Chapter 6:
The next three weeks did not change much with Jai wrapped up in his work and spending his restless nights in the study whereas Bani revolved her schedule around her demanding nephew with the exception of Bani slowly, but surely breaking out of her enclosed shell. The progress is minimal, but Krishna is relieved in seeing her daughter-in-law coming around. She is now beginning to speak in sentences rather than the monosyllables from before and even carrying out chores beside Krishna and Dadi in the house. But she is still unable to be her true self around the others, seeming conscious and wary at all times. It saddens Krishna to see Bani behave in this manner and witnessing the growing gap between her son and daughter-in-law and starts to feel helpless in the pending matter. She just hopes that everything will turn out for the best....
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Bani was about to climb into bed and slip under the covers for the night when she heard an abrupt knock on the door. Stilling in her actions, she wonders who it can be so late at night. It is almost past eleven, everyone must be sleeping by now. Then who?.... Her heart comes to a complete stop as a thought strikes her mind. Could it be him? Has he finally come home for the day? But usually he arrives after she has fallen asleep. How come he has come early?
Another knock on the door brings her out of a dazed mind and fills her with a nervousness she had never experienced before. She grabs her robe and dons it on, fastening the belt around her securely. With a quickly racing heart, she slowly approaches the closed bedroom door and reaches for the doorknob with her now clammy hand. She bites on her lower lip and lowers her gaze as it opens, nearly hiding behind the door herself. She is put out of her uneasiness, though, when she hears a voice opposite to the deep, masculine voice belonging to her new husband.
"Bani beta, I am sorry to disturb you so late. I didn't wake you, did I? I saw that your lights were on....," she hears Krishna's curious voice speak to her. Bani glances up at the woman's face and smiles faintly from sheer relief of not having to face an unexpected encounter with Jai Walia, her aloof husband whom she hasn't had a chance to even see since their marriage.
Bani: Jji... Nahi, main to abhi bus sonwali thi...
She mutters softly as a reply. She watches how Krishna's eyes look past her and follows her gaze to the bed, where Yash is already lulled into a soothing sleep. An affectionate smile adores his grandmother's face. She then returns her attention onto her confused seeming daughter-in-law, wondering what her mother-in-law's presence has brought her here for.
Krishna: Bahu, I need to ask a favor.... I am not feeling quite well so wish to go to sleep. I have taken medicine which is beginning to have an effect on me. The problem is that Jai hasn't returned home as of yet and I usually wait for him till he does to make sure he eats otherwise he will fall asleep on an empty stomach. You do not mind waiting up for him, do you?
Bani: (stunned) Ji, main?
Krishna: Hain, tum. I would have asked Tony, but the poor man is already working more hours than he is required to so I sent him to his home. Waise, tum to Jai ki paatni ho. Aur tumhara pati ka dhek phal tumhara faarz baanta hai, bahu....
Bani hesitates to reply, finding herself highly uncomfortable with the idea. She knows that she cannot avoid him any longer; after all, they are now tied for this lifetime and six more to come apparently. She will have to face him one day or another. She was just hoping it wasn't so soon and when she isn't the least prepared for it.
Krishna: Bahu?
Rattled out of her thoughts, Bani unwillingly agrees, not having the courage to deny Krishna's request. Her mother-in-law smiles sweetly before thanking and wishing her a good night. Once Krishna leaves, Bani's face falls..... How will she face him?
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Jai arrived home some time past midnight and parked his car on the driveway. With his keys jingling in his pockets, he swiftly runs up the small set of concrete steps, leading him to the front doors of his house. He opens the locks and lets himself in, expecting his hounding mother waiting up for him like always. As soon as he steps foot into the dark house he begins to state his apologies in his worn out voice....
Jai: Sorry, aaj late hogaya... Hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long this time. I will try to come early tomorrow, promise.
As he pockets his keys, he looks up to see the outline of a figure among the darkness. He hands over his briefcase and jacket absentmindedly as his mother approaches, taking them from him. He takes a grip of her arm, pulling her near and kisses her sweetly on the cheek as routine. But on hearing a soft gasp seconds later, Jai realizes that the woman before him is not his mother. He hastily drops the arm of the woman and looks carefully, noting her petite frame. A shiver runs down his back on wondering the possibility of who it can be--though he had an idea. Reaching for the light switch, he flicks it on and allows light to engulf the previously dim room. His eyes land on his wife's figure, standing stiffly at a distance, and avoiding his gaze with now blushed cheeks. He flinches on the sight and remains rooted to his spot.
The silence between them grows thick and both are unable to rid themselves of the awkwardness or nerves swarming inside them. Jai curses himself for not paying attention before, for having automatically assumed it to be his mother. He rubs the back of his neck while seeming pained as Bani continues to avoid his eyes by settling his things onto the table nearby.
Jai: ... Tum?
He manages to speak finally after a deadpan silence. Jai notices Bani fidgeting with the straps of her robe after turning around, seeming well uncomfortable at the moment as him. She mutely nods her head. Another silence develops and Bani finally looks up after gathering some courage and sensing that her husband wants some clarification.
Bani: ... J...Ji woh.... Aunty ki tabiyaat kuch teek nahi hai.... isilye main....
Jai: Kya hua Ma ko?
He abruptly asks, cutting her off in between explaining herself to him.
Bani: Pata nahi... bus kaehreh the ki woh araam karna chaate hai... aur main aap keliye intezaar karoon...
Jai stares at her dumbstruck from her barely audible words. He is taken aback on the change in her way of addressing him. Before it had always been "tum". Then where has this "aap" come from? Again a painful silence creeps between them in which they spend avoiding one another's gaze. Moments later Bani breaks it nervously...
Bani: .... Jji.... main aap keliye khanna intezaam kaarti hoon.... Aap... aap baatiye....
Jai remains tongue-tied and unable to refuse her. He badly wants to escape, but at the same time his feet do not move an inch, glued to the marble floor. She disappears hastily from his sight into the safety of the kitchen whereas he slowly manages to seat himself at the dining table. On the thought of food his stomach grumbles and he realizes how hungry he really is. He'd just put himself through torture by starving himself into the night by not eating now.
Bani appears a minute later with a glass of water in hand and comes to his side, hesitantly. Wordlessly she brings it to his view, her eyes on the ground and not looking at him once. Jai reaches for the glass and brushes his fingers with hers in the process. As quickly as their eyes met they averted them just as fast. Her cheeks growing redder by the moment, Bani flees to the kitchen once more and in the process tries to regain her composure. She doesn't know why she feels unnerved by him. She was never one to be nervous or uncomfortable. In fact she had a tendency of being in control at all times. But why is it so different with him now? Why is she unable to look him straight in the eye without any hesitance? Is it the guilt consuming inside of her that prevents her? The guilt of marrying her sister's husband?
Lifting a hand to her cheek, Bani traces the place her husband kissed moments ago, still feeling the imprint of his lips against her fair skin. She wonders why she felt so surprised and embarrassed at the time he pecked her. It is not like she has never received a kiss on the cheek from someone before. Plenty of times she has given and received platonic kisses, but why is it strange now? Is it because he is her husband and not just her brother-in-law anymore?
Hearing the distant sound of a chair moving, Bani snaps herself back to reality and hastily finishes arranging the food onto a plate. She takes a hold of it and leaves the kitchen, headed to the dining table, but is taken aback on seeing no one there. She looks around and spots the retreating back of her husband, walking toward the stairs. She hesitantly calls out for him....
Bani: J-ji... Aap khanna nahi kaaonge?
He stops in his footsteps and turns back around, wearing a look of discomfort on his reluctant face. His gray eyes clash with her own honey ones.
Jai: ... N-nahi, woh... mujhe bhook nahi hai....
He lies through his teeth. Jai does not care that at the moment he is starving for some food, all he knows is that he needs to get away from this girl, that too, quickly. He cannot stand the thick silence, the awkwardness, and the unwillingness from both sides. It drives him mad. He hates the situation that they are in, forcing them to be together when they do not want to be. He cannot carry out this sham of a marriage. She is not the ideal wife nor is he the ideal husband. They are just two people stuck in a compromise to live the rest of their lives looking after a boy who needs them.
Again Jai turns around, turning his back onto Bani, and proceeds on up the stairs until he hears her quiet voice call out for him again.
Bani: ..... Jai...
Bani watches as he stops midway up the stairs and his posture stiffen immediately. She bites on her tongue, finding the name sounding odd when rolling off her tongue. She has only ever called him Jiju, never calling him anything else but by that very name. It had become into a habit for her.
The deadly silence that strengthens between them nerves her and she wishes she could hide under a rock for the rest of her life instead of facing this man. Jai rests his hand onto the banister beside him before looking behind, his jolted gray eyes falling on her shrinking form. Her gaze quickly drops to her feet. For a long moment he does nothing but stare at her as if seeing her for the very first time while Bani remains uncomfortable under his scrutiny. Long moments later she hears the heels of his dress shoes clacking against the marble steps and slowly lifts her eyes to see his figure descending back down the stairs. Their eyes meet once more in a deadlock, yet neither of them looking away this time. Wordlessly he stands tall before her, his frame towering over hers, while silently heeding to her plea. Bani moves aside from his way, giving him passage towards the dining table. Her husband strides past her after giving her a fleeting glance.
She places the plate of food before him as he settles himself down into his seat at the head of the table and in a brooding manner watches her refill his empty glass with more refreshing water. Bani hesitantly seats herself down as well at a chair from a safe distance from him, not feeling right with the thoughts of leaving him alone while she ran off like a coward. She observes Jai pick at his food for a little bit before beginning to slowly eat the leftover food, being very conscious of Bani's presence right by him yet choosing to ignore her for some time. For a long while neither of them speak nor look at one another, however, remain strongly aware of the other throughout. Bani is startled out of the trance she slips herself into by hearing the rough clearing of a throat and the familiar baritone voice following seconds after coming from the man beside her.....
".... Thank you. You did not have to wait up for me," comes his booming tone. Bani fiddles once more with the straps of her robe while silently accepting his polite gratitude. The stilling quiet around them is kept intact for few moments more before Bani finds herself looking for her voice and mustering a few words....
"....Aap.... Aapka din kaisa tha?" she questions, hoping for some light conversation. The silence that always seems to exist when she is with this man kills her. At one point of time she remembered that she had spared no quiet moments with him, always having exciting discussions or rambling on endlessly of nothing in particular. Bani holds her breath awaiting for his reply as she sees his hand still midway in the air, the spoon held firmly within his fingers inches from his mouth.
"...... Teek tha.... " is his delayed, muttered reply before he resumes eating his food, still avoiding her watchful eyes. ".... Aur.... tumhara?" Jai questions hesitantly afterwards, seeming nonchalant in the way he pays her no particular attention with his gaze fixed firmly onto his plate. "....Teek tha," Bani weakly replies. Her husband gives a curt nod and carries on in finishing his food. Bani begins to feel somewhat settled that they have finally exchanged at least a proper amount of words since their marriage in which they both hardly acknowledged one another. Jai sets his spoon down and pushes the plate gently aside after having cleaned most of it. Bani rises from her seat and mutely takes his empty plate from him as he drinks his second glass of water. His eyes take notice to her actions until she disappears into the kitchen.
Bani had been in the midst of washing the plate clean when she catches the sight of an arm coming across her. Her eyes travel down the arm to the large hand that holds the clear glass in its possession and setting it down into the sink. She looks up after seeing this and drowns into the pair of stormy eyes that quietly look back at her. Feeling flustered with his close presence, Bani roughly switches her attention back onto washing the remaining dishes and breathes a sigh of relief as Jai Walia's overwhelming presence leaves the kitchen seconds later.
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Bani entered the master bedroom only to be greeted by the sight of Jai Walia emerging from the bathroom dressed in a fitted white tee and a pair of navy pajama bottoms. He stilled in his steps as his gaze met hers across the room and awkwardly looked the other way before carrying on with his way.
She walks toward the bed slowly, to the side of the mattress she normally has been sleeping on for the past few weeks, yet remains standing as if seeming unsure of the situation that she is in, now with her husband in the room. From the corner of her eye she notices Jai throwing the clothes he previously had worn for the day into the laundry basket and make his way to a separate closet from which he withdraws a blanket. Cautiously she looks on as he walks toward the door, perhaps likely to go to his study and spend his night there as he has been doing religiously since their marriage, and surprises herself by stopping him.
"Wait....," she manages to say at the last moment, successfully preventing him from taking any movement further as he stops in his tracks. He curiously looks over his shoulder at her. Bani licks her dry lips while struggling to find her next words with a pained expression crossing her face.
"...Y-you.... You don't have to go.....," she proceeds on at last, stunning Jai with her words as he fully turns around to look at her, wanting to know what she means to say. Bani carries on sheepishly with seeing his captivated attention and the curiosity present on his rough face. "This is your room.... And you have every right to sleep in here. .... You don't have to sleep in the study.... The--- the bed in here is quite big.... big for three to share in fact... I-I want you to be comfortable..." she expresses in a short breath, stammering in between. She sees the look of surprise and hesitance sweep across his pondering face as if thinking whether she really did propose such an idea.
"I'm fine in the study. You don't have to worry about me," he replies abruptly. He moves to leave, but is again held back by Bani's next haste words. "You don't have to resort to the study when you have your room. I don't want to be the reason for you to avoid your own bedroom. ... The mattress is large enough for the both of us," she persists once more, wanting him to agree to rid her of guilt of having him avoid the room because of her. Besides, she is sure he is not very comfortable sleeping on the couch in the study with how his tall frame over-matches the size of the furniture. Jai seems to slip into a thoughtful mode, taking this proposition into consideration. Even though the idea of sharing a bed with Bani brought him immense discomfort, he had to agree with her logic that the mattress is perfectly big enough to fit more than even three people. Yash will be sleeping in between them so there will be no chance of any bodily contact between them. Besides, he has strained his back from sleeping on the couch in the study for these past three weeks and yearns for the comfort of his mattress again.
".... Ji, aap sunareh mere baath ko?" she questions hesitantly after a very long moment of torturing silence. Jai snaps out of his thinking and meets her awaiting eyes. He surprises himself more than her when he slowly nods his head in approval.
"... Teek hai...," he confirms with words.
Bani should feel somewhat glad that he has listened to her, but she is instead attacked with a surge of secret discomfort with the thought of sharing a bed with him. But she knew it was better than having him sleep in the study. She did not want to be a problem for him. This is his room and he deserves to sleep in his bed. She also does not wish to enable the news of their sleeping arrangements to any of the family members, especially Krishna. She did not want to know how her mother-in-law or the rest of the family would react to it. Pushing these thoughts aside, Bani hesitantly sits down on the bed as Jai places the blanket to the side. She avoids looking at him as he slowly nears the other side. Both stare at their respective sides of the bed uncertainly before slipping under the covers and remaining at a safe distance with Yash as a barrier.
They face opposite sides, turning their backs on the other, and remain engulfed in a state of unease and high discomfort. Bani shuts her eyes closed, trying to force herself to not think that she is sleeping in a bed with her dead sister's husband whereas Jai is ridden with guilt with the thought of sharing his bed with his late wife's sister. His eyes land on the night stand beside him and onto the picture resting on the surface of it. His body freezes as he stares into Ananya's watching eyes....
"... Teek hai...," he confirms with words.
Bani should feel somewhat glad that he has listened to her, but she is instead attacked with a surge of secret discomfort with the thought of sharing a bed with him. But she knew it was better than having him sleep in the study. She did not want to be a problem for him. This is his room and he deserves to sleep in his bed. She also does not wish to enable the news of their sleeping arrangements to any of the family members, especially Krishna. She did not want to know how her mother-in-law or the rest of the family would react to it. Pushing these thoughts aside, Bani hesitantly sits down on the bed as Jai places the blanket to the side. She avoids looking at him as he slowly nears the other side. Both stare at their respective sides of the bed uncertainly before slipping under the covers and remaining at a safe distance with Yash as a barrier.
They face opposite sides, turning their backs on the other, and remain engulfed in a state of unease and high discomfort. Bani shuts her eyes closed, trying to force herself to not think that she is sleeping in a bed with her dead sister's husband whereas Jai is ridden with guilt with the thought of sharing his bed with his late wife's sister. His eyes land on the night stand beside him and onto the picture resting on the surface of it. His body freezes as he stares into Ananya's watching eyes....
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Jai was disrupted in his restless sleep by the rude awakening from his own son, who awarded him with a few kicks into his ribs early in the morning. Groggily, he switched sides and opened his eyes only to find Yash looking back at him with a fussy face. He ignored him and switched his gaze around, trying to adjust his eyes to the dim darkness of the room and remove the blurriness within them. That is when his attention falls onto the figure beside his grouchy son, who sleeps in abandonment---completely unaware of her surroundings. He stills in his place as his eyes are arrested by the serenity of her face; her long sooty eyelashes resting against her fair cheeks, black silky tresses cascading along her shoulders, and pink lips left parted as she breathes peacefully in her slumber. Awkwardly, he switches his gaze else where.....
Noting the time and seeing that he might as well get up and take his usual morning jog, Jai throws the covers off and watches how his son happily goes back to sleep with his departure from the bed. He frowns to himself on this. The boy is getting used to the comforts of the bed all to himself, his father's bed.
Coming out from the bathroom, Jai walks on over to his wardrobe and takes out a jacket to wear. Pulling it around him and zipping it up, his eyes once again fall onto the two figures on the bed, lingering there for a moment before tearing them away and walking out from the room.....
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Bani sets down the dish onto the table alongside Tony who begins in piling every plate with food. The normal chatter of the Walia family falls to deaf ears as Bani mechanically finishes her task of setting Breakfast. She is about to return to the kitchen, but is held back on Krishna's command.
Krishna: Arre bahu, aao na. Tum bhi bato. Tony hai karnliye, tum aake kaoh.
Obediently she joins the rest by seating herself in between Aditya and Anu, who each smile at her. She watches how the family members each converse with one another, laughing here and there, and feels out of place among them. She begins to pick at her food.
"Bani, aaj tumhare koi plans hai?" she suddenly hears Jigyasa asking. Looking up from her plate, Bani looks to her sister-in-law with a startled expression.
Bani: ... Ji? .... Kyon Aunty?
Krishna wears a look of disapproval on her face as her lips grow thin into a frown.
Krishna: Bahu, aunty kyon bolhari ho? Didi lagti hai tumhari.... woh tumhari nanad hai...
She admonishes gently. Bani seems uncomfortable by this and remains silent. Jigyasa simply smiles at her sister-in-law affectionately.
Jigyasa: Koi baath nahi ma.... Abhi abhi naaye shaadi hua hai.... Tora waqt to zaroor laagega.... Mujhe bhi usko bhabhi bholake adaat bananee. ....
Hearing the irritated shrilling coming from Yash, who is seated in his Dadi's lap, captures Bani's attention who looks to him. Krishna tries to settle him down, but his crying only increases. Giving a sigh, Krishna throws a soft smile in Bani's direction while beckoning for her to fetch him.
Krishna: Lagta hai ke Yash uske mummy ke paas jaana hai... Yeh loh....
Stilling in her place for a moment on being addressed as Yash's mother, Bani grows a lump in her throat and hesitantly gets up to fetch him. Instantly the boy quiets down in his aunt's arms. "Aaja mausi ke saath," she murmurs to her nephew while cradling him and sitting back down in her seat. Krishna frowns further as she catches her daughter-in-law's words, but she avoids bringing this to her attention.
Jigyasa: Waise... main kuch kaehri thi... Hain... Anu aur main aaj shopping ke liye jhaare hai... Tum bhi saath aao na Bani... maaza ajaayega. Tum to harooz ghar mein baate baate bored hojaati ho.... Kyon na humare saath kahin bhaar chale?
Bani seems even more hesitant on the idea. Normally she would not refuse such an offer, having a soft spot for Jigyasa Aunty and Anu, but the circumstances are different now. She does not know how to behave with these people anymore who have suddenly become into her new family.
Anu: (encouragingly) Hain Bani, tum bhi aao humare saath. It'll be a lot of fun. Besides, you know Ma's taste. I need your opinion on what to buy.
Krishna: (scowls) Anu, Mami hai tumhari.... She is elder to you. Respect her.
Anu ducks her head behind her bowl of cereal, filling her mouth with food and looks slightly ashamed of herself by her grandmother's scolding. Ignoring her mother-in-law's words, Bani turns her attention onto a sulking Anu.
Bani: (softly) .... Anu, tumhari aaj koi classes nahi hai kya?
Anu instantly brightens up on hearing Bani acknowledging her, especially after so long. She throws a delightful smile her way.
Anu: Nope. Professor is out for the day and my other class is not that important. I can afford to skip a day.... Say that you'll come along, Bani... Eerr... Mami ji. (adds on a last note)
"Bani, shopping choro. Aaj tum mere saath kahin bhaar chalongi... Saahil, Ranveer, aur tumhari Dadi plan kiya hai ke hum jhaake ek film dhekne jaayenge. Woh kya movie hai.... Wanted.... Sunna hai ke baut aacha hai," Aditya comments jovially while aiming a grin at her. Bani weakly returns the smile.
"Hain Bani....Mami," Saahil adds awkwardly as he catches his grandmother's watchful eyes. "Come watch the movie with us." "We all know how you love going to the cinema," Ranveer comments with a sincere smile.
"Bani puttar toh uski Dadi ki baath toh nahi talengi... kyon na Puttar? Chalonge film dhekneliye..." Dadi questions excitedly. Bani rubs Yash's back as he clings to her by wrapping his tiny arms around her neck and looks to everyone uncertainly. She appreciates their efforts of settling her with them, but she is still unable to surpass the awkwardness that is now there.
Bani: (quietly) Woh.... Actually I wanted to go out somewhere with Yash.... I was thinking of taking him to a park if there is one nearby.... Can I go Aunty?
Everyone grows quiet as they seem disheartened by her lack of involvement with them since she is always avoiding everyone and keeping to herself. Krishna, however, smiles in return because this is the first thing her daughter-in-law has asked for since the moment she stepped into their house.
Krishna: Of course you can go. I am sure there is a park around here, but it is at least twenty minutes away. .... Ranveer can take you and Yash both to the park whenever you'd like.
Bani: (awkwardly) Ji, that isn't necessary. I'll take him myself.
Krishna: Nahi Bani... I can't let you go alone. Yeh sher hai, Mount Abu nahi... Ranveer, you'll take your Mami to the park, won't you?
Ranveer: Ji Nani...
Bani grows silent once more and seems unsettled with the idea, originally planning on going alone. She carries on with eating and feeding small bits to a curious seeming Yash.
Aditya: Yaar, aaj ka Breakfast itana swaad nahi tha.... Ma ka khanna miss karta hoon... Ma, Mummyji... Aaj dinner ke liye khanna banwadoge? ... I am really missing your homemade cooking.
Krishna and Dadi share a glance at this and laugh pleasantly to themselves. "Hume koi aitraaz nahi hai Aditya... paar tumhare baache aur paatni ko zarra poochlo agar woh bhi yehi chaate hai... Last time I remember your kids are rather fond of their English dishes and Jigyasa wants to maintain her strict diet without any oily Indian foods," Krishna states. Jigyasa wears a sheepish look from her mother's comment.
Jigyasa: Kya ma... you are always going to hold this against me.... Make dinner for tonight, please. Even I'm missing your food. Tony's food has become so bland.
Dadi: Arre dheere se..... We don't want the butler/cook to overhear.... Warna pata nahi kya kuch malwaadonga humare kahnna mein.
Everyone shares a laugh at this, agreeing to the thought. Saahil, Ranveer, and even Anu agree to the idea of having food being made by their grandmothers, missing their hand-cooked meals for some time. Krishna smiles from their insistence, but suggests another idea instead.
Krishna: Tum log Ma ka kahnna mann khar rah hai ... paar main to meri bahu ke haathon se kahnna chaati hoon.. Kyon Bahu? Aaj hum saab ke liye kahnna pakoongi, kya?
Bani almost chokes on her food from Krishna's suggestion and struggles to swallow her toast. She questions with a raspy voice...
Bani: Ji main?
Dadi: (praising) Kya idea hai, Krishna.... Now even I am craving for some food made by Bani Puttar.... Waise, aab kitchen aur kahnna ka zimadaari iss ghar ki bahu ki hai...
Jigyasa: Hain, yeh baath to saahi hai.
Aditya: Hmm, dinner made from Bani's hands... This will be a treat.
Krishna: Banwoongi bahu?
The panic that begins to consume her puts her into a fidgeting state and she tries her best to keep her cool. She finds herself trapped. She cannot refuse Krishna's request when she is asking her so nicely, but how can she agree as well? She cannot cook to save her life. Her mother and Ananya were always around to do just that. She was quite spoiled with having no work to do. Hence, she never bothered on taking up cooking. What should she do?
Krishna: Bahu?
Krishna questions in a prodding manner. Bani reluctantly agrees to the idea, regretting the very words that come from her mouth.
Bani: .... Ji... banwoongi....
Aditya: Yeh hui na baath!'
Krishna keeps the smile lingering on her lips, pleased with the prospect of having her daughter-in-law cook her very first meal for the family and fails to notice the apprehensive look quickly building on her son's wife's face....
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"Kya pakoon?" she questions under her breath while pondering over the difficult task. She feels helpless in the situation she is stuck in. She cannot ask for help as she does not want anyone to discover she is unable to cook a simple meal. Her mother would die from shame if word got to her. Over course this is an exaggeration, but surely she will be disappointed that she has failed as a mother. Nor does she want to see the disappointment in her mother-in-law's eyes who was so proud of boasting her previous bahu's cooking to almost anyone she could tell if given the opportunity. And she is far too embarrassed to even approach Tony for help. What will he think of her? She pushes her hand into her long, curly hair. "Kya karoon?..."
Hearing a gurgling from beside her, Bani looks over to the kitchen entrance where she spots her nephew crawling into the room with a delighted look on his face on finding her here. She manages a smile in his direction and goes to pick him up in his arms, wondering how he got loose from his dotting grandmothers. She smiles fondly on the remainder of their time spent together in the park. Yash certainly enjoys going to the playground with all the other little children. Ranveer had accompanied her on his grandmother's behest and even remained with them there.
"You don't have to stay, Ranveer. Thank you for dropping us," Bani remembers telling him. He gives her a wide smile while replying, "I am going to have to if you don't want to see the last of me. Nani will murder me if she finds out if I left you alone, Mami." She flushes embarrassingly on being addressed respectfully by him and mutters, "You don't have to call me Mami either...." This has him chuckling."You really are set out in having me killed. Both Nani and Ma will have my head if I don't."
Ranveer, though, proved to be decent company. She had always gotten along with him well; hence, she was not too awkward in sharing conversation with him. But she was appreciative that he respected her wish of remaining quiet most of the time.
"Yashu.... Tum batao... Mausi kya kaare? Kahnna kaise pakoongi' Mujhe to kuch aata bhi nahi'," she complains to her nephew who looks up at her with wide eyes. He simply chuckles at her and lowers his head onto her shoulder, taking a fistful of her saree into his baby hand. She releases a sigh and is about to concede defeat when an idea suddenly strikes her....
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Past midnight, Jai hesitantly opened the front door of his house and peered inside for any sight of someone. He catches a figure from a distance walking towards him and is relieved seconds later on seeing that it is his mother this time. She greets him with her usual smile and takes his belongings from him. He plants a kiss on her cheek.
Jai: ... You did not go to sleep?
He questions her, really wondering about Bani's whereabouts. Was waiting up for him that one night only a onetime thing on his mother's request? He sure hopes so. He feared that it would become into a regular habit knowing his mother's insistence of making his marriage into a real one.
Krishna: I would have gone to sleep long back.... And have Bani wait for you. But Yash was refusing to sleep without her. She is your wife; it is her duty to wait up for you.... Who am I to wait for you?
Jai: You are my mother if you have forgotten...
She simply throws him a look before placing his things aside and ordering him to the table.
Krishna: I am not going to let you sleep on an empty stomach tonight no matter what excuses you give me. Sit down right here and I will get you your dinner. You are a doctor for heaven's sake.... You should know the consequences of skipping meals.
Jai lightly smiles off his mother's fussing and decides to sit down obediently to avoid any further scolding. His mother returns within the next few minutes with a plate of warm food. She places it in front of him with a delighted smile.
Krishna: Eat.
She commands while handing him a spoon. Jai eyes his mother's strange delight with query but nonetheless obeys. He digs in and fills his stomach. Krishna seats herself down beside him and watches him eat silently with anticipation.
Krishna: Kaisa laga?
Jai: ..... Aacha hai.
He replies shortly in between filling his empty stomach. His mother's grin grows as a response.
Krishna: Bani made it.
She states softly while closely watching his reaction to this piece of news. His hand stills with a piece of roti held firmly between his fingers and he flashes her a quick look after nearly choking on his food from surprise.
Jai: ... Bani?
Krishna: Hain, Bani. Your wife, Bani. From her own hands. It's good, isn't it? Aditya had three helpings of food. I nearly had a second myself.
A look of astonishment sweeps onto his face only to be replaced with wonderment as he tries to make sense of what he has just heard. Bani made dinner? How is that possible? The girl hardly knows how to cook, he knows this for a fact. Her last attempt of cooking had resulted in the oven catching on fire. She was forbidden from stepping into the kitchen ever again. Then what is this? Where has she learned to cook so well, that too, suddenly?
Jai: Ma... are you sure that... Bani made this?
Krishna: Hain. Kyon? (seeming confused by his question)
Jai: .... Eer. Nahi, kuch nahi.
Krishna: (brightening up again) After you finish, there is desert. She made gajar ka halwa....
Jai's brows rise in further surprise. After completing his meal, his mother whisks away his plate in hand and returns with a bowl of halwa. She happily hands it to him.
Krishna: Loh... yeh kaoh... tumhara mann pasand...
Jai takes the bowl of desert from her hands and looks at it with scrutiny. It looks normal and even smells alright. Did Bani really make all this?
Krishna: What are you waiting for? Eat. My bahu made it so lovingly.
Taking a utensil in his hand, he takes a spoonful of the halwa and places it into his mouth. He swallows the dessert and savors the taste of it. He is fully blown over on how well it tastes. No, this is too good to be true. Bani couldn't have made this. Something is amiss here, he muses.
Krishna: Kaisa hai?
Jai: Aacha hai....
His mother seems pleased with his comment. Jai devours the dish and tells his mother to proceed on to bed as he will take care of the dishes, stating that it is way past her bedtime since she should really be resting. He watches her climb the stairs for a moment before making his way into the kitchen and placing the bowl in the sink. With confused thoughts still floating in his head, Jai turns around to leave but halts in his steps as something catches his eye.
Walking closer to see what the item is, Jai approaches the closed cabinet door with the edges of a paper bag with a familiar logo peeping from outside it. Opening the cabinet, the large carry out bag falls into his hands and he reads what is written across the white, paper item. Slowly the corners of his mouth twitch and a soft smile cracks onto his lips. But it soon progresses into a full-fledged smile and chuckles seem to escape from him as he gives into his bubbling laughter.
He now recognizes the familiar logo from the Indian restaurant downtown, the Taj Indian Palace. So this explains the exquisite cooking that Bani supposedly made. He leans back into the kitchen counter as his laughter grows harder. He dabs his eyes as he feels them becoming moist. Madam ji had ordered carry out for dinner and gave herself full credit. It was a smart plan and nicely executed on her part considering how everyone fell for it. He wonders how she managed to sneak the bag inside though. She must have used the back door and paid the delivery guy from there, he assumes.
His laughter now dying, Jai Walia gazes at the paper bag affectionately as the smile remains intact on his face. Perhaps times have changed drastically, but he knows now that some things will remain the same... The old Bani is still somewhere there. His Bani.....
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What happened?" Jai inquires as he sees nurses and doctors rushing in the hallways. His friend, Mahesh, who pulled him out of his office, fills him in with a strained look on his face. "There's been an accident some ten minutes from here. It was an evening bus that hydroplaned from the rain and crashed in an intersection…. Six dead, seven in need of surgery, and the rest with injuries…."
Bani watched from a distance as the Walias together were assembled in the living room in their comfortable positions, watching television and immersed in a game of cards at the same time. She has noticed a change in the family ever since the wedding. Before silence mostly consumed the house, but the members have started to gradually return to their old activities of mischief and fun. The sadness of Ananya's absence haunted this family for a long while, but it seems they are finally moving on after the events of the wedding. Has this marriage really brought hope back into this family? Hope that not all is lost and that there is still chance for happiness?
Jai opened the locks to the door and let himself in only to be surprised by seeing his wife up at this late hour and approaching him. He closes the door and looks around to see whether his mother is near. He looks back dreadfully at Bani, who halts a few feet away and stands awkwardly in her place. They look at one another for a long while before Bani's feet proceed forward after a hesitant moment. She avoids his eyes whereas he keeps his gaze on her as she silently takes his coat and briefcase from him, setting them aside. He slowly follows after her retreating figure, finding himself tongue-tied by her presence and not knowing what to say or do.
Jai walked into his bedroom early morning after his morning jog and unzipped his jacket while steadying his breath. He wipes the sweat from his face onto the clothing and then dumps it into the laundry basket on his way to the bathroom. He, however, is taken by surprise on seeing the bed barren of his usual sleeping wife. Yash remains in a sleeping position in the middle of the mattress with two pillows surrounding him on each side. He ponders for a short moment of where she could be, but later shrugs it off and carries on with his normal routine by grabbing his towel and headed for the shower.
Chapter 7 A:
Bani manages to successfully escape Anu's room without being noticed, saving herself from anymore of the girl's consistent chatter. She was called into her room with the request of choosing her attire for the day, only to be left entangled in Anu's personal drama relating to her friends at the university. Bani politely listened to the girl's problem, rarely uttering a word, even though secretly she badly wanted to leave.
She sighs while walking the hallway to the nursery. She is, though, taken by surprise on not seeing Yash there and turns to leave in search of him. Passing by rooms while going to the staircase, Bani looks about wondering who the baby is with. She is halted in her tracks on hearing her mother-in-law's beckoning voice from behind.
"Bahu, zarra yahan aao…," she hears Krishna's delicate, yet firm tone. Turning around, Bani finds her standing at the door frame of her bedroom and looks relieved on seeing Yash held in his grandmother's arms. Obediently Bani walks toward her.
Bani: Ji …..
Krishna: Andaar aao na bahu…. Main tumhare saath kuch baatein karni hai…. Hum kahan saath mein waqt batate hai? Mujhe meri bahu ko jhanna hai…. Aao….
Feeling displaced by the woman's words and wondering what she could possibly want to speak about with her, Bani hesitantly enters Krishna Walia's bedroom and stands awkwardly inside as her mother-in-law pushes the door slightly closed. Krishna turns and flashes a smile in her direction and gathers an excitedly moving Yash closer in her arms.
Krishna: Chalo…. Bato…
She instructs sweetly while pointing out the bed where Bani sits down slowly on after a moment of thought. Krishna too joins her there and continues to smile at an uncomfortable Bani, who avoids looking into her warm eyes.
Krishna: …. I hope you are well settled here Bani. … If there is anything you want, do not hesitate in telling me…..
Bani: …. Ji, nahi… main teek hoon. (softly)
Krishna releases a gentle sigh on seeing her daughter-in-law's distant behavior. She wishes Bani didn't behave like this. She misses the old Bani, who would barge through their mansion doors and fill the whole building with her delightful talks and laughter. The one who teased everyone and came to either her, Dadi, or Jigyasa to be spoiled with attention. The one who joined in on pranks with Aditya on his sons. The one who dotted on Anu and made her feel special. The one who would follow her older sister around everywhere, being mothered by her and given special care to. The one who passionately spoke with Jai on everything from A to Z, never wasting a breath….harassed him at every possible opportunity to take her out somewhere and buying her things here and there. However that Bani has gotten lost somewhere. But Krishna is determined in bringing her back. She needs that vibrant Bani who will fill color into this house once again and in her son's heart.
She moves in closer, seating herself right beside her and releases Yash to play on the bed.
Krishna: (carrying on soothingly) …. I want you to feel comfortable here with us. …. I know considering the circumstances it is a little difficult….. Especially with how you are feeling…. Having married your Ananya Di's husband….
Bani's face blanches on the mention of her sister and of where this conversation is leading. She wishes that she hadn't walked by to avoid discussing her situation with her mother-in-law. She did not wish to speak about anything to anyone. Suddenly Bani feels Krishna placing a hand on her head and affectionately stroking her hair.
Krishna: Paar Bani…. Hum kahan ajnaabi hai? We are no strangers to you…. We have always been family and thought of you as an equal member long before…. You know this…. We adored you and Rano just as much as we did Ananya….
Bani remains silent, keeping her gaze firmly onto her lap, and Krishna continues receiving no response.
Krishna: Hain… main maanti hoon ke aab saab kuch badalchuka hai… Aab Ananya humare saath nahi hai…. But that does not mean that we all stop living…… Death is a natural thing. Everyone is destined to leave one day or another at their own time…. Unfortunately that time was too soon for our Ananya…. But we loved having her with us for as long as we could. …. She made my son so happy and gave us the greatest gift of all…. our Yash. For that I will always be grateful to her…. I miss her terribly even now. But I know that I cannot dwell on the past but instead focus on the present and look toward the future since that is where everyone's best interest lies…. We must learn to move on and let go of those who are not with us anymore…. For how long can we keep on remembering the dead?
A deadly silence creeps between them and Krishna carefully watches Bani, expecting a reaction from her words and is disappointed by still not getting a response, but then is taken aback once her daughter-in-law lifts her bent head and looks to her with glistening eyes….
Bani: Aap…. Aap yeh saab kyon kaeh reh hai?… Mujhse kyon?
Feeling her heart go out to the poor girl, Krishna pulls a now weeping Bani in her comforting arms, enveloping her into a warm embrace. Yash looks on at confusion at the tears spilling from his aunt's eyes and becomes instantly quiet, putting a stop to his previous gurgling.
Krishna: Isliye beta kyon ki…. Main yeh saab khaas karke tumhe samjahna chaati hoon… Aabhi tumhari shaadi hui … aur saath mein zimidariya hai…. Beta, aab yeh hai tumhari parivaar…. Tumhare aapne…. Main yehi tumhe kehna chaati thi…. ke aab tumhara rishta iss ghar se badalchuka hai…. Tum humari bahu ki choti behen thi…. paar aab tum wohi bahu ho…. joh humara ghar ka dhekpal rakehengi… aur iss ghar ka roshan karegi… joh uski sari nayi rishteoon ko apnoongi… aur nehboongi… joh mujhe mummyji pukarke bolengi… aunty nahi….paar khaas karke joh uska pati ke liye seva karegi aur dharampatni nehboongi….
Bani, who cries silent tears on Krishna's shoulder, freezes in her arms and her mother-in-law can feel her body grow tense from her last spoken words.
Krishna: This is the most important thing for a married woman, Bani… that she must fulfill her duties toward her husband as his wife…. for the sake of being his life partner. You are now that life partner in Jai's life. His only companion…. Jai beta is now left alone despite having his family with him. He has been a mess ever since Ananya's death. He lost his greatest companion and best friend…. He has no one for him beta…. Despite being his mother, I am still unable to fill that void for him…. the void of having a wife who thinks of him at all times…. who worries for him…. who takes into consideration of his needs… who fusses over him…. who takes care of him…. That woman in his life is gone…. But it is now your duty to be that woman in his life.... to bring his life back on track once again…. To make him feel he has someone to rely on for the rest of his life… to feel cared for…. But especially to feel loved.
Hearing the steady breathing coming from her daughter-in-law, Krishna releases her arms and slowly withdraws Bani from her embrace to take a good look at her, noting her tear-stricken face and lowered eyes.
Krishna: …. You love him Bani…. I know you do. Not the love that a woman feels for a man, but the love that a person has for someone whom they deeply care for…. whom they are attached to and share affection for… It is love nonetheless…. You always loved Jai…. As a friend and because he was your sister's husband…. Times have changed…. And the situation is now different too. But despite all that, he is still the same old Jai…. Yes, it is hard to tell since he appears to be different with his drastically changed behavior but deep down inside he is still in there…. And it is your job to make him come out… to bring back that Jai. ….
Lifting her gaze, Bani meets Krishna's eyes directly while seeming deeply pained….
Bani: (quietly) …. Aap saahi kehte hai…. He has always been special to me…. And I do want his life to get back on track…. I hate seeing him in this way…. (fresh tears springing) … It hurts to see what he has become… and I can't help but remember how he used to be like…. But… I do not know if I can do what you're asking me to do…. He has changed too much for me… He is not that same Jai for me anymore…. That Jai is lost somewhere…. Perhaps you are right that he is still deep down inside, but I don't know if I can be able to bring him out….
Placing an affectionate hand on her daughter-in-law's cheek, Krishna smiles encouragingly at her….
Krishna: Aise maat socho…. Mujhe maloom hai ke tum yeh saab karsakti ho…. Yehi waja tha tumhari shaadi ke liye Jai ke saath…aur uska beta ko ek ma ki kaami kabhi nah masoos karen… I know beta… that it will take a long time for this to happen. Jai is still in grief over Ananya…. He will be for a long while… but he will eventually have to learn to move on… that too, with you by his side. I believe that you are the one who can make this happen… to straighten out his life… to be by his side through his bad times and bring him to the good…. Tum yeh karoongi, na? Kehdo ki tum mera Jai ko sambhalongi… tumhara pati ko sambhalongi… Mujhse wadha karo….
Her eyes shining bright with tears, Bani chokes up with emotion. She realizes her mistake with her indifference to her responsibilities. She was being selfish, thinking of herself and how the marriage has affected her, not caring to think of anything else…. not caring to think that Jai actually needs someone right now to look after him and his needs. She cannot prove to be the ideal wife for him, considering their situation, but she will certainly take up the responsibility to care for him… She has certain responsibilities towards him. She has to fulfill the promise made to her poor mother, who expects the same expectations out of her as her mother-in-law. She does not want to let down either of the two, especially heartbroken Kiran. Slowly nodding her head affirmatively, Bani goes back into Krishna's arms, who smiles in a relief…..
Bani will not take Ananya's place, but instead create a new one for herself. She will not be a wife in a true sense, but she will try her best to look after her husband and be by his side through this tough time… even if there is only silence between them, she will let him know that she is here. No, she reassures herself, she is not going to be taking over Ananya's place….. but making room for herself in this house and in this family that is now hers…..
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What happened?" Jai inquires as he sees nurses and doctors rushing in the hallways. His friend, Mahesh, who pulled him out of his office, fills him in with a strained look on his face. "There's been an accident some ten minutes from here. It was an evening bus that hydroplaned from the rain and crashed in an intersection…. Six dead, seven in need of surgery, and the rest with injuries…."
Jai swears under his breath and follows his friend toward the cluster of stretches near the entrance of the hospital and takes charge over the patients from the paramedics. As he bellows orders to those under him and fellow co-workers, a patient is wheeled before him that captures his instant attention….
"Please….. please doctor….. save my---save my baby….. Don't let anything happen ….to my baby," the weak woman whispers in fright, covered nearly head to toe in dark blood, and gripping her bulging stomach. Jai is stunned in his spot on the sight. "Please….the baby…. Save the baby."
His mind goes into a haze as his breathing comes out shallow. Her pleading words strike a nerve in him as a gruesome memory unfolds before his eyes…..
"….Jai….the baby….don't let anything happen to the baby….," his wife begs him in a trembling voice with tears shining in her black eyes. He frantically walks alongside her pushed stretcher and takes a grip onto her cold hands that held her stomach protectively seconds before. "You'll be fine….both of you will be absolutely fine…" he insists loudly to her, wanting her to believe his words as much as he wanted to believe in them. "Our baby…. Save our baby," she persists faintly in her weary voice while her eyelids slowly close as she falls into unconsciousness….. "Ananya….don't worry. You and the baby will be fine….," were his last words to her before she disappeared behind the operation theater's doors forever…..
Jai feels himself choke from suffocation, his breaths coming out short, and his hands trembling. He jerks violently as a sudden hand grips his shoulder.
"Come on Walia, what are you doing?" Mahesh questions him, noticing his strange behavior.
Jai stares blankly at Mahesh for a long moment before realizing where he is and recollecting himself.
"Dr. Saxeena….This woman needs Dr. Saxeena…. She'll take care of her…and the baby," he stammers as a reply. Mahesh simply nods his head and bellows for the nurse to page Saxeena.
Jai stumbles backward and takes in the sight of the pregnant woman clutching her stomach, begging profusely for someone to save her baby. His legs suddenly break out into a run in the other direction and he finds himself banging open the locker room door, glad in finding it empty. He approaches the sink and leans his hands against the basin of it, panting for breath as his face grows a sickly white. His shaking hands fumble with the handles of the faucet and quickly gather a handful of the rushing water, splashing it on his burning face….
"Come on Walia, what are you doing?" Mahesh questions him, noticing his strange behavior.
Jai stares blankly at Mahesh for a long moment before realizing where he is and recollecting himself.
"Dr. Saxeena….This woman needs Dr. Saxeena…. She'll take care of her…and the baby," he stammers as a reply. Mahesh simply nods his head and bellows for the nurse to page Saxeena.
Jai stumbles backward and takes in the sight of the pregnant woman clutching her stomach, begging profusely for someone to save her baby. His legs suddenly break out into a run in the other direction and he finds himself banging open the locker room door, glad in finding it empty. He approaches the sink and leans his hands against the basin of it, panting for breath as his face grows a sickly white. His shaking hands fumble with the handles of the faucet and quickly gather a handful of the rushing water, splashing it on his burning face….
He lets out a sharp gasp from the chill of the water and stares at the reflection in the mirror, watching the droplets of water running down his pale face. He turns off the faucet and remains deadly quiet while looking at his reflection. His shoulders begin to tense as a sudden bout of anger fills inside of him, his grip on the basin tightening, and his eyes blazing dangerously. His one hand forming into a fist, he turns around and slams the locker behind him, the sound of its impact echoing in the silent locker room. He lowers his face into his other hand as tears make their way down his cheeks.
"I'm so sorry Ananya…. I lost you… I lost you," he whispers to himself while sliding down against the wall of the locker and landing on the cold marble floor….
"I'm so sorry Ananya…. I lost you… I lost you," he whispers to himself while sliding down against the wall of the locker and landing on the cold marble floor….
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Bani watched from a distance as the Walias together were assembled in the living room in their comfortable positions, watching television and immersed in a game of cards at the same time. She has noticed a change in the family ever since the wedding. Before silence mostly consumed the house, but the members have started to gradually return to their old activities of mischief and fun. The sadness of Ananya's absence haunted this family for a long while, but it seems they are finally moving on after the events of the wedding. Has this marriage really brought hope back into this family? Hope that not all is lost and that there is still chance for happiness?
She feels a pang of sadness as she hears their laughter and remembers the many times when she partook in their activities, often being the leader among them all. A small smile reaches her lips from the memory. How she loved this family like her own, often jealous of her own sister for having such wonderful in-laws…. But now that she has officially become a part of this family, she instead avoids them like they are complete strangers. Guilt fills her on the thought of her past behavior and actions. All this family has been trying to do is make her feel welcomed as a true member of their family and what did she do in return of their love? Push them away? Rebuff them?
After more than a month's time since her marriage, it is time for her self-pitying to be done with and accept her fate once and for all. She is a married woman whether she likes it or not. These people are her family now and will continue to be from here on out. This is her home….. where she belongs.
She hesitantly walks forward, emerging from her hiding place, and approaches her new family with quiet steps, bringing no attention to herself. Another round of pleased laughter escapes from the players of the game while the elders watch on fondly at the festivity of their present happiness. Standing behind them for a long moment, Bani feels odd at discovering how much she has distanced herself from the members of this family--isolated herself completely….
"Papa, seems like you are going to lose this round once again!" Saahil exclaims with pride while high-fiving his sister sitting next to him. Jigyasa giggles at her son's enthusiasm in defeating his father. Aditya wears a frown as he examines his hand of cards, but keeps a straight face.
"Do not underestimate this old man of yours, Saahil, you never know what it is that he has up his sleeve," Aditya remarks.
"Dad, you said that last round and the round before that also!" Ranveer chides and chuckles from amusement. His father remains grim.
"Oye Adi Puttar, yeh tumhara izzat ka sawal hai! Aur khaas karki tumhari Ma ki! Jeet ke ghar wapas aana!" Dadi prods whereas her son simply rolls his eyes at her filmy dialogue.
"Main ghar peh hoon aur kahan, Ma?!" he comments back, mocking her choice of dialogues. Everyone laughs at this and even Bani cannot contain the smile that creeps onto her lips.
"Do not underestimate this old man of yours, Saahil, you never know what it is that he has up his sleeve," Aditya remarks.
"Dad, you said that last round and the round before that also!" Ranveer chides and chuckles from amusement. His father remains grim.
"Oye Adi Puttar, yeh tumhara izzat ka sawal hai! Aur khaas karki tumhari Ma ki! Jeet ke ghar wapas aana!" Dadi prods whereas her son simply rolls his eyes at her filmy dialogue.
"Main ghar peh hoon aur kahan, Ma?!" he comments back, mocking her choice of dialogues. Everyone laughs at this and even Bani cannot contain the smile that creeps onto her lips.
"Kya karoon?" Aditya muses to himself.
"Think carefully Dad. Don't want to lose this round as well, now do you?" Anu teases purposely. Her father grunts as a reply.
Drawing closer, Bani seats herself beside Aditya, whose gross attention is transfixed on his cards, and looks over his shoulder to look at his hand. Krishna, who had been sitting and knitting, watches this and briefly stops her handiwork while looking on at this scene with careful interest. Even Dadi's chatter ceases by Bani's presence. Jigyasa becomes stumped on seeing Bani among them while the three youngsters share glances at one another. Aditya did not notice her presence until he heard her sweet, soft voice ask…. "Seems that you are being creamed here, Adi Uncle…. Would you like some help?"
"Think carefully Dad. Don't want to lose this round as well, now do you?" Anu teases purposely. Her father grunts as a reply.
Drawing closer, Bani seats herself beside Aditya, whose gross attention is transfixed on his cards, and looks over his shoulder to look at his hand. Krishna, who had been sitting and knitting, watches this and briefly stops her handiwork while looking on at this scene with careful interest. Even Dadi's chatter ceases by Bani's presence. Jigyasa becomes stumped on seeing Bani among them while the three youngsters share glances at one another. Aditya did not notice her presence until he heard her sweet, soft voice ask…. "Seems that you are being creamed here, Adi Uncle…. Would you like some help?"
Startled, Aditya turns around to meet Bani's kind eyes and smiling face. His initial shock passes as he too returns her smile fondly. Placing an affectionate arm around her, pulling her close, he states, "Good thing you are here Bani beta. Now only you can save my reputation from being ruined by these monsters. Your Dadi will not let me back into this house otherwise! She will forget that she has a son and adopt one of those heroes of hers instead! And I don't know whether I can handle having Shahrukh Khan as the better son!"
Bani erupts into a sweet laughter making Aditya smirk smugly in accomplishing this feat. Everyone else looks on with approval and smiles.
"Let us hope that you will remain the virtuous son that you are…and the only one," Bani stresses while taking the cards from him and resuming the game.
The youngsters, who normally would protest in having partnerships in a game, continue playing the game in a better mood. As Bani involves herself in the midst of the challenging game, she fails to see the pleased smile on her mother-in-law's glowing face…..
"Let us hope that you will remain the virtuous son that you are…and the only one," Bani stresses while taking the cards from him and resuming the game.
The youngsters, who normally would protest in having partnerships in a game, continue playing the game in a better mood. As Bani involves herself in the midst of the challenging game, she fails to see the pleased smile on her mother-in-law's glowing face…..
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Chapter 7 B:
Bani had been lulling Yash, who was in a fuss, to sleep when she heard a honk from outside, making her switch her gaze to the windows. Looking back at her nephew, she notices the rhythm of his steady breathing then his shut eyes and quietly slips off the bed to walk near the windowpane. Discreetly looking through the half-closed curtains, Bani watches as the familiar black Mercedes pulls up in the driveway and parks alongside the Mansion. As her husband emerges from the car, she draws the curtains and leaves the room briskly…..
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Jai opened the locks to the door and let himself in only to be surprised by seeing his wife up at this late hour and approaching him. He closes the door and looks around to see whether his mother is near. He looks back dreadfully at Bani, who halts a few feet away and stands awkwardly in her place. They look at one another for a long while before Bani's feet proceed forward after a hesitant moment. She avoids his eyes whereas he keeps his gaze on her as she silently takes his coat and briefcase from him, setting them aside. He slowly follows after her retreating figure, finding himself tongue-tied by her presence and not knowing what to say or do.
Bani looks over her shoulder at him, standing right behind her, and without any words indicates with a simple gesture of her eyes to proceed over to the dining table. He does so obediently. As he sits down in his chair, his wife disappears to the kitchen with her resumed silence to warm his food. Minutes later she returns with a plate full of leftovers from dinner and places it before him while handing him a glass of water. He mutters a "thank you" which she simply nods to in acknowledgement. She surprises him further by deciding to accompany him in his dinner just as the last time weeks ago. He becomes grim by this and consciously eats with her cat-like eyes observing him.
"Aap itane late kyon hai?" she questions him, breaking the thick silence between them seconds later. Jai looks up from his plate to meet her curious honey brown eyes. "It is past two o'clock," she continues disapprovingly.
"Toh kya chaate ho tum? Main doctor hoon… Yeh tum aachi tare se jaanti ho…. Mujhse aise sawal maat khar…" he replies in slight irritation at her inquiry. She is questioning him like a demanding wife, he muses. Bani seems taken aback by his unexpected snapping and silenced for a stilling moment before carrying on in a soft voice….
"I just wanted to know…. You never worked for so long before…. "
He clearly knows what she means by "before" ….. before their marriage…. before Ananya's death.
"….. Kahin aap mujhse avoid khar rahe hai?" his wife continues hesitantly, though, with restored confidence. Startled by her blunt question, Jai is stumped for a few seconds before regathering his composure. It is his turn to surprise her by giving an equally blunt answer in return. "And if I were to say that I am?" he challenges subtly with his intense gaze focused on her.
He clearly knows what she means by "before" ….. before their marriage…. before Ananya's death.
"….. Kahin aap mujhse avoid khar rahe hai?" his wife continues hesitantly, though, with restored confidence. Startled by her blunt question, Jai is stumped for a few seconds before regathering his composure. It is his turn to surprise her by giving an equally blunt answer in return. "And if I were to say that I am?" he challenges subtly with his intense gaze focused on her.
"Then I would say it is no use…. I am not going anywhere….not for a long time," she responds firmly after a moment. Her determined eyes watch as brief bafflement crosses her husband's face, perhaps taken aback by her breezy reply. He lowers his gaze and says nothing, resuming in eating his food. His dinner is carried out in silence as they do not speak thereafter.
Together they awkwardly walk back to their room, not looking at the other once, and in a maintained silence enter their bedroom after Jai opened the door for them. Bani seems to realize something since she walks to the wardrobe searching through it. Jai takes a moment to realize that it is his wardrobe that she is looking through and stands by in confusion as to what she is doing. She withdraws his nightshirt and pajamas and appears sheepish while presenting it to him. He stares at her for a good second and slowly approaches to retrieve it from her. Too taken aback at the moment to even thank her properly, Jai goes toward the bathroom to change for the night with muddled thoughts swarming in his head.
On coming out from the bathroom, Jai's eyes land on the figure of his quiet wife seated on their bed, looking as if she were waiting for him. He places his work clothes into the laundry hamper beside him and sets his wallet and phone onto the dresser after setting his cell on vibrate. Turning around, their eyes meet across the room and awkwardly they avert them. Bani, on seeing Jai joining her at the bed, turns off the lamp on her bedside while slipping into the covers beside a slumbering Yash. She feels the mattress sink as her husband follows pursuit seconds later after turning off his own light. The room is engulfed in darkness and Bani closes her eyes, commanding herself to go to sleep now after completing her last responsibility for the night. She opens them though when she hears her companion's voice speak a minute afterwards….
"I know Ma has put you up to this…. But you do not have to listen to her…. There is no need to wait up for me or take care of my needs… That is not in your place to do…. I can take care of myself, Bani…"
Bani clutches hard onto the edges of her pillow while taking in her husband's gentle voice. She is reminded of the promise she made to her mother and mother-in-law and knows she cannot let down either; she would never forgive herself if she did.
Bani clutches hard onto the edges of her pillow while taking in her husband's gentle voice. She is reminded of the promise she made to her mother and mother-in-law and knows she cannot let down either; she would never forgive herself if she did.
"You may be right…. But you are forgetting that I am your wife now. Whether you wish to accept that or not, does not matter…I have some duties as a wife….let me fulfill them," she replies before turning her back on him, moving to the far edges of the bed. Her words dismiss any further discussion on the topic and leave her husband in a bewildered manner…..
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Jai walked into his bedroom early morning after his morning jog and unzipped his jacket while steadying his breath. He wipes the sweat from his face onto the clothing and then dumps it into the laundry basket on his way to the bathroom. He, however, is taken by surprise on seeing the bed barren of his usual sleeping wife. Yash remains in a sleeping position in the middle of the mattress with two pillows surrounding him on each side. He ponders for a short moment of where she could be, but later shrugs it off and carries on with his normal routine by grabbing his towel and headed for the shower.
He later emerges from the bathroom, rubbing his towel against his wet hair, but stumbles at the door on the sight of an awake Bani, dressed freshly in a yellow churidar suit with subtle golden designs. He finds himself speechless in seeing her before his open wardrobe and flashing him a small smile over her shoulder. She returns her gaze back to the clothes hanging in front of her and searches through them for one set of clothes in particular. Her hands withdraw a dark blue silk shirt and a pair of black trousers to go with them. She places them on the bed gingerly before turning back around to grab his belt and socks. Jai slowly approaches the bed, in the meanwhile, keeping his gaze firmly locked on his wife who is oblivious to his reaction by this change. She is usually sleeping at this hour when he leaves for work. Why has she risen early today then? Did she mean what she said last night? What did his mother say to her? She surely must have spoken to Bani, otherwise this change in the behavior of his wife wouldn't be occurring. As far as he knows, Bani is nowhere close to behaving as a typical, ideal wife--- tending to her husband's every want and need. She is far too modernized to do that.
"Your breakfast will be ready in some time. Go on and get dressed otherwise you will get late and miss breakfast like you usually do," his wife comments breezily after placing his belt and socks beside his clothes and walking away, headed toward the windows and opening them to let in the fresh air. The rays from the now risen sun filter into the room with the curtains pushed back and the gentle breeze from outside makes its way in….
Due to his busy scheduling, Jai mostly does not attend the normal time for Breakfast with the rest of the members and has his morning meal according to his own preference. Jai watches Bani's movements intently; pondering to himself of how much more is she taking to her responsibility. As much as he wishes to explain to her that none of this is necessary— that he is quite capable of taking care of himself—he finds himself unable to interfere on what she has set her mind to. Once she has made a decision, she carries it out without any further thought.
Wordlessly he gathers his clothes for the day and returns back into the washroom to change, not wishing to think on any of this anymore. She may do whatever she wants, but the fact is that they are married for only namesake. They may be husband and wife under the law, but he and she both know very well that that is not the real case……
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Chapter 8:
Bani leans against the window frame, peeping through the white curtains as a silent spectator to the frenzy created outside. Yash huddles close in her arms as he too curiously looks out from the window on hearing the crackling occurring outdoors. His eyes grow wide from wonder on witnessing the firecrackers bursting just right by their house, children and adults rejoicing together in celebration of Diwali. Her face glum, Bani watches the festivity longingly, a holiday that she would commemorate each year with zest and spirit ….
Diwali had been the day of the year when her family together took out time to spend with one another, when friends and relatives came out of their way to join them in celebration, when they truly were a complete family, when they were happy……when Ananya was there….
Drawing the curtains, Bani turns from the window and allows Yash to crawl freely in his play pin which was moved recently into the room from the nursery. Yash distracts himself with the toys in the pin while Bani walks to the edge of the bed and seats herself down. She gazes hesitantly at the phone laying on the nightstand, wondering whether she should call her family on this particular day or not. Without a doubt they all will be at home, but unlike every year, the house will be barren of any celebration….empty of friends and family….empty of happiness. Yet, she could not ignore the growing need inside of her to speak to her family because of this particular day. Celebration or not, this day had always been a special one for their family. And it will continue to remain dear with the many memories attached to it….
"….Hello?" comes a very faint voice that she instantly recognizes as her mother's. Bani grips hard onto the cords of the phone while her throat constricts from surfacing emotions.
"Ma?..." she hoarsely replies while stubbornly refusing to give into her forming tears from the sound of her mother's voice after so long.
"Bani? … Bani, beta?…. Kaise ho tum?" she hears the subtle delight now present in her mother's previously flat tone.y.
"Main teek hoon… aap kaise hai? Papa aur Rano?..." Bani carries on quietly.
"Saach beti? Tu saach mein teek ho?" Kiran anxiously questions.
"Ji Ma… main bilkul teek hoon… aap fikar maat kijiye…," Bani replies in an effort to ease any of her mother's worries regarding her.
"…. Tu kush to hai, haina beta?" her mother asks hesitantly, perhaps seeking more comfort on the condition of her child. "Tum settled hochuki ho, haina? Saab tumhari khyaal raakhte hai?"
"Ma?..." she hoarsely replies while stubbornly refusing to give into her forming tears from the sound of her mother's voice after so long.
"Bani? … Bani, beta?…. Kaise ho tum?" she hears the subtle delight now present in her mother's previously flat tone.y.
"Main teek hoon… aap kaise hai? Papa aur Rano?..." Bani carries on quietly.
"Saach beti? Tu saach mein teek ho?" Kiran anxiously questions.
"Ji Ma… main bilkul teek hoon… aap fikar maat kijiye…," Bani replies in an effort to ease any of her mother's worries regarding her.
"…. Tu kush to hai, haina beta?" her mother asks hesitantly, perhaps seeking more comfort on the condition of her child. "Tum settled hochuki ho, haina? Saab tumhari khyaal raakhte hai?"
"Ji… Koi pareshaani nahi, Ma…. Saab teek hai. Mummyji meri khyaal baut raakhte," Bani answers, avoiding her mother's first question. She hears a soft, satisfied sigh as a response to her soothing words.
"Toh tum settled hoon saab ke saath," her mother concludes on hearing her daughter's change of relation when addressing Krishna Walia.
"Ji…," Bani softly replies. "
Tumne toh mujhe tasali di… Mujhe toh pareshaani thi ki agar---- kher, chodo… Saab wahan kaise hai? Tum saab ke khyaal raakhti ho, haina? Tumhari zimadaariyan ko nibhaari hoon na beta? Koi mauka to nahi daehrahi ho shikaayat ke liye?"
"Toh tum settled hoon saab ke saath," her mother concludes on hearing her daughter's change of relation when addressing Krishna Walia.
"Ji…," Bani softly replies. "
Tumne toh mujhe tasali di… Mujhe toh pareshaani thi ki agar---- kher, chodo… Saab wahan kaise hai? Tum saab ke khyaal raakhti ho, haina? Tumhari zimadaariyan ko nibhaari hoon na beta? Koi mauka to nahi daehrahi ho shikaayat ke liye?"
"Ji, bilkul nahi… aap fikar maat kariye… Mujhe meri zimadaariyan ko maloom hai…," Bani firmly states, wanting to diminish mother's apprehensions concerning her place with her in-laws.
"Hain beta, paar phir bhi…. Kabhi kissi ko mauka maat dena shikaayat karenliye… "
"Ji…."
"Hain beta, paar phir bhi…. Kabhi kissi ko mauka maat dena shikaayat karenliye… "
"Ji…."
A silence prevails over the line in which both mother and daughter bask in, almost communicating without any words the emotions they both are experiencing that moment.
Bani licks her dry lips before continuing with a cracking voice, "…. Aap saab kaise hai?.... Aap kaise ho?"
After a stilling pause, Bani hears her mother feebly reply, "… Kaise hogi beta… ek beti to kogaye…. Aab dusri mere saath nahi hai… mujhse baut dhoor gaye hai…. akeli hochuki hoon…..mujhe toh aab har pal tumhari yaad aati hai….," she ends in longing.
On hearing faint sniffling from the other end of the line, imaging her mother wiping away falling tears, the water dwelling in Bani's eyes break free from her resistance….rolling down her round cheeks…
Bani licks her dry lips before continuing with a cracking voice, "…. Aap saab kaise hai?.... Aap kaise ho?"
After a stilling pause, Bani hears her mother feebly reply, "… Kaise hogi beta… ek beti to kogaye…. Aab dusri mere saath nahi hai… mujhse baut dhoor gaye hai…. akeli hochuki hoon…..mujhe toh aab har pal tumhari yaad aati hai….," she ends in longing.
On hearing faint sniffling from the other end of the line, imaging her mother wiping away falling tears, the water dwelling in Bani's eyes break free from her resistance….rolling down her round cheeks…
"Mujhe bhi aapki yaad aati hai…. Main aap saabko baut miss karti hoon, Mama…" Bani chokes finally in confession.
"…Hota hai beta… hota hai… shuruwaat mein aisa hota hai… paar dheere dheere tum hume bhuljaungi… aab tumhare sasuraal tumhare aapne hai….," her mother states solemnly.
"Main aapko kabhi nahi bhool paungi…" Bani lightly protests.
"Tum yeh aab kehti ho… paar waqt ke saath tum dekhna kaise tum maayka ko bhooljaungi… paar dhuk ke elava mujhe khaas karke khushi miloongi ke meri beti ki ghar bhaas jaayengi….," her mother finishes wistfully.
"…Hota hai beta… hota hai… shuruwaat mein aisa hota hai… paar dheere dheere tum hume bhuljaungi… aab tumhare sasuraal tumhare aapne hai….," her mother states solemnly.
"Main aapko kabhi nahi bhool paungi…" Bani lightly protests.
"Tum yeh aab kehti ho… paar waqt ke saath tum dekhna kaise tum maayka ko bhooljaungi… paar dhuk ke elava mujhe khaas karke khushi miloongi ke meri beti ki ghar bhaas jaayengi….," her mother finishes wistfully.
Hearing Bani's stifled cries, Kiran grows alarmed and soothingly says, "Maat roh, Bani…. Main jaanti hoon ke tumhare liye yeh saab mushkil hai… paar tumhe adaat dhaalni hai… aab woh ghar tumhara hai…. aur woh logon tumhare aapne…. Mujhe tumphar baut garv hai beta… joh tum khar rahi ho tumhari Ananya didi ke parivaar liye…. Main jaanti hoon ke tumhari didi ko tasali miljoongi ke tum ho uski parivaar ki dhek phaal rakhneliye……. Tum bus meri woh waadha nibaakhe rakhna.…mujhe kuch aur nahi chaaye…. Samjho ke meri khushi uss waadha mein hai…," her mother's heavy words continued to haunt her even after she put down the phone minutes later….
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After placing a snoozing Yash in his crib, Bani headed down the stairs in the deadly silent house. Krishna and Dadi decided to spend a quite Diwali at the temple with prayer for a brief amount of time as the Walias are respectively not celebrating the holiday in a grand fashion for their deceased daughter-in-law. Aditya was still wrapped up in the office with remaining work to finish as was Jai, too absorbed in the matters of the hospital like always. Jigyasa had said something before about wanting to lie down for awhile whereas the youngsters of the household were most likely out with plans of their own. This was a dreary day indeed. The normality that was slowly reaching the family once again has been disrupted and put on hold out of remembrance for a special someone who once was a member. Diwali would not be celebrated; it was too soon for that.
On her way down, she is greeted by the sight of Anu running toward the stairs in a rush. Puzzled, Bani stops her just at the first step.
Bani: Anu, what's wrong? Why are you in such a hurry?
Anu grows red in the face and wears a sheepish expression while meeting Bani's concerned look. She stammers with a reply and hesitates purposely in answering her.
Anu: Woh…. I am actually … late in going somewhere…. That's why…. I need to get dressed….
Bani: Where are you going?
She questions out of casualness, yet become curious on seeing guilt ridden on the girl's face. Anu avoids looking in her eyes for a moment before slowly responding….
Anu: …. Well…. There…. There is an event at the university…. a diwali event…. All my friends are going…. and….. and I am even participating this year….
Bani goes silent on hearing this and stares at Anu blankly before looking thoughtful. Anu mistakes her silence as a displeased reaction to her words and looks close to tears while hastily explaining herself.
Anu: You are not mad are you, Bani? … I know that it hasn't been a full year till Mami passed away…. And I shouldn't be partaking in Diwali this year…. It's wrong, isn't it? .... I… I wasn't thinking really…. If you want, I can cancel and not go….
Bani seems stumped on hearing Anu's words and feels a rush of affection for the poor girl. She surprises Anu by smiling lightly at her and placing a hand on her cheek in an endearing manner.
Bani: Anu…. What makes you think that I am mad? …. Who has told you that you cannot partake in Diwali this year? …. It is simply out of memory for Ananya Di that the family has decided not to celebrate…. Yes, she isn't here with us today and it is a matter to be upset about, but it does not mean that we must stop living as well….We will always remember her, but we should not let those memories put our own lives at hold…. The dead will remain dead…. But it is the purpose of the living to keep on living….
She finishes gently, watching the guilt that was present on Anu's face moments before fade away….
Bani: I am sure Ananya Di would not want you to stop living your life on her account…..
A beautiful smile gradually emerges on the girl's face just as she throws her arms around Bani, embracing her warmly.
Anu: Thank you Bani…. I mean Mami…. Thank you so much….
Seeming startled at first by Anu's haste action, Bani takes awhile to let go any lasting detachment inside her toward her new family has progressively been diminishing these days…..
She encloses the embrace and feels a sudden rekindled belonging and connection with the girl before her, the same old relationship that she had shared with her long ago….
Anu pulls out of the hug and continues to smile radiantly. She takes Bani's hands into her own.
Anu: I know I will be pushing it if I ask you this, Mami…. But I would really like it if you would come too… I would love for you to be there…. It's a good opportunity to test out your own advice… to live on with your life… I'm sure Ananya mamiji wouldn't have wanted you to stop living because of her either….
The smile on Bani's face grows faint, but lingers, as a gloomy expression crosses her face. As much as she was tempted to refuse the offer and remain at home, a certain revelation was starting to gnaw her conscience.…. Wouldn't she be doing the complete opposite of what she was trying to make Anu understand? What Krishna had been trying to make her understand all along? Would she be not doing injustice mainly to herself for punishing herself over her sister's death of which she had no control of to begin with? People are born into this world only to leave it one day…. That day unfortunately had been too soon for Ananya…. Yet death is a natural thing…. Everyone is meant to pass away at their own time…. And as far as she knows, her sister is in a far better place now… She is safe wherever she is….
Anu: Mami?
Anu hesitantly calls out for her on seeing her slip into a perturbed daze. Bani breaks out of her thoughts and looks to Anu, who watches her carefully for an answer. She takes note of the girl's pleading eyes and does something that surprises her, yet at the same time liberates her from the past disturbances that haunted her for the past nine and a half months….
Bani: …. I will just go and ask Jigyasa Didi to look after Yash for the evening….
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She stepped outside the car with a clearly excited Anu, looking at awe at the brightly lit university cluttered with groups of people near their age. She watches as they speak animatedly and tease one another, reminding her of her own university days.…. when she had been a student herself, when she had friends herself, when she had an actual life…..
She continues to gaze around and feels a particular belonging with her surroundings. Perhaps it is the school environment and the plentiful of friends that she misses that had once been a part of her life….
The shaking of her arm causes Bani to tear her eyes away and place them onto a prodding Anu who exclaims, "Look, there is Saahil Bhaiya! He's calling us over!---Hey Bhaiya!!! "
And with a tug on her arm, Bani follows after the girl who leads through the thick crowd over to the entrance way…..
And with a tug on her arm, Bani follows after the girl who leads through the thick crowd over to the entrance way…..
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He returned home and was surprised in not seeing Bani anywhere. For these past couple of weeks he has grown to expect her waiting on him with a warm meal to eat right before bed. He carries on through the dark hall and flipped on a light switch to the side. Jai throws his coat over the head chair at the dining table before rolling up his sleeves and heading toward the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he locates containers of leftovers from dinner and places them into the microwave.
He quietly sat at the lone dining table eating his food while time to time casting long looks over to the empty chair beside him, in which Bani usually sat in during this time. She'd as usual be dressed in her long night robe with her locks of hair cascading down her back and sinking her chin into the palm of her hand while silently giving him her company. She was never one to remain absolutely still, making small sounds such as drumming her fingers against the tabletop, creating squeaks while moving around in her chair, and releasing those soft sighs of hers after every couple of minutes. But most importantly her warm honey-brown eyes would watch him carefully, her lips pursed into a tight frown, and her chin jut out stubbornly if she found him rather late than other times.
Placing his dishes into the sink, Jai walks out of the kitchen and to the stairs after retaining his coat. He supposes that his wife must be sleeping and slowly opens the door to avoid making any sound. He steps into the dim room and catches the silhouette of both his wife and child slumbering under the covers on his bed, outlined by a certain small light coming from beside them. He switches his gaze to find the source of the light and holds his breath once he finds it.
He stares transfixed at the picture of his late wife illuminated by the light of the burning diya situated before it, making her seem more ethereal than ever before---the orange flames throwing off shadows against the frame…..
His eyes slowly trail over to the bed and rest on Bani's serene appearing face, the candle casting some of its glow onto her as well and highlighting the physical attributes of her round face…. Lowering his pained gaze on the reminder of this day, he gathers his nightgown laying on the edge of the bed and makes his way to the bathroom, closing the door with a thud….
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Bani woke up to the sound of her husband showering early in the morning and groggily rubbed her eyes. Any further drowsiness lingering inside of her vanishes in an instant as she realizes what time it is. She throws the covers off of her and cruses herself for oversleeping. She had been fatigued when she came back from Anu's university after watching her performance and partaking in the Diwali festivity. With lots of persuasion from Anu and Saahil, she lit diyas alongside with them and found herself feeling content with herself after a long time…. She felt light in a way and did not find herself regretting her decision in going. She just wished, though, that the situation had been different….
On arriving home, she kept Jigyasa company with an awake Yash. After Krishna, Dadi, Aditya, and Ranveer also arrived, they all shared dinner and went their separate ways. Bani took Yash with her into the privacy of her room. Having remembered Yash constantly throughout the event at Saahil and Anu's university, she brought back a diya to light with the one person she loved immensely. With Yash by her, she lit the diya in front of her elder sister's picture and soon fell into a somewhat comfortable sleep….. She had forgotten completely about waiting for Jai.
On hearing the shower go off, Bani searches through his wardrobe for an outfit and pulls out a shirt and pair of trousers for the day. As she lays out his belongings on the edge of the bed, the bathroom door opens with clouds of steam sifting through the air. Her husband carelessly throws his now damp towel and meets her quiet eyes. She gathers his shirt and trousers into her hand and approaches him.
"I'm sorry …," she apologizes gently while handing over his clothes. Jai takes them from her, noting her disheveled appearance, before throwing her a puzzled look. "For what?"
"…. I forgot about your dinner… I fell asleep by mistake….," she answers him oddly, as if expecting him to know the answer. He brushes her apology aside, saying, "It doesn't matter. Besides, I told you before that you don't have to wait up for me…."
"…. I forgot about your dinner… I fell asleep by mistake….," she answers him oddly, as if expecting him to know the answer. He brushes her apology aside, saying, "It doesn't matter. Besides, I told you before that you don't have to wait up for me…."
Bani watches his retreating back before he disappears behind the bathroom door again. She decides to ignore his gruff words and get freshened up herself. She gathers a saree from her own closet and toiletries before heading to one of the guest room bathrooms….
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That day Bani carried on with her usual morning routine. Waking up, making sure Tony sets his Jai sir's breakfast right on time, doing puja beside Krishna and Dadi, preparing breakfast for the rest of the members with Tony and Krishna, and feeding Yash and freshening him up right before serving everyone a morning's meal at the table. Her life has become so predictable for the past month and a half; the same habit, the same schedule, the same daily activities…..
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Jai cruses himself profusely on his way home for forgetting his patient's medical file in his study. He planned to study over the case in his spare time at home and forgot he brought it home with him to begin with. Pulling up on his driveway, he rushes inside the house to retrieve it. He catches half of his family members at the dining table, finishing their breakfast for the day, and ignores their looks of surprise by his presence. He makes his way to his study, locates the file, and jogs back down the stairs to leave promptly. However, he knocks into someone on his way down and scowls to show his displeasure at being bumped into.
"Sorry Mamaji, I didn't see you there," he hears his nephew's apologetic voice speak fearfully. Jai contains the urge to reprimand the boy for his carelessness and clamps his mouth shut--simply showing his annoyance through a single grunt.
"Saahil, come on! Otherwise we will be late! And I am not going to be late for my exams because of you!" he hears his niece's voice screech across the hall. "Yeah, just give me two minutes. I'll be right down," Saahil responds before continuing his way up. Jai proceeds down the steps and hastily tries to leave without anymore disturbances, but is held back by his mother's voice….
"Jai, what are you doing at home beta? I thought you left for the hospital some time ago…" Krishna states, perplexed. Jai lifts up the red file and mutters, "I left a file at home. I'm leaving back now." Before turning to leave, Jai catches Bani's still eyes watching him from a distance at the table. He brushes this off and walks on, though, catches the conversation that follows after…..
"Nani, I'm going to need your blessings this time. Pray that I'll pass this year. I really want that car from Papa," Anu states chirpily. Krishna chuckles affectionately and places her hand onto her granddaughter's head. "May you pass this time around, Anu. I know you can, my dear. Good luck." "You will pass, Anu Puttar. And don't you worry about your car. I will make sure your papa gets it for you anyway," Dadi adds mischievously with a wink. "I'm counting on that, Dadi! And thanks Nani. See you. And you too Mami--- no good wishes for me?"
Bani smiles sincerely at the girl across from her and softly conveys her wishes. "Good luck, Anu. I hope you pass with flying colors. Do well on your exams. And have a good day at your university."
Jai halts at the end of the hall, near the entrance doors, as a sudden realization hits him. Looking over his shoulder, he sees his wife fondly place a hand to his niece's cheek while smiling lightly at her. He begins to wonder what it is that she does all day. Doesn't she go to a university nearby here too? Hadn't she gotten herself into one? She hasn't given up on her studies, has she? When was the last time she went to university? And why hasn't she taken up on it again? Is it because she is now married? But Bani was never the one to give up on her studies. She was a career-woman. She often boasted how she wanted to make a successful career for herself and work even after marriage. She is aspiring to become a writer one day; a dream of hers that he always supported. She is a head-strong girl, not one to be kept strapped down.
"Thanks Mami, but I don't know about passing with flying colors. If you lower your expectations, then maybe you might just be proud of me," Anu answers with a giggle. "I'm sure you'll do fine," his wife replies reassuringly.
Jai makes a note to get to the bottom of this. If Bani isn't attending a university, then he will have to take the matter into his own hands and get her into one. He won't have her stop studying at the expense of him and his son. It is not fair to her. With this in mind, he carries on out of the hall and to the front doors….
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Chapter 9:
She watches from the corner of her eye as Krishna instructs Tony around the kitchen, her voice firm and authoritative, solid her place as the true lady of the house. She silently wipes the counter top while contemplating whether to express the thoughts that have been occupying her mind constantly for the past couple of days to her mother-in-law or not…. Would she understand her wish? Support her ambitious dreams? Allow her to pursue a life for herself? Or simply rebuff them?
Yash is now close to ten months, almost a big boy. He is starting to behave less clingy as he had been before. She is sure he can tolerate some separation from her. These past couple of months he has learned to immerse with the other family members and has grown particularly close with his dadi and bua. He no longer stays attached to her hip like earlier. This is perhaps a good time for her to take up on her studies again. She had given them up temporarily after the death of her sister. The gravity of the news put her into a momentary shell in which she shut out the rest of the world except for Yash, who gave her strength through that dark period of time. Gradually while taking care of her nephew, she felt strong responsibilities toward him considering how the rest of her family was too shattered to pay any heed to the new addition in their broken family. She became the mother he needed during that crucial time of his birth. And with this responsibility upon her, she gave up on the idea of university all together, finding that her responsibilities came before studies. But now things have somewhat become calmer and settled….. Yash is mixing in well with his new family and growing familiar with the new surroundings. This is the time for her to find some stability in her life as well….
She felt nostalgic on visiting Anu's university and terribly missed her own university days. They had preoccupied most of her time, keeping her on her feet, and rather busy when there was nothing else to do. She is growing tired of this routine she has built for herself. She needs time outside of this house in which she has begun to feel like a prisoner. She wants some freedom…..
Yet she worries over Krishna's opinion. Will she value Bani's wish? Will she grant what it is that she wants desperately? Krishna is a very traditional woman who values the role of a woman solely serving her husband and taking care of the household. Her sister, Ananya, had been sentenced to that lifestyle. Though her sister didn't mind much, Bani cannot imagine herself living that kind of a life. It was not who she was, who she is…..or who she wants to be.
"Bahu……Bahu……Bahu?" Bani is startled out of her daze and her hand stills, her fingers tightening around the wet cloth pressed into her palm. She looks to her mother-in-law with a lost expression as Krishna stares back at her with momentary concern. "Kya hua? Kahan kogayi thi tum?" Krishna questions affectionately. Bani simply shakes her head while replying, "Kahin nahi….You were calling me?"
Krishna: Hain, …. It's time for Yash's bath I believe…. He is playing in Beji's room….
Bani nods her head and leaves the cloth behind to follow her mother-in-law's orders, but soon stops by the entrance way of the kitchen and turns back around to look at Krishna who resumes in clearing away the pans used to prepare the morning's meal.
Bani: (hesitantly) …. Mummyji….main aapse kuch poochsakti hoon?
Krishna: Hain bahu…. Kya baath hai?
Krishna prods absentmindedly while giving side instructions to the loyal butler standing beside her. Bani fiddles with the kameez of her forest green colored churidar and licks her dry lips before carrying on with her next words….
Bani: I…. I want to take up on my studies again….. and… and was thinking of applying to one of the universities nearby….
Bani's insides sink as Krishna's movements come to a still and her dark brown eyes meet with hers in a silent lock. She watches on with anticipation as her mother-in-law remains quiet for a deadly few seconds before turning to look at Tony and dismissing him from the kitchen. As Tony leaves, Bani remains paralyzed in dread as Krishna brings her attention back onto her. She becomes somewhat relaxed on seeing a soft smile build on Krishna's lips.
Krishna: Bani…. I know beta that you were always into your studies…. got good marks….were a good student….and I respect your decision of wanting to resume them, but I do not see how it is necessary now…
Bani: Ji, matlab?
Krishna: What I mean is that you are someone's wife…. someone's mother… you have responsibilities now that you didn't have before…. you are married and with marriage comes a great deal of duties…and responsibilities that you have to fulfill…. Besides, there is so much for you to do here… Yash needs you… Jai needs you…. The family needs you…. And I need you…. I am not so young anymore…. I need my daughter-in-law beside me to complete the day's work…. You understand what I am saying, don't you?
Bani feels disappointment quickly preside inside her. Yet she continues to give a last fight in a losing battle….
Bani: But mummyji, Yash is now getting older…. He does not need me as much as he did before… I am sure he can stand a couple of hours or so without me…. And I will have time to complete the chores at home… I am only asking for a little time apart from the house…. I would really like to continue studying… and then build on getting a career---
Krishna: (raises a brow) A career? But bahu, why would you want that? Having a career would only keep you away from the home even longer…. Studying I do not mind as much, but working? I have to say that I don't agree to this…. It will constantly keep you away from the family, especially from Yash who needs his mother around…. Besides, there is no need for you to work. Your husband has that handled. He works in order to provide for you and his family. Aditya and Ranveer also both work in the office; there is no more need for money when we have enough.
Bani: But the career I want won't keep me away from my responsibilities…. I will be right at home all the time if you'd like…. I want to become a writer…..
Krishna: But even writers are kept constantly busy meeting deadlines, aren't they? You will be at home, but will not have any spare time to give to your family…. No…. That will not do…. I need you here with me… just as Ananya had been…. She had been absolutely wonderful around the house…. She never disappointed me…. Nor did she ever complain…. She fulfilled her duties perfectly… (ending wistfully)
Bani opens her mouth to cry that she is not Ananya and no matter what she wishes for, she will never become Ananya, but keeps her mouth clamped shut as her mother's words come back to haunt her. "Kabhi kissi ko mauka maat dena shikaayat karenliye…"
Krishna meets Bani's downcast eyes once more and places a gentle touch on her cheek while softly asking, "I am not asking for too much am I? That I want you here beside me…. That I want you to take up your responsibilities toward your husband and child….?" Slowly Bani shakes her head in a negative and lowers her gaze, missing the pleased smile that comes across her mother-in-law's face. "I knew you would understand…," Krishna says contently.
Bani: …….. Ji, …. I will just go and give Yash a bath….
Bani manages to croak before leaving the kitchen in a flurry……
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"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Bani Didi! Happy Birthday to you!" Rano sings tenderly over the phone the next day once Bani picks up the call. Bani grows blank from the reminder of her 20th birthday and remains speechless as to what to say. She had forgotten all thought about her birthday and is surprised that her sister has managed to remember.
Bani: ….T-thank you, Rano…
She finally manages to stammer in sheer surprise before continuing, "H-how did you remember?"
Rano: Di, did you honestly think that I would forget your birthday? Even Ma and Papa have remembered it. They want to wish you too. But I was adamant of wishing you first this year. Since I was always beaten by Anan----eeer, well, I just wanted to be first this time around……(ends gently)
On the near mention of her sister, Bani thinks back on old memories--- how Ananya would call her promptly earlier than everyone else to wish her on her birthday. It was a ritual she carried every year without any failure. It has been more than nine months now since her sister's death, yet the pain remains raw….
Bani: Thanks Rano….. I did not even realize that today was my birthday…. But I am glad you called…. (her voice growing fainter by each sentence)
Rano: …. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I didn't…. Today is your special day, Di…. You deserve every bit of love and happiness today….
Bani smiles weakly at this and on hearing no response, Rano speaks further while attempting a conversational tone….
Rano: …. So Di, do you have any plans for today?
Bani releases a soft sigh as she takes in Rano's hesitant words. She supposes that her baby sister knows her answer but was asking out of sheer conversational purposes. There would be no celebration this year. It was an unspoken yet assumed decision…..
Bani: Nahi Rano, tum aachi taara se jaanti ho…. It does not feel right…. With Ananya didi gone, I cannot possibly celebrate it…. I guess you can say out of respect towards her I do not want to…. Especially on this day….I miss her a lot….
Rano: Hmm, I can understand Di…. I did not expect you to either…. But still, I want to tell you that you should not feel guilty for being happy…. It is what Ananya Di wants…. and has always wanted. For you and for all of us to be happy….
Bani smiles fondly from Rano's words, wondering when her sister became so mature and understanding about things…. She knows Rano is right. She should not feel guilty for any happiness she may get. She has accepted the fact that her sister is gone and will remain so. And no amount of wistful wishing will bring her back. It is only the right thing for her to keep on living; move forward in life. But still, the absence of her sister's presence remains strong. She is trying to be strong, but in reality she is quite weak. It will take some time for her to grasp onto the principle she is trying to embrace. To detach herself from old memories….where there was an abundance of warmth, love, and happiness.
Bani: I know Rano, but still….. (voice trailing off)
Rano: It's okay Di…. It will take time…. It will take time for all of us to accept harsh reality…. I just want you to know that wherever Didi is, she is safe and happy…. and only wishes the same for all of us. For her sake, we should attempt to find happiness once again….
Bani: You are growing wise, Rano…. I guess it is coming from all those books you read… (she attempts to joke lightly, yet fails miserably as her strained voice gives her away…)
Rano: It is from experience that I've slowly begun to learn this…. You can never really understand things unless you experience them for yourself…. I have experienced the gravity of death…. I am only trying to grasp what it is that I have gotten from it….
Bani: ….Pain ….loneliness….
Rano: Yes, but most importantly enlightenment… about the importance of life…. and the strive to live it as much as you can….
A long silence prevails between the sisters as Bani absorbs in her sister's profound revelation…. Finally after a long moment of thought, she asks….
Bani: Are you happy, Rano? ……
Rano: …. I used to be happy. Happy with the thought of what God had given me…. Wonderful parents and two loving older sisters…. I had a complete and perfect family who I loved with all my heart…. But I am learning to be content with what I have now… I still have my parents and even though God has taken one sister from me, I know I always have another who I can depend on….
Bani: I see that you are doing well, Rano…. And that eases most of my worries…. I'm proud of you…. Use this strength of yours to take care of Ma and Papa…. They need you the most right now.
Rano: I know Di. And I'm trying. But I want you to know that as much as you are proud of me, I am that much as proud of you.
Bani: ….. Woh kaise? I have not done anything compared to you…. Unlike you, I am still having a hard time in trying to get my life back together…. And I cannot even be there for Mummy and Papa to support them during this time…. The time when they need us both, I am far away….
Rano: No, Di. You do not understand. You are supporting them by taking care of their Ananya Di's family…. And this gives them peace knowing that you are there to pick up all the pieces…. In a way you can say that all their hopes are attached to you now. After Ananya Di, it is you who they look to with pride….and faith. You have taken the role of becoming a mother at such a young age and taking care of a family that really needs you there to keep them together…. And that is what makes Ma and Papa so proud of you. That despite being so young, you have managed to withhold such a responsibility….
As Bani slips into a silence, reflecting over her sister's words, she faintly hears Rano wishing her happy birthday once more before handing the phone over to Nishikant and Kiran. With a distracted mind, she accepts her parents' wishes and speaks with them briefly, asking about their health, before placing down the phone. She makes a silent prayer that she will be able to meet her parents' expectations and never disappoint them in the near future…..
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On the behest of Jigyasa, Bani was persuaded into going out for the evening along with her sister-in-law to the shopping mall later that day. Jigyasa claimed and whined that she has not been able to spend time with her new bhabhi much after the wedding and would like to spend quality time with her. Finding this particularly odd on Jigyasa's part as this is normally the time she is out with her own friends or taking rest at home from a long tiring day of her normal activities; Bani nonetheless went along---not wishing to appear rude by refusing her.
Together they spent a good two hours or so shopping where Bani initially felt somewhat out of place but as time progressed, grew comfortable with Jigyasa as she normally had been and found herself relaxed and enjoying quality time spent with her. She forgot how much fun she used to have with the members of the Walia family. By the end of their shopping trip, she felt content.
As the two headed home in one of the Walia's cars, Jigyasa and Bani entered the mansion only to find it immersed in pitch darkness. Bani throws a confused look over to an equally pondering Jigyasa. She holds onto her sister-in-law, not wanting to lose her in the dark.
Bani: Jigyasa Didi, saab kahan hai? --- Why are the lights turned off?
Jigyasa: Pata nahi… chaal, hum dhekte hai….
As Jigyasa steps forward with Bani following closely behind, she suddenly stops as abruptly the lights flick on—momentarily blinding Bani and causing her to run into Jigyasa's back. Startled, Bani looks all around—wondering what is going on---and is surprised by what she sees.
Her mouth gapes slightly open as she takes in the decorated surroundings with a large banner hung across reading "Happy Birthday" and balloons and streamers filling up the usually barren hall. A small table has been placed in the center with a two layered white icing cake and around it, the rest of her family members are gathered around with wide smiles formed on their faces. All at once they exclaim together with cheer, "Happy Birthday Bani!"
Stunned to the very core, Bani does not know what to make out all this. With baffled eyes, she meets Jigyasa's own smiling face and looks back over to her family members who wait anxiously for her reaction. Jigyasa laughs at Bani's dumbfound reaction and shakes her a little to gather her attention.
Jigyasa: Arre, kuch bholongi kya? Or will you just continue standing here for the rest of the night?
Bani: (jolted) Aap saab---aap saab---- kaab?
Krishna: When you and Jigyasa had gone out shopping, we had planned all of this. The shopping was really just an excuse to get you outside of the house for a little while so we could prepare.
Krishna replies with a soft smile once stepping forward and placing a hand on her head.
Krishna: Why did you not tell us that it is your birthday?
Bani: Mummyji, …. I felt it was not necessary…. Especially with---
Krishna: Not necessary? Arre pagali, how could you think it was not necessary? Bahu, you are a part of this family. With whom else would you expect to celebrate this occasion with rather than your own family?
Bani: …. Paar, aapko kisne bataaya? (still perplexed)
Anu: I believe that is where I come in, Mami! Sorry to say, I accidently listened in on your call with your parents. I was going to make a call to a friend for notes, but ended up overhearing your conversation and found out from your talk that it was your birthday.
Dadi: And by the fact that we had to find out from somewhere else that it is your birthday just proves that you believe we are all nothing to you…. Just ajnabees, nothing else…. (dramatically complains)
Bani: Dadi, yeh baath nahi hai--- I just did not want to make an unnecessary fuss out of it…. Especially the times that this family is going through… I did not feel it was appropriate….
Aditya: Bani, you ignore Ma. You know very well she is being dramatic as always. As for the times you are referring to---just because we have lost one family member, does not mean that we neglect the rest… and you are a member of this family now, Bani.
Aditya speaks up, also stepping forward and placing an arm around Bani, whose eyes begin to well with tears. She does not know how to express what she was feeling at that moment. Touched, loved, and special all at once--that too only by this family.
Krishna: Aab chalo, cake katao…. And let us celebrate your birthday.
Too choked with emotion at the moment, all Bani can do is nod in affirmative and is led toward the table, surrounded by her family, and cheered on to cut the cake. As she is handed a knife by Ranveer and is prodded to cut the cake, Bani takes a good look around at the members around her who she has grown to love day by day even more than before. It was originally her who was supposed to be keeping this family together, but it seems that instead this family is keeping her together. She meets everyone's faces; Krishna, Dadi, Aditya, Jigyasa, Ranveer, Anu, and Saahil with an excited Yash in his arms. Immediately Bani's face falls as she feels the absence of one particular person…..
Seeing Bani's gaze looking all around, Krishna watches her expressions carefully and concludes silently to herself that she must be looking for Jai. She feels sympathy go towards her daughter-in-law. She had called Jai's cell and workplace consistently since the afternoon but with no response. She hoped, though, that he had gotten her messages and would be heading home any time now to partake in this occasion.
Placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, Krishna watches as Bani's honey brown eyes meet her own and she nods at Bani to encourage her to proceed with cutting the cake. A quick flash of pain crosses her eyes before Bani pulls herself together and sinks the knife into the layers of cake. Applause and cheering is heard all around as Bani offers bits of cake to each and every member and being fed in return. Occasionally her eyes would fleet over to the front doors, not going unnoticed by her mother-in-law…..
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After eating dinner, distributing the cake, and talking for a good hour or so the Walias dispersed to their individual bedrooms to retire for the night. Bani as well due to Krishna's persistence for her to rest while she will wait up for Jai instead. Without further questioning, Bani did as she was told and took Yash with her to sleep. Krishna waited on her son to arrive, intending to speak with him.
She watched him emerge through the front doors near one o'clock and kiss her fleetingly on the cheek as she approached him. As Krishna opened her mouth to speak, he extended his belongings to her and cut her short by asking, "Where is Bani?"
"I told her to rest. I decided to wait for you instead," she answered with a grimace while taking his things and setting them aside. As she turns back around to face him, she notes a slight frown build on his face and also catches a set of papers held firmly in his right hand. "Is she not well?" he questions with subtle concern in his usual baritone voice.
"Well… at least you have some thought toward your wife," she replies condescendingly, "And here I was starting to believe that you do not care for her at all…" A brief startled look crosses Jai's features until he quickly masks his face to appear reserved as always. "What do you mean by that?" he demands lowly while staring at his obviously upset mother directly.
"Never you mind what I mean by that. You very well know what I mean. And no, she is perfectly fine. I just thought that I would let her rest for the day. She works too much the poor thing. She often exerts herself with all that she does. But you wouldn't know that, would you? Where are you ever around to pay least attention to her?" his mother bitterly questions back, catching her son further off guard with her strange bout of anger. His mother rarely got angry and it seems today he has done something terribly wrong to set her off like this. He narrows his eyes at her.
"Ma, my job requires most of my time, you know this. Then why are you taking up an issue over this now, so suddenly?" he demands from her, ignoring her blatant remarks regarding his distance with his wife.
"Yes, yes, I know that your job keeps you away from all of us. No need to remind me of this. I have become accustomed to not seeing my son these past few years. But is it too much to ask for you to take out time for your family? ---To have time for something besides your work?" she states, her earlier strong tone now starting to decrease somewhat.
"You knew that once I entered this profession how it was going to be like…. I do not understand where all of these complaints are coming from when you had never complained so much before…," he counter-attacks, his voice growing firmer.
"Yes, you are right…. I never complained before, but I am complaining now. Simply because I see how you are neglecting Bani and how it hurts her…. You are never around to see what your actions do to her. …. Beta, you are her husband and she is your wife. What kind of marriage is this when the two of you barely see one another? Barely communicate with one another?" Krishna finally expresses, her tone now becoming softer by each word.
"Bani knew what she was getting into when she agreed to marry me. And I assure you that she was not expecting some fairytale marriage. I was her brother-in-law for heaven's sake. She knew that this wasn't going to be easy," Jai retorts, becoming infuriated himself.
"Well then make it easier on her, beta…. At least talk with her. At least let her know that she is not alone in all this. That she at least has her husband to depend on if no one else. I agree that this marriage was a compromise…. But it seems to me that it is only Bani who is putting her best efforts into it… only her who is making all the sacrifices. Think about that, beta," she calmly tells him.
"I never wanted her to make sacrifices. I never wanted any of this to happen…to her or to me. Do you think that I do not think about her? That I have been taking her for granted? …. Of course not. I know all that she does. I know what it is that she has given up for me and my family. She's given up her whole life just for me. I did not ask for it, but she did so nonetheless….. But do not think that I am not aware of this. That I do not value her. That I do not appreciate everything she has done…. You say that I neglect her. Maybe I do. My marriage with Bani is still hard to take in…. I was thrown into a new and different relation with her so suddenly that I was unable to grasp it….neither was she. Ma, you cannot expect everything to go perfectly and smoothly always. Life does not work that way. And I've learned that the hard way….," he finishes coldly and completely destroying his mother's stance, who blinks dumbly back at him. For a long moment there is no exchange of words and Jai takes this opportunity to make an exit.
On seeing her son's retreating back, she calls after him, but he ignores her by proceeding on up the stairs…..
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Jai entered the bedroom and threw his coat onto the lone chair along with his briefcase, which he gathered on his way up. He throws a hand in his thick head of hair and releases a dreary sigh as his shoulders remain tensed. Realizing that his fingers are still grasped around sheets of paper, Jai looks down to them---overlooking them briefly before turning his gaze somewhere else. His eyes land on her laid figure slumbering on the mattress with his son nestled beside her. Reflecting ob his previous exchange with his mother, he cannot help but feel guilt over his treatment toward her…. a guilt that his mother tried to inflict….and one that she succeeded in doing. Was his wife really bothered with him neglecting her? He didn't really think of as neglect…. only as a needed distance for her and for him to come to terms with their new relationship. The tension and awkwardness between them only intensified when they were in each other's presence…. he only wished for that to be avoided at all costs.
He takes slow steps toward the bed, approaching the oblivious form of his wife. Taking one last glance at the papers, he places them onto the nightstand near her so she will be able to see them first thing in the morning. Lowering down onto his knees, he meets her eye-level and silently observes her serene, calm-like face. How is it that she is able to appear at peace? As if she were trouble-free?….
Hesitantly, he lifts his hand places it on her wavy hair, his fingers feeling the smoothness of her tresses. Gently he runs his thumb across her cheek and listens to the rhythmic tune of her breathing.
"…. Happy Birthday, Bani," he softly says to her, his whisper dissipating within the dim, hollow room………
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Chapter 10
Bani entered the bedroom after finishing the morning prayers alongside Krishna and came right on time as her husband just woke from his sleep and was making his way toward the bathroom to freshen up for the day. On hearing her entrance, he briefly looks over to her. Unlike usually, she does not give him her small smiles that he has become accustomed to seeing each morning whenever she caught him. She lowers her gaze and proceeds forward, completely ignoring him in the process, and heads toward his wardrobe---throwing open its doors and searching through the hung clothing for his attire for the day. Jai hides his creeping frown and grabs his towel before taking his last steps in the bathroom's direction, closing the door shut firmly behind him.
Placing his trousers and dress shirt onto the edge of the mattress, Bani releases a soft sigh as memories from last night dance around her head. She has now turned twenty. Gone are her teenage years. Today she is a young adult. A woman.
Hearing faint whimpering from her sleeping nephew, Bani turns her attention onto his somewhat disturbed face and goes to him in concern. She affectionately pats his head while pacifying him back into his sleep. After a minute goes by, she watches his steady breathing return before turning around to leave. However, the sight of something keeps her back and gathers her momentary attention.
Curiously she takes the sheets of papers laying aimlessly on the nightstand beside her side of the bed, not having remembered them being there before she slept, and examines the contents of them. As her gaze wanders back and forth across the papers, quickly scanning them to discover what they are, her eyes grow wide in surprise…..
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Jai had been standing in front of the dresser mirror, closing the cuffs to his sleeves, readying himself for another day at work when his wife emerged through their bedroom door for the second time that morning. Feeling an inexplicable annoyance toward her, perhaps due to her blunt indifference directed to him earlier, he ignores her presence and begins in buttoning up the rest of his shirt. He even refuses to look at her reflection through the wide-mirror as she appears standing some feet behind him, looking at him with silent, yet unexpectedly sparkling eyes.
His irritation with her growing as he feels conscious of her staring and presence lingering right behind him, Jai finally pays her attention by asking through the mirror, "What is it? What do you want?"
He watches cautiously as she takes steps forward, nearer to him, and it is only when she is a foot away from his backside that he catches the sight of shuffled papers held closely in her hands. Realization dawns as he figures what it is that she has in mind and wishes to speak to him about. He carries on with knotting his tie once bringing it around his neck while distantly listening to his wife clearing her throat before speaking her next words….
Bani: When did you…. When did….
She begins in saying, feeling at a loss of words on how to express herself at the moment.
Jai: Yesterday. Right before work.
He answers promptly, understanding her brief speechlessness. After patting down his tie against his shirt, Jai begins in combing his hair while Bani remains rooted to her place---numerous of expressions crossing her pretty face. Her attention is recollected on hearing her husband's firm voice.
Jai: Fill them out when you have the time and have them admitted. You can ask either Saahil or Ranveer to take you. But it should be done within this week. I want you enrolled in a university as soon as possible.
Bani dumbly nods, still comprehending what he is doing for her, and answers quietly, "Ji."
Jai: (carrying on) You are going to finish your studies. I don't want you falling behind anymore. You have missed almost a year already--- which you are going to have to make up if you are serious about wanting a career.
Bani lifts her gaze on hearing his last words. She feels her insides rising at what he is implying. Anxiously she questions him, "Career?"
Jai: Yes, a career. Isn't that the prior reason why people study?
Ignoring his snide remark, Bani can't help but feel on top of the world at the moment. He is supporting her dreams. He is actually going to support them. She did not know why, though, she ever doubted him. He always encouraged her to complete her studies and start a career. It is nice to know that some thing hasn't changed about him ever since her marriage to him.
His hand halts midway in the middle of combing his hair and turns around to look at her with eyes that observe her closely and an expression she is unable to pinpoint.
Jai: That was what you wanted, wasn't it?
She wanted to throw her arms around him, like she had done numerous times before, but could not bring herself to do so. Instead, she smiles radiantly at him—blinding him with her bright smile that he hasn't seen in a long time. She shakes her head in a negative before replying to him.
Bani: No, I still want it.
Jai: …. Good.
He casts one last look at her hugging the papers closely to her chest and faces the mirror once again, resuming in fixing his hair.
Jai: Either way, I wouldn't have taken "no" for an answer.
As Bani basks in the current happiness of the idea of returning to university, the gateway to her old life, she is suddenly struck by a worrisome thought and looks to her husband with wide eyes.
Bani: What about Mummyji?
She stammers, bringing the important factor of his mother into the situation. She will perhaps be furious that Bani would be going against her wishes. Would she hate Bani for defying her?
Bani watches through the mirror as suddenly Jai's eyes grow dark on the mention of his mother. He gruffly answers her a moment later.
Jai: You don't worry about that. I'll handle her.
She contains the urge to smile once more and silently observes her husband place down his comb onto the dresser top. Suddenly realizing something, she turns around and trots toward the bed. Taking the coat into her hands, she walks back over to him just as he turns around to gather exactly just that. Without any exchange of words, she opens the coat wide and signals for him to bring out his arms. Obediently he turns around and does so, looking through the corner of his eyes as the coat slips onto his arms and over his shoulders. Feeling at unease with the proximity of Bani near him and how her small hands linger near his shoulder blades, smoothing out the coat around him, he exhales in relief as a distance is created within them. Even though he is starting to comprehend the fact that she is indeed his wife, it will take him some more time to fully be at ease with the idea.
He turns around, now fully dressed, facing her directly and is greeted by a soft smile that just begins to grow on her lips. Her now bright eyes stare at him so intensely that it makes him momentarily uncomfortable.
Bani: ….. Thank you.
She finally says, expressing the gratitude she felt for him at the moment. He breezily brushes off her appreciation with a single nod. For a long moment the two stood directly before one another without anything more to say, Bani seeming at ease for once with him while her husband grows more and more discomforted by the second. He roughly clears his throat before stammering….
Jai: …. I-I should go….
Bani: (sincerely) …. Have a good day.
Jai simply nods again as a response and taking his briefcase, leaves their bedroom within the next moment. Bani watches him leave with a wide smile emerging on her face. This is the first time after her marriage that her husband has done something for her and shared more than just two sentences. And this fact alone brought her immense happiness.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Okay, now open your mouth….," he commands to the young woman sitting down before him, who does as told. Peering into her wide, gaping mouth, he takes the tongue depressor into his hand and presses it against her pink tongue while telling her to say, "Aaaaahhh."
"Waaht iz iit doocteeerr?" she attempts to ask him with query, looking down through her eyelids as he carefully examines the insides of her mouth. Dr. Walia wears a scowl on his face while sternly replying, "Don't talk. Just do as you are told."
Rolling her eyes at the extremely handsome (whom she had tried her best attempts of flirting with), yet completely stern and cold doctor, the girl makes a loud "Aaaaahhh" sound. A few moments later he removes the depressor and throws it away into the nearby trashcan.
"Everything's fine. Now I will have to check your ears," he tells her with indifference while gathering the next equipment, carrying on with the checkup. The girl, who looks somewhere between the ages of eighteen to early twenties, stares at him with wide eyes.
"You know, seems like you need a checkup more than me," she remarks while scrutinizing his attractive features with his dull and weary face overshadowing them. She sees the doctor flash an annoyed look before focusing his attention once more onto her ears.
"And why is that?" he wirily asks her, not caring much for an answer or striking up any conversation with the spunky looking girl who had a big trap that wouldn't remain shut. But for some reason he was finding himself sucked into the chit of a girl's words.
"Well, you seem like a walking—talking zombie if you ask me. When was the last time you had a proper rest? Is this common in all doctors? Or is it just you?" she carries on in her frustratingly chirpy voice. Since the moment Jai Walia stepped into the room, he has been treasuring the urge to bang his head against the wall. Oh how he loathed clinic duty.
"Yes, all of us doctors are mere walking, talking zombies. How great of you to notice. Now shut up so I can finish the examination," he growls at her while finishing up the expectation of her ears.
"What attitude you've got! You are so snappy. Is it due to all the lack of sleep? Hey, you know who you remind me of?" She quickly changes the subject in an excited voice. On not hearing a response from her doctor, she carries on nonetheless.
"That hottie hunk from that show Grey's Anatomy! McDreamy!--- Wait, no, no, I'd say you're more like McSteamy because you've got that certain s*x appeal to you. Or maybe you're just both! Hmm, wait till I tell my friends that I met a doctor who looks both like McDreamy and McSteamy! We watch it every week together! Oh, they'd just die!" she squeals from delight over the thought.
"Really?" Dr. Walia surprises his patient at his sudden profound sense of interest in what she has to say. Encouraged by his attention, she confirms this with another squeal. "Yup, they'd be so jealous!"
"That's funny---because I don't give a damn. Now hold in your breath and release it when I tell you. I have to check your heartbeat," he commands while removing the stethoscope from its hung position around his neck. The girl glowers hard at his previous fake enthusiasm.
"You know, I change my mind. You remind of that j*ck*ss everyone is always talking about---that old, grumpy doctor--- Oh, yeah, that Dr. House guy! You remind me exactly of him!"
"Again, I could care less. And do as you are told!" he chides while placing the stethoscope against her chest and listening carefully to the beating of her heart through the earpieces.
"Sure can do, doc!" She replies cheekily before sucking in a breath of air into her and releasing it only until he tells her to do so. After a couple more times of this, Jai sketches down the necessary information and informs her that her examination is now complete.
"You are perfectly fine physically---but mentally if you ask me you need severe help. Other than that, you're fine. But for your cough I will prescribe you some medicine which you can pick up over the counter," he mechanically conveys to her without even meeting her eyes as he fixes his gaze onto the chart before him.
"Well frankly, you're not the only person who believes I'm not right in the head, so I'm not going to take your blatant dig at me personally. Anyways, thanks Doc! By the way, can I have my sticker and lollipop now?" she demands cutely like a little child. Startled, he meets her wide gaze that stares back at him unblinkingly.
"Pardon me? Stickers and lollipop?" he asks with confusion and clear amazement at the girl. The girl seems unmoved by his clear disbelief and repeats herself.
"You know-- the customary stickers and lollipop a patient gets after an examination. What? You guys stopped doing those?" she questions disappointedly. "I believe that tradition ended when you left pediatrics, Miss Randheria….about four years ago….," he answers her disdainfully.
"You can never be too old for stickers and lollipops!" she remarks causing her doctor to roll his eyes at her childishness. He turns around only to find a jar of stickers and lollipops right behind him and without any further hesitance leads her to them. "Here, knock yourself out," he says, welcoming her to the treat she was looking forward to. Greedily she grabs two lollipops and scans through the stickers until she finds a suitable one with SpongeBob square pants and then sticking it onto her chest proudly.
Jai observes quietly at the way her eyes shine at the sight of the lollipops in her hands as if they were the best thing to happen to her. Distinctly he is reminded of something by this and immediately the picture of his wife comes to mind. Her eyes too would shine brightly at the sight of her all time favorite dairy milk chocolates right before devouring them within seconds. Unconsciously, a faint smile plays on his lips only to be removed a second later.
"Gee, thanks! You help yourself to it too! I personally think that Mickey Mouse sticker would look adorable on you!" she recommends with a bright smile and a girlish giggle. "I'll think about it," he comments dryly, only causing the girl's smile to broaden. "See you around Doc, and try to get some sleep in you and be less zombie-like. It'd do marvelous wonders for you! Firstly that grouchiness of yours would be taken care of!" she digs at him before walking out the door.
His eyes follow after her figure that literally skips down the hallway while she licks her lollipops and shows off her "awesome sticker" to the passing nurses nearby. He shakes his head at her before carrying on with his day's work…..
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Okay, so what shall you wear? Oh---this looks nice! You should definitely wear this on your first day!" Anu recommends to Bani, who is seated on her king sized bed along with her nephew, situated around his toys. Completely ignoring her "niece" and carrying on with giving her full attention to her nephew, who is intent on having it, Bani allows Anu to continue her search through her wardrobe.
"Hmm, Mami, where are your western clothes? All I see are saris and salwaar kameezs. Yuck! Where are your trendy, fashionable clothing you always wore?" Anu questions her aunt, who distantly hears her demands.
"What'd you say Anu?" she asks disinterestedly, too distracted by her nephew's activeness to pay heed to her.
"Your western clothes Mami, western clothes!" she stresses exasperatedly while still rummaging through Bani's sets of traditional clothing. It is like she has become a new person ever since her marriage, changing drastically from the chic modern girl to the overrated traditionalist, Anu muses to herself.
Tearing her eyes from her nephew in order to pay attention to the overly excited Anu, Bani meets her direct gaze. "Oh, those? I left them at my parent's home. There wasn't any time really for all my old clothes to be packed over to here," Bani answers distantly, undergoing a brief reenactment of the events of her marriage.
"Oh, you are right. It did happen all so fast. Okay, then I don't mind sharing my clothes with you. Let's go to my room and find you something to wear! We can pick out a whole week's worth of clothing for you!" Anu offers enthusiastically. Bani gives a hesitant smile, marveling over how Anu is taking the news of her joining a university far greater than how she herself was. She has also been insisting that Bani join only her university and complete the admissions for it immediately.
"No, that's okay Anu. I'm fine with what I have. I am okay with my saris and salwaar kameezs," she cuts her off softly, not wanting to create a further fuss over outfits to wear for university.
Anu scrunches her nose. "Oh come on Mami, don't be so traditional. You are going to ward everyone off by it. The fact that you are married is enough to wear everyone off in the first place. Besides, I want everyone to adore you like how I do! I will introduce you to all of my friends! We will have so much fun! Oh, I just can't wait!" she squeals in delight while Bani herself cannot help but smile at Anu's eagerness.
The knocking on the door briefly captures both the girls' attentions causing them to look toward it in anticipation. "Come in," Bani replies, allowing the person to enter into her bedroom. She straightens her appearance, smoothing out the creases in her saree after rising up from the bed, on seeing that it is her mother-in-law, who stands by the doorway with a light smile on her face.
"Mummyji, aandar aaiye na…" Bani respectfully says while Krishna refutes with a simple smile. "It's okay Bahu, I just came to tell you two that it is now lunchtime. Everyone is gathering at the table. You come along now too."
"Ji," Bani answers politely and gathers Yash in her arms, ready to leave the room, while giving Anu a side look---prodding her to come too.
"Arre Anu, yeh saab kya hai? Why are all these clothes all over the place?" Krishna curiously questions on seeing various outfits thrown about and her granddaughter situated by the open doors of a wardrobe. Without being around to witness it, she knows very well that Anu is responsible for the mess.
"Nani, I was just helping Bani Mami pick out some outfits!" she chirps to her grandmother happily with a grand smile. Bani feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and watches with dreaded anticipation of what is about to unfold. She hasn't gotten around to informing Krishna about her and her husband's decision of continuing her studies. Seems she will now be unable to disclose this fact herself.
"Outfits? But why? Bani, tum kahin jhari ho kya?" Krishna subtly asks while looking in Bani's direction, whose mouth runs dry. She throws Anu a deadpan look, hoping that she will not convey anymore. But of course luck is not on her side.
"For university of course! She'll be joining mine by the end of this week. I'm only helping out in what she will be wearing. I'm so excited that she'll be studying with me. It will be so much fun, wont it Mami?!" Anu encourages a dumbfound Bani for an answer, who has her eyes glued onto her mother-in-law----watching how the expression on her face slowly begins to change.
Bani shudders as Krishna meets her gaze once more, growing a certain inexplicable look that Bani is unable to fathom nor wishes to discover. Hastily her eyes fall to the floor, finding she is unable to look her mother-in-law directly at the moment without feeling some sort of guilt.
"I see," comes her edged tone that Bani flinches on hearing. "Well then, I'll leave you two to finish your plans…. Come down soon, though."
Bani could sense Krishna's eyes on her until the very second she left the room……
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Jai was not surprised on seeing his mother awake when he arrived at home instead of his wife. He assumed she wanted a word with him—like usual. He wearily greets her while handing over his things. The frown on his mother's face does not change.
"Jai beta, I want a word with you," she says frankly, coming straight to the point rather than beating around the bush. Jai rubs his tensed shoulder and proceeds forward, his mother closely following his trail.
"Bani has slept?" his abrupt question sounding more like a statement, which briefly startles his mother who was too focused, ready to pounce on him with her views. She dumbly nods her head on seeing her son flash a look for confirmation. She carefully eyes her son who seats himself down before the plate of warm leftover food steaming on the dining table. He takes his rightful place at the head chair.
"I tried to contact Yash's previous nanny, but it seems she found service someplace else…. We will need a replacement soon by sometime the end of this week," he casually conveys to his bewildered mother, who frowns even more deeply than before on hearing his words.
"I do not think that is a good idea," his mother manages to mutter in protest. Jai's eyes rise from his plate of food.
"Well I believe so…. Now that Bani will be resuming her studies, she will be away for a good couple hours or so from home. Someone will have to watch over Yash in her absence. And I cannot expect you or Dadi to watch over him constantly, it is not in your age to do so…. Jigyasa Di I cannot ask either to take out time each day. Bani has about three more years left to complete since she took a year off. It's best if we rehire a nanny to do the job," he firmly states his decision before resuming to eat his dinner.
"I mean it is not a good idea for Bani to go to university in the first place," his mother repeats herself, her tone growing an edge.
"I already have handed her admission papers to various universities to choose from. She will be joining one by next week if she turns them in one time," he concludes, completely undermining his mother's views of the situation. Krishna's displeasure of the whole thing grows.
"Jai, I do not find it sensible for her to go. What will she gain from studying? And for what reason would she do so? You are able to provide for her just fine; lack of money is out of the question---there is plenty of it. There is no need for her to study and get a career like how you are proposing that she should. Do not encourage this. Besides, there is so much work for her to do here at home…. How will she be able to run the household and maintain a career at the same time?" she demands from her son, who only looks back at her coolly and collected.
"Ma, you are overly traditional and fail to see that our world is becoming far more modern. It is very common for married women to be working outside the home and maintaining successful careers. You cannot honestly expect to keep Bani grounded here. She does not deserve that. She is and always has been a modern girl. And if she wishes to have a career, then you should let her do so. I assure you that she won't neglect any of her responsibilities if that is what you are worried about," he remarks, gazing at her with cold eyes.
"You are misunderstanding me. I do not intentionally want to keep her placed at home. She can very well go out wherever she wishes, but I feel that the household should be her main priority. She is now a married woman as well as a mother. She has certain responsibilities. There are also things to be taken care of here; I cannot possibly manage the house alone. She is now the daughter-in-law of this house which makes her the mistress---and being the mistress has tasks as well," she explains herself, not wishing to be labeled as the bad guy thwarting Bani's wish unnecessarily for her own selfish reasons.
"She can manage both. And if you had any faith in her, you would believe she could as well," he says in a grim tone that only seems to provoke his mother more.
"I do not see why you are encouraging this. Ananya was perfectly fine with staying home---she never had complaints---don't you remember how well she did her duties? She never bothered about a career and studying further. She knew she had responsibilities after being a married woman," Krishna states rather feverishly and does not notice the icy look build in her son's gray eyes.
"Bani is not Ananya," he cuts in tersely, wanting to remind his mother of this important fact. "And she never will be. She is a different person with different thoughts and ideals. Just because Ananya was perfectly fine with you subjugating her to becoming a mere housewife, does not mean that Bani desires the same."
"But---…" his mother begins to speak only to be cut off rudely by Jai who says in a chilling tone, "End of discussion. I want Bani admitted in a university by the end of this week. She will do what she pleases and I will not have you coming in the way of this. This is her future we are speaking of, not yours or what you think it should be like. Her future should be her decision alone. If she wants a career, you will allow her to have one. Now I do not want any further complaints about this," he ends dismissively.
"Why are you doing this?" she dejectedly questions him in exasperation with her son's inability to understand her. "I only am doing what you wanted Ma…. --- giving attention to my wife."
Krishna purses her lips together and gives Jai one last fleeting glance before leaving the table...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Jai entered his bedroom only to find his young wife pacing back and forth in the dim room, the only source of light coming from the lamp on her bedside, and wringing her fingers while having a severe look of apprehension worn on her face. She tied her silk robe securely around her waist and her hair like usual was left out. On hearing the closing of the door, she turns to look at him….
"Aap agaaye?" she questions him in a jumpy manner, amusing her husband quite a bit who is seeing this new side to her for the first time. He has never seen her so anxious about anything before. She always was so calm and collected about everything.
"Hmm," he mumbles shortly while tugging his tie loose from his collar and then removing his coat. Seeing this, his wife comes to his side and gathers his belongings, putting them away while Jai sits on the edge of the bed and begins in removing his shoes. Within seconds she returns, standing by him, and stares at him with wide eyes. She continues to twist her fingers.
"Aap….. aap mummyji se baath karchuke hai?"she asks him rather nervously, as if afraid of his response. "Hmm," he answers once again, only adding to her already anxious state. "Woh…. University ke baare mein?"she prods for some more information. "Hmm," is all that escapes his mouth as he slips off his last shoe.
"How…. How did she take it? ----What did she say?" she finally blurts, dying to know what her mother-in-law's reaction was as she hardly spoke to her all day or even looked at her. For the first time she was being treated with indifference from Krishna and she couldn't figure out how to handle her unpleasant attitude.
"She was upset, wasn't she?" she carries on when not receiving any response from her husband. "---She doesn't want me to go. She wants me to stay here. She must be terribly angry with me. She told me before that she wanted me here, but still I am---…"
"You don't worry about her. She will come around. You just pick out the university you want and get your admission papers ready. I will have everything arranged by the dean and it should be taken care of. I want you enrolled soon. Next week the latest. You will have to get supplies as well, I'm assuming. Take Anu with you if you want and buy what you need. I will give you my card. Do not worry about the expenses; just get everything that you need," he intervenes in between of her rambling in the meanwhile rising from the bed. Bani looks at him with unblinking eyes.
"Yash?" she starts to say only to have her worries answered promptly. "We will hire a nanny once again and set up a schedule once knowing your classes. Ma and Dadi will be here as well to help out if needed, but I do not want to completely burden them with responsibility over Yash at their age. It will all be taken care of. He'll be in good hands. Do not worry."
Relief quickly washes over her and she does not even feel the slightest guilt of Krishna anymore. He is right, she will eventually come around. She cannot stay mad at her for too long. Krishna adores her too much to be so. Bani cannot blame her mother-in-law either for her traditional values. It is something she has grown up with and believes firmly in. But if Bani can prove to her that she can handle both the household and studying then later on a career, she is sure Krishna will slowly accept her decision.
A wide smile grows on her lips and startling both herself and especially her husband, she throws her arms around him, reaching only his chest, and expresses her deep innermost gratitude. Jai stands awkwardly in her embrace, towering over her by a good few inches, and remains still in his place. "Thank you," he hears her whispered words moments later. He clears his throat roughly.
"…. Go to sleep, Bani. It's late," he murmurs. His body grows tense as she gazes up at him, her glittering hazel eyes boring into his own, staring at him with such warmth that makes him completely silent. The smile on her lips grows subtler and after nodding her head she removes herself from him.
However, Jai could still feel the impact of her pressed body against his and rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling uncomfortably warm all over. It was not as if they had never shared hugs before, but this one felt different and strange---mostly due to the awareness that she was now his wife and not just his late wife's kid sister whom he dotted on before…..
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Needless to say Krishna was gravely upset over her daughter-in-law's decision to return to university with her son's full support. She continued to remain displeased but soon caved reluctantly as she knew she could never stay upset with Bani for too long. Despite her wish to continue her studies and be a career woman, Bani is a wonderful girl and proving to be a good daughter-in-law with how she runs the house effectively. She would have to overlook this one flaw of her Bahu….
Bani did as told and prepared her admissions papers once choosing her university. In the end after much thought, she decided it would be best to join the same school as Anu and Saahil. She would be at least familiar with a couple of faces and it did have a rather nice writing program. Her husband, surprisingly, accompanied her to the dean's office, got her enrolled, and handled everything needed for her to attend the university. All the procedures were taken care of swiftly, but perhaps this is due to the influence of money and wealthy status her husband has.
In spite of Anu's insistence of befriending her to all of her clique of friends, Bani remained at a safe distance and wanted to focus more on her studies, needing to catch up because of her long absence, rather be absorbed in goofing off and partying. Even though the university wasn't all that she imagined it to be, still finding herself quite unsatisfied and weary (since it has been so long she was a student), Bani felt a reason to be somewhat happy for a change in a long time. She was starting to feel content of having something meaningful to do rather than staying cooped up in the Mansion. She could now also seriously start to think about pursuing a career.
So far a month had gone by much more swiftly than usual with Bani now having something to keep her preoccupied rather than housework. She is still adjusting to the university, but is doing well on her own. Time to time she will join Anu and her friends, who are nice and friendly to her, but for some reason she is unable to connect with any of them. Others at the university did not try so much to strike a friendship, wary of her married status and Indian clothing (just as Anu had said). She has started to believe, though, that she prefers to remain alone most of the time in contrast to her old, social butterfly lifestyle. She was finding it hard to reconnect with her old life and finally gave up trying. It was just not meant to be. She was now a different person.
Other than her university life, things at the Mansion were starting to progress as well. She was starting to get a grasp on taking charge of the house and withholding her responsibilities efficiently. Balancing both the household and university was sure to make her tired at the end of the day, but she did not mind as it kept her busy thoroughly—something she was used to being. Changes in her relationship to the family were also beginning to progress for the better. Any lingering estrangements or awkwardness were now undetected in the way Bani communicated to her new family. She is feeling at place with them once more.
Her husband, on the other hand, remains an exception. Even though their relationship has improved slightly better than what it was---now they conversed more often than their maintained silences---he continued to remain busy at work and appear only late at night and early in the mornings. She has grown accustomed to his routines and habits, knowing what it is that he likes for breakfast, where each and every one of his belongings reside, taking care to pack a late lunch for him (as she has been informed he often misses lunchtime), and waiting up for him at night with a plate full of dinner despite his many protests that she should not since she has to wake up early as well for university. She knew that it would take much more time for them to be fully at ease with one another and perhaps mend their estranged relationship.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Bani arrived home near early noon, feeling a little tiresome from the morning's events, and knew she would now have to prepare lunch with her mother-in-law and Tony and then contact Jai's assistant to see whether she will have to send lunch or not. She decided to call first before heading toward the kitchen and as she walked into the living room to take the cordless phone, she heard a sudden wailing coming from a distance. Recognizing the screams and tears, Bani's heart thumped faster as her mind raced with what possibly could have happened. Quickly she broke out into a run; following her nephew's loud cries and stumbled upon the hallway where she saw his fallen form near shards of broken glass. Her heart skipped a beat in fear before she rushed to him and scooped him up in her arms.
"….Momma," he exclaims on seeing her, gulping down a sob. Bani's insides come to a slow as her body stills on hearing the word that escaped from his wailing mouth. For a long moment she remains unmoved, standing in shock with her crying nephew in her arms, and swallows saliva down her dry throat. "Momma….. Momma," she hears him repeat again while drenching her clothes with his tears. Her own eyes grow moist as she feels her heart soar high in the air and her chest constrict tightly. She lets out a soft sob herself and instantly embraces him tight against her bosom, pressing her cheek against the top of his head.
She felt as if she were on top of the world right at that moment. As if she was standing on the highest mountain, untouchable and victorious. How beautiful the word sounded coming from his mouth. "Momma," so pure, so natural, so…..right. She was his mother and he her son. She felt it right down to the depths of her heart and soul. This happiness was hers alone….her right. He was her son and nothing in the world could change that fact for her.
"Oh baby, Mama's here…. My poor baby…. Mera Munna…. Mera baacha… I'm so sorry, I left you all alone… Tell Mama where you got hurt," she hurriedly says with overwhelming concern and love for her son. She covers him with sound kisses and holding him close, not wanting to ever let him go from her arms. Quickly she brushes away his tears and finally notices the wound on his left arm where blood seeps through his cotton shirt. Taking her pallu, she presses the cloth against his arm and continues to shower him with never ending kisses. Suddenly she hears footsteps hurrying behind her and turns to see both her mother-in-law and the new nanny with worried expressions on their faces.
"Bahu, kya hogaya?" Krishna questions apprehensively and hurriedly joins her side to check a now whimpering Yash, having heard his loud screams from the kitchen. The nanny, however, stands uncertainly from afar.
With damp eyes Bani replies frantically, "Mummyji, I just came home and heard him screaming. He fell in the hallway and cut himself from the broken vase! But I do not understand why he was here alone to begin with….Dekhiye na, mera beta ko kya hogaya… chot lagaya… Mummyji, aap uss nanny ko poochiye ki kahan thi mera beta ko chorke!"
The nanny averts her gaze to the floor on seeing the fierceness in Bani's glaring eyes. Krishna turns around to look at the mousy girl, who fidgets in their presence.
"Bolo, kahan thi tum? Hum kya tumhe paise dete hai yahan wahan ghoomne keliye?" Krishna demands from her.
"Ji Madam…. Main to bus usko ek second ke liye chorke gayi thi…. Woh to phela living room mein tha…. Playing with his toys…. he must have crawled off….. Maine socha ki main jhald se ek phone call---…" the girl begins to say in her defense, only to increase the wrath of her ward's mother.
"How could you?! How could you leave him alone?! You say you left him alone for a second but look at what has happened in that one second! And how could you even think about making personal calls while on the job! I am not going to take this carelessness of yours when regarding my son! I will call that agency of yours and report this unprofessionalism! But more importantly your services here are no longer required, you may leave," Bani states harshly while still cradling her still whimpering son in her arms.
"Madam, please---…"the girl, now looking clearly horrified, begins to stammer in protest but does not finish as Bani rushes off quickly to get the first aid box and address Yash's injury, leaving her mother-in-law to handle the incompetent girl.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"It looks fine, Bani, it is nothing serious," her husband told her later that night once checking up on his son's injury after hearing the narration of that day's incident. He pulls down Yash's sleeve over the bandage and rises from the bed, not wishing to awaken the sleeping child. He meets his wife's direct gaze that stares at him with wide eyes.
"You are sure everything is alright?" she questions once more, wanting complete satisfaction about her son's wellbeing.
"Yes, but then again, who am I to know any better." Bani ignores his clear sarcasm and feels a sense of relief. She reaches out and strokes Yash's hair, her eyes brimming with love and affection for him. Jai watches this carefully for a moment before tearing her attention from his son.
"Dadi and Ma will take care of him personally if you do not feel uncomfortable with hiring another nanny," he begins in saying only to be halted in his words on seeing her vigorously shaking her head in a negative.
"Well…. What is it that you want?" he finally asks on seeing her remain quiet for a long moment, suddenly seeming distant despite them being in the same room.
"I don't know…. I know that I do not want to burden Mummyji and Dadi…. But I also…. I don't think I can trust a stranger to take care of him…." she finishes saying, voicing her apprehensions. Jai observes her even more carefully, noting the features of her uneasy seeming face.
"I hope you are not thinking of something as foolish like leaving your studies again," he lowly warns a moment later. Hearing no response from her, his assumption is proved right. Irritation with her strikes him immediately.
"The girl was a damn fool and incompetent for the job. But that does not mean every other nanny is just the same. You are going to have to get rid of this fear of yours regarding Yash. He's getting older now and he can handle you being gone for some time. You, on the other hand, will just have to deal with compromising certain time spent away from him," he adds in a brooding tone.
"…. But what if something like this happens again when I am not around?" she manages to express her innermost fears. "Deal with it. You cannot be around him 24/7 guarding him from harm's way. He will get hurt many more times---cuts, bruises, wounds in your absence and even in your presence. And you will have to learn to cope with it all."
Bani lowers her eyes and continues to softly run her fingers through a sleeping Yash's jet black hair. "Now, get another nanny or you can decide to have either Dadi and Ma to take care of him for the time being until you feel comfortable. The choice is yours, but I will not hear of you discontinuing your studies," he remarks dangerously before turning off his lamp light and slipping under the covers, leaving his wife sitting upright in the darkness----muddling in her own thoughts….
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"Hmph, what is he thinking by wanting to hire another nanny? After what happened to his son? No, I will not allow this. You do not worry Bahu, I am not that old as your husband is making me sound out to be. Your Dadi and I will both look after him while you are gone. We have been doing just fine these last couple of days. Tum bus fikar maat karna," Krishna comforts her worried daughter-in-law easily in the midst of preparing Breakfast a few days later.
Bani manages a feeble smile toward her mother-in-law, who has thawed considerably during the last month. She hardly holds her grudge against Bani for choosing to take up studying again. The efficiency that she makes up for while running the house makes up greatly for it.
"Thank you Mummyji, but I do not want to burden you or Dadi anymore with responsibility over him. Woh teek kehte hai…. hiring another nanny is what we should do," Bani hesitantly concedes, having no other option left for her regarding the situation.
"Hm, I know very well Bahu that you do not want to see anymore incompetence when regarding your son. I do not think you should hire another nanny. I'm telling you, I will look after him in your absence. I am after all his grandmother; I am here to take care of him," Krishna insists while stirring a ladle in the pot of steaming soup, made especially for Anu who had caught some sort of flu.
"Thank you Mummyji," Bani says in appreciation of Krishna's offering help. Krishna simply smiles affectionately at her. Feeling more at ease with Yash's care being handled, Bani resumes in making breakfast in a better mood.
"Waise Bahu," Krishna begins conversationally. "Our Yash will be turning one rather soon. Have you gotten him vaccinated him yet? It's important that he gets all the necessary vaccines by the time he turns twelve months," she reminds Bani, who had not even given a thought over this. Surprised with herself for forgetting something necessary for Yash's good health, Bani stammers, "Ji… nahi…. abhi nahi…. main to bhoolgi thi…" She answers sheepishly to her mother-in-law, who seems to understand her forgetfulness over this important fact as she is still new to motherhood.
"Koi baath nahi. Tum bus jhald se jhald appointment banwao aur Yash ki checkup karwadena… Uska saare vaccines hojownge…," she states casually to which Bani replies with an obedient, "Ji."
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Bani arranged for an appointment a few days later, scheduling it on a day which she could manage to come home on an earlier time and take Yash for his checkup. Taking one of the Walia cars, she is driven to the hospital by the one of the drivers and arrives just in time. She sits patiently in the waiting room with a fussing Yash in her lap, who had been starting to make a scene since the moment she walked through the mechanical doors of the building. She tries to put him at ease sensing that he perhaps does not like the gloominess of their surroundings.
"Yash Walia," finally one of the nurses announces and Bani, gathering both her purse and Yash in arms, walks to where the woman leads her.
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"Hey, Jai. What's up, yaar?" Rohit Mehra questions Jai Walia while standing outside his office door. Jai looks up from his desk and at his good friend, who greets him with a warm smile through the doorway.
"Nothing. What brings you here?" he says blankly, cutting right to the chase.
"Just came by to see if you wanted to do lunch. I'm about to leave any minute now," he says routinely, making it habit to drop by his friend's office and make the same offer continuously. He isn't surprised when he sees his friend refuse like always.
"No, I am good. You can go," Jai dismisses his friendly quickly, however, Rohit remains rooted to his place with his smile growing wider.
"Missing out on lunch intentionally so Bhabhi can send more of delicious home cooked meals, are we?" he teases with a knowing twinkle in his eye. He chuckles when Jai throws him an annoyed look. "Yaar, be lucky that you have a wife that cares. I can hardly remember the last time my wife made me anything," Rohit continues to joke.
"Bani doesn't cook," Jai states bluntly. "Arre, to kya? At least she is sending you something to eat. I wish Alisha could learn a thing or two from Bhabhi."
"Hmm," comes Jai's disinterested answer as his attention refocuses on his work before him. Suddenly Rohit's beeper goes off. He reads the number paged to him and gives a call from his cell--talking briefly at Jai's doorway. A few moments later Jai hears him speak once more.
"Huh, seems lunch is going to be delayed. I have a patient to check up on. Seems your son is here for some vaccinations," he informs a now slightly interested Jai Walia, who glances back up at him.
"My son?" Jai asks, puzzled. "Yash Walia the last time I remembered is indeed your son. Bhabhi is requesting that a doctor does the job. I guess she does not trust the nurse to do it," Rohit casually states.
"She does not trust anybody when it comes to Yash, that is her problem. She is too protective over the boy," Jai mutters to himself, knowing that this is highly typical of his wife to do. Rohit throws an amused smile his way.
"Come then and let's go meet your son and wife. I have been wanting to meet Bhabhi again ever since your marriage. Now I will finally be getting to," he adds with a wink and pulls a reluctant Jai with him to pediatrics, ignoring all of his attempts to protest….
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"Ma'am, I assure you that I am highly qualified for the job. There is no need to call the doctor," the young woman tries to explain to Bani, who stands firm in her decision. The nurse seemed to be too young and near her own age, just a couple of years or so older, to do the job. She also clearly does not seem to know what it is she is doing with how she needs constant reminder of which vaccines are needed to be done and how to prep for each of them. And it does not help how Yash constantly cries every time the nurse tries to approach him with a needle in hand. Bani wants a professional, hence, requesting for the doctor himself.
"Meaning you didn't call him despite my request?" Bani asks disapprovingly. "I have paged him a minute or so ago. He should be here soon. But still, I am saying there was no need to call the doctor," the nurse repeats, sounding subtly offended. But Bani could care less. She did not want a girl who was fresh out of nursing school and just recently joined the job to be giving her son any vaccinations. She wants someone with experience.
"Knock knock," both women suddenly hear someone say once the door to the room opens. Bani watches as the single head of the doctor's appears through the door, wearing a smile when looking at the nurse.
"Hello Archana, you may leave, I've got things from here," he says politely, earning a small smile from the nurse. "Sure thing doctor," she replies before walking past the doctor and leaving. The door opens wide, revealing the rest of the man's body as well as the figure standing by him. Bani meets the gray eyes that look back at her in an awkward silence.
"Hi Bhabhi, do you remember me?" Rohit questions on entering the room and closing the door after him once Jai steps inside as well, remaining at a distance---wearing a grim face (hating Rohit for dragging him away from his work). Bani wonders why Jai is here and how he knows she and Yash were here to begin with. But her attention is instead changed onto the full grown man, most likely a good decade older than her, addressing her as "Bhabhi."
"Ji…. aap?" Bani hesitantly asks, trying to place him from somewhere and wondering if she knows him. He does seem vaguely familiar.
"Rohit Mehra? I was Yash's doctor when he was ill some months back? I am also your husband's friend," he states with a genuine smile. Bani takes a moment to recollect him from the events of her son's previous sickness. She gives a short nod. "Ji, I remember you doctor."
"Bhabhi aise formalties mujhe aache nahi laagte--- tum mujhe Rohit bholasakte ho," he informs her nicely, making her smile just a little.
"I am sorry that I have cut into your time Rohit ji for this," she finds herself apologizing, knowing that because of her own silly uneasiness she must have intruded in on his busy schedule.
"Do not apologize Bhabhi, I am glad you did so now that I get to meet you after your marriage. Waise, your husband does not seem to be in a good mood since I forcibly brought him along with me. I thought it'd be good that he came along and met you and Yash since you both are here," he chats on in his usual cheery manner, missing the looks both husband and wife share from his words.
"Come on Rohit, let us get Yash's vaccinations done and over with," Jai finally says in an attempt to get the ordeal over with so he can return to his work.
"Alright Bhabhi, let's get the boy vaccinated otherwise Jai will murder me if I kill anymore of his precious time…… Why hello Yash. Do you remember me? Rohit Uncle?" Rohit begins to coo once finally paying attention to the young boy, seated on the high bed-like chair. Yash immediately makes a face back at him, causing Rohit to laugh and Bani to smile whereas Jai simply looks amused.
With a lot of coaxing from both Bani and Rohit to settle down a fussing Yash, Rohit prepares for the vaccinations while rubbing a solute on his little arm. Bani watches closely with anticipation as Rohit holds the needle tightly in his fingers and begins to bring it close to the directed area on Yash's upper arm. Suddenly realizing that she cannot watch Yash's pain as he begins to move a bit and cry on seeing the approaching needle, Bani quickly clasps her hand over Jai's that rests on the counter top beside them and hides her face into his shoulder to avoid watching.
Jai, who had been standing beside her, becomes startled from this action of hers and grows conscious of her close proximity toward him. He stands dumbly in his place, feeling awkward of what to do, and decides not to move until it is over.
Bani's eyes become moist as she hears Yash's loud wailing on receiving the shot and her grip on Jai's hand grows tighter. She hears Rohit's immediate soothing voice trying to calm the crying boy and have him prepared for the next vaccination. Again Bani waits for it to be finished and on hearing the increase of Yash's wailing on receiving his second shot, she feels the tears coming.
"All done. What a good boy you are Yash. So big and strong. See, it was not so bad," Rohit says with a warm smile, trying to cheer the traumatized boy who immediately looks to his mother for comfort. Bani opens her eyes on realizing that it is indeed over now and suddenly becomes aware of what she had been doing for the last minute. Slowly looking up, she stares into his gray eyes and finds herself momentarily speechless before her attention is diverted to Yash, who gives out a loud sob while calling out for his "Momma". Detaching herself away from her stone-like husband, Bani blinks away her tears and takes Yash into her arms, planting kisses all over him in an attempt to soothe him.
"You were such a good boy, Yash. Mommy is so proud," Bani says to him in a wobbly voice, missing the look of deep interest on her husband's face who watches her and Yash intently.
"Bhabhi, you are a typical mother. One cry from the boy and you are in a fit of tears," Rohit remarks with a good laugh, making Bani give him a watery smile in return. She then meets Jai's eyes self-consciously, aware that he has been looking at her closely for now.
"Alrighty Yash, since you were such a good boy Rohit Uncle is going to give you a nice sticker. And when you get older you will get a lollipop too," he addresses the wide-eyed boy, still trembling in Bani's arms. As Rohit turns around to grab a sticker, Jai lifts a hand to Yash's head that rests on his mother's shoulder, giving it a sympathetic pat.
"Ah, here we are. Mickey mouse—especially for you." Bani smiles, appreciating Rohit's genuine friendliness and takes the sticker from his hand as Yash still has his arms tight around her neck.
"Rohit ji, you are sure these are all the vaccinations he needs to get before he turns one?" Bani asks hesitantly, wanting to confirm this. "Yes, it has all been taken care of. Yash will be a healthy one year old---he has grown into such a big boy. His birthday will be coming real soon, I assume."
"Yes, it will be. In a couple of weeks," Bani verifies with a small smile. She does not miss the sudden distant look that builds on her silent husband's face.
"In that case I will give him two stickers for the special day," he adds with cheer while handing over another. Bani cannot help but continue to smile at the kind man.
"Thank you so much for taking out time for us." "No problem at all, any time for my friend's wife and son. Now I would love to stick around and chat Bhabhi, but I have a schedule to stick to, so if I can be excused," he says once noting the time and realizing he now has little time for lunch before resuming back to a long day of work ahead of him.
"Of course," she says, not wishing to impose on him any longer. Rohit smiles and gives his pleasantries on meeting her once again before leaving---giving a quick farewell to Jai as well.
Feeling that his time has gone to waste as his presence was not at all needed, Jai slips into an agitated mood, wanting to return to his office as quickly as possible but now after dropping his wife and Yash as he felt he needed to.
Together they walked down the halls of the hospital, side by side in an accompanied silence with the exception of Yash now gurgling happily on seeing the fascinating stickers. As the mechanical doors appear in view, Jai begins to speak.
"Did one of the drivers drive you here?" he asks. "Ji, he is waiting outside," she promptly answers. Jai nods on hearing this. "I will see you later then, I have to return to work," he says breezily and Bani can detect that he is slightly irritated and wishes to leave. "Aap wapas kaab aayenge?" she curiously asks him for a time and gets an indifferent shrug from him and a mumbled, "Aajonga," before walking away. As Bani begins to leave the hospital, she grows suddenly aware of the looks she receives from the staff. Feeling her cheeks burn, she makes her way out in haste---not wanting to draw any more attention to herself by being gossiped as Dr. Walia's new wife….
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Chapter 11 A:
"Walia---going home early for a change?" Mahesh remarks with clear surprise after noting that it is only some time past eleven. And whereas he knows Jai, he purposely keeps himself busy till the wee hours of the morning until there is nothing else more to do. He muses that this overload of work will remain an effect from his wife's death for some more time. After all, it will only be a year since Ananya Walia passed away very soon. This difficult stage of his life is still yet to pass.
"Yes, for a change," Jai agrees as he joins Mahesh in walking along the hallway to the elevators, heading down to the main floor. Since morning his mind was not at place and he has been unable to focus on his work. He decided to call it a quits for the day, thinking that he could have at least one night of good rest. There were also no upcoming surgeries to be scheduled for.
"Well I'm meeting up with the guys at the usual bar. Why don't you come with? I can hardly remember the last time you drank with any one of us," he offers, judging that his old friend needs a good drink after the hell he has put himself through.
"No, you go ahead. I'm fine," Jai replies, dismissing the suggestion at once. He felt in no mood to be among others right now. He wanted to be let alone. "Don't be such a buzz kill. Come on, it'll be fine. Just like old times," Mahesh encourages with a thump on Jai's back as they enter the elevator doors. Jai presses down on the ground-level button before throwing his friend a look.
"Maybe some other time," he mutters diffidently, his mind obviously someplace else.
"I won't take no as an answer, Walia, and you know it. I think you need a night out and get yourself sh*t drunk, which I am going to make sure you do. Now come on, I'll buy you a drink."
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Bani places down the phone dejectedly and can feel her insides swirl chaotically. This is the sixth time she has called him only to be directed straight to his voicemail once again. She must have left at least three messages and all of them left unanswered. She had been originally concerned when the clock struck three o'clock as he is usually at home before then, but it was now past four in the morning and she has grown frantic with worry.
Quickly her hand reaches for the phone once more and hastily her fingers dial digits. Placing the phone against her ear, she hears the dial tone and moments later a woman speaks on the other end. "Nanavati Hospital, please state your emergency."
"Hello, I am calling in for Dr. Walia? He is supposed to be working the ER. Could you please tell me if he is still there or not?" she manages to say calmly, even though her heart was pounding.
"And who is speaking?" "His wife. He hasn't returned home as of yet. I am getting worried," she admits only to be assured by the woman that she will just check. After a long minute of silence she hears the same woman speak. "Dr. Walia left the hospital hours ago, Mrs. Walia. He is no longer here."
Her heart sinks as she hears these words and with her voice cracking, she stammers, "Thank you for your help," before placing the phone down once more. Instantly she feels tears rise in her eyes. What is she to do now? Her husband has been said to be missing from the hospital hours ago. Where could he possibly have gone? Why hasn't he come home yet? Where could he be?
She wonders if now is the time to seek help from one of the family members, either Aditya, Jigyasa, or Krishna and inform them about his absence. He has never done something like this before. If he was late it was always because he was wrapped up in a surgery. Why did he leave the hospital so early and where did he go from there? What if he has gotten himself into an acci---
She immediately stops her train of thought, fearing the very idea of anything drastic as that happening to him. Close to bursting into tears, Bani picks up the phone once more in a desperate attempt to get into contact with him and just as she begins to dial his number she hears a sudden pounding on the front doors. She stills in her actions for a brief, stilling moment before slamming the cordless phone onto its receiver and running to the entranceway.
Unlocking all of the locks, she pulls open the doors in a haste to see whether it is him and becomes breathless by the sight she sees. Her husband slumps against the side of the doorway, barely able to support himself onto his own two feet, and staring back at her with bloodshot eyes. He attempts to straighten his posture on seeing her appearance and snap himself out of his intoxicated state.
Bani looks at him with welling eyes and a pale face, seeming frozen in her place. She watches as the curves of his mouth twitch, creating a small smile to play on his lips. She continues to stare at him with disbelief. "Baaanee," he slurs, cutting through the thick silence between them. As he takes a step forward to come close, he stumbles and falls forward. Bani quickly acts on seeing this and gathers his falling frame in her arms, struggling to balance his towering form and not having it crush her. She finally finds her voice.
"Aap----Aap kahan the? Aapko pata bhi hai ke kya time hai? Aap kahan the ab thak?" she frantically questions him, her previous emotions of fear, anxiety, and grief terribly messing with her current state of mind. He simply groans out that he had been at the bar. Bani receives confirmation from the overwhelming smell of alcohol reeking from him. Seeing that he is not in any of his senses and incapable of supporting himself, she places one of his arms around her neck and holding him by the waist, leads him toward the stairs.
With great difficulty they reached to the top of the steps and arrived at their bedroom. She continues to lead him through the room and to the bed, wanting to place him down, but his towering height overcomes her and causes her to stumble down onto the bed along with him with her underneath his frame. She keeps him gathered close in her arms, afraid that he will roll over and crush Yash who is sleeping on the bed not so far away from them.
Relaxed to see that Yash hasn't been awaken from the ruckus created by his father, Bani attempts to free herself from his crushing body that remains slumped onto her. She grows suddenly aware of their position and the discomforting fact of how close they really are to each other. However, drunken Jai continues to overpower her---causing her to remain in her lain position with him over her. He is as heavy as a rock and she is defenseless in able to free herself from his hold.
"….. Jai…. Jai please, let me go—..." she begins in saying, highly discomforted by their close proximity---no inch of room left for breath. His head remains situated against her left shoulder and she feels his arms wrap around her waist, taking it into his possession. She tries once again, growing more and more uncomfortable on feeling his body heat radiating onto her. "Jai, let me go, you are crushing me," she says louder, only to be completely ignored of her discomfort in their situation.
"Hmmm, stay still Bani," comes his husky voice that does strange things to her. "Jai?….," she finds herself tongue-tied and terribly self-conscious of his body pressed into her.
"Just stay please," he whispers again to her in the silence of the room. Her heart racing fast and her mind going into frenzy, she doesn't know what else to do other than to remain absolutely still. A long silence fills the room as Bani stays paralyzed in her place, unsure of what she should do. She hears the steady flow of his breathing and can feel his warm breath fan her neck, sending tingles against her skin every now and then.
Slowly her arms slide across his back, holding him loosely against her, making both of them enclosed in each other's embrace. She swallows hard as her mind races on about what suddenly had overcome him to cause himself to become intoxicated in this way. It is when she glanced toward her left that her gaze fell onto the picture frame resting on the nightstand by her husband's side of the bed. She stares into the picture of her sister's radiant smiling face and feels herself become gradually relaxed as realization strikes her.
Her one hand trails up along his back and to his neck where her fingers brush against the ends of his black hair resting on the nape of his neck. He stirs from this touch of hers but resumes back into a state of severe drowsiness. In a couple of days will be her sister's first death anniversary. It will be a year now since she had left them…..a year that she hasn't been a part of this world…. a long year of pain and loneliness….
"Baaneee…" comes the low drawl released from his lips. Enclosing her embrace tight around him, she silences him with a soft "ssshhh…." Resting her cheek against the top of his head, her fingers trail further up, combing through his thick, jet black hair. He eases himself against her once again and officially falls into a deep slumber of sleep.
What has this man not endured for the past one year? Suffering, pain, loneliness, misery, heartbreak---she cannot even begin to imagine. He has grown into a complete shell, not letting himself out or letting anyone else in. His grief he dealt on his own and in his own way. Out of all of them, including herself, it is he who has suffered the most…losing the reason to live, his love, his heart, his soul, but especially himself. He is the one who has been affected the most. And yet he hasn't said a word about all that had happened to him…. hasn't expressed his grief and sorrow to anyone else, only to bottle it up inside of him that killed him day by day.
His love for her sister was pure. She was the most important thing in his life. And now….. What does he have left now? ---Nothing. Just emptiness.
She hopes earnestly that this difficult phase of his life will be now coming to an end. She cannot see him torturing himself like this and becoming into this man that he is not.
But this man, this man right next to her, holding her so close to him with dear life, this broken man she can feel a connection with…. a sense of familiarity…. this man she knows…..
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Jai woke up to the blinding rays of the sun peeping through the curtains in his room. Groggily he looked around to take in his surroundings, being unable to remember where he was at the moment due to the strong pounding in his head. It took him a full minute to collect that he was in his bedroom, still in bed, when the sun was shining so bright. Confused, as he is usually awake near the happenings of sunrise, he stares into the blaring red digits of his alarm clock which reads 9:23 AM. He groans and sinks his head back into his pillow. He is late. Beyond late. But for some unfathomable reason, he could care less.
Hearing the distant sound of a door opening, Jai reopens his eyes and lazily looks over his shoulder only to have his gaze fall onto the emerging figure of his wife, dressed freshly in a lemon yellow sari for the new day. In her hand she holds a glass and in the other a certain bottle. She smiles softly at him once catching his eyes. He lays his head back down on sensing her approach.
He watches her place the glass and bottle of medicine (he now could clearly see) onto the table beside him. This is when he realizes that he is sleeping on the wrong side of the bed when he does not see his late wife's picture resting on the tabletop. He grows puzzled and tries to recollect anything from last night, but his mind remains in a hazy blur.
"I see you are finally awake. Have some of the nimboo pani and asprin if you'd like. I called in at the hospital and told them that you were not feeling well. I did not say whether you'd be joining later or remain at home. I thought I'd leave that up to you to decide," she says, taking a rather normal tone with him. Suddenly her features soften as she concernedly begins in saying, "How are you feeling now? Should I bring you up some food to eat? Would you like that?"
Closing his eyes, Jai relaxes against the mattress, making himself more comfortable in bed. He lets out a low, "Hmm" as a response to her question.
"I will be just back," she informs him right before leaving again, but he didn't care. He just wanted to be left alone and go back to sleep…..
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Jai did not get out of bed until near noon, that too, sluggishly rising and making his way to the bathroom. Bani knew that his binge drinking from last night was not the only reason why he was in such a particular off set mood. She let him be. She wasn't surprised when he appeared downstairs, dressed in his normal attire, ready to leave for work. She did, however, insist for him to eat lunch before going. As Jai left for work that day, he aroused much query from his family members as well as staff members at the hospital who were shocked to learn he had skipped out on a morning from work.
The next couple of days Bani sensed his silence growing more and more and his uneasiness with himself was becoming more transparent than before. She did not bother to have him open up, though. It was just his own way of dealing with the pain. She knew he would come around.
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The Walia Mansion was unusually silent and hollow for a change compared to the past couple of months. It was as if it had experienced another gruesome death when it was only in fact reliving through one; Ananya's. The day was a long and painful one. The fact that it had been a complete year now since Ananya's passing seemed to have a heavy impact over the members, who were once more in a silent mourning over their loss. Krishna had arranged to hold an Atma Shanti puja in remembrance for her dead daughter-in-law and to give peace to her soul. All the members attended, including Jai, who sat through it in a stormy silence.
Bani remained lost herself throughout the day, her mind elsewhere—reminiscing old times…. the better days….wanting to remember each and every little one thing about her sister.
She sat slumped against the headboard of the bed, her eyes staring out vacantly, while she patted Yash to sleep in the darkness of the lonely room. He was on the verge of drowsiness, but was taking a much longer time to go to sleep compared to days before. Finally she looks at him when she feels his tiny fingers take a grip onto her hand. She stares down into his sleepy looking face and feels a certain pang inside her.
She suddenly felt terrible on the reminder of how much she had neglected him on this day. She was there to take care of him, but paid him no particular attention---to preoccupied in reliving a pain so deep and self absorbing that made her block out everything else around her. She then realizes that though it is the day of her sister's death, it is also this very day her son was born. Misty tears make their way into her eyes on the thought that though God took away someone special from her, he gave her someone equally special in return. Her son.
He will, however, have to spend the rest of his life living with the reminder on his every birthday that it was the same very day in which he lost his mother. Her hand once again goes back to patting his tiny chest…..
The creaking of the door did not draw her attention and she did not look up to see who the intruder was, already having sensed who it could be. She distantly hears his heavy footsteps across the marble floor and goes back to looking vacantly out of the window---staring at the shining moon standing out in the dark starry night.
She hears his body slump into his favorite chair placed to the far end of the room moments later, yet her eyes remain where they are.
Jai leans against the back of his chair and only after fixing himself a drink stares out blankly through the large glass window before him, transfixed by the radiance coming off from the perfect moon.
A silence is created between them, sweeping through and one so strong that neither has the will nor desire to break it. It is full of overpowering tension and strain but at the same time a certain soothing effect to their already troubled minds and souls.
Jai places his head back while closing his eyes shut, listening in on the eerie silence and the image of the moon imprinted deep in his mind. It when many minutes passed by that within the dimness of the room he felt a warm hand enclosing over his own. Without opening his eyes, without any exchange of words, without the need for anything, he knew who it was. Slowly he squeezed her hand back…..
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hi, i am loving this ff so far...great job!!
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