nahi hoon. Main Aunty hoon. Aunty. (stresses) (trans: No beta, I am not your Mama. I am your Aunty. Aunty.)
Krishna: (shaking her head, stubborn) Nahi. Mama! (points at her)
Bani: Nahi, Krishna. Aunty.
Krishna: (yells) Mama! (again points at her)
Bani gives a defeated sigh. The girl’s stubbornness always comes as a surprise to her. What should she do now? Does she let it be despite knowing the gravity in the situation? Perhaps she will try teaching Krishna later after she is well rested.
Krishna: Mama, Mama, Mama! (stresses)
Bani: (caving) Accha baba, Mama….
A slow smile emerges on her lips despite herself. She feels a tug on her heart strings every time she calls her mama.
Bani: Now go to sleep like a good girl. And I promise later we will go to the park. Teek hai?
Not knowing what her “mother” is blabbing to her, Krishna, nonetheless, nods her head in agreement and allows Bani to tuck her in and lull her to sleep……
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She walks past the bedrooms with no particular agenda for the day and stops by one on seeing Tony busying himself and looking slightly hassled. She hesitantly enters in and looks around, taking in the grandness of the master bedroom. She notes the masculinity in the room and knows she has entered Jai Walia’s den. Just as she is about to leave, knowing it is not right of her to be in there in the first place, she is stopped by a startled Tony.
Tony: (smiles sincerely) Arre Bani ma’am, aap yahan? Aapko kuch chaaye tha, kya? (trans: Arre Bani Ma’am, you? Did you need anything?)
Bani: Nahi, woh… Actually I had come to see if you needed any help. Is this Mr. Walia’s room?
Bani questions while taking another step in, her eyes gazing around the large, spacious room. She looks to see whether there are any pictures around and sees there are only of his daughter and no one else. She frowns on seeing this.
Tony: Yes…. Excuse me on how it looks, Jai Sir always leaves such a mess behind. (grumbles)
Bani watches as Tony returns back to task, collecting clothing here and there. She listens on as he continues with his complaining of his master.
Tony: I have told him many times that he must become organized. It will be best for him and me as well. That way I do not always have to come here expecting a mountain of mess every time.
Bani: (smiles at Tony’s complaining) But Tony, you know that Mr. Walia is a busy man.
Tony: Yes, I know that. But even then a little cleaning up here and there would not hurt him, would it?
Bani reaches out for a shirt lying on the floor half hidden beneath the bed covers and politely hands over to Tony who gives her a small smile of gratitude. He continues on with cleaning with Bani willingly following along.
Bani: I don’t know. I think you are being too hard on him, Tony. He hardly has time for himself. How can you expect him to take care of his room?
Tony: Bani Ma’am being a working man is not an excuse of not having to take care of yourself. He is a grown man—you would think he would have the decency enough to clean up after himself.
Tony stands up after collecting more materials from the ground and goes into a brief daze, becoming unaware of his surroundings.
Tony: It had been so much easier before. Jai Sir actually had someone to clean up after him and keep the room in order—now I am the one who is lef--….
She looks on at Tony as his voice trails off and he snaps back into reality. He wears a look on his face as if he has committed a grave blunder. He immediately quiets down and resumes to his work.
Bani: … You mean Mr. Walia had his wife before to clean after him, right?
She answers for him softly. Tony stills in his actions and turns back to look at her with a panicked expression.
Tony: Oh, look at the time. With all this cleaning up I forgot that it is about time to start on lunch. I will just be back Bani Ma’am….
And without another word or chance for her to say anything more, Tony flees hurriedly from sight, leaving baffled looking Bani behind. She looks at the uncompleted task that he has left behind and decides that she may as well finish for him since she doubts he will ever make a reappearance considering the slip he had made in front of her. She picks up on the chore and cleans around, placing clothes on the hangers and into the closet, making the bed, arranging items on the dresser, and neatly stacking files, folders, book, and what not in an organized manner.
She carries the stacks of folders with her and walks on over to one of the nightstands beside his bed, wanting to make them available and keep them in a safe place. As she opens one of the drawers, she peers inside and notices that it is a mess inside there as well. Bani sets aside the folders and begins in cleaning the drawer as well. She arranges sheets of papers and other belongings neatly and as she scurries deeper into the pile of mess she comes across something that slips out. She takes it into her hand and stares at it with shock…..
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Jai Walia returned home late at night past everyone’s bedtime as usual and was promptly greeted by his butler, who took his briefcase and coat and placed them in their proper place. Before indulging himself in eating the leftovers from dinner, he habitually makes his way upstairs to see his daughter. Just as he approaches the staircase and is about to take his first step, he feels a breeze hit his face and the pounding of water become clearer.
He looks to see where this is coming from and catches that the French doors leading outside to the garden are open. His query grows and he wonders who has left them open in the first place. As he goes to close them he catches another sight that captures his attention…..
Jai is startled on seeing a figure standing out in the pouring rain, unaffected by the cold and light thundering forming in the dark sky. He wonders who it can be and walks further until he enters the garden himself, approaching the silhouette of the person.
He stops some few feet away, becoming soaked in the rain, as realization dawns upon him on who it is.
“Bani…,” comes his deep voice that startles the person in front of him. He watches as she turns around and looks back at him with surprise of her own. A current passes through him as he sees her form, wet from head to toe, her every curve outlined for view, black hair in wet curls and kissing the sides of her cheeks, and her honey eyes staring at him wide. He is bowled by her beautiful appearance and further once a shy smile creeps onto her lips.
“Mr. Walia,” she replies, subtly acknowledging him. She turns back around, staring up at the dark sky. Lightning flashes across the darkness and Jai lifts up his arm to shield his eyes away from the rain. He takes a step forward.
Jai: Come inside. What are you doing out here? You will fall sick.
Instead of heeding to his words, Bani remains where she is and brings out her arm from her sides and with cupped hands traps water within it. She smiles on seeing the small puddle of water….
Bani: Isn’t the rain so beautiful? So serene..... So romantic….. (ending dreamily)
Jai says nothing, not knowing how to answer her and continues to watch her as she releases the water from her hand and begins in lightly splashing the falling rain about. She lets out a delighted giggle.
Bani: I love the rain….
Bringing out his hand, Jai places it onto her wet shoulder and steers her back to him, gazing at her with evoked gray eyes that Bani drowns in. Her eyes drink him all in and her heart gives a throb as she sees how handsome he looks at the moment; his drenching shirt outlining his muscular torso and arms, hair damp with water and raindrops falling from the tips, and his sooty eyelashes moist and full.
Jai had wanted to tell her to come in and get changed before she seriously fell ill, but he became at loss for words on seeing the sight she made and the particular way she gazed at him as if entranced by him as he was of her at the moment.
He didn’t know for how long they stared at each other like that nor who had initiated the kiss that followed afterwards, but all he did know was that it felt right having her petite body pressed against his own and in his arms.
His strong lips overtake hers and lead her into the slow exploration of each other’s mouths. He feels her give a soft sigh and lean more into him in which he takes advantage by securing his hold around her waist. Her cold hands slip behind the back of his neck whereas his one hand reaches for her long, wet tresses. His other glides up along her slender figure and rests against the side of her br*ast. His kiss deepens and pace fastens as she pulls him close to her as a reaction to his actions.
Together they lose themselves in each other’s holds, slipping out of the realms of reality and into a world of their own, forgetting the shower of the rain, their surroundings, and the racing time.
As his lips leave hers and trail to the column of her throat, leading down to her exposed cleavage, his hands slide down her slim body and slip into her kameez, caressing her naked waist. Bani arches her back and shivers, either from the coldness of his hands or the mere touch of his hands on her bare skin.
In the midst of his hands taking their sweet time exploring her exposed waist and mouth teasing her neck, Bani takes his face into her hold and kisses him passionately on his lips.
A thunder erupts in the sky seconds after lightning strikes, bringing momentary blinding light. The harsh rumbling sears inside of Jai and suddenly he snaps back into reality, becoming aware of his surroundings and actions.
His hands quickly leave her and he tears his lips away while taking a step back and looking to a disheveled Bani, panting breathlessly .She opens her eyes and stares back at him with a startled look, her cheeks bright pink and her body heaving for air.
He himself is breathless as well, trying to regain his composure and keep his desires in check. His fingers comb through his wet hair and giving a last look, Jai Walia walks away and disappears behind the white doors….
*****************************************************************************
Bani looks to the empty seat at the head of the table with a disheartened look. He is missing this morning and she hadn’t seen him in the nursery either when she went to go fetch Krishna. Is he so terribly upset about last night that he doesn’t wish to see her anymore?
She can still feel his lingering touch on her, the effect of his hot breath fanning her face, and the sensation of his eager lips teasing hers. She craved for him throughout the rest of the night, wanting him to want her just as much as she wants him. She even dreamt of him making sweet love to her, holding her tight in his strong arms and never letting go.
That very moment that he regrets, she cherishes and relives. She is certain that he must possess some sort of feelings for her as he wouldn’t have kissed her in that manner with no apparent reason….wouldn’t have kept a lone picture of her buried deep in his dresser drawer, away from view. Now what would Jai Walia be doing with a picture of her that seems fairly old….as she appears much younger in it than she is now. She could only conclude to a rather hopeful explanation that perhaps against all odds, Jai Walia has come to fancy her…. And his actions from last night do not lead her to believe otherwise.
Mausi: Tony, where is your Jai Sir?
Tony: Mausi, he left early to the office this morning, even before Krishna woke.
Mausi frowns hard on hearing this, displeased with the fact how much her nephew distances himself from his loved ones. For how long will he continue in building that wall he uses in order to hide himself? And just when she was starting to notice a little change in him, he has resorted back to his old ways.
She gives a light shake of the head and a tired sigh. Everyone else at the table look to her, knowing exactly what her thoughts are…..
****************************************************************************
Bani locates her best friend with her niece in Jai Walia’s room, both sitting on the king sized bed surrounded by clutters of toys around. She smiles and joins the two. Krishna drops her teddy bear and instantly jumps up and down from excitement on seeing Bani. She opens up her arms and Bani obliges by taking her into her lap.
Jigyasa: (smiles) She loves you so much and has become attached to you in such a short amount of time that it is surprising. Ever since you have come here she has forgotten about everyone else.
Bani: She is such a sweet girl, it is hard to keep away from her. I am going to miss her the most when I leave.
Krishna stands up on her two feet with the support of Bani’s hands and pats her (Bani) softly on the cheek.
Krishna: Mama…..
Bani: No Krishu, Aunty.
Krishna: (frowns) No, Mama.
Bani: Krisshnaa….(admonishingly)
Jigyasa: (intervening) Let it be, Bani. She is a stubborn girl. Let her call you whatever she wants.
Bani: But Di, it’s not right. I am not her mother, she should know this.
Jigyasa: Well from where I am seeing things, it seems like you are her mother. Haven’t you been taking care of her like one? No wonder she believes you are.
Krishna: (repeats) Mama….
Jigyasa: Accha baba, she is your Mama. Now come here to your Bua. Ever since Mama has come you have forgotten all about me, hm?
Krishna gives Jigyasa a toothless smile while her aunt takes her back into her arms. Both aunt and niece resume back to playing with the toys while Bani slips into a discomforted thought of what will happen once she leaves. No, it is best that Krishna learns it now, that way she will not keep calling out for her “Mama” when she is not here anymore. Her mama had left her long ago.
As Jigyasa and Krishna busy themselves in play, Bani gazes around Jai Walia’s bedroom once more in awe by the decors of the room. Her eyes fall on a picture on one of the nightstands and a smile lights up on her face as she takes in Jai Walia’s handsome face, smiling radiantly with his new born daughter in his arms. She has never seen him so truly happy before. But then again, that had been a year ago and before his wife had left him.
Jigyasa: What are you smiling about Bani?
Bani snaps out of her daze and looks at Jigyasa, startled.
Bani: Oh, it’s nothing. (hastily, turning pink)
Jigyasa follows where her gaze had lingered and she gives a knowing smile, but decides not to tease her. She, however, feels content with knowing how much Bani has become besotted by her brother. She can start seeing a better future for both Jai and Krishna, that too, because of Bani in their lives. She only hopes that it becomes true.
Jigyasa: Bani, I forgot to tell you before, but there is a party held tonight. It is Aditya’s close friend’s first wedding anniversary and we all have been invited and plan on going. You, Pia, and Rano will come along too.
Bani: (hesitantly) Di, if you don’t mind, but I would like to stay home. I am in no mood to go to a party.
Jigyasa: (worried) Why? Are you sick?
Bani: No, but like I said, I am not in the mood. You all can carry on, I will be fine here at home.
Jigyasa: (raises a brow) You would like to stay home alone, that too, with Bhaiya?
Bani: Will he not be going?
Jigyasa: (sad smile) He never goes anywhere…. He is a party-pooper just like you are behaving like one right now. Are you sure it isn’t because of anything else, huh? You aren’t wishing to steal some time with my brother, are you? (teases)
Bani: (flushing red) Di, you are too much. No that is not the reason. I do want to stay home, maybe rest a little. I feel a little drained. And as it is, your brother wishes to have nothing to do with me, so you do not have to worry. (ending gloomily)
Jigyasa: Arre Bani, I was teasing…. But why do you say that? Certainly he doesn’t think that.
Bani: Well he behaves like it. He always stays away from me no matter how hard I try to get to know him. He acts as if I am a plague or some sort.
Jigyasa: (giggles) You silly girl. You come up with the weirdest assumptions. I am sure it is nothing like what your mind has wrapped around.
Bani: Then what else can it be if not that?
Jigyasa: Bhaiya just has a hard time dealing with people. (justifies) Give him some time, he will come around.
Bani gives a defeated sigh and rests her back against the mattress, lying beside an oblivious Krishna. She doesn’t speak out how she believes that Jai Walia ever coming around is impossible, well in her case at least, especially since he clearly is still sorting through his inner demons. Jigyasa watches Bani with careful eyes and slowly smiles as a thought comes to mind.
Jigyasa: I have a wonderful idea. How about you surprise Jai Bhaiya with dinner tonight? Just the two of you. And during that you two can get to know each other, just like how you want. He cannot refuse you after all the effort you will put into it.
Bani rises back up and stares at Jigyasa with hopeful eyes.
Bani: You think?
Jigyasa: I know so. And it works perfectly since we all will be going to the party. This is your chance Bani. Take it before it goes.
Bani ponders over this for a moment and meets her best friend’s eyes while giving a nod in agreement….
****************************************************************************
He arrived at the Mansion at a relatively early time compared to his usual timing. However, he was surprised when he was greeted by darkness. Jai looked around the place in confusion, wondering why the lights are turned off when it is only ten at night. He then remembers that Jigyasa had told him earlier about some party they would be attending to. He proceeds on inside and calls out for Tony, surprised that he hadn’t come to greet him.
Jai: Tony…. Tony…. Where the hell are you?
After a few calls, he gives up on his disobedient butler and places his briefcase and slightly wet coat, due to the rain stirring outside (It is monsoon season once again). He knows that Krishna must have gone to the party as well with the rest of the family. He decides that he will first go and change after a small shower and find something to eat before retiring to bed.
He moves towards the stairs and once he places his hand onto the railing he hears someone calling for him from behind.
“Mr. Walia, is that you?” He stills in his tracks as he recognizes the sweet voice. Startled, he turns around and catches the shadow of a figure from a distance. It approaches him in slow steps and after a couple of moments pass, he sees the figure come into view and holding a burning candle, radiating off little light.
“Mr. Walia?” she calls out for him again. Jai clears his throat and answers her.
Jai: Yes, it’s me.
She walks into the small light casted off from the moon peering through the windows and he looks at her tongue-tied by her appearance. Her long, black hair cascades down to her back and in subtle, wavy curls while her alluring eyes gaze at him wide. Her fair face radiates under the moonlight and her pink lips curve into a pleased smile. She is dressed in a flattering pink saree that fits her like a glove and brings out the rosiness in her cheeks. His insides lurch on the bewitching sight and he watches her give him a shy look.
Bani: You’re here… I thought you would come later.
He gathers himself and tears his gaze off of her, not liking where his thoughts are leading to. Again he clears his throat roughly.
Jai: No…. I finished things quite early today…
Her smile grows and she comes nearer, standing only a few centimeters away. Her dancing eyes look to him as she speaks her next words excitedly…
Bani: I have a surprise…. Come.
Jai looks down as her small delicate hand grips onto his much larger one and pulls on it, beckoning for him to follow her. He does so hesitantly, becoming curious as to what she is up to. His eyes drink her appearance once again…
She leads him to the dining room where he is greeted by the sight of two plates already containing warm meals on them, ready to be devoured, two glasses filled with chilled water, silverware lined along the round plates, napkins folded neatly, and lit candles placed in the center of the table. He glances over to Bani in sheer surprise and she smiles further.
Bani: (sheepishly) I’ve made us dinner…. What do you think?
He becomes at a loss for words and looks again at the clear effort she has put into all this. This had all been planned? Is that why she has dressed up as well? He knows that he cannot get out of this, it would hurt her after all that she had done…. for him.
Jai: You…. You shouldn’t have. I would have managed.
Bani: But I wanted to. (ending softly)
Their eyes meet at that specific moment and a smile returns slowly on her pink lips. She, again, takes a grip on his hand and leads him to his chair, encouraging him to sit down.
Bani: Sit.
Jai obliges and seats himself down while Bani smiles happily at him accepting her invite for dinner and sits down across from him.
Bani: I wasn’t sure of what you would like, but I tried to guess what would appeal to you. (sounding uncertain)
Jai: Everything looks just great…. Thank you. For doing all of this. You have gone out of your way.
Her cheeks bloom as her eyes lower down to her plate. He feels an awkward silence beginning to build in between them and opens his mouth to get rid of it.
Jai: Eer… How come it is so dark?
Bani: The power has gone off because of the rain…. I found as many candles as I could to use.
Jai: (licking his dry lips) And Tony? Where is he?
Bani: (guiltily) …. I…. I told him that he could leave. I thought it wouldn’t be necessary for him to wait around with nothing to do. You don’t mind, do you?
Jai: No, that’s just fine.
She gives a pleased smile and lifts her fork to dig into the cooked noodles. She glances up and sees him remaining still in his seat.
Bani: Aap kaaliye na… warna khaana tanda hojoanga… (trans: Go on and eat… otherwise the food will grow cold.)
Jai nods and lifts his own fork, following pursuit in eating the meal. Bani watches carefully as he takes the first bite. His eyes briefly connect with hers as he looks up from his plate and sees her shyly avert her gaze down. He chews slowly while quietly watching her pick at her food—perhaps waiting for his comments before eating herself.
Jai: ….. Dinner tastes great…
Bani looks up and beams radiantly at him. She takes her first bite as well and they slip into a small silence before Bani suddenly speaks out to strike conversation.
Bani: … (hesitantly) How… How was your day at the office? You had left early today.
Jai: (brisk) It was fine. There was a lot of work.
She senses a discomfort and a sort of restrained manner that he hangs onto, refusing to let himself be his true self around her. Perhaps it is because of what had transpired between them the night before. Be it for any reason, she is determined in breaking the very wall he has built around him.
Bani: Is there always so much work for you to do? …
Jai: … I’m an owner of a multi-millionaire company that is expanding abroad. There is a lot of work that comes with it.
She remains mum for a moment, not knowing what else to ask about his life since he is such a reserved man. Instead, though, she is surprised when he hears him speak a few moments later.
Jai: (slowly) ….Er… How was your day?
Bani: It was fine…. I went out shopping for some time with my sisters and Jigyasa Di. Then came back and spent time with Krishna before she left to the party with everyone else….
Jai gives a light nod and again silence makes its way in between them. They quietly eat their dinner until Bani drops her fork a minute later and finds her voice.
Bani: (begins) Mr. Walia….
Jai looks up.
Bani: I would like to get to know you…. I had planned this dinner as a chance for me to do so… Please, tell me something about yourself. So I can at least know something about you other than that you are a busy businessman.
Jai Walia places his own utensil down and looks to his displeased looking companion. He understands her situation and realizes that he as perhaps been too reserved with her.
Jai: Alright…. What do you want to know then?
Bani: Anything. Your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies, your opinions and views, your childhood, --anything you wish to tell me.
A grimace sets on his face as he kneads his brows together. Bani watches his silent form while holding her breath and anticipating his next words. When he does not say anything for a few prolonged moments, she almost allows herself to succumb fully into defeat till she hears his deep voice.
Jai: … I like my work, I like the color black, I like sports—football (soccer) in particular, I like a good book at times, I find weather disasters interesting and watch the news as much as I can, and I like to jog early in the mornings in order to catch the sun rise. I dislike anything that doesn’t go accordingly to how I want it, I dislike crowds, I prefer coffee over tea, I think whatever happens in life happens for a reason, that we are all fated for something….. and I had a decent childhood being raised by my parents up until they met in an accident and was taken under Mausi’s custody. …… Anything else you would like to know?
She blushes by his intense gaze and shakes her head, but feels dismay overcome her. She had wanted this to go in a different way, the two of them together speaking of their likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc—slipping into an easy going conversation. But here he is just giving her a list to cut it short. She gives a sigh and solemnly proceeds to eat her food.
They speak nothing for a long minute or two, no noise heard except the pounding of the rain against the windows. Bani sneaks a glance at him, who obliviously resumes eating his meal in silence. Frustration with how things are going overtakes her and she finds herself taking matters back into her own hands….
Bani: … You are a tough man to get to know, Mr. Walia…. Tell me, why do you push others away? …. Why do you distance yourself so much?
Jai, who was about to take a bite, holds back his forth from his mouth and gives Bani a look. He lowers his hand down….
Jai: Just because I am a busy man, Miss Dixit, does not distance me from everyone else…. I agree that I don’t have time to share, but that does not mean I do so intentionally….
Bani: (ignoring his excuse) You have built this wall around you, refusing to let anyone come in… even your own family. Only Krishna gets to see that soft side of you, but even then I believe you are hardly your true self when around her as well.
His dark eyes gleam at her across the table.
Bani: Mr. Walia… for these past months, I have tried endlessly in order to get to know you… to get your attention… to get familiar with you as I have with the rest of your family. But you have only pushed me away and away from time to time…. I do not understand why you distance yourself. I haven’t done anything to upset you, have I?
Jai sees how her face begins to crumble and he hates how it is due to him and his behavior. He hadn’t thought that it would affect her so much in this way….
Jai: No… no, you haven’t done anything … (reassuring)
Bani: (muttering miserably) ….. Then why do you push me away? –That night out in the garden, I had been so sure that you felt exactly what I fel—
Jai: (croaks, cutting in) Don’t—
Bani: (her voice growing, tears springing in her eyes) Mr. Walia, can’t you see? See that I like you more than I should? I am falling for you but you are indifferent to my feelings. For some reason you continue to keep away from me, only conversing with me when necessary. –Tell me, do you really regret the night out in the garden so much? Do you dislike having to deal with me? Please, give me an answer. It would explain so much… It would explain everything…. (begging, on the verge of breaking into endless tears)
She watches how his color has drained and an alarmed look presides on his bewildered face. In a blink of an eye, he pushes back his chair and rises.
Jai: (firmly) I don’t wish to speak about any of this.
As he turns to leave, Bani hastily rises from her chair as well and holds him back by gripping onto his arm.
Bani: But I do! Please, tell me—tell me what’s bothering you. Why you have created this big wall around you? Why you are afraid of being close to anyone? Why you are running away from love? –How will you ever be able to move on if you do not get rid of the burden inside of you…. I want to help you…. because I worry… I care… and I lo—
Jai turns back around to face her with a growing determined look. He grabs onto her hand that holds him by the arm and brings his face close.
Jai: What you’re asking for is not possible. Don’t you understand? (stresses)
Bani: (tearing) Why not?! Why isn’t it possible for you?! –I know you are hurt because of your wife leaving you, but that does not mean that your whole life is over—it does not provide a reason for you to stop living. Time cannot always stay still, you always have to carry on and move forward. You must learn to live and go on in life—not just stay in the same spot for the rest of your life. The world goes on, whether you like it or not and you must abide by it… You have to live for your daughter, your mother, and your sister who all love and worry over you. You are dragging your loved ones into your misery by continuing to suffer in this way…. They cannot see you like this…. I can’t see you like this…. It hurts to see you the way you are…. But if you would only let us in, let us love you and help then—
Jai: (voice booming loud) Enough!!
She stops short in her words and looks up at him with a terrified expression as she sees how dark his eyes have become.
Jai: What you want for to happen is not possible…. None of it…. Do you understand? (hard tone)
Bani gazes at him through her blinded eyes and after a moment roughly breaks his hold on her lower arm and runs off without a backward glance….
Jai Walia watches her swiftly climb the marble staircase and disappear out of sight, her heavy sobs echoing after her. He feels frustration at himself arise and he bangs the table beside him, causing the silverware to shake and the water glasses to spill…..
Jigyasa looks over to her brother eating his breakfast in silence and notes the lines of stress and tire lingering on his handsome face. She shakes her head, wondering when he will learn to calm down and whether he will realize his behavior will take a grave toll on his health. She looks to the others as well, munching on their meals in complete silence—not wishing to upset the head of the house. She lets out a soft sigh.
Jigyasa turns and looks over the staircase as Bani comes walking down with Krishna cradled in her arms. A small smile reaches her lips on seeing the sight and her eyes slowly linger back onto her older brother.
Mausi: (sweetly) Arre aao Krishu beti, aao. Aab humari Krishu humare saath batoongi, kya? –Tony, please bring Krishna’s chair. (trans: Arre, come Krishu beti, come. Now our Krishna will sit with us, will she?)
Tony promptly follows her orders and Bani places Krishna in her special eating chair before seating herself down as well.
Dadi: This is a lovely surprise. Now Krishna will start eating Breakfast with us from now, kyon Krishna?
Krishna looks over to Dadi with a goofy smile and gives a light giggle while clapping her hands together. Jai looks on at his daughter with a fond smile. Krishna returns his gaze and excitedly lifts up her arms and begins jumping in her seat.
Krishna: Papa! Papa!
Jai: No Krishu, you are big now. You are even starting to eat like the rest of us.
A grumpy look begins to develop on her sweet face as she dislikes what her father says and merely jumps more in her seat with her arms out wide, indicating to him that she wants to be taken into his lap.
Jai: (admonishingly) Krishna….
Mausi: (giggling) Munna, your daughter may be growing up, but her habit of sitting in your lap will not change.
Krishna: Papa! –Godh!--- Papa, Godh! (demandingly)
He gives a resigned sigh and takes her out from her seat, causing a bright smile to erupt on her face and glee with joy. He places her securely in his lap and she instantly begins to fiddle with his utensils.
Jai: Tum bhi na Krishu…. Baut hi ziddi hojari ho…. (trans: You are too much Krishu…. You are becoming very stubborn.)
Jigyasa: Bhaiya, she only gets it from you.
Jai frowns on hearing this while Krishna clanks her father’s fork and knife against the glass plate happily. Bani smiles from what Jigyasa says and is reminded of last night. Everyone else watch with fascination as Krishna’s presence at the table is bringing a change into her father’s normal behavior, who rarely muttered a single word at the table.
Krishna’s clanking grows louder and after Jai attempts to remove the utensils from his daughter’s hands a few times ends miserably, he scolds her in an irritated manner.
Jai: Krishna, stop it already. You are making so much noise. Put them down. (sternly)
Krishna, momentarily stunned, stares at her father wide-eyed as she has never been scolded by her father before. Seconds later tears swarm in her eyes and she begins wailing loudly.
Mausi: (softly) Munna, usko karnle do…. Kyon rolahri ho tum usko? The poor girl was just playing…. (trans: Munna, let her play… Why are you making her cry?)
Jai: Nahi Mausi. If we just continue to let her do anything she wants, then how will she learn any manners? It is about time she starts learning. Even you agree that she is growing.
Mausi: (uncertainly) Hain, lekin—
Krishna: (sobbing) –M-Mama! ---Ma-ma!
Astonished, everyone turns to look at Krishna’s weeping face, taken aback by her words. Color flushes from Jai’s face as he hears this word, the very first time it has come out of his daughter’s mouth. He stares at Krishna, baffled.
Krishna: Mama!
Bani becomes at a loss of words as Krishna stares at her with her big, wide eyes filled with fat tears while stretching her arms out to her, beckoning for her (Bani) to take her into her arms. Her heart beats fast as she listens to the little girl calling out for her.
Krishna: Mama!
Her eyes grow wide and she feels a jolt run through her body. She pushes back her chair and walks to the end of the table, taking Krishna out of her father’s lap and carrying her in her arms. She places her (Krishna) head onto her shoulder and soothingly rubs the back of her tiny body while attempting to hush her.
Krishna: (chokes out) Mama, Papa bad…. Papa bad….
Bani swings her back and forth while gathering her close. Emotions stir inside of her as she relishes this new, profound feeling. She feels a certain happiness burst inside of her and an unknown deep, motherly love pouring out.
Bani: (calmingly) Nahi beta, aise nahi kehte…. (trans: No beta. Do not say that.)
Krishna huddles near the crook of Bani’s neck and continues to shed tears while Bani finally meets the eyes of everyone else, all looking back at her with shocked expressions. She briefly meets a certain pair of gray that look back at her, electrified. She realizes the awkwardness in the situation, forgetting momentarily of the unexpected joy she experienced seconds ago on being called “Mama”. She quickly averts her gaze down.
After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Mausi clears her throat but shock clearly lingers on her face.
Mausi: Bani…. Take Krishna to the nursery and try to put her to sleep. She will slowly calm down that way.
Bani: (softly) Ji Mausi….
Her eyes flutter back over to Jai Walia, whose eyes gleam back at her. She embarrassedly holds Krishna close and walks away from the dining area and to the staircase without another backward glance….
*****************************************************************************
Bani seats Krishna into her crib and looks to her with mixed views. Only she knows how happy she had been when Krishna had addressed her as her mother. Had she not acted like one since the past two and a half months? Feeding her, changing her, bathing her, playing with her, lulling her into sleep, and most importantly love her? Over this time she has grown such a strong attachment to the little girl that she can hardly go on in the day without doing any one of those things.
But the faces of the family members haunt her. Especially Jai Walia’s. They must have not liked Krishna addressing her as “Mama”. But they hadn’t corrected her either. Why didn’t they? And why didn’t she? Why did she react the way she did when Krishna called her mother? Is this what Bani feels for the infant? Motherly love?
She remembers Jigyasa and her sisters informing her that she isn’t a big fan of babies. Then why is Krishna a different case? Why the strong bond?
And where on earth could Krishna have picked up on the word? Bani knows no one from the Walia family must have. Meera Walia is a dark topic, never to be discussed or mentioned again. Certainly neither of them would have taught her the word “Mama”. But she has learned it and even believes that it is Bani who is her mother. From who could she have possibly learned this from?
Krishna, now completely settled, stares up at Bani with wide, shimmering eyes—as if wondering what it is that is on Bani’s mind.
Krishna: Mama…. (coos)
Startled, Bani fixes her focus onto the infant and shakes her head delicately.
Bani: Nahi beta, main tumhari Mama nahi hoon. Main Aunty hoon. Aunty. (stresses) (trans: No beta, I am not your Mama. I am your Aunty. Aunty.)
Krishna: (shaking her head, stubborn) Nahi. Mama! (points at her)
Bani: Nahi, Krishna. Aunty.
Krishna: (yells) Mama! (again points at her)
Bani gives a defeated sigh. The girl’s stubbornness always comes as a surprise to her. What should she do now? Does she let it be despite knowing the gravity in the situation? Perhaps she will try teaching Krishna later after she is well rested.
Krishna: Mama, Mama, Mama! (stresses)
Bani: (caving) Accha baba, Mama….
A slow smile emerges on her lips despite herself. She feels a tug on her heart strings every time she calls her mama.
Bani: Now go to sleep like a good girl. And I promise later we will go to the park. Teek hai?
Not knowing what her “mother” is blabbing to her, Krishna, nonetheless, nods her head in agreement and allows Bani to tuck her in and lull her to sleep……
*****************************************************************************
She walks past the bedrooms with no particular agenda for the day and stops by one on seeing Tony busying himself and looking slightly hassled. She hesitantly enters in and looks around, taking in the grandness of the master bedroom. She notes the masculinity in the room and knows she has entered Jai Walia’s den. Just as she is about to leave, knowing it is not right of her to be in there in the first place, she is stopped by a startled Tony.
Tony: (smiles sincerely) Arre Bani ma’am, aap yahan? Aapko kuch chaaye tha, kya? (trans: Arre Bani Ma’am, you? Did you need anything?)
Bani: Nahi, woh… Actually I had come to see if you needed any help. Is this Mr. Walia’s room?
Bani questions while taking another step in, her eyes gazing around the large, spacious room. She looks to see whether there are any pictures around and sees there are only of his daughter and no one else. She frowns on seeing this.
Tony: Yes…. Excuse me on how it looks, Jai Sir always leaves such a mess behind. (grumbles)
Bani watches as Tony returns back to task, collecting clothing here and there. She listens on as he continues with his complaining of his master.
Tony: I have told him many times that he must become organized. It will be best for him and me as well. That way I do not always have to come here expecting a mountain of mess every time.
Bani: (smiles at Tony’s complaining) But Tony, you know that Mr. Walia is a busy man.
Tony: Yes, I know that. But even then a little cleaning up here and there would not hurt him, would it?
Bani reaches out for a shirt lying on the floor half hidden beneath the bed covers and politely hands over to Tony who gives her a small smile of gratitude. He continues on with cleaning with Bani willingly following along.
Bani: I don’t know. I think you are being too hard on him, Tony. He hardly has time for himself. How can you expect him to take care of his room?
Tony: Bani Ma’am being a working man is not an excuse of not having to take care of yourself. He is a grown man—you would think he would have the decency enough to clean up after himself.
Tony stands up after collecting more materials from the ground and goes into a brief daze, becoming unaware of his surroundings.
Tony: It had been so much easier before. Jai Sir actually had someone to clean up after him and keep the room in order—now I am the one who is lef--….
She looks on at Tony as his voice trails off and he snaps back into reality. He wears a look on his face as if he has committed a grave blunder. He immediately quiets down and resumes to his work.
Bani: … You mean Mr. Walia had his wife before to clean after him, right?
She answers for him softly. Tony stills in his actions and turns back to look at her with a panicked expression.
Tony: Oh, look at the time. With all this cleaning up I forgot that it is about time to start on lunch. I will just be back Bani Ma’am….
And without another word or chance for her to say anything more, Tony flees hurriedly from sight, leaving baffled looking Bani behind. She looks at the uncompleted task that he has left behind and decides that she may as well finish for him since she doubts he will ever make a reappearance considering the slip he had made in front of her. She picks up on the chore and cleans around, placing clothes on the hangers and into the closet, making the bed, arranging items on the dresser, and neatly stacking files, folders, book, and what not in an organized manner.
She carries the stacks of folders with her and walks on over to one of the nightstands beside his bed, wanting to make them available and keep them in a safe place. As she opens one of the drawers, she peers inside and notices that it is a mess inside there as well. Bani sets aside the folders and begins in cleaning the drawer as well. She arranges sheets of papers and other belongings neatly and as she scurries deeper into the pile of mess she comes across something that slips out. She takes it into her hand and stares at it with shock…..
*****************************************************************************
Jai Walia returned home late at night past everyone’s bedtime as usual and was promptly greeted by his butler, who took his briefcase and coat and placed them in their proper place. Before indulging himself in eating the leftovers from dinner, he habitually makes his way upstairs to see his daughter. Just as he approaches the staircase and is about to take his first step, he feels a breeze hit his face and the pounding of water become clearer.
He looks to see where this is coming from and catches that the French doors leading outside to the garden are open. His query grows and he wonders who has left them open in the first place. As he goes to close them he catches another sight that captures his attention…..
Jai is startled on seeing a figure standing out in the pouring rain, unaffected by the cold and light thundering forming in the dark sky. He wonders who it can be and walks further until he enters the garden himself, approaching the silhouette of the person.
He stops some few feet away, becoming soaked in the rain, as realization dawns upon him on who it is.
“Bani…,” comes his deep voice that startles the person in front of him. He watches as she turns around and looks back at him with surprise of her own. A current passes through him as he sees her form, wet from head to toe, her every curve outlined for view, black hair in wet curls and kissing the sides of her cheeks, and her honey eyes staring at him wide. He is bowled by her beautiful appearance and further once a shy smile creeps onto her lips.
“Mr. Walia,” she replies, subtly acknowledging him. She turns back around, staring up at the dark sky. Lightning flashes across the darkness and Jai lifts up his arm to shield his eyes away from the rain. He takes a step forward.
Jai: Come inside. What are you doing out here? You will fall sick.
Instead of heeding to his words, Bani remains where she is and brings out her arm from her sides and with cupped hands traps water within it. She smiles on seeing the small puddle of water….
Bani: Isn’t the rain so beautiful? So serene..... So romantic….. (ending dreamily)
Jai says nothing, not knowing how to answer her and continues to watch her as she releases the water from her hand and begins in lightly splashing the falling rain about. She lets out a delighted giggle.
Bani: I love the rain….
Bringing out his hand, Jai places it onto her wet shoulder and steers her back to him, gazing at her with evoked gray eyes that Bani drowns in. Her eyes drink him all in and her heart gives a throb as she sees how handsome he looks at the moment; his drenching shirt outlining his muscular torso and arms, hair damp with water and raindrops falling from the tips, and his sooty eyelashes moist and full.
Jai had wanted to tell her to come in and get changed before she seriously fell ill, but he became at loss for words on seeing the sight she made and the particular way she gazed at him as if entranced by him as he was of her at the moment.
He didn’t know for how long they stared at each other like that nor who had initiated the kiss that followed afterwards, but all he did know was that it felt right having her petite body pressed against his own and in his arms.
His strong lips overtake hers and lead her into the slow exploration of each other’s mouths. He feels her give a soft sigh and lean more into him in which he takes advantage by securing his hold around her waist. Her cold hands slip behind the back of his neck whereas his one hand reaches for her long, wet tresses. His other glides up along her slender figure and rests against the side of her br*ast. His kiss deepens and pace fastens as she pulls him close to her as a reaction to his actions.
Together they lose themselves in each other’s holds, slipping out of the realms of reality and into a world of their own, forgetting the shower of the rain, their surroundings, and the racing time.
As his lips leave hers and trail to the column of her throat, leading down to her exposed cleavage, his hands slide down her slim body and slip into her kameez, caressing her naked waist. Bani arches her back and shivers, either from the coldness of his hands or the mere touch of his hands on her bare skin.
In the midst of his hands taking their sweet time exploring her exposed waist and mouth teasing her neck, Bani takes his face into her hold and kisses him passionately on his lips.
A thunder erupts in the sky seconds after lightning strikes, bringing momentary blinding light. The harsh rumbling sears inside of Jai and suddenly he snaps back into reality, becoming aware of his surroundings and actions.
His hands quickly leave her and he tears his lips away while taking a step back and looking to a disheveled Bani, panting breathlessly .She opens her eyes and stares back at him with a startled look, her cheeks bright pink and her body heaving for air.
He himself is breathless as well, trying to regain his composure and keep his desires in check. His fingers comb through his wet hair and giving a last look, Jai Walia walks away and disappears behind the white doors….
*****************************************************************************
Bani looks to the empty seat at the head of the table with a disheartened look. He is missing this morning and she hadn’t seen him in the nursery either when she went to go fetch Krishna. Is he so terribly upset about last night that he doesn’t wish to see her anymore?
She can still feel his lingering touch on her, the effect of his hot breath fanning her face, and the sensation of his eager lips teasing hers. She craved for him throughout the rest of the night, wanting him to want her just as much as she wants him. She even dreamt of him making sweet love to her, holding her tight in his strong arms and never letting go.
That very moment that he regrets, she cherishes and relives. She is certain that he must possess some sort of feelings for her as he wouldn’t have kissed her in that manner with no apparent reason….wouldn’t have kept a lone picture of her buried deep in his dresser drawer, away from view. Now what would Jai Walia be doing with a picture of her that seems fairly old….as she appears much younger in it than she is now. She could only conclude to a rather hopeful explanation that perhaps against all odds, Jai Walia has come to fancy her…. And his actions from last night do not lead her to believe otherwise.
Mausi: Tony, where is your Jai Sir?
Tony: Mausi, he left early to the office this morning, even before Krishna woke.
Mausi frowns hard on hearing this, displeased with the fact how much her nephew distances himself from his loved ones. For how long will he continue in building that wall he uses in order to hide himself? And just when she was starting to notice a little change in him, he has resorted back to his old ways.
She gives a light shake of the head and a tired sigh. Everyone else at the table look to her, knowing exactly what her thoughts are…..
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Bani locates her best friend with her niece in Jai Walia’s room, both sitting on the king sized bed surrounded by clutters of toys around. She smiles and joins the two. Krishna drops her teddy bear and instantly jumps up and down from excitement on seeing Bani. She opens up her arms and Bani obliges by taking her into her lap.
Jigyasa: (smiles) She loves you so much and has become attached to you in such a short amount of time that it is surprising. Ever since you have come here she has forgotten about everyone else.
Bani: She is such a sweet girl, it is hard to keep away from her. I am going to miss her the most when I leave.
Krishna stands up on her two feet with the support of Bani’s hands and pats her (Bani) softly on the cheek.
Krishna: Mama…..
Bani: No Krishu, Aunty.
Krishna: (frowns) No, Mama.
Bani: Krisshnaa….(admonishingly)
Jigyasa: (intervening) Let it be, Bani. She is a stubborn girl. Let her call you whatever she wants.
Bani: But Di, it’s not right. I am not her mother, she should know this.
Jigyasa: Well from where I am seeing things, it seems like you are her mother. Haven’t you been taking care of her like one? No wonder she believes you are.
Krishna: (repeats) Mama….
Jigyasa: Accha baba, she is your Mama. Now come here to your Bua. Ever since Mama has come you have forgotten all about me, hm?
Krishna gives Jigyasa a toothless smile while her aunt takes her back into her arms. Both aunt and niece resume back to playing with the toys while Bani slips into a discomforted thought of what will happen once she leaves. No, it is best that Krishna learns it now, that way she will not keep calling out for her “Mama” when she is not here anymore. Her mama had left her long ago.
As Jigyasa and Krishna busy themselves in play, Bani gazes around Jai Walia’s bedroom once more in awe by the decors of the room. Her eyes fall on a picture on one of the nightstands and a smile lights up on her face as she takes in Jai Walia’s handsome face, smiling radiantly with his new born daughter in his arms. She has never seen him so truly happy before. But then again, that had been a year ago and before his wife had left him.
Jigyasa: What are you smiling about Bani?
Bani snaps out of her daze and looks at Jigyasa, startled.
Bani: Oh, it’s nothing. (hastily, turning pink)
Jigyasa follows where her gaze had lingered and she gives a knowing smile, but decides not to tease her. She, however, feels content with knowing how much Bani has become besotted by her brother. She can start seeing a better future for both Jai and Krishna, that too, because of Bani in their lives. She only hopes that it becomes true.
Jigyasa: Bani, I forgot to tell you before, but there is a party held tonight. It is Aditya’s close friend’s first wedding anniversary and we all have been invited and plan on going. You, Pia, and Rano will come along too.
Bani: (hesitantly) Di, if you don’t mind, but I would like to stay home. I am in no mood to go to a party.
Jigyasa: (worried) Why? Are you sick?
Bani: No, but like I said, I am not in the mood. You all can carry on, I will be fine here at home.
Jigyasa: (raises a brow) You would like to stay home alone, that too, with Bhaiya?
Bani: Will he not be going?
Jigyasa: (sad smile) He never goes anywhere…. He is a party-pooper just like you are behaving like one right now. Are you sure it isn’t because of anything else, huh? You aren’t wishing to steal some time with my brother, are you? (teases)
Bani: (flushing red) Di, you are too much. No that is not the reason. I do want to stay home, maybe rest a little. I feel a little drained. And as it is, your brother wishes to have nothing to do with me, so you do not have to worry. (ending gloomily)
Jigyasa: Arre Bani, I was teasing…. But why do you say that? Certainly he doesn’t think that.
Bani: Well he behaves like it. He always stays away from me no matter how hard I try to get to know him. He acts as if I am a plague or some sort.
Jigyasa: (giggles) You silly girl. You come up with the weirdest assumptions. I am sure it is nothing like what your mind has wrapped around.
Bani: Then what else can it be if not that?
Jigyasa: Bhaiya just has a hard time dealing with people. (justifies) Give him some time, he will come around.
Bani gives a defeated sigh and rests her back against the mattress, lying beside an oblivious Krishna. She doesn’t speak out how she believes that Jai Walia ever coming around is impossible, well in her case at least, especially since he clearly is still sorting through his inner demons. Jigyasa watches Bani with careful eyes and slowly smiles as a thought comes to mind.
Jigyasa: I have a wonderful idea. How about you surprise Jai Bhaiya with dinner tonight? Just the two of you. And during that you two can get to know each other, just like how you want. He cannot refuse you after all the effort you will put into it.
Bani rises back up and stares at Jigyasa with hopeful eyes.
Bani: You think?
Jigyasa: I know so. And it works perfectly since we all will be going to the party. This is your chance Bani. Take it before it goes.
Bani ponders over this for a moment and meets her best friend’s eyes while giving a nod in agreement….
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He arrived at the Mansion at a relatively early time compared to his usual timing. However, he was surprised when he was greeted by darkness. Jai looked around the place in confusion, wondering why the lights are turned off when it is only ten at night. He then remembers that Jigyasa had told him earlier about some party they would be attending to. He proceeds on inside and calls out for Tony, surprised that he hadn’t come to greet him.
Jai: Tony…. Tony…. Where the hell are you?
After a few calls, he gives up on his disobedient butler and places his briefcase and slightly wet coat, due to the rain stirring outside (It is monsoon season once again). He knows that Krishna must have gone to the party as well with the rest of the family. He decides that he will first go and change after a small shower and find something to eat before retiring to bed.
He moves towards the stairs and once he places his hand onto the railing he hears someone calling for him from behind.
“Mr. Walia, is that you?” He stills in his tracks as he recognizes the sweet voice. Startled, he turns around and catches the shadow of a figure from a distance. It approaches him in slow steps and after a couple of moments pass, he sees the figure come into view and holding a burning candle, radiating off little light.
“Mr. Walia?” she calls out for him again. Jai clears his throat and answers her.
Jai: Yes, it’s me.
She walks into the small light casted off from the moon peering through the windows and he looks at her tongue-tied by her appearance. Her long, black hair cascades down to her back and in subtle, wavy curls while her alluring eyes gaze at him wide. Her fair face radiates under the moonlight and her pink lips curve into a pleased smile. She is dressed in a flattering pink saree that fits her like a glove and brings out the rosiness in her cheeks. His insides lurch on the bewitching sight and he watches her give him a shy look.
Bani: You’re here… I thought you would come later.
He gathers himself and tears his gaze off of her, not liking where his thoughts are leading to. Again he clears his throat roughly.
Jai: No…. I finished things quite early today…
Her smile grows and she comes nearer, standing only a few centimeters away. Her dancing eyes look to him as she speaks her next words excitedly…
Bani: I have a surprise…. Come.
Jai looks down as her small delicate hand grips onto his much larger one and pulls on it, beckoning for him to follow her. He does so hesitantly, becoming curious as to what she is up to. His eyes drink her appearance once again…
She leads him to the dining room where he is greeted by the sight of two plates already containing warm meals on them, ready to be devoured, two glasses filled with chilled water, silverware lined along the round plates, napkins folded neatly, and lit candles placed in the center of the table. He glances over to Bani in sheer surprise and she smiles further.
Bani: (sheepishly) I’ve made us dinner…. What do you think?
He becomes at a loss for words and looks again at the clear effort she has put into all this. This had all been planned? Is that why she has dressed up as well? He knows that he cannot get out of this, it would hurt her after all that she had done…. for him.
Jai: You…. You shouldn’t have. I would have managed.
Bani: But I wanted to. (ending softly)
Their eyes meet at that specific moment and a smile returns slowly on her pink lips. She, again, takes a grip on his hand and leads him to his chair, encouraging him to sit down.
Bani: Sit.
Jai obliges and seats himself down while Bani smiles happily at him accepting her invite for dinner and sits down across from him.
Bani: I wasn’t sure of what you would like, but I tried to guess what would appeal to you. (sounding uncertain)
Jai: Everything looks just great…. Thank you. For doing all of this. You have gone out of your way.
Her cheeks bloom as her eyes lower down to her plate. He feels an awkward silence beginning to build in between them and opens his mouth to get rid of it.
Jai: Eer… How come it is so dark?
Bani: The power has gone off because of the rain…. I found as many candles as I could to use.
Jai: (licking his dry lips) And Tony? Where is he?
Bani: (guiltily) …. I…. I told him that he could leave. I thought it wouldn’t be necessary for him to wait around with nothing to do. You don’t mind, do you?
Jai: No, that’s just fine.
She gives a pleased smile and lifts her fork to dig into the cooked noodles. She glances up and sees him remaining still in his seat.
Bani: Aap kaaliye na… warna khaana tanda hojoanga… (trans: Go on and eat… otherwise the food will grow cold.)
Jai nods and lifts his own fork, following pursuit in eating the meal. Bani watches carefully as he takes the first bite. His eyes briefly connect with hers as he looks up from his plate and sees her shyly avert her gaze down. He chews slowly while quietly watching her pick at her food—perhaps waiting for his comments before eating herself.
Jai: ….. Dinner tastes great…
Bani looks up and beams radiantly at him. She takes her first bite as well and they slip into a small silence before Bani suddenly speaks out to strike conversation.
Bani: … (hesitantly) How… How was your day at the office? You had left early today.
Jai: (brisk) It was fine. There was a lot of work.
She senses a discomfort and a sort of restrained manner that he hangs onto, refusing to let himself be his true self around her. Perhaps it is because of what had transpired between them the night before. Be it for any reason, she is determined in breaking the very wall he has built around him.
Bani: Is there always so much work for you to do? …
Jai: … I’m an owner of a multi-millionaire company that is expanding abroad. There is a lot of work that comes with it.
She remains mum for a moment, not knowing what else to ask about his life since he is such a reserved man. Instead, though, she is surprised when he hears him speak a few moments later.
Jai: (slowly) ….Er… How was your day?
Bani: It was fine…. I went out shopping for some time with my sisters and Jigyasa Di. Then came back and spent time with Krishna before she left to the party with everyone else….
Jai gives a light nod and again silence makes its way in between them. They quietly eat their dinner until Bani drops her fork a minute later and finds her voice.
Bani: (begins) Mr. Walia….
Jai looks up.
Bani: I would like to get to know you…. I had planned this dinner as a chance for me to do so… Please, tell me something about yourself. So I can at least know something about you other than that you are a busy businessman.
Jai Walia places his own utensil down and looks to his displeased looking companion. He understands her situation and realizes that he as perhaps been too reserved with her.
Jai: Alright…. What do you want to know then?
Bani: Anything. Your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies, your opinions and views, your childhood, --anything you wish to tell me.
A grimace sets on his face as he kneads his brows together. Bani watches his silent form while holding her breath and anticipating his next words. When he does not say anything for a few prolonged moments, she almost allows herself to succumb fully into defeat till she hears his deep voice.
Jai: … I like my work, I like the color black, I like sports—football (soccer) in particular, I like a good book at times, I find weather disasters interesting and watch the news as much as I can, and I like to jog early in the mornings in order to catch the sun rise. I dislike anything that doesn’t go accordingly to how I want it, I dislike crowds, I prefer coffee over tea, I think whatever happens in life happens for a reason, that we are all fated for something….. and I had a decent childhood being raised by my parents up until they met in an accident and was taken under Mausi’s custody. …… Anything else you would like to know?
She blushes by his intense gaze and shakes her head, but feels dismay overcome her. She had wanted this to go in a different way, the two of them together speaking of their likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc—slipping into an easy going conversation. But here he is just giving her a list to cut it short. She gives a sigh and solemnly proceeds to eat her food.
They speak nothing for a long minute or two, no noise heard except the pounding of the rain against the windows. Bani sneaks a glance at him, who obliviously resumes eating his meal in silence. Frustration with how things are going overtakes her and she finds herself taking matters back into her own hands….
Bani: … You are a tough man to get to know, Mr. Walia…. Tell me, why do you push others away? …. Why do you distance yourself so much?
Jai, who was about to take a bite, holds back his forth from his mouth and gives Bani a look. He lowers his hand down….
Jai: Just because I am a busy man, Miss Dixit, does not distance me from everyone else…. I agree that I don’t have time to share, but that does not mean I do so intentionally….
Bani: (ignoring his excuse) You have built this wall around you, refusing to let anyone come in… even your own family. Only Krishna gets to see that soft side of you, but even then I believe you are hardly your true self when around her as well.
His dark eyes gleam at her across the table.
Bani: Mr. Walia… for these past months, I have tried endlessly in order to get to know you… to get your attention… to get familiar with you as I have with the rest of your family. But you have only pushed me away and away from time to time…. I do not understand why you distance yourself. I haven’t done anything to upset you, have I?
Jai sees how her face begins to crumble and he hates how it is due to him and his behavior. He hadn’t thought that it would affect her so much in this way….
Jai: No… no, you haven’t done anything … (reassuring)
Bani: (muttering miserably) ….. Then why do you push me away? –That night out in the garden, I had been so sure that you felt exactly what I fel—
Jai: (croaks, cutting in) Don’t—
Bani: (her voice growing, tears springing in her eyes) Mr. Walia, can’t you see? See that I like you more than I should? I am falling for you but you are indifferent to my feelings. For some reason you continue to keep away from me, only conversing with me when necessary. –Tell me, do you really regret the night out in the garden so much? Do you dislike having to deal with me? Please, give me an answer. It would explain so much… It would explain everything…. (begging, on the verge of breaking into endless tears)
She watches how his color has drained and an alarmed look presides on his bewildered face. In a blink of an eye, he pushes back his chair and rises.
Jai: (firmly) I don’t wish to speak about any of this.
As he turns to leave, Bani hastily rises from her chair as well and holds him back by gripping onto his arm.
Bani: But I do! Please, tell me—tell me what’s bothering you. Why you have created this big wall around you? Why you are afraid of being close to anyone? Why you are running away from love? –How will you ever be able to move on if you do not get rid of the burden inside of you…. I want to help you…. because I worry… I care… and I lo—
Jai turns back around to face her with a growing determined look. He grabs onto her hand that holds him by the arm and brings his face close.
Jai: What you’re asking for is not possible. Don’t you understand? (stresses)
Bani: (tearing) Why not?! Why isn’t it possible for you?! –I know you are hurt because of your wife leaving you, but that does not mean that your whole life is over—it does not provide a reason for you to stop living. Time cannot always stay still, you always have to carry on and move forward. You must learn to live and go on in life—not just stay in the same spot for the rest of your life. The world goes on, whether you like it or not and you must abide by it… You have to live for your daughter, your mother, and your sister who all love and worry over you. You are dragging your loved ones into your misery by continuing to suffer in this way…. They cannot see you like this…. I can’t see you like this…. It hurts to see you the way you are…. But if you would only let us in, let us love you and help then—
Jai: (voice booming loud) Enough!!
She stops short in her words and looks up at him with a terrified expression as she sees how dark his eyes have become.
Jai: What you want for to happen is not possible…. None of it…. Do you understand? (hard tone)
Bani gazes at him through her blinded eyes and after a moment roughly breaks his hold on her lower arm and runs off without a backward glance….
Jai Walia watches her swiftly climb the marble staircase and disappear out of sight, her heavy sobs echoing after her. He feels frustration at himself arise and he bangs the table beside him, causing the silverware to shake and the water glasses to spill…..
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Chapter 6:
“Hey moti,” he greets her with a wide grin and pats down on the space next to him. She joins him at the wall, sitting beside him and watching the sun set. Normally she would get upset of him poking fun at her, but today she was terribly upset about something far more important.
“Jaana zaroori hai kya?” she asks quietly while keeping her eyes down and tracing the leaf in her hand along the edges of the wall. He looks to her and his smile softens, his beautiful eyes gleaming. “Hmm. Papa wants me to go. He says there is far more opportunity for me. He wants me to learn and join him at the office soon…”
“But you are still young,” she argues, wanting to point this out and the injustice in it all. “My youth is slipping away,—I’m now a young adult.” She frowns hard at this while he continues to look at her with amusement. “Why cannot you finish your education here? What’s so wrong with the schools here?”
“Nothing, they are just fine. I’m even about to finish my university years here. But I have to learn from the best, and the best is just not here..” “But in fact in another country!” she intervenes. He takes her hand into his, releasing the leaf from her fingers, and gives it a soft squeeze. “I will write to you….We will stay in touch,” he tries to assure her. Her frown grows and she looks the other way. She feels his fingers take a hold onto her chin and steer her face back to him, making her meet his dark eyes. “You know, you are no child yourself. You are practically a woman now. Yet you are choosing to take this news rather childishly,” he pokes and watches how her face flushes from anger and embarrassment. She pushes him away and releases her hand from him. “Mind you, I am sixteen now. I’m no child. But fine, if you want me to take this as an adult, then go. Study and get your MBA. Then spend your years there expanding your father’s company. So what if I do not see you for years, it is all for business, isn’t it? And do not bother with writing to me, I am sure you would not like that hassle on your hands. I will be just fine,” she stresses while jutting out her chin in a stubborn manner. Her neighbor of ten years and best friend chuckles at her words while shaking his head. “You are too much…. You will give your husband a run. Poor fellow—I pity him, he would not know what he would be getting himself into by marrying you. And your kids—they will be no less like their mother, completely stubborn to the bone.”
She blushes. “Where are you bringing the topic of husband and children from? That will not happen till years to come. Besides, do not change the topic with me.” He throws back his head, staring up at the purple sky and sighs. He then glances at her with a slow smile. “You know, you behave as if you are much older than me. A habit you have had since you were little… I am your senior, you should give me some respect instead of always bullying me around in this manner.” “You are not much older,” she replies bashfully. A silence grows between them and they both stare out at the beautiful colors in the sky.
“You promise you will write to me?” she questions softly after some time. He looks to her and nods. “As much as I can.” She nods her head as well and lowers her gaze. Slowly she reaches out for his hand resting on the border wall.
“I am going to miss you….,” she confesses quietly. His eyes soften as he smiles sadly. “I will miss you more.” His grip on her hand tightens……
****************************************************************************
A couple of weeks have gone by now with Jai Walia not uttering a single word to Bani or showing his face. He stayed away as much as he could and she allowed him to, knowing that all her efforts have gone to vain and realizing that there can be no future of her with him. Jigyasa had been terribly upset when she found out what happened at dinner and said she would speak to her Jai Bhaiya only to be stopped by Bani herself, saying she did not wish to give him any further reason to be upset and that if he wishes for her to keep away then she gladly will do so.
Jigyasa, undoubtedly, became very troubled by the situation. She hardly discussed it with her anymore in fact.
Her heart breaks more and more by each passing day as her lost dreams haunt her and her time to leave nears. She does not know how she will be able to resume back to her old life, not when she has experienced so much love here and has lost it….
*****************************************************************************
She quietly packs her belongings with her sister, placing them into their suitcases and zipping them up. They would be leaving early morning the next day and go back to their home in Australia, where they belonged she reminds herself. Yet she is unable to shake off the feeling of hurt and misery presiding within her.
In a daze, Bani walks to the wardrobe and removes her clothes, taking them back with her to the suitcase and dumping them inside. As she begins in folding them neatly, she hears her younger sister say something from behind her.
“Bani di, what do you want to do with the extra photos that were developed from when we went to take our pictures?” Bani turns around and stares at the white package in her sister’s hands. Jigyasa and Mausi insisted that they take pictures of their stay here, wanting a lingering memory to stay with them of their family friends. Bani takes it into her hands.
“I will go and give them to Jigyasa Di. She may want them…,” she replies. “You girls finish packing and don’t forget any of your toiletries.” Her sisters nod just before she leaves the room….
Bani walks down the hall in search of Jigyasa’s room and as she goes by there, she sees no one is in there. She looks around, confused, as Jigyasa normally is in her room either reading or taking a small nap. She turns to head downstairs until a voice from nearby stops her. Recognizing the voice to be of her friends, Bani walks toward the open nursery from where she hears it from.
She is about to step in until she catches the sight of Jigyasa in a fierce conversation with her old brother, who looks clearly upset and aggravated. Bani hides behind the half-opened door.
Jigyasa: I did not expect this out of you, Bhaiya! How could you do this?!
Jai: (yells, cutting her off) I made a mistake! –I know this! I shouldn’t have done what I did, but what else do you expect me to do?! You know very well what can happen if I had acted otherwise! Must I remind everyone?! Do you not care at all for her? You all claim to love her so much, but are failing to do what is right! You all know perfectly well what will happen if she—
Jai’s words trail off suddenly as he catches the sight of Bani near the door. His eyes rest on her and Bani becomes startled by his unexpected attention onto her. She guiltily looks down…
From the corner of her eye she sees a look form on his face as he runs his fingers through his hair and turns his back on her. She lifts her eyes and finds that Jigyasa has noticed her as well and has become unbelievably pale.
Jigyasa: Bani… what are you doing here?
Bani: Di… I….
She begins stammering and walks slowly in, and at the same time, completely aware of Jai Walia’s rigid posture. Bani extends the white packaging into view.
Bani: These are extras from the pictures we had taken… I thought you would like them…. I didn’t want to forget in giving them to you.
Jigyasa: (attempting a smile) Thank you, I had forgotten too.
Jigyasa takes the packaging from her hand and looks to her with blank eyes. Bani takes the signal that she should leave and begins taking steps back.
Bani: … I… I will go now. I’m sorry that I… interrupted….
Without another word, Bani flees from there and runs back to her room. On closing the door, she rests her back against it and wonders who they possibly could be talking about. And what mistake has Jai Walia made?
*****************************************************************************
On Bani, Pia, and Rano’s last night in the Walia Mansion, a business party was being held at a one of the finest hotels in Mumbai at which Jai would be honored with recognition of attaining an important business deal and to honor his accomplished success in the business world. Almost every business man in Mumbai would be attending for the occasion. Jai had been against it from the very beginning, but Aditya persisted as well as his co-workers who said he deserved to celebrate his growing success.
And so the residents of the Mansion prepare themselves for the event. Bani opted to wear a shimmering red saree that fit her perfectly, gifted by her best friend, and flattered her well. She put minimal make up on, light jewelry (only long, dangling earrings and kangans on her wrist), and let her tresses out with no curls or other styles. She looked simple, but beautiful and elegant at the same. She was in no mood for this party, but encouraged herself to take part in it since it was to celebrate the success of the man she loves dearly. She would put her differences aside for one night and let him enjoy the success he deserves. She is happy that he has become into such a successful man with all the effort of working day and night he put into the company. His family members must be so proud just as she is.
By after eight o’clock, guests and business associates began pouring into the hall with individual congratulations to the man of the evening. Champagne broke out and the guests mingled with one another, laughing and talking about anything in particular. Bani stood as a bystander, a stranger, beside Jigyasa, who perhaps felt like Bani at the moment—proud of the accomplishment of her brother, but deeply upset about something else regarding him. She coaxed herself that she shouldn’t pry into Jai’s matters or try to figure out whom he and his sister were speaking about earlier this day. As it is, she would be leaving to Australia forever, returning back to her home and life.
Bani looks down at pretty Krishna in her arms, dressed in a lovely pink dress and her hair done in pigtails. She smiles softly at the girl she has become painstakingly attached to. Today she would not leave her alone, she would enjoy the last of her time she has with Krishna to the fullest. And perhaps she can learn to eventually move on and forget Krishna and her father. But she knew that was an impossible task and she would spend the rest of her life aching for them….
Some time later Aditya approaches them off to the sides and extends his hand over to his beautiful wife. Jigyasa shakes her head at him.
Aditya: Come on darling, be a sport. Let’s dance. I only remember the last time we last danced was at our wedding reception.
Jigyasa: Adi, I’m not in the mood, please.
Aditya: What nonsense. So you will continue to stay right here for the rest of the party?
Jigyasa: I am fine here with Bani. We are having just a great time, aren’t we Bani?
Bani gives a wry smile, not knowing what it is that Jigyasa is speaking about. The two of them are so absorbed in their own thoughts to even speak to one another. She looks to her brother-in-law with a slow smile.
Bani: Take her with you Jiju and make sure she enjoys herself.
Aditya: (winks) Will do love.
Jigyasa: Baanii—
Bani: Go on Di, you look so bored. I don’t want to keep you.
Jigyasa: But what about you? Won’t you be bored?
Aditya: Why don’t you mingle around Bani and try making some friends? Your sisters have been getting along just great so far….
Bani: I’m fine Jiju, I’ve got Krishu here with me. I’d just like to spend time with her is all.
Aditya: Sure, whatever you say.
Jigyasa looks on hesitantly after Bani while her husband whisks her away to the dance floor. Bani gives her a reassuring smile and watches her friend finally turns her back and join her husband. The smile on her face disappears and she lets out a soft sigh. She looks to Krishna and tickles her on her belly, causing the little girl to giggle.
Bani: Now what shall we do, Krishu?
Krishna: Mama…
Bani smiles affectionately and kisses the infant on her forehead.
Bani: (whispers) I am going to miss you the most…..
“Di, what are you doing just standing here for? Come on, join us. We are having such a wonderful time and already have made some friends,” her sister Pia exclaims while approaching her. She coos at Krishna for a moment before returning her attention onto her older sister. Rano joins them a second later with an excited look as well. “Yes, join us Didi.”
Bani laughs lightly at their excitement. Count on these girls to find fun almost anywhere. “What friends have you made, hm? Tell me.” Pia and Rano start looking around and pointing out some of the people they have befriended.
“Over there by the bar are Pushkar and Ranveer. They’re both cousins and their dads are business associates of Jai Walia,” Pia points out with a shy tone. The boys catch their eyes and give a soft nod. Bani raises her brow at this and looks to her sisters in amazement. Both Pia and Rano blush. “I am sensing more of a friendship here,” Bani murmurs, adding onto the already developing blush on their cheeks. She laughs, feeling content that at least they are enjoying themselves. Whereas she….
“And over there is a girl our age, Raashi. She is very nice too. I am sure you would like her. She is easy to talk to and friendly…… Then over there is Anamika, Saahil, Shekhar, Daksh, Meera, Sonali, and— “
“Wait,” Bani immediately cuts in. “… Did you say.. Meera?” she asks, not quite certain she heard right.
“Hey moti,” he greets her with a wide grin and pats down on the space next to him. She joins him at the wall, sitting beside him and watching the sun set. Normally she would get upset of him poking fun at her, but today she was terribly upset about something far more important.
“Jaana zaroori hai kya?” she asks quietly while keeping her eyes down and tracing the leaf in her hand along the edges of the wall. He looks to her and his smile softens, his beautiful eyes gleaming. “Hmm. Papa wants me to go. He says there is far more opportunity for me. He wants me to learn and join him at the office soon…”
“But you are still young,” she argues, wanting to point this out and the injustice in it all. “My youth is slipping away,—I’m now a young adult.” She frowns hard at this while he continues to look at her with amusement. “Why cannot you finish your education here? What’s so wrong with the schools here?”
“Nothing, they are just fine. I’m even about to finish my university years here. But I have to learn from the best, and the best is just not here..” “But in fact in another country!” she intervenes. He takes her hand into his, releasing the leaf from her fingers, and gives it a soft squeeze. “I will write to you….We will stay in touch,” he tries to assure her. Her frown grows and she looks the other way. She feels his fingers take a hold onto her chin and steer her face back to him, making her meet his dark eyes. “You know, you are no child yourself. You are practically a woman now. Yet you are choosing to take this news rather childishly,” he pokes and watches how her face flushes from anger and embarrassment. She pushes him away and releases her hand from him. “Mind you, I am sixteen now. I’m no child. But fine, if you want me to take this as an adult, then go. Study and get your MBA. Then spend your years there expanding your father’s company. So what if I do not see you for years, it is all for business, isn’t it? And do not bother with writing to me, I am sure you would not like that hassle on your hands. I will be just fine,” she stresses while jutting out her chin in a stubborn manner. Her neighbor of ten years and best friend chuckles at her words while shaking his head. “You are too much…. You will give your husband a run. Poor fellow—I pity him, he would not know what he would be getting himself into by marrying you. And your kids—they will be no less like their mother, completely stubborn to the bone.”
She blushes. “Where are you bringing the topic of husband and children from? That will not happen till years to come. Besides, do not change the topic with me.” He throws back his head, staring up at the purple sky and sighs. He then glances at her with a slow smile. “You know, you behave as if you are much older than me. A habit you have had since you were little… I am your senior, you should give me some respect instead of always bullying me around in this manner.” “You are not much older,” she replies bashfully. A silence grows between them and they both stare out at the beautiful colors in the sky.
“You promise you will write to me?” she questions softly after some time. He looks to her and nods. “As much as I can.” She nods her head as well and lowers her gaze. Slowly she reaches out for his hand resting on the border wall.
“I am going to miss you….,” she confesses quietly. His eyes soften as he smiles sadly. “I will miss you more.” His grip on her hand tightens……
****************************************************************************
A couple of weeks have gone by now with Jai Walia not uttering a single word to Bani or showing his face. He stayed away as much as he could and she allowed him to, knowing that all her efforts have gone to vain and realizing that there can be no future of her with him. Jigyasa had been terribly upset when she found out what happened at dinner and said she would speak to her Jai Bhaiya only to be stopped by Bani herself, saying she did not wish to give him any further reason to be upset and that if he wishes for her to keep away then she gladly will do so.
Jigyasa, undoubtedly, became very troubled by the situation. She hardly discussed it with her anymore in fact.
Her heart breaks more and more by each passing day as her lost dreams haunt her and her time to leave nears. She does not know how she will be able to resume back to her old life, not when she has experienced so much love here and has lost it….
*****************************************************************************
She quietly packs her belongings with her sister, placing them into their suitcases and zipping them up. They would be leaving early morning the next day and go back to their home in Australia, where they belonged she reminds herself. Yet she is unable to shake off the feeling of hurt and misery presiding within her.
In a daze, Bani walks to the wardrobe and removes her clothes, taking them back with her to the suitcase and dumping them inside. As she begins in folding them neatly, she hears her younger sister say something from behind her.
“Bani di, what do you want to do with the extra photos that were developed from when we went to take our pictures?” Bani turns around and stares at the white package in her sister’s hands. Jigyasa and Mausi insisted that they take pictures of their stay here, wanting a lingering memory to stay with them of their family friends. Bani takes it into her hands.
“I will go and give them to Jigyasa Di. She may want them…,” she replies. “You girls finish packing and don’t forget any of your toiletries.” Her sisters nod just before she leaves the room….
Bani walks down the hall in search of Jigyasa’s room and as she goes by there, she sees no one is in there. She looks around, confused, as Jigyasa normally is in her room either reading or taking a small nap. She turns to head downstairs until a voice from nearby stops her. Recognizing the voice to be of her friends, Bani walks toward the open nursery from where she hears it from.
She is about to step in until she catches the sight of Jigyasa in a fierce conversation with her old brother, who looks clearly upset and aggravated. Bani hides behind the half-opened door.
Jigyasa: I did not expect this out of you, Bhaiya! How could you do this?!
Jai: (yells, cutting her off) I made a mistake! –I know this! I shouldn’t have done what I did, but what else do you expect me to do?! You know very well what can happen if I had acted otherwise! Must I remind everyone?! Do you not care at all for her? You all claim to love her so much, but are failing to do what is right! You all know perfectly well what will happen if she—
Jai’s words trail off suddenly as he catches the sight of Bani near the door. His eyes rest on her and Bani becomes startled by his unexpected attention onto her. She guiltily looks down…
From the corner of her eye she sees a look form on his face as he runs his fingers through his hair and turns his back on her. She lifts her eyes and finds that Jigyasa has noticed her as well and has become unbelievably pale.
Jigyasa: Bani… what are you doing here?
Bani: Di… I….
She begins stammering and walks slowly in, and at the same time, completely aware of Jai Walia’s rigid posture. Bani extends the white packaging into view.
Bani: These are extras from the pictures we had taken… I thought you would like them…. I didn’t want to forget in giving them to you.
Jigyasa: (attempting a smile) Thank you, I had forgotten too.
Jigyasa takes the packaging from her hand and looks to her with blank eyes. Bani takes the signal that she should leave and begins taking steps back.
Bani: … I… I will go now. I’m sorry that I… interrupted….
Without another word, Bani flees from there and runs back to her room. On closing the door, she rests her back against it and wonders who they possibly could be talking about. And what mistake has Jai Walia made?
*****************************************************************************
On Bani, Pia, and Rano’s last night in the Walia Mansion, a business party was being held at a one of the finest hotels in Mumbai at which Jai would be honored with recognition of attaining an important business deal and to honor his accomplished success in the business world. Almost every business man in Mumbai would be attending for the occasion. Jai had been against it from the very beginning, but Aditya persisted as well as his co-workers who said he deserved to celebrate his growing success.
And so the residents of the Mansion prepare themselves for the event. Bani opted to wear a shimmering red saree that fit her perfectly, gifted by her best friend, and flattered her well. She put minimal make up on, light jewelry (only long, dangling earrings and kangans on her wrist), and let her tresses out with no curls or other styles. She looked simple, but beautiful and elegant at the same. She was in no mood for this party, but encouraged herself to take part in it since it was to celebrate the success of the man she loves dearly. She would put her differences aside for one night and let him enjoy the success he deserves. She is happy that he has become into such a successful man with all the effort of working day and night he put into the company. His family members must be so proud just as she is.
By after eight o’clock, guests and business associates began pouring into the hall with individual congratulations to the man of the evening. Champagne broke out and the guests mingled with one another, laughing and talking about anything in particular. Bani stood as a bystander, a stranger, beside Jigyasa, who perhaps felt like Bani at the moment—proud of the accomplishment of her brother, but deeply upset about something else regarding him. She coaxed herself that she shouldn’t pry into Jai’s matters or try to figure out whom he and his sister were speaking about earlier this day. As it is, she would be leaving to Australia forever, returning back to her home and life.
Bani looks down at pretty Krishna in her arms, dressed in a lovely pink dress and her hair done in pigtails. She smiles softly at the girl she has become painstakingly attached to. Today she would not leave her alone, she would enjoy the last of her time she has with Krishna to the fullest. And perhaps she can learn to eventually move on and forget Krishna and her father. But she knew that was an impossible task and she would spend the rest of her life aching for them….
Some time later Aditya approaches them off to the sides and extends his hand over to his beautiful wife. Jigyasa shakes her head at him.
Aditya: Come on darling, be a sport. Let’s dance. I only remember the last time we last danced was at our wedding reception.
Jigyasa: Adi, I’m not in the mood, please.
Aditya: What nonsense. So you will continue to stay right here for the rest of the party?
Jigyasa: I am fine here with Bani. We are having just a great time, aren’t we Bani?
Bani gives a wry smile, not knowing what it is that Jigyasa is speaking about. The two of them are so absorbed in their own thoughts to even speak to one another. She looks to her brother-in-law with a slow smile.
Bani: Take her with you Jiju and make sure she enjoys herself.
Aditya: (winks) Will do love.
Jigyasa: Baanii—
Bani: Go on Di, you look so bored. I don’t want to keep you.
Jigyasa: But what about you? Won’t you be bored?
Aditya: Why don’t you mingle around Bani and try making some friends? Your sisters have been getting along just great so far….
Bani: I’m fine Jiju, I’ve got Krishu here with me. I’d just like to spend time with her is all.
Aditya: Sure, whatever you say.
Jigyasa looks on hesitantly after Bani while her husband whisks her away to the dance floor. Bani gives her a reassuring smile and watches her friend finally turns her back and join her husband. The smile on her face disappears and she lets out a soft sigh. She looks to Krishna and tickles her on her belly, causing the little girl to giggle.
Bani: Now what shall we do, Krishu?
Krishna: Mama…
Bani smiles affectionately and kisses the infant on her forehead.
Bani: (whispers) I am going to miss you the most…..
“Di, what are you doing just standing here for? Come on, join us. We are having such a wonderful time and already have made some friends,” her sister Pia exclaims while approaching her. She coos at Krishna for a moment before returning her attention onto her older sister. Rano joins them a second later with an excited look as well. “Yes, join us Didi.”
Bani laughs lightly at their excitement. Count on these girls to find fun almost anywhere. “What friends have you made, hm? Tell me.” Pia and Rano start looking around and pointing out some of the people they have befriended.
“Over there by the bar are Pushkar and Ranveer. They’re both cousins and their dads are business associates of Jai Walia,” Pia points out with a shy tone. The boys catch their eyes and give a soft nod. Bani raises her brow at this and looks to her sisters in amazement. Both Pia and Rano blush. “I am sensing more of a friendship here,” Bani murmurs, adding onto the already developing blush on their cheeks. She laughs, feeling content that at least they are enjoying themselves. Whereas she….
“And over there is a girl our age, Raashi. She is very nice too. I am sure you would like her. She is easy to talk to and friendly…… Then over there is Anamika, Saahil, Shekhar, Daksh, Meera, Sonali, and— “
“Wait,” Bani immediately cuts in. “… Did you say.. Meera?” she asks, not quite certain she heard right.
“Yes,” Rano firmly replies. “Meera… She’s very nice.”
Her head begins to pound and alarm overtakes her as she tries to check whether she had heard her sister right. “Meera?” she questions slowly, cautiously. “Yes, Di…. She is here with her boyfriend, Aparajit Deb, who is pretty nice himself but a little weird as well….,” Rano informs her.
Bani’s hold on Krishna tightens as her eyes frantically search the crowd for the particular woman, the very woman who abandoned her daughter and broke Jai Walia’s heart. Could she be the same one?
Bani: (hastily) How old is she?
Pia: (thinks) …. Er… She is a little older than you, Di… Maybe even close to Mr. Walia’s age…
Bani: And her looks? –How does she look?
Rano: She’s right here near the stage, Di, standing by the tall man in the white business suit. But why are you asking all of this? Do you know her?
Her sisters’ questions fall to deaf ears as Bani’s eyes land on a gorgeous woman with long, brown wavy hair reaching to her back, beautiful hazel eyes, alluring smile, and a well-maintained figure. She no doubt is a beauty and every man must find her attractive. She can’t help but realize that Jigyasa’s description of Meera matches similarly to the woman across from her, laughing sweetly as she converses with her friends. She had failed though to mention how beautiful she really is.
Bani: …. What is her last name? Did you catch it?
Rano: … I think it was Khandelwal… Do you remember Pia?
Pia: Yes, I think it was that too….
“Before she became Mr. Walia’s wife, who was she?” she asked her best friend in the privacy of her room. “Meera Khandelwal, a simple girl with high ambitions….”
Bani gasps on this piece of news, astonished that she is finally seeing this woman and that she is even here to begin with. She has come back…. After seventeen months of being missing, she has finally come back….. That too, with another man. How is it that she is at this party that is held in Jai Walia’s honor? How could she have the audacity to return?
Anger shoots up inside of her by the thought of her indulging herself into her own selfish needs while she had responsibilities of her own, being a married woman and a mother of a child. How selfish could she be, really? To strand two individuals to survive on their own and chase off her own desires? She hates her, she decides. She hates her even more than before now that she knows what kind of woman she really is.
Bani watches as she politely excuses herself in the other direction, leaving the party momentarily. She looks around, wondering whether any of the other Walias notice her presence amongst them… whether Jai has noticed his ex-wife at all, her unexpected return in his and his family’s lives. She finds him, however, surrounded amidst attending guests, toasting with glasses of champagne…oblivious to everything.
Without another dwelling thought, Bani looks over to her sisters and hurriedly hands Krishna into Pia’s arms, telling the two of them to take care of her while she attends to something else. She heard Krishna crying out for her until it eventually faded as she crossed the hall and arrived at the French doors leading outside. Taking in a deep breath, Bani steps out into the small garden….
Bani’s hold on Krishna tightens as her eyes frantically search the crowd for the particular woman, the very woman who abandoned her daughter and broke Jai Walia’s heart. Could she be the same one?
Bani: (hastily) How old is she?
Pia: (thinks) …. Er… She is a little older than you, Di… Maybe even close to Mr. Walia’s age…
Bani: And her looks? –How does she look?
Rano: She’s right here near the stage, Di, standing by the tall man in the white business suit. But why are you asking all of this? Do you know her?
Her sisters’ questions fall to deaf ears as Bani’s eyes land on a gorgeous woman with long, brown wavy hair reaching to her back, beautiful hazel eyes, alluring smile, and a well-maintained figure. She no doubt is a beauty and every man must find her attractive. She can’t help but realize that Jigyasa’s description of Meera matches similarly to the woman across from her, laughing sweetly as she converses with her friends. She had failed though to mention how beautiful she really is.
Bani: …. What is her last name? Did you catch it?
Rano: … I think it was Khandelwal… Do you remember Pia?
Pia: Yes, I think it was that too….
“Before she became Mr. Walia’s wife, who was she?” she asked her best friend in the privacy of her room. “Meera Khandelwal, a simple girl with high ambitions….”
Bani gasps on this piece of news, astonished that she is finally seeing this woman and that she is even here to begin with. She has come back…. After seventeen months of being missing, she has finally come back….. That too, with another man. How is it that she is at this party that is held in Jai Walia’s honor? How could she have the audacity to return?
Anger shoots up inside of her by the thought of her indulging herself into her own selfish needs while she had responsibilities of her own, being a married woman and a mother of a child. How selfish could she be, really? To strand two individuals to survive on their own and chase off her own desires? She hates her, she decides. She hates her even more than before now that she knows what kind of woman she really is.
Bani watches as she politely excuses herself in the other direction, leaving the party momentarily. She looks around, wondering whether any of the other Walias notice her presence amongst them… whether Jai has noticed his ex-wife at all, her unexpected return in his and his family’s lives. She finds him, however, surrounded amidst attending guests, toasting with glasses of champagne…oblivious to everything.
Without another dwelling thought, Bani looks over to her sisters and hurriedly hands Krishna into Pia’s arms, telling the two of them to take care of her while she attends to something else. She heard Krishna crying out for her until it eventually faded as she crossed the hall and arrived at the French doors leading outside. Taking in a deep breath, Bani steps out into the small garden….
She doesn’t know what she’s doing or why she is going after Meera, but decides that this is her only chance to speak with the woman and ask questions that the Walia family has failed to address…. She wants to know why she could ever leave a darling girl like Krishna behind, to leave her without a mother’s love…. To forsake a marriage and abandon a man who held faith in her and continues to.
There she sits on one of the marble benches and brushing aside her hair, her bangles tinkling as she does this, and gazing up at the starry sky. Bani slowly approaches her sees Meera Khandelwal glance up at her and smile politely before looking back up at the dark sky.
Bani: Hello… I don’t think we’ve introduced ourselves… I am Bani… Bani Dixit…
Meera straightens her posture, rising to her full height, and extends her hand forward with a friendly smile.
Meera: Meera… Meera Khandelwal…
Bani does not take her hand and after realizing that she won’t, Meera drops her hand back down to her side.
Bani: I know who you are…
Meera: Oh? Have I seen you somewhere before, then?
Bani: No….
Meera: (confused) Then?
Bani: When I say I know you, I mean that I have heard of you….
Meera: (smiling tentatively) And what have you heard? Good things, I hope. (she giggles)
Bani: (returns the smile, but it is forced) I don’t know… You tell me… What would you say about a woman who abandoned her husband and child behind in order to attain her own selfish wants?
The smile on Meera’s face fades as she becomes rebuffed by Bani’s words as well as taken aback.
Meera: Excuse me?
Bani: I believe you heard me right…You had done all that, did you not? Deprive a child of its mother and leave behind a wounded heart and for what? What could you possibly have wanted more? Were you not happy with what God have given you? He gave you a husband who adored you and loved you more than himself—graced you with a child—and a family who had all dotted on you. What made you throw all that away? What was much more important than that? Then the life you had?
Meera: I think you are mixing me with someone else… I don’t know what you are talking about… (hastily)
Bani: (voice grows) You know what I am talking about! Are you so ashamed of what you had done that you do not even wish to speak of it?!
Meera: Listen Bani, I don’t know what it is that you are saying. What husband? What child? I have none of that. I’m happily engaged with a wonderful man who loves me. And yes, maybe one day we too will be graced with a child. And let me tell you, I will never leave them both. I will love them dearly with all my heart and never let go.
Bani: (shocked) I cannot believe you! You are a disgusting hypocrite…. What about your husband and the child you already have?!
Meera: (her tone growing an edge) I already told you, I do not know what husband and child you speak of!
Bani: Your husband, Jai Walia! You really don’t remember him? The one with whom you were childhood friends with? The one who fell madly in love with you and wanted to marry you?! The one who gave you so much love after your marriage! And your child, Krishna! The little girl who you carried in your womb for nine months and brought into this world! You really don’t remember them?!
Meera’s face pales as she becomes speechless. She is clearly shocked by Bani’s words and stares at her with baffled eyes.
Meera: You….. You…. You have got it all wrong…. All so wrong….
Meera gathers her purse and begins storming out from the garden. Bani runs after her and stops her just as they are about to reach the doors. She grabs onto her arm.
Bani: No, it is all right… You just do not wish to see it that way…. You do not want to face what you had done!
Meera: Stop it! Stop it! Just stop it! None of what you are saying is true!
Bani: And why not?!
Meera: Because I was never married to Jai Walia!! Neither am I the mother of his child!
Bani: What do you mean? … Of course you are! You walked out on them both—
Meera: Are you not listening to me?! How could I possibly be wife to him and the mother of his child when I do not even properly know him!
Bani steps away in astonishment and becomes speechless herself. She watches Meera look behind her, her eyes fixated onto something, and slowly follows her gaze. She becomes startled on being faced with the gallant height of Jai Walia towering over her, staring down at her with dark, gleaming eyes. Her own eyes switch over to the person next to him, Jigyasa, who looks terribly worried and looks from Bani to Jai anxiously.
Meera: Mr. Walia, what is going on here? Why does this woman believe that I am married to you and am the mother of your child?
Jai Walia changes his gaze from Bani and over to Meera. A look of apology spreads onto his face.
Jai: I’m sorry Meera. There is a bit of confusion. And I am sorry that you are brought into this. Please excuse us and we will sort this all out.
Meera simply nods her head, gives Bani a last look, before willingly leaving the three behind. Bani stares at Jai with so much confusion that she feels a headache coming along. She looks over to Jigyasa, who is white faced and murmurs to herself….
Jigyasa: I shouldn’t have left her alone, Bhaiya…. I’m sorry…. I should have known that all these people—she would eventually--
Jai Walia raises his hand to silence her while in the meanwhile keeping his eyes firmly on Bani, who stares back into his expressionless eyes.
Jai: Bani….
Bani: Mr. Walia, what did Meera mean by all of that? Tell me it’s not true…. She is your wife! And she is Krishna’s mother!
Jai: Bani, that’s enough.
Bani: But it is the truth! Isn’t it? –Jigyasa Di, you had told me—you told me everything about Meera, telling me how she and Mr. Walia met, when they got married, when they had Krishna and when she left them both…. You told me… (excitedly)
Jai Walia sharply looks to his sister at this and she guilty looks down, avoiding her older brother’s murderous glare.
Jigyasa: (softly) …. Bani….. I…. I lied to you…. I’m sorry… You had kept on asking about Krishna’s mother… so I had to give you something…. And I thought Meera would have been a safe pick since we hardly ever meet her….
Jai: Jigyasa, leave…. As it is, you have done enough already…. I will handle this….
Jigyasa flashes a sad look but leaves promptly, walking from sight…. Bani looks desperately up at him…
Bani: (tearing up, using an accusing tone) What is the truth then? Why doesn’t anyone tell me? Who is Krishna’s mother? Who was the woman who walked out on you and broke your heart? Why is this all such a mystery?! Why can you not just tell me!
Suddenly Bani feels his hands grip hard onto her shoulders and shake her roughly. She is startled by this and stares up at him, stupefied.
Jai: (growls) God dammit, Bani! It is you! It’s you! It’s you, alright?! You are Krishu’s mother! You are my wife! Only you!
Her breath evades her and she finds herself rooted by his emphasized words. Her mind goes blank and the rest of her body limb… She looks to him, beyond confused, beyond troubled, beyond sane and whispers….
Bani: What? How… How can that….
She chokes on her building tears and says no more, too absorbed in this exhilarating shock he has given her.
There she sits on one of the marble benches and brushing aside her hair, her bangles tinkling as she does this, and gazing up at the starry sky. Bani slowly approaches her sees Meera Khandelwal glance up at her and smile politely before looking back up at the dark sky.
Bani: Hello… I don’t think we’ve introduced ourselves… I am Bani… Bani Dixit…
Meera straightens her posture, rising to her full height, and extends her hand forward with a friendly smile.
Meera: Meera… Meera Khandelwal…
Bani does not take her hand and after realizing that she won’t, Meera drops her hand back down to her side.
Bani: I know who you are…
Meera: Oh? Have I seen you somewhere before, then?
Bani: No….
Meera: (confused) Then?
Bani: When I say I know you, I mean that I have heard of you….
Meera: (smiling tentatively) And what have you heard? Good things, I hope. (she giggles)
Bani: (returns the smile, but it is forced) I don’t know… You tell me… What would you say about a woman who abandoned her husband and child behind in order to attain her own selfish wants?
The smile on Meera’s face fades as she becomes rebuffed by Bani’s words as well as taken aback.
Meera: Excuse me?
Bani: I believe you heard me right…You had done all that, did you not? Deprive a child of its mother and leave behind a wounded heart and for what? What could you possibly have wanted more? Were you not happy with what God have given you? He gave you a husband who adored you and loved you more than himself—graced you with a child—and a family who had all dotted on you. What made you throw all that away? What was much more important than that? Then the life you had?
Meera: I think you are mixing me with someone else… I don’t know what you are talking about… (hastily)
Bani: (voice grows) You know what I am talking about! Are you so ashamed of what you had done that you do not even wish to speak of it?!
Meera: Listen Bani, I don’t know what it is that you are saying. What husband? What child? I have none of that. I’m happily engaged with a wonderful man who loves me. And yes, maybe one day we too will be graced with a child. And let me tell you, I will never leave them both. I will love them dearly with all my heart and never let go.
Bani: (shocked) I cannot believe you! You are a disgusting hypocrite…. What about your husband and the child you already have?!
Meera: (her tone growing an edge) I already told you, I do not know what husband and child you speak of!
Bani: Your husband, Jai Walia! You really don’t remember him? The one with whom you were childhood friends with? The one who fell madly in love with you and wanted to marry you?! The one who gave you so much love after your marriage! And your child, Krishna! The little girl who you carried in your womb for nine months and brought into this world! You really don’t remember them?!
Meera’s face pales as she becomes speechless. She is clearly shocked by Bani’s words and stares at her with baffled eyes.
Meera: You….. You…. You have got it all wrong…. All so wrong….
Meera gathers her purse and begins storming out from the garden. Bani runs after her and stops her just as they are about to reach the doors. She grabs onto her arm.
Bani: No, it is all right… You just do not wish to see it that way…. You do not want to face what you had done!
Meera: Stop it! Stop it! Just stop it! None of what you are saying is true!
Bani: And why not?!
Meera: Because I was never married to Jai Walia!! Neither am I the mother of his child!
Bani: What do you mean? … Of course you are! You walked out on them both—
Meera: Are you not listening to me?! How could I possibly be wife to him and the mother of his child when I do not even properly know him!
Bani steps away in astonishment and becomes speechless herself. She watches Meera look behind her, her eyes fixated onto something, and slowly follows her gaze. She becomes startled on being faced with the gallant height of Jai Walia towering over her, staring down at her with dark, gleaming eyes. Her own eyes switch over to the person next to him, Jigyasa, who looks terribly worried and looks from Bani to Jai anxiously.
Meera: Mr. Walia, what is going on here? Why does this woman believe that I am married to you and am the mother of your child?
Jai Walia changes his gaze from Bani and over to Meera. A look of apology spreads onto his face.
Jai: I’m sorry Meera. There is a bit of confusion. And I am sorry that you are brought into this. Please excuse us and we will sort this all out.
Meera simply nods her head, gives Bani a last look, before willingly leaving the three behind. Bani stares at Jai with so much confusion that she feels a headache coming along. She looks over to Jigyasa, who is white faced and murmurs to herself….
Jigyasa: I shouldn’t have left her alone, Bhaiya…. I’m sorry…. I should have known that all these people—she would eventually--
Jai Walia raises his hand to silence her while in the meanwhile keeping his eyes firmly on Bani, who stares back into his expressionless eyes.
Jai: Bani….
Bani: Mr. Walia, what did Meera mean by all of that? Tell me it’s not true…. She is your wife! And she is Krishna’s mother!
Jai: Bani, that’s enough.
Bani: But it is the truth! Isn’t it? –Jigyasa Di, you had told me—you told me everything about Meera, telling me how she and Mr. Walia met, when they got married, when they had Krishna and when she left them both…. You told me… (excitedly)
Jai Walia sharply looks to his sister at this and she guilty looks down, avoiding her older brother’s murderous glare.
Jigyasa: (softly) …. Bani….. I…. I lied to you…. I’m sorry… You had kept on asking about Krishna’s mother… so I had to give you something…. And I thought Meera would have been a safe pick since we hardly ever meet her….
Jai: Jigyasa, leave…. As it is, you have done enough already…. I will handle this….
Jigyasa flashes a sad look but leaves promptly, walking from sight…. Bani looks desperately up at him…
Bani: (tearing up, using an accusing tone) What is the truth then? Why doesn’t anyone tell me? Who is Krishna’s mother? Who was the woman who walked out on you and broke your heart? Why is this all such a mystery?! Why can you not just tell me!
Suddenly Bani feels his hands grip hard onto her shoulders and shake her roughly. She is startled by this and stares up at him, stupefied.
Jai: (growls) God dammit, Bani! It is you! It’s you! It’s you, alright?! You are Krishu’s mother! You are my wife! Only you!
Her breath evades her and she finds herself rooted by his emphasized words. Her mind goes blank and the rest of her body limb… She looks to him, beyond confused, beyond troubled, beyond sane and whispers….
Bani: What? How… How can that….
She chokes on her building tears and says no more, too absorbed in this exhilarating shock he has given her.
Bani: (shaking her head) … No… No, what you are saying is not true.
She is his wife? Krishna’s real mother? She is the one who abandoned them? No, she couldn’t have done that. She never would have done that.
Jai: I wouldn’t lie… especially to you… You’re my wife, Bani… and Krishna is our daughter. (his voice growing less harsher, almost accompanying a much gentler tone)
Seeing that Bani is overwhelmed and not properly looking at him, he holds her close, drawing her by the arm and peers directly at her.
Jai: Bani… You have to listen to me. I’ve had enough of the charade I’ve had to put on. You may as well now listen to the truth.
Her stunned gaze lands onto his dark, grave face, her vision blurring from the onslaught of hot tears. Her breathing turns shallow. Her headache grows. Still, she shakes her head in denial…
Bani: No… I-… I wouldn’t…. I couldn’t…
Jai: Bani….
He calls out her name in a tone she is unfamiliar with since knowing him. If she wasn’t mistaken, she would have thought it was a loving tone as it is much sweeter, much softer…silkier.
Jai: Look at me. (he gently commands)
She does as he says. A single look into his dark stormy eyes and all she can see is such strong fierceness in them, an evident sincerity in them that she can no longer deny. She feels herself shatter from what else is reflected in his pained gaze….love…burning love that brims in those gray orbs of his. She nearly gasps from it.
It’s true. It has to be true. But then that means…. She is that very woman who she has despised all these months. But why? Why did she leave them? And where did she plan to do and go? More tears dwell in her eyes and stream down her cheeks…. Her knees grow weak and she feels the need to sit down, but Jai’s strong hold on her arm keeps her uprooted.
Bani: (disbelief, dazed) … I… I left you both? I was the one who walked out?... I am the woman who everyone refuses to speak about in your home?.... I… your wife?...
She feels a dizzy sensation forming and has to hold onto his arms to steady her, having to lean into him for support. She sees how his tensed expression softens on hearing her choked words… This man… this man before her is her husband?
Jai: (softly) Yes… Yes, you left me and Krishna both…
Bani removes herself away from him and falls down onto the stone bench while hugging herself and crying…
Bani: (whispers) Why? Why—why did I do that?
She feels his presence come near and looks up through shiny tears once his cold hands grip onto her own. He kneels down on the grass before her, looking attentive and worried, yet at the same time wanting to soothe her.
Jai: It’s not your fault…. It’s not in the way you are thinking of it…. Yes, you left us but it was necessary—it was a majboori….
Bani: (sobbing) But I still left! I am a horrible woman! –I left my husband and child behind…. The very woman I hated for leaving you and Krishna behind is myself…. I… I did it…. And you still love me after that?
His fingers run through her silk tresses as he looks at her in adornment that is completely foreign to her as she has had to suffer from his neglect and indifference thus far. He kisses her other hand that he holds onto her and places it against his cheek. She can feel his warmth on her cold hand.
Jai: I will always love you…. always….
Bani: But I—
Jai: Bani, please… You didn’t do anything wrong… Like I said, it was a compulsion that took you away from me and Krishna….
Bani: (puzzled) What kind of compulsion?
Stress lines begin to form on his forehead as he stands up on his feet and runs his hand through his hair. Bani stands up as well, waiting for his next words…
Bani: (pleadingly) Please, tell me …. I don’t remember anything….
Jai nods his head in agreement, understanding her predicament.
Jai: It is too late to avoid this matter any longer now that you know the truth…..
He looks at her with his intense gray eyes.
Jai: Bani… seventeen months ago… about a month and a half after our daughter was born… You met with a terrible accident when you went to visit your father and sisters in Delhi… You hadn’t seen them much since we had gotten married so we had made plans to visit with Krishna as well. Except I had been busy with handling things at work so I would have joined you in Delhi after a couple of days after everything was all clear…. Mausi had arrived recently around the day of your flight back from Chandigarh and wanted to spend some time with her new granddaughter…. So we altered our plans and decided you would go first and Krishna and I would come afterwards. As it is your father wasn’t feeling too good at the time so you were a little worried and wanted to go as soon as possible. Once you arrived at Delhi’s airport and took the taxi to go to your father’s house, the car met with an accident with another ….
Jai: While you were conscious you failed to recognize anyone and the doctors concluded that you had lost your memory… After some more testing they said that there was possibility of you having a brain hemorrhage if you were given any shocks or stress, which would trigger it… and you would die. Everyone, your father especially, believed it would be best if we kept it a secret that you were a wife and a mother… with how it would already add too much with the stress of having unknown responsibilities and that it would just be best if you knew about your father and sisters who would help you adjust and take care of you….and it didn’t help much that you did not react well whenever I came around you. It was heartbreaking for me to let you go, but I knew it was for your wellbeing… I loved you too much to put you in danger… And so if you had to leave me, then I was fine with it….
Bani: (disbelief, dazed) … I… I left you both? I was the one who walked out?... I am the woman who everyone refuses to speak about in your home?.... I… your wife?...
She feels a dizzy sensation forming and has to hold onto his arms to steady her, having to lean into him for support. She sees how his tensed expression softens on hearing her choked words… This man… this man before her is her husband?
Jai: (softly) Yes… Yes, you left me and Krishna both…
Bani removes herself away from him and falls down onto the stone bench while hugging herself and crying…
Bani: (whispers) Why? Why—why did I do that?
She feels his presence come near and looks up through shiny tears once his cold hands grip onto her own. He kneels down on the grass before her, looking attentive and worried, yet at the same time wanting to soothe her.
Jai: It’s not your fault…. It’s not in the way you are thinking of it…. Yes, you left us but it was necessary—it was a majboori….
Bani: (sobbing) But I still left! I am a horrible woman! –I left my husband and child behind…. The very woman I hated for leaving you and Krishna behind is myself…. I… I did it…. And you still love me after that?
His fingers run through her silk tresses as he looks at her in adornment that is completely foreign to her as she has had to suffer from his neglect and indifference thus far. He kisses her other hand that he holds onto her and places it against his cheek. She can feel his warmth on her cold hand.
Jai: I will always love you…. always….
Bani: But I—
Jai: Bani, please… You didn’t do anything wrong… Like I said, it was a compulsion that took you away from me and Krishna….
Bani: (puzzled) What kind of compulsion?
Stress lines begin to form on his forehead as he stands up on his feet and runs his hand through his hair. Bani stands up as well, waiting for his next words…
Bani: (pleadingly) Please, tell me …. I don’t remember anything….
Jai nods his head in agreement, understanding her predicament.
Jai: It is too late to avoid this matter any longer now that you know the truth…..
He looks at her with his intense gray eyes.
Jai: Bani… seventeen months ago… about a month and a half after our daughter was born… You met with a terrible accident when you went to visit your father and sisters in Delhi… You hadn’t seen them much since we had gotten married so we had made plans to visit with Krishna as well. Except I had been busy with handling things at work so I would have joined you in Delhi after a couple of days after everything was all clear…. Mausi had arrived recently around the day of your flight back from Chandigarh and wanted to spend some time with her new granddaughter…. So we altered our plans and decided you would go first and Krishna and I would come afterwards. As it is your father wasn’t feeling too good at the time so you were a little worried and wanted to go as soon as possible. Once you arrived at Delhi’s airport and took the taxi to go to your father’s house, the car met with an accident with another ….
Jai: While you were conscious you failed to recognize anyone and the doctors concluded that you had lost your memory… After some more testing they said that there was possibility of you having a brain hemorrhage if you were given any shocks or stress, which would trigger it… and you would die. Everyone, your father especially, believed it would be best if we kept it a secret that you were a wife and a mother… with how it would already add too much with the stress of having unknown responsibilities and that it would just be best if you knew about your father and sisters who would help you adjust and take care of you….and it didn’t help much that you did not react well whenever I came around you. It was heartbreaking for me to let you go, but I knew it was for your wellbeing… I loved you too much to put you in danger… And so if you had to leave me, then I was fine with it….
Jai: Your father took you and your sisters to Australia to get you to a new environment so there wouldn’t be any danger of you remembering too much…. I didn’t know for how long this act would go on, but for you, I was willing to wait forever…. I knew eventually you would come back…. Our love would have brought you back to me…. our child…. So I waited… and waited… and grew miserable and miserable without you in my life….Until Mausi brought you back for a visit… She wanted to try patch up the remaining of my life… She thought it wasn’t right how we were kept away from each other…. I had been strongly against you coming here in the beginning… I didn’t want to risk anything with your health…. So that is ever since you have been here, I maintained my distance… I feared that if I got close in any way, you would be harmed……
Now she knows why he pushed her away, why he kept himself away—he loves her too much to put her into danger. It was all out of love.
Jai: (continuing) Mausi had stayed particularly close to you on my account… She lied by saying she was your mother’s best friend in order to establish some relationship to your family and in order for you to accept her…. She kept me well informed about you every time she went to visit…. I called your father regularly as well, but that had stopped when he started to fear that you would catch something is wrong….
Bani stares at him wide-eyed as a particular memory strikes her mind. She comes close to him and places her hand on his shoulder.
Bani: It was you who sent me those flowers on my birthday, wasn’t it?
Jai nods his head in affirmative.
Bani: Papa had gotten so angry that day and I overheard his conversation with you in his office… He was yelling at you to keep away….
Jai: (giving a wry smile) Your father has been telling me that for years Bani… It is nothing new….
Bani: (surprised) For years?
Jai: Yes… ever since we were little…. We had been best friends straight from childhood…. Your family and mine were neighbors for ten years…. We did everything together…
Bani: … (disbelief) friends?... childhood? But Mausi said Jigyasa Di and I—
Jai: That was another lie on Mausi’s part. In fact, Jigyasa and you could hardly stand one another growing up. It was only after our marriage that you two became close, inseparable—almost like sisters. (smiling now a little softly to himself, reminiscing through the past)
Confusion swarms her around as she looks unsure of his words. Jai draws her closer and cups her cheek, causing her eyes to connect with his.
Jai: Do you remember? … Do you remember anything, Bani?
Bani: (shaking her head) No… I… I don’t remember anything…..
His face falls from disappointment but he quickly recollects himself and urges her more….
Jai: Try… Please try Bani…. Remember our life together….. Remember us…. Remember me….
Bani: (choking on her tears, her head pounding) Mr. Walia, I…. I can’t…. I can’t remember anything about my life….
Jai: (fiercely) There used to be a wall border separating our houses… every day we would sit there together, talking for hours until sunset…. I used to sneak you out of your house early in the mornings and take you deep into the woods to a lake on the far side to show you the sunrise… It was one of your favorite things to do and mine…. After finishing my studies at the university my father sent me to America to study for my MBA… you were so heartbroken when you found out…. I stayed there for eight years building my father’s company abroad… I wrote to you all the time…. Just like I said I would….. And when I came back to Mumbai, where my family had moved over the years, I met you at a friend’s party… You were staying in Mumbai too, trying to start a career your own…. And just by one look at you, I fell…. I fell hard Bani…. That is when I realized how much I really loved you…. what you really mean to me. We got married a year later… Remember, Bani…. Remember…
She stares at him stunned and finds herself being wrapped in his strong arms, him holding her tight, and whispering in her hair….
Jai: Please Bani…. I’ve waited for so long…. Remember me….
Flashes run through her mind and she sees her dreams being recreated before her eyes. Her once foggy dreams become into real, clear visions…. She can see now…. The blur is gone…. She gasps as realization strikes her…. Her dreams…. They are in fact memories… All that Jai had described to her is just like her dreams….
Suddenly different visions come to her, coming in flashes one by one…. The two of them dancing to soft music, lost in one another’s eyes…. His gentle, yet firm kiss on her waiting lips…. His broad smiling face as he murmured the three words that spun excitement inside of her… Rose petals being thrown on them as they took their pheres, walking around the fire as their witness…. Him swinging her around in his arms as she told him she was pregnant…. The delivery room in which she brought little Krishna into the world…. Her waving bye to her husband and daughter as she left to take her flight…. The drunk driver slamming into the side of the taxi and shattering glass raining down onto her, muffling her own terrified screams….
She shakily takes air into her and finds herself at loss for words. Her eyes blur with hot tears as she gazes up at the sky, peering up to the almighty and the game he has played with her….
“Jai…. Oh Jai, I remember….,” she whispers in his ear. His hold on her loosens and he pulls back to look at her. His eyes shine with tears as he looks at her with amazement. She smiles and nods her head excitedly, tears flowing freely from her wet eyes. She takes his face into her hands.
Bani: I remember…(she says again affirmatively) … I remember you….
He gives a watery laugh out of disbelief and crushes her body against his and kisses her all over her face ecstatically.
Jai: I love you… I love you so much…. so much….
She smiles radiantly at him through her tears, her heart swelling with love for this man across from him. How much this man has gone in order to protect her…. to keep her safe--she will never be able to forget…. She loves him, she loves him with all her heart and now she will never leave him… Not ever again.
Bani: I love you too….
He claims her lips with his and kisses her passionately while keeping her close in his arms, never wanting to let her go….Not again.
Epilogue:
Two Months Later
“Say Nana ji…,” her grandfather requests to her while holding her in his lap. Krishna gives her grandfather a blank look, unable to understand the word he is teaching her. She begins in trying to pronounce it, only getting “Uh-uh jeh…” Her grandfather shakes his head. “No beta, Na…” “Uh…” “Na” “Uh” “Na” “Uh” He lets out a deep sigh and looks over to his daughter and son-in-law, who are watching this with clear amusement and trying their best not to laugh.
Nishikant: Yes, yes, go ahead and laugh. Laugh at how my own granddaughter cannot even call her own grandfather properly….
Jai: Papa, give her a break… She is hardly two…. She will learn with time…. For now, I think “Uh-uh” is just fine.
Bani giggles at her husband’s poking, but stops once her father shoots her a glare. She and her husband share a discreet smile.
Nishikant: (haughtily) Bani began speaking sentences before she even turned one… She loved to talk… I bet Krishna gets this from you….
Jai: Believe me, your daughter hasn’t stopped talking since then….
Bani gives him a punch on his arm while he simply laughs and pulls her close. He gives Pia a high-five. Nishikant’s glare grows. He decides to stop speaking with his son-in-law as he only finds pleasure in poking fun at his plight and return his attention back onto his granddaughter staring up at him with big eyes.
Krishna: Uh-uh….
Nishikant: Nana….
Krishna: Uh-uh….
Nishikant: Accha, what about Nanu?
Krishna: Uhnu….
Jai, Bani, Pia, and Rano erupt into giggles while Nishikant continues to frown. He gives an exasperated sigh.
Nishikant: I give up. You may call me whatever you wish, my dear.
Krishna gives a smile as if she is aware she has won. Bani giggles at her daughter’s smartness and takes her back into her arms.
Bani: You are Mama’s good girl, aren’t you?
Jai: Nah, she’s a daddy’s girl, right Krishu?
Bani: No Papa….
Jai: What do you mean ‘No papa’? Bani, do not brainwash my child….
Bani: Oh, your child?!
Jai: Yes, my child.
Bani: Krishu, I think your Papa needs a little reminder. Wasn’t it I who had to carry you for nine months straight and give birth to you? Your Papa did nothing….
Jai: What do you mean I did nothing? You have to give credit to me for at least something? Darling, it takes two to tango, you know….
Bani: Whatever. I am just saying that Krishu is her mother’s girl. Haina, Krishna?
Jai takes Krishna out from his wife’s arms and gathers her close.
Jai: You are daddy’s little girl and will always be daddy’s girl. Right? Come on baby, tell us who you love more?
Bani: Mama or Papa?
Krishna looks back and forth from her parents’ faces who look back at her with anticipation. She then catches her grandfather standing directly behind them and gives a big, goofy smile.
Krishna: Uh-uh!!
Her parents looked baffled by her answer and turn around to see the victory smile on her grandfather’s face while her mausis roar from laughter. Nishikant takes Krishna in his arms and gives her a sound kiss.
Nishikant: That’s my girl……
The End
wat is the meaning of ur shortly?? *me conphused*
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year and all the best in 2012 Dil.
ReplyDeleteFantastic SS, don't think i ever read this one.
You are so right, there is something about
writing about JB that captures your heart.
Just loving the stories and your writing.
Take care.
Sorry, forgot to put my name to the above post.
ReplyDeleteCupidlicious.
Superb story to start 2012. :) Thank you Dil.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year to you and your family.
Proud-BrownGirl
that was awesome dil..
ReplyDeletecouldnt read it before..
so loved it..
do post the next part of other FFs too..
just loved the story... remember me.....
ReplyDeletejai had gone through a lot.....
but in the end he got banis love again....
and bani could lso feel the love fr jai and her child krsihna tough she had lost her memory....
Hello Dil,
ReplyDeleteHow are you feeling now. Praying for your speedy recovery
:-)
Hi
ReplyDeleteOnce again...another superb story...thanks for posting. loved it.
Love
Archie.
He Dil
ReplyDeleteI always read your stories on IF, didnt know till date that u have an own blog. Its really nice to see that, already (re)read all the stories except for the latest. Hopefully u will continue writing soon, and i would also love to read some of your older IF-stories again
SA